P is for Portugal

[coz1]

Goldfinger: War, war and more war. That's what this story needs. And you might start looking for Potosi. Lovely place, I'm told. And you'd never believe it but the idiot Spainish can't seem to get to it. Fools, I say!

Good to see you are back, Farq. Looking forward to seeing Portugal back in action.

 

[Grundius]

Great! You're back! I think the gloves need to come off if the rest of the P-lands are to be conquered!

 

[Fiftypence]

An update! France looks rather powerful in that screenie, getting Picardie and Provence could be pretty problematic.

 

[Rythin]

It's been some time, Farq. I hope you remember me
Nah, really, this AAR look so great. I haven't read all the updates yet but it seems to me this is a masterpiece Oh, any chances for a guest apperance?

 

[unmerged(28944)]

My life is now fully back on an even keel, Farq is back and AND writing!

I do believe that it's time to get moving again and find some more P!

 

[Van Engel]

God-damn an update, well not really an update, but it will do.

 

[Deflare]

Oh yes... Sharks can eat plankton as well. But P is for Portugal, and plankton is with P, so... do sharks eat Portugal? :wacko:

No, they eat Portuguese. A small, but important distinction.

 

[Deus]

That summarises pretty much everything. Eagerly awaiting your next move.

I agree with the lot here, conquer plankton and feed it to the sharks.

 

[Dead William]

Farq is back. Why don't I feel safe in the water? DW

 

[unmerged(30040)]

Could the real meaning of Pedro have been to conquer the Planet?

 

[Farquharson]

Anibal: King Manuel's main problem with the Pondicherryians and Palakimedians is that he still hasn't actually found them - only heard vague rumours of where they might be.

J.Passepartout: You're right, the 1487 map of Iberia was also shown earlier. It was just a reminder . The situation is pretty much unchanged for now.

Ciçatrix: Yes, I'm back, and what's more I've actually managed to write an update now!

coz1: I'm afraid Goldfinger might be sadly disappointed by King Manuel's immediate policies. It's all part of the masterplan however, have no fear! As for Potosi, I'm doing my best, but...

Grundius: Gloves? What gloves? Here are the Portuguese carving out a planet-sized empire with their bare hands and you want them to take off their gloves?

Fiftypence: Call me a wimp but my overall strategy is feeble defenceless exotics first, powerful scary Europeans afterwards!

Rythin: Great to have you around again! And the Portuguese are always on the lookout for recruits of course. Perhaps you would like to take part in the necessary pillaging of P-infested Poland?

Draco Rexus: Yes indeed - it's taken me a while to get back into this properly, but with a real update now written I feel like things are just about back to normal!

Van Engel: As I say, real update coming up!

Deflare: Probably sharks aren't fussy about nationality either - Portuguese are presumably pretty pleasant though!

Deus: Well, the plankton has been let off for a while - but the day of reckoning is coming, you little bits of primordial slime!

Dead William: I hope you won't be disappointed by the heroic deeds of Willem den Doode - I'm afraid he didn't get eaten by anything!

the_shy_kid: Well, I'm going for the Planet in a sort of representative-bits-here-and-there kind of fashion. But if you're looking for a WC, this isn't it!

Right, well AT LAST I have got the next update ready - here it comes.

 

[Farquharson]

Chapter 12
Portugal Picks up some Pretty Profitable Property​

King Manuel was in a quandary. The great Portuguese Age of Discovery was certainly coming on apace, no-one could deny it, and almost every week reports came back to Lisbon from far-flung parts of the world, describing new lands and oceans that were being opened up. The trouble was that colonizing and securing these lands, even just those ones that began with P, was no small task, and the royal coffers never seemed to have enough in them to accomplish all that the King had in mind to do. In an unprecedented move, he recalled to Lisbon one of his most successful servants, the great pioneer and diplomat Afonso de Albuquerque, who had lately been active in the northern parts of the New World.

King Manuel I of Portugal: Well Afonso, I must congratulate you on your most recent advances. Placentia and Penobscot are now safely in Portuguese hands, thanks to you.

Afonso de Albuquerque: If only I could claim that, Your Majesty! In Portuguese hands, yes, but for how long? The English clearly have designs on those regions, and since their refusal sixteen years ago to enter into another marriage with the Portuguese royal family our relations with them have turned sour. Then there are our Spanish allies. Friends for the time being, but everywhere we go in the New World we find their traders and explorers at work. Sire, we must take steps to build up and defend our holdings or we will not be able to hold them for long.

King Manuel: Build up, defend, yes, but all that costs money, Afonso. Where am I to find more money?

Albuquerque: CoTs, Your Majesty.

King Manuel: Cots? You mean we should stop manufacturing so many blue pots and try to expand into the cot market instead? Blue cots, no doubt?

Albuquerque: No, no, not cots - CoTs, Your Majesty. Centres of Trade!

King Manuel: Ah, I see! Er… shouldn't that be spelt Centers?

Albuquerque: No Sire, not if they are in Europe. Only those in the New World should have that distinction. And so far, we don't know of any in the New World.

King Manuel: Right, well of course we have this really pretty nifty Centre of Trade right here in Lisbon - about the richest in the world these days, and we are trading there to our maximum capacity as well. That's where a good bit of our cash comes from.

Albuquerque: Exactly, Sire. But one CoT is clearly not enough. Why not two? Three? Four? Take those money-grabbing Arabs of the East, for example. Despite the fact that we have now opened our own spice route via the Cape of Good Hope, they still continue to insolently take most of the Indian spice trade through the Arabian Gulf. It should not be tolerated!

King Manuel: Hmmm. Yes - but what can we do? The Portuguese Army is not large, and is very thinly spread. Our navy likewise.

Albuquerque: Diplomacy, Your Majesty! Send in the silver tongues - a bit of the old shock and awe. All verbal though - no need to actually put any of our boys in jeopardy. I'll go myself, if you wish Sire.

King Manuel: No, Afonso - I need you to keep up the good work in the New World. But I do have some young blood ready for service elsewhere. There's this fellow Willem den Doode, for example. He is in fact dead - that should create a bit of shock and awe.

Albuquerque: Cripes, Your Majesty! I hope he doesn't overdo it!

And so the young, though chillingly deceased, Flemish diplomat Willem den Doode was dispatched to the city of Ormuz to see what he could do. Albuquerque returned to the New World, but paid a visit to England on the way. There he managed to arrange a meeting with Henry VIII and signed the all-important Treaty of Torquay, by which it was agreed that the English could help themselves to anything they wanted in the New World as long as it didn't begin with P. Soon after this, King Henry agreed to a Royal Marriage with King Manuel's cousin Maria. This was hailed at the time as something of a diplomatic coup, but most historians argue that it was no great achievement as Henry VIII seems to have been happy to marry just about anybody.

Once back in the New World Albuquerque oversaw the establishment of another Portuguese colony in Chesapeake, as a stepping stone to the province of Powhatan. He then set off on an intrepid journey south and west from there, taking with him the ruggedly handsome, though frequently inebriated, Baron Barlos Biginmous Drunkins, known to his friends as BBBD. The expedition was extremely successful, reaching as far as the Pacific Coast. It was not however particularly eventful except when Baron Drunkins got into the occasional brawl with hostile natives. Their most important discoveries were two uninhabited provinces named Pecos and Pinalero, which were earmarked for later colonization by the Portuguese.

A Portuguese map of the New World after Albuquerque and Drunkins' discoveries​

Further south another of King Manuel's "new blood" intrepid adventurers, a man named Diogo Deus, had been recruited to search out and claim for Portugal the legendary Lost Gold Mines of Potosi. On a series of expeditions from Para province Deus opened up vast tracts of hitherto unexplored jungle, and found a province called Pastaza, but of the lost Gold Mines he heard only vague rumours and hearsay. It was said that the mysterious Inca Empire were hiding them from all foreign intruders.

During this time King Manuel was in negotiations with his Spanish allies. He had tried to push for a treaty similar to the Treaty of Torquay, whereby the Spanish would agree not to touch anything beginning with P, but the Spanish would have none of this. Instead they insisted on dividing the world into two hemispheres. The Portuguese would have first claim on anything less than 370 leagues west of the Cape Verde Islands, while Spain would have the rest. King Manuel was extremely unhappy about this, but on the other hand it did give his explorers a free hand in the Indian Ocean and the Far East, and he hoped that the head start he had in the New World would enable the Portuguese to get what they wanted there anyway. And so in 1512 the historic Treaty of Tordesillas was signed.

We must now return to Willem den Doode and his diplomatic initiative in the east. As King Manuel had predicted, the arrival of this rather ethereal representative of the Portuguese crown caused quite a stir in the city of Ormuz. As he rode through the streets of the city at the head of his entourage, the locals fled in terror and barricaded themselves inside their houses, peeping out from behind intricate latticed windows. The Sultan Malik himself was not the bravest of men, and cowered on his throne when the dead diplomat was ushered in to his audience chamber, and the room got noticeably chillier.

Willem den Doode - a man who always had a smile on his face​

Willem den Doode: Your Majesty! I bring warm greetings from His Magnificence King Manuel I of Portugal.

Sultan Malik of Ormuz: H-how come it's so ch-ch-chilly then?

den Doode: Chilly? Is it? Well, I wouldn't know - I'm not a particularly warm-blooded fellow myself.

Sultan Malik: Wh-what have you come for? I mean apart from the w-warm gr-greetings?

den Doode: A small question of trade Your Majesty. Spices from India, silks from the Orient, all that jazz.

Sultan Malik: Ah! Y-you'd like to b-buy some?

den Doode: No, not exactly, Your Majesty. We want to sell some. In fact we want to sell all of it. And the trouble is, a lot of it is passing through the Straits of Ormuz in Arab dhows instead of being taken on Portuguese ships by the Cape of Good Hope. King Manuel is very upset about that Your Majesty - very upset indeed.

Sultan Malik: W-well, I think if you study a map, you'll n-notice that the the P-Portuguese route is kind of, well, long and in-in-indirect.

den Doode: Quite so, Your Majesty. So that's why we've decided that rather than stop the Arab trade route, we're going to take it over. Ormuz is going to be a part of the glorious Portuguese Empire! Now doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy?

Sultan Malik: N-no, not really. You c-can't just walk in and t-take over you know!

den Doode, coming three steps closer to the Sultan and whispering his chill breath into his ear: No, Your Majesty? And who's going to stop us?

Sultan Malik, now quaking with terror: B-but, the people! They won't t-take it lying down you know!

den Doode: The people, eh? I didn't see many of them on my way to your palace, Your Majesty. Oh - you mean the ones who were scampering for their lives and hiding anywhere they could? No Your Majesty, I don't think we need to worry much about them.

Sultan Malik: B-but this is p-p-preposterous! It's b-b-blatant colonial aggression!

den Doode: Yes, Your Majesty - we do it so well, don't we?

Poor Sultan Malik tried his best, but in the end, the general terror created by the Portuguese diplomat was too much for him, his advisors, his ministers and his army generals. In 1515 the provinces of Mascate and Al Kharam, including the lucrative centre of trade in the city of Ormuz, were annexed into the Portuguese Empire, without a drop of blood being shed.

Portugal takes the Arabian spice trade in hand​

As will be noted in the above map, there still remained parts of India which were unknown to the Portuguese. Fortunately another of King Manuel's recruits had recently been sent to the region for the purpose of mapping out some more lands. His name was Pedro de Sintra, and it was he who first made contact with the natives of the city of Goa.

The city of Goa​

Goa, like Ormuz, was conveniently situated on an easily defensible island, with an excellent natural harbour. It seemed just the ticket for a Portuguese center of trade in the very heartlands of India, land of legendary wealth, spices, silks, tea, cricket, etc, etc. The only problem was that it was currently owned by the King of Vijayanagar, His Royal Highness Krishna Deva Raja. It seemed like another job for Willem den Doode. However, when Portugal's most off-beat diplomat paid a visit to King Krishna's court in 1517 things didn't quite seem to be going according to plan:

King Krishna Deva Raja: Ah Mr den Doode - so pleased to welcome you to our humble realm. I've been dying to meet you - har, har, har! Get it?

Willem den Doode: Er, ha, ha. Yes, Your Majesty, very amusing.

King Krishna: Ahem, yes, well enough of the joking around. I've no doubt you have some grave matters to discuss.

den Doode: Well, funny you should mention it, but I was actually here to discuss… Errm - you're not scared of me are you?

King Krishna: Scared? Of a friendly chap like yourself? Why of course not, Mr den Doode.

den Doode: Well, that does kind of change things a bit. What I've come to discuss is in fact… err… Shucks, would you believe it, I've completely forgotten what I came to discuss.

King Krishna: I'm sure it'll come back to you.

den Doode: Ah, I know! Cows! Did I mention that I own a cow, Your Majesty?

King Krishna: Cows! Ah the sacred and eternally blessed cow! Giver and sustainer of all life! By the way, pardon my asking, Mr den Doode, but how on earth have you ended up dead when you own a cow?

den Doode: Well, it's a long story - I'd rather not go into it now. The point is that I'd like you to have my cow. As a gift. I imagine it's the first Holstein-Friesian that anyone in India has ever owned. I hope you will accept it as a humble gift, Your Majesty.

King Krishna: Well, I… What can I say, Mr den Doode? I'm - I'm honoured. More - I'm indebted to you. How could I possibly repay you?

den Doode: No, no, it's a gift I insist!

King Krishna: Well, what about a small gift in return?

den Doode: Well, I wouldn't say no.

King Krishna: Name your heart's desire! Anything at all!

den Doode: Ahem, well since you insist, I was kind of wondering if you could spare the city of Goa.

King Krishna: Err - the city of Goa? In exchange for a cow?

den Doode: A Holstein-Friesian cow.

King Krishna: Well, I guess I don't really need the city of Goa, OK - it's yours.

And so Willem den Doode pulled off yet another diplomatic coup, and the city of Goa passed into Portuguese hands. It wasn't long before the priceless trade of the orient was almost all passing through this city, and money began flowing into the Portuguese treasury like milk into a milking bucket. Perhaps even more importantly, Portugal now had a gateway into India, where it was thought there were a number of yet undiscovered P provinces.

India in 1520 with possible P provinces pointed out​

Peace reigned in the vast and rapidly growing Portuguese Empire, apart from occasional wars started by the Spanish involving unimportant enemies like Tripoli and Tlemcen. And then in 1519 something called the Reformation happened. This of course had no effect on the Portuguese whatsoever. Excitable German priests like Martin Luther might be getting all hot under the collar about the shortcomings of the papacy and alleged abuses of power in the Holy Mother Church, but Portugal had other concerns to think about. Catholic she was and Catholic she would remain. Protestantism was pooh-poohed as a lot of puerile poppycock.

 

[Ciçatrix]

Great update.
Are all the CoT handover events in-game, or have you added them in?

 

[Dead William]

Gosh! I am a diplomat and not being eaten by plankton. I think I can live with it. Hur hur hur. Get it?

Bullying poor natives without a single drop of blood being spilled. Well, at least Portuguese blood. of course the Dutch are justly famous for trading islands for small amounts of cash or shoddy goods. No doubt the cow had a brindled horn or bad flatulence, but still I say King Krishna Deva Raja got a bargain.

I

hope you won't be disappointed by the heroic deeds of Willem den Doode - I'm afraid he didn't get eaten by anything!

Ah well, there is still time. Though as an undead diplomat I suppose anything that wants to eat me has to go a bit beyond man-eating plankton.

Oh, and BBBD, I think Badouin Brougier Beresford Delancie is not quite as bad as this. Though Farquharson to, seems to have you pegged just right...

Great update! Thanks, DW

 

[coz1]

Well, the Portugeuse events are certainly firing fast and furious. That's always a nice little period. But I know what you mean about $ and colonization. Never enough to go around.

As for Potosi, maybe Steve the Pirate could find it. He did find Mahe after all.

Steve the Pirate: Argh! That be true! Argh!

 

[Rythin]

Hehe, as I see you are progressing in Peeing the world Great update, once again!

BTW, sure P-illaging Poland will not be that bad

 

[J. Passepartout]

Goa, excellent. Now that you have a piece of land in India, the land of sun and spice and temples, you can get at Pondicherry and everything.

 

[unmerged(30040)]

Excellent!

I particularly enjoyed Krishna's punnery.

 

[unmerged(28944)]

Nice, very nice.

I was also very impressed by DW's work. Most impressive. Not as the same caliber as myself, of course, but impressive nevertheless.

 

[unmerged(24857)]

Nice expansion so far. Too bad you will get eaten by abominable snowmen.