Farquharson said:Hey - spooky thought - maybe the AI has spotted what I'm doing....
Took them long enough.
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Took them long enough.
Portugal has still about 119 years to achieve its main goal. That's enough time, considering what has been done to this point.Grundius said:
Uh-uh - if you read closely you'll see that it wasn't the CoT in Danzig that Poland refused to part with. In fact they started offering it almost before it fell. It was Poznan they were so stubborn about. Hey - spooky thought - maybe the AI has spotted what I'm doing....
Well, lets consider it, it does seem a wee bit odd that Poland should be hanging onto these provinces so defiantly, who knows how far the Louis XIV alien invasion has been spread, I mean look at Charles II of England!!
The aliens are obviously intervening to prevent you from acheiving your goal.
We must act quickly to halt the spread of this pernicious infestation, surely Portugal is in need of its adventurous nobles. As a loyal Englishman who has spotted this corruption of my nation, I formally seek sanctury under the noble King of Portugal
Shy Kid: Well, the AI isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, as they say...
Grundius: Yes, time is ticking away, and this next update has made slow going I'm afraid. I'm doing it deliberately to build the suspense, of course...
rsobota: 119 years has suddenly gone done to just 91 years!
Major_Rawne: No! I refuse to be drawn into an alien takeover plot! No, no, no! You can't make me! This is a totally serious AAR!
And if the hairdos are a sign of alien takeover, then perhaps it's too late - read on...
Grundius: Yes, time is ticking away, and this next update has made slow going I'm afraid. I'm doing it deliberately to build the suspense, of course...
rsobota: 119 years has suddenly gone done to just 91 years!
Major_Rawne: No! I refuse to be drawn into an alien takeover plot! No, no, no! You can't make me! This is a totally serious AAR!
And if the hairdos are a sign of alien takeover, then perhaps it's too late - read on...
Chapter 28
A Patriarch's Plan Pacifies the People's Protests
A Patriarch's Plan Pacifies the People's Protests
By 1701 King Pedro II of Portugal was getting old. Fortunately, since his wife died back in 1683 leaving him only one daughter, he had found a second wife, the productive Maria Sofia von Neuburg, sister-in-law of Leopold I of Austria. Since their marriage in 1687 she had borne him four sons, the eldest of whom, named João not surprisingly, was now twelve years old. The fact that King Pedro had an Austrian wife had not of course stopped Leopold I from stabbing his erstwhile ally in the back upon the declaration of war against Poland in 1695. Nor did it now stop King Pedro from plotting his revenge.
Meanwhile there was news at last from the still youthful Diogo Deus, who was still drinking from the fountain of eternal youth he had so fortuitously stumbled upon in the depths of the Amazon jungle. His mission was now to find a way of colonizing the remote province of Pastaza, and he had decided to do so from the Pacific coast. The Incas had conveniently burned down two Spanish trading posts in Cupica and Bogota during a recent war, and in 1702 Deus succeeded in establishing a Portuguese colony among the charred ruins of the Spanish settlement in Cupica. Over the next few years hundreds of intrepid Portuguese settlers were sent to this new frontier location and by 1711 Cupica was a thriving city. A colony could then be established in Bogota in 1713, and it too began to grow. Now only the Inca province of Azuay lay between Deus and his prize. Once again he had a sign erected on the border, inviting all manner of anti-social behaviour from their Inca neighbours. For all Deus needed now was one small war.
The province of Pastaza - so near and yet so far…
Diogo Deus' eternal youthfulness had not gone unnoticed among the general population, of course. All sorts of rumours began to spread about who he was, which were not helped by the fact that his surname meant "God". Around 1705 a local cult sprang up centred on the former Inca province of Moquega, worshipping Deus as the Immortal Being. Horrified, Portuguese clerics descended on the provincial capital to try to stamp out this heresy, but this only made things worse. Before you could say "human sacrifice" the Portuguese authorities had a full-scale rebellion on their hands, which took five years to calm down.
As it turned out, this was just the first in a long series of setbacks to hit the Portuguese Empire during this period. In 1706 King Pedro turned distinctly senile, grew his hair to a prodigious length and started saying things like "L'Etat, c'est moi" and reining in any stroppy nobles who tried to suggest otherwise. Luckily this behaviour came to a rather abrupt end later that year when King Pedro finally died. But alas the damage had been done, and his son the young King João V was powerless to bring stability back to the Empire, particularly given his choice of hairstyle.
King João V sporting his outrageous hairstyle, and his Platinum Pullover
In 1708 the Archbishop of Lisbon, João de Sousa, managed to persuade Maria Sofia, daughter of the Emperor Leopold I to marry the young King despite his hairstyle, a feat that was generally regarded as "a miracle", and which brought back a measure of much needed stability to Portugal. However, de Sousa then followed this up by a rather heavy-handed campaign to convert the Muslims of Gibraltar by the sword. He succeeded, but again the stability of the realm was rocked. Undeterred de Sousa contnued to push his own brand of hardline Catholicism, bringing a wave of obscurantism and revolts in various places. By now some of the nobility were beginning to whisper that the young king was unable to control the firebrand Archbishop, and that Portugal was now ruled by the clerics. In 1712, King João arrested the most outspoken of these nobles on charges of treason, bringing further unrest.
And all this time, nothing whatever was being done about the matter that was dearest to the hearts of the people of Portugal, both nobles and commoners alike - the conquest of the world's P provinces. This of course was heavily criticized and branded as "poor government policies". King João realized that there was only one thing that would bring back true peace and prosperity to Portugal - a war with somebody.
In 1717 Portugal's alliance with Siena and Moldavia expired, but the King did not renew it. Instead, he began sending a series of large and costly gifts to the court of the Ottoman Sultan Ahmed III. At first the Sultan was utterly astonished to receive such gifts from his hated enemy and suspected some sort of trick. But as the gifts kept arriving, along with many flowery compliments and messages of goodwill, he gradually realized that the Portuguese King was serious. By 1719 relations with the Sultan were distinctly warm and friendly, and when King João asked if Portugal could join the Ottoman Alliance, he was welcomed with open arms. At such consorting with infidels the former Archbishop João de Sousa, now deceased, was spinning in his grave like a Black and Decker drill-bit. Fortunately his successor was considerably more open-minded.
Sultan Ahmed III
Who knew what sort of horrendous hairstyle he was harbouring under that turban?
In 1720 the King summoned his trusty advisor, the new Patriarch of Lisbon Tomás de Almeida, to decide his next step.
King João V of Portugal: So, Your Reverence, what are we to do to regain the people's confidence? Only the speedy conquest of another P province will appease them I think.
Tomás de Almeida: Too true, Your Majesty, but which one?
King João: Well, there still remains the matter of vengeance against the treacherous Austrians. I have in mind to strip them of the province of Presburg. What do you think?
de Almeida: Hmm. An interesting scheme, Your Majesty. And tell me - would you be inviting our - ahem - newfound allies to help us in this endeavour?
King João: Why of course I would! Do you think I spent all those hard-earned ducats on gifts to the Sultan for nothing?
de Almeida: Er - quite so, Your Majesty. It's just that, well, certain elements in the Church might not look too favourably on such a situation - the warriors of Satan being invited to wage war in Europe against our fellow-Catholics. You must admit, it could look rather unfortunate.
King João: Ah yes, well, errm… since you put it like that…
de Almeida: Might I also point out, Your Majesty, that the Austrians still grant us military access through their lands. We can hardly declare war on them in such a situation.
King João: Oh dear, but what are we to do then? We can't very well cancel the military access - it is the very lifeline to our Polish territories!
de Almeida: No, Your Majesty, but perhaps I could suggest another course of action.
King João: What's that then?
de Almeida: You may have noticed that Austria is currently allied to Modena.
King João: Modena, yes. As well as Milan, Hesse and Brandenburg. I think we can handle all of them easily enough though.
de Almeida: Quite so, Your Majesty, especially since we will have God on our side.
King João: Errr… yes, well, that would be convenient I must admit. But given that our only allies are, as you so colourfully referred to them, the warriors of Satan, I wouldn't have thought you could be so confident of that.
de Almeida: Except that, as you have apparently forgotten, Your Majesty, the Modenans themselves are clearly only one level better than the warriors of Satan, insofar as they are continuing to occupy the Holy See, in flagrant disobedience to repeated demands by the Church for their withdrawal.
King João: Aha! Yes of course! De Almeida, you're a genius!
de Almeida: Not only can we claim a just cause for declaring war, but since we are fighting in the cause of the Holy Mother Church, any unfortunate involvement by the armies of the esteemed Sultan can easily be excused and overlooked. It is they who are being provoked to fight for the Church, after all. A true victory for Christendom, surely?
King João: Right - well, that's settled then. And now let me call in the generals so we can draw up a plan of campaign. I leave it to you, Your Reverence, to deal with any opposition there might be among the faithful.
de Almeida: Very good, Your Majesty!
And so King João drew up his plans. By this time he had decided that not only should Presburg be won for Portugal, but also the province of Languedoc, which had for long been unlawfully occupied by the ungodly Modenans. Thus an army was positioned in Roussillon, ready to invade, while another army was stationed in Pfalz to prevent any sacking by Hessians. The main armies of Portugal were then positioned around Austria, ready to begin sieges of important provinces, such as Presburg. In November 1721 King João declared war on Modena, and all allies on both sides stayed loyal, apart from the Safavid Empire, whose absence no-one particularly noticed.
The worthless Modenans proved to be a total pushover from a military point of view, and it was not long before Languedoc had been occupied. However, they proved harder at the negotiating table, and it required the capture of Romagna and Emilia before they handed over Languedoc, and then they insisted on giving up Emilia as well. Meanwhile Hesse and Milan had also been put out of the war, both agreeing to a white peace. The Brandenburgers were more stubborn and insisted on being paid 25 ducats, despite the fact that a Portuguese army was occupying their one and only colony, in Delaware.
The Ottomans fought well and made a separate peace with Austria in 1723 whereby they took Krain and Transylvania received Carpathia. All this left the ring empty save for the two main players in the game - Portugal and Austria. The Austrians tried desperately to take Pest, while Portuguese armies swarmed over the rest of their lands. Finally, in 1725 with Presburg, Odenburg, Württemberg and Bayern in Portuguese hands, the Austrians agreed to hand over Presburg. The only problem now was that, Carpathia having passed to Transylvania, the Portuguese no longer had land access to their Polish provinces. Despite being their allies, Transylvania were still very hostile towards Portugal, so once again King João began spending money on gifts. Apart from anything else, the Transylvanians would prove very useful friends to have in the forthcoming showdown with Russia.
For by this time Peter the Great was history, and Russia was now ruled by his grandson, Peter the Not So Great, whose all round abilities were considerably inferior to his grandfather's. It seemed like the perfect moment to start planning Portugal's first foray into the frozen steppes.
Eastern Europe in 1728, showing the Shrinking White Blob
The four P provinces still to be conquered in this region are outlined in yellow
Practicly anything can be hidden anywhere in that guy. Lets hope that there are no P provinces in that white spot on the map.Farquharson said:
Sultan Ahmed III
Who knew what sort of horrendous hairstyle he was harbouring under that turban?
Excellent diplomacy! That war came out very well. As for military access to Eastern Europe, I would think it easier and faster to move men by ship from Iberia to the Baltic.
The Incas, having fallen for the insult DOW trick before, should be a smarter diplomatic foe this time.
How do you intend to get at Pimsk?
The Incas, having fallen for the insult DOW trick before, should be a smarter diplomatic foe this time.
How do you intend to get at Pimsk?
Who could possibly stop the Portugese-Ottoman alliance? With TWO gods on their side?
Let's see, are there any words beginning with "p" you haven't used yet? Plutonium, pandemic, pirouette?
Two more wars and all of Europe's P-ness will be under Portugese control. Excellent.
I hope the alliance with the OE doesn't backfire, they aren't my favourites to have on the team Great update I loved all the explanations for the bad string of events you got.
Great update I loved all the explanations for the bad string of events you got.
Good update, though I'm wondering if you have enough time now to accomplish your goals. I hope you do it, though!
As far as Pastaza is concerned will Military Access through the Incan Empire allow you to colonize there?
As far as Pastaza is concerned will Military Access through the Incan Empire allow you to colonize there?
Military access won't work for colonizing in the interior. You actually have to own a path there. Same thing, for example, to get to western Siberia.
I'm looking forward to the war with Russia. That should be a good one. Don't forget to take your pull-overs.
Ah, Ahmed III, he has clearly heeded my warnings of the hairy infestation; for that is not a turban upon his head, but a specialised cranial protection device, an anti-alien helmet if you will
The Austrians are, therefore clearly under the influence of the hairies, as why else would they try to deny your Perm-anant conquest? :rofl:
The Austrians are, therefore clearly under the influence of the hairies, as why else would they try to deny your Perm-anant conquest? :rofl:
Excellent work there. I would have suggested that de Sousa countreract the loss of stability he caused by writing marches and offering military band concerts to the populace, but he died.
Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to the frozen steppes we go!
Wait, did anyone remember to bring out thermal underwear, I hear it can get cold in Russia for a small part of the year.
Wait, did anyone remember to bring out thermal underwear, I hear it can get cold in Russia for a small part of the year.