P is for Portugal

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Sire,

I have heard of this Willem den Doode and in my opinion he is even worse than that Grundius fellow and to suggest that I am not actually as ruggedly handsome as I am is an insult and I demand satisfaction!

Yrs Grovellingly

Baron Barlos Biginmous Drunkins

 

[CatKnight]

Hmf. Back off folks. I still need to go down there and find out why that man is eating plankton!

 

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Hmf. Back off folks. I still need to go down there and find out why that man is eating plankton!

Maybe that's how Dead William acquired his name.

 

[Farquharson]

Hi all you swamp-dwellers and plankton-eaters! Here I am in sunny Dubai. Well, it's not actually all that sunny just now, being 10.30pm, but you know what I mean...

I was dismayed (and of course secretly delighted ) to discover that this AAR had as usual got somewhat OT in my absence, and decided I would take some time to answer some of this now rather than wait several more weeks. So here goes.

J.Passepartout: Yes, I chose the pally option with Kongo in an earlier event and then got this Kongo-becomes-Catholic-and-a-Portuguese-vassal event which was very nice. Hopefully I'll be able to annex them in time, despite a sad lack of really interesting provinces. The Incas are of course interesting as (I believe) they are secretly occupying Potosi - the cheek of it!

Wolfhound: I was glad to get to Placentia and Penobscot before the English - I am hoping to stay on friendly terms with them in the hopes that they'll help me with froggie-bashing at some later stage.

jwolf: Yes, well as I keep saying, the turn of the European P provinces will come - I'm building my economic base first. It's pure strategy, honest, not the slightest bit of wimpishness...

Ciçatrix: I'm pretty pleased with the current P count myself - I will do a proper state-of-the-nation update in 1520 I think - the first 100 years!

Anibal: Thanks. Pangaea, though - that seems a little too ambitious. Of course back in those days there was only man-eating plankton to oppose would-be world conquerors, so it was a lot easier.

coz1: Pah! I'm not some money-grabbing maniac who's trying to exploit Potosi for its gold - just as long as it still begins with P I'll be happy!

Draco Rexus: For recklessness beyond the call of duty, and deeds of derring-do in the great Portuguese P-quest, I hereby Award DRACO REXUS the Platinum Pikestaff! *applause* There, how's that?

Deus: Hmm, well we'll see. The trouble with the Even Chillier Coast is that you have to sneak past the Man-eating Plankton to get there...

Deflare: What freaked me out about Kongo was that in the 15th century they had kings with names like Afonso... If only everyone was so anxious to be Portuguese. *sigh*

Anibal, Wolfhound, etc: Or - horror of horrors - a man eating man-eating plankton, thus getting eaten from the inside out... Oops, sorry, I forgot this was a family forum.

Montemurro: Thanks - I have to say I'm enjoying Portugal myself (my first time to play it). All the exploring makes for slow-moving gameplay though. Still, it's always nice to see the white bits getting eaten up.

Dead William: His most Illustrious Catholic Majesty, King Manuel of Portugal, etc, etc will be pleased to employ you, especially since, being dead, you will be able to undertake some of the more perilous quests without too much risk. The plankton-infested areas seem particularly unpopular, for example...

BBBD: Have no fear, Portugal is currently in need of legions of intrepid explorers, from the ruggedly handsome to the pitifully potbellied.

CatKnight: Aha! I can see the Plankton Expedition is beginning to attract more interest!

Well it warms my heart to see these recruits lining up for jobs in the Portuguese Foreign Service. Of course, it will be some time before the actual history of What They Did will be told, but my twisted mind is already working on it! Oh, and btw I have some nice pictures of a Portuguese fort in Muscat - I think I will have to poke around near Persia to check for Ps...

 

[Dead William]

Oh blast! I think I volunteered to get my but kicked. By man eating plankton. Again. I wish a week would go by without that happening to me.... Hey Draco, congratulations on the Platinum Pikestaff. DW

 

[unmerged(16363)]

Man, stop posting here in your AAR and enjoy your trip! :rofl: Seriously... I'm eagerly awaiting your return. And enjoy it!

 

[unmerged(46094)]

I'm signed up for this p-fest.
I've been snooping around for some time and know your tales are good, Farq.

 

[unmerged(30040)]

I'm signed up for this p-fest.
I've been snooping around for some time and know your tales are good, Farq.

Oi, Farq, we've flushed out a lurker!

What should we do with 'im, then?

 

[Farquharson]

Dead William: Man-eating plankton kicking someone's butt??? This thing is getting weirder by the minute... But now all can be revealed - this is what man-eating plankton actually looks like:

Anibal: Actually I was on my way home - where I am now. However I leave for Scotland tomorrow, returning on the 26th I think.

Atomic Lodoss: I'm glad you're enjoying it, and I'm very honoured that you're first ever post is here - may it be the first of many!

the_shy_kid: A lurker perhaps, but I notice that Atomic Lodoss is in fact a "Recruit" - King Manuel has taken note!

 

[Dead William]

Dead William: Man-eating plankton kicking someone's butt??? This thing is getting weirder by the minute... But now all can be revealed - this is what man-eating plankton actually looks like:

If you posted that image to make me feel better, I have news for you. It didn't. If anyone wants me, I will be sucking my thumb and hugging my security blanket. Have a good trip! DW

 

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When you come back, I demand an explanation on why that man is eating plankton down there.

 

[Deflare]

Whoa. Man-eating plankton. My descendants will stick to land, thanks. They'll be <strike>goofing off</strike> courageously exploring in the New World... Far from any man-eating protesta.

 

[Snake IV]

This Plankton must be conquered as it beginns with P. I'm waiting for it turning green.

 

[draik]

Oi! There's nothing wrong with lurking! There isn't. Believe me... Why are you all staring at me like that? Please stop staring... please?




OKAY. I give up. Lurking is lame.

Great AAR, Farquharson... Please continue performing penicious Portuguese acts of perfidy.

 

[Van Engel]

Oi! There's nothing wrong with lurking! There isn't. Believe me... Why are you all staring at me like that? Please stop staring... please?




OKAY. I give up. Lurking is lame.

Great AAR, Farquharson... Please continue performing penicious Portuguese acts of perfidy.

Damn you, I thought he had updated.

 

[Farquharson]

Van Engel: I know, don't you just hate it when people do things like that...

Dead William: Fore-warned is fore-armed as they say - the picture of the man-eating plankton may not have made you feel better but I assure you, it was for your own good!

Anibal: All will be revealed in due time concerning the man and his plankton (or vice versa).

Deflare: I'm sure there'll be plenty of other man-eating flora and fauna for your intrepid descendants to tackle.

Snake IV: Could this possibly have been Pedro the Cruel's meaning? You never know.

draik: Another lurker flushed out? Ah - it warms my heart! And thanks for reading AND posting.

Well folks, as you can see, I'm back and I have now played another ten years and am working on the next update. Meanwhile, just to remind you of where we were...

 

[Farquharson]

A Potted Précis of the Preceding Pages​

When King Pedro the Cruel of Portugal died in 1367 he left behind a mysterious parchment charging his descendants with the task of conquering a certain place whose name began with P. Unfortunately some clumsy courtier had managed to smudge the all-important name, so when the parchment was discovered by King João I in 1419, the only solution he could think of was for Portugal to embark on a worldwide campaign to find and conquer every province in the world whose name began with P.

Clearly this was a mammoth undertaking and Portugal was a very small country. King João's first priority was therefore to extend his borders, which he did by a judicious alliance with Aragon against Castile. Over the next few decades Portugal and Aragon divided up the Iberian Peninsula between them, completely eliminating the unfortunate Kingdom of Castile. This meant that, at the fall of Granada in 1476, the Portuguese homeland was considerably larger than it had been in 1419.

Europe in 1487​

Meanwhile Portuguese explorers had been sent out in all directions to explore the uncharted regions of the world, with the sole purpose of seeking out and colonizing or conquering anywhere that began with the letter P. As early as 1433 land had been discovered far to the west of Europe across the Atlantic Ocean. Intrepid adventurers such as Draco "Reckless" Rexus and Pedro de Flare, as well as not so intrepid ones such as Grundius the Fleming, had been sent to explore it and begin claiming any interesting bits for the crown of Portugal. In the southern regions of this New World these men had successfully established settlements in such places as Para, Parnaiba, Pernambuc and Parana, while a strategic island in the central region, Puerto Rico, had become an important centre for further explorations. To the north two colonies had been founded, Placentia on the island of Newfoundland, and Penobscot on the mainland.

The Portuguese had also charted their way right round Africa as far as the Red Sea, but had discovered only one really interesting place, namely Palanas, and its neighbouring gold-producing province of Leone, in West Africa. Colonies had also been established at the Cape of Good Hope, and at the northern end of Madagascar, intended as stepping stones to explore further east. The Kongolese had also proved remarkably friendly, and in 1506 had converted to Christianity and become Portuguese vassals.

Other heroes of the Great Age of Discovery, such as Bartolomeu Dias and Vasco da Gama had pushed the limits of Portuguese knowledge even further by reaching India and beyond, discovering places like Pondicherry and Palakimedi which alas already belonged to various other people. We left King Manuel of Portugal in the year 1510 pondering what his next move should be, and how he should employ the many eager recruits who were anxious to win fame and honour in his service.

A hitherto unpublished Portuguese map of the Indian Ocean dating from 1510​

 

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Oh yes... Sharks can eat plankton as well. But P is for Portugal, and plankton is with P, so... do sharks eat Portugal? :wacko:

Why don't King Manuel offer those wealthy pondicherryians and palakimedians some precious pieces of pure portuguese perfume?

 

[J. Passepartout]

No, Portugal sends its magnificent army and navy out to destroy the sharks.

Nice to see an update. That map of Iberia, although I have seen it or one like it previously, is quite nicely shaded Portuguese Green.

 

[Ciçatrix]

Great, you're back.