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    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

unmerged(84988)

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Warning! This AAR may contain potentially offensive jokes. It is not for the overly serious.

Okay, Clip, let's lay down some ground rules first.

No neet, I have seen the error of my ways.

Uh-huh?

I have converted to Islam.

clip_00001.jpg


Then why the bowler hat?

It fits my style. On another note, how did we get in Japan?

Oh Those Japanese! - A Japanese Adventure

Chapter I - Can I Just Call You Clip?

You didn't answer my question, blasthemer.

What?

Tell me what we're doing in Japan, or I put a Muslim curse on you!

Islam doesn't have curses, and I don't know?

Oh yeah? Ya think so?

Mahmoudahmadinejadayatollahalikhamenei osamabinladenlalaltalabani

Clip, that's not a curse, that's you saying Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Osama Bin Laden, and Jalal Talabani.

You do not know anything about Islam! Atheist heathen!

Let's get on with this...

00001.jpg


This is the nation of Japan, in 1836. It is a backwater, uncivilized nation at this time, but I plan on bringing the nation to glory! First, I did some economic reforms-

I put curse on you! Your penis will shrink any second now!

It hasn't.

Not yet it hasn't.

00002.jpg


This is the current state of the nation of Japan. We are #96 in the world, and...Sunni?

Hehe.

Clip, how'd you make our nation Sunni?

I found some government documents. I couldn't understand the crazy hyrogliphics-

Kanji.

Yeah. I couldn't understand the Kanji, so I just wrote in big letters "Sunni" somewhere.

Well, atleast you're not writing obscenities on walls.

Yep. Obscenities offend Allah and make baby Mohammad cry.

I don't think you know anything about Islam.

00003.jpg


I have deployed several divisions to our armies: the Imperial Wapanese Army in the capital, the Great Northern Army in the North, the Great Southern Army in the South, and the Other Army out somewhere in the Japanese countryside.

Wapanese?

Yeah, I don't get it either.

With our newly beefed up army, we need to decide on a place to conquer once we go from being uncivilized to being civilized. Korea looks like a promising choice, in my opinion.

00004.jpg


It looks like a penis. Penis offends Allah!

Clip, I don't think you even know what a penis looks like. Korea looks more like a glove.

It looks like the penis of a leper, like the kind Mohammad healed.

That's Jesus you dumbass.

Aren't they the same?

No, you moron. Tell me, where do you face when you pray?

Towards Pizza Hut?

No. Let's move on.

After years of not spending anything, due to the fact that there's nothing we can spend on, I have amassed enough cash to make a social reform. I have increased unemployment subsidies. Now unemployed Japanese people will receive a bag of rice, courtesy of the government.

Ahh, good, charity is good. Too bad you're still going to Hell.

Uh-huh.

00006.jpg


A worker's strike occurs in Japan, and instead of beheading them all, I decided to strike a compromise with them. They received some cash from the government, and went home without bothering anybody. Oh, hey Clip, what's your new psuedonym?

Mohammed Abdel Rahman Abdel Raouf Clip al-Qudwa al-Clippit.

Can I just call you Clip?

Sure.
 

Olaus Petrus

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Sunni Japan? Now that sounds weird and fun.

PS: Did you abandon you Dutch AAR or do you intend to continue it?
 

Dysken

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Unemployment subsidies? :confused: That is one of the two detrimental social reforms, go for health care instead!
 

unmerged(84988)

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Great, this one is just awesome!
I imagine clip speaking with a typical arabian accent... Hehe

Nice one, keep it up! I´m waiting for update ;)

Actually I always imagine him with a high-pitched chipper-sounding British accent that fades in and out to the accent of an angry Arab guy.

No I didn't modify any POPs, and yes, I abandoned the Dutch one.
 

unmerged(84988)

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Chapter II - It's Korean Jailbait Time!

The current state of Japan is mediocre at best. China is far ahead of us in international rankings, although Britian threatens to knock them down a few pegs. I hope, atleast. I also know they wouldn't bother to invade dismal old Japan.

00007.jpg


As you can see, we are second in Asia, with Korea trailing far behind us. Perhaps Korea would be the best target for invasion. That reminds me - there was a really hot Korean girl in my English class. She'd wear shorts or a little track team outfit to class, but she was really stuck up and from this place called La Cañada, which means she's rich. La Cañada is like a mini-Beverly Hills almost. Although she was stuck up, she was hot, and ever since then I thought Korean girls were interesting.

You are immoral!

Why?

You see women's ankles!

Why don't you go pray facing Taco Bell and leave me alone?

It's Pizza Hut!

Whatever.

00008.jpg


Diplomacy might be a better idea than war. Perhaps I'll arrange a good-will mission to Korea, and strengthen the bonds between our two nations, in order to defend against the white man invaders.

And to perform sinful acts that piss off Allah!

Clip, didn't you say that obscenities offend Allah?

Not as much as the sinful acts that occur in your mind!

Clip, shut up.

00009.jpg


Always have a backup plan.

You will have no backup plan when Allah sends you to Hell!

Moving on...

And did my curse work yet?

No, it has not.

You lying heathen!

Seriously, it has not.

I'll ask your whore girlfriend then.

She lives in Washington and she is not a whore. Up yours for saying that.

Blasthemer! You dare call me an "up yours."

Yeah, I dare call you an "up yours." Dumbass. Can you just shut up so we can move on?

Muhulahemmekhallem

What?

I put another curse on you! You will gain twenty pounds!

I have a quick metabolism.

Um...you'll get syphillis?

I'll take some antibiotics.

You'll order a pizza with pepperoni and sausage and they'll put anchovies on it!

...fair enough.

Back to the original subject now.

00010.jpg


This may pose a threat to my plans. Dammit.

Your bastard children will roam the Korean landscape!

Can you say anything that doesn't sound like something an angry Arab guy would say?

Okay, I'll stop. For those of you who had a doubleplusungood mental image, I was talking before in a thick Arabic accent. Now, I'm back to my original accent: a very chipper British accent. And also, this hat is not a bowler hat. It's from my short adventure in Holland.

Ah, glad that's over. Now you're back to the way you were before. Not completely insane, but not annoying as hell either. Right Clip?

Nope.

Oww, I have a headache.

See, my curse did work!

You said it would give me an anchovie pizza.

No you dumbass, it would cause something random to happen!

Clip, your curse didn't give me the headache. You did.

Yes, because I said the curse. Actually, Mohammad is the one who got together with Jesus and activated their wonder twin powers, and used them to come down and infect your mind with a headache-demon.

I should never have taken you out of Bill Gates' closet.
 

unmerged(112003)

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FallenMorgan said:
You'll order a pizza with pepperoni and sausage and they'll put anchovies on it!

...fair enough.

:rofl:

So Is Clip back to normal?.. If he ever was.. :wacko:
 
Last edited:

unmerged(72712)

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NO go Japanese Caliphate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Death to Infidels Banzai!!!!!!!!
 

Davisx3m

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Hahahahaha xD
 

Olaus Petrus

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Clip seems to have some mighty curses.

And it's good that you won't trust too much to Korean friendship.
 

El Pip

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Is there no area in which Clip can't display gross ignorance and complete lack of understanding? :D