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Webstantine

Colonel
4 Badges
May 10, 2013
832
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  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis IV
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
Of Meissen Men

Welcome to my AAR, this time it's back to the HRE, though a different side than Lorraine or Hainaut; this time it's Meissen. I hope this one won't be as hard as Naxos is and hopefully more people will turn up to this one, Naxos is lonely. I have no shame in admitting that I chose Meissen solely for the purpose of using this ingenious title. I'm bringing back my beautiful drawings for this one, people seemed to like them, time to start now, have fun!

Contents

King Wilhelm I
Introduction - Below
Meiss Steps
Ameissing Start
What's The Würst That Could Happen?
 
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Introduction - It's Meissey Small​

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Here is Meissen; the small one, the one coloured in green. If you look right of Meissen you may see a bigger county, this is Bohemia and those of Meissen are fearful of it, 'Bohemia' is a word of fear in that little green pea of a nation. The only thing protecting this green paradise is the Holy Roman Empire which Meissen is a part of, however this also made it hard to expand but they'd find a way. Now look above Meissen, see the brown nation? That's Brandenburg, they'd love to get their teeth into Meissen but they can't due to a small nation on the other side of the Holy Roman Empire named Luxembourg; Luxembourg for some reason has it's ruler ruling Brandenburg, but the brown beast wouldn't be chained up forever! To the left are nicer nations to see, the pink Anhalt and the lilac Saxony, both already had heirs so there was no way to attack them. And finally below is Thuringia, nothing important about them; they're in very much the same position as Meissen but with twice the area to work with. Now let's zoom in on Meissen as a city.

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Meissen is a little mining town that mines for iron and sells to surrounding areas, it gains a little bit but it's by no means a rich metropolis. Meissen is of course the proper faith of Catholicism, this is helpful seeing as all the expansion happy Germans around would go mad for a little heathen city. Now let's look at Meissen's ruler, Wilhelm!

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Wilhelm is known by the other rulers in the proximity as the Garden-King, he's and avid gardener and spends more time looking after parsnips then looking after Meissen, but at least there is a king. Wilhelm's 29 year-old son Friedrich is much more devoted to Meissen and does most of Wilhelm's duties for him; luckily Friedrich is the heir to the throne. The von Wettin dynasty remains solely in Meissen and not many royal marriages are done between Meissen and other countries, the von Wettins have always just been a bunch of people who have a kingdom and various weird hobbies like gardening. Now finally the military of Meissen.

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It's a small group of 2,000 men but considering the city only has a population of 4,003 people it's rather impressive, but it needed work if Meissen was to conquer anything any time soon. That's the overview of Meissen, small country, gardener-king, surrounded by enemies; it's about time for some changes around here.
 
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Meiss Steps

Meissen had decided on their first target, they couldn't get one of their small neighbours, they already had heirs and throne-claiming was the main way of expanding here in the Holy Roman Empire, they could attack Bohemia and because Bohemia is the Emperor it would be a war with only them, sadly Bohemia is huge and that would be stupid. Meissen would have to look elsewhere for expansion, the closest target found was a little blue nation up north named Mecklenburg!

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A new regiment began training ready for the war, Mecklenburg and Meissen both currently had two regiments but Mecklenburg was focused on making more boats so we of Meissen could overtake them! The navy of Mecklenburg wouldn't be a problem in this war unless their country is detachable.

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Meissen needed allies for this so offers were sent to Saxony so that someone could watch the city whilst the army was off in Mecklenburg, and Pomerania because they were big and bordering the target, they would be useful for Meissen to start off.

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Of course the royal marriage offer was sent to Mecklenburg, the poor little people accepted thinking it was an innocent friendly offer.

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The route to Mecklenburg was secured with military access through Madgeburg and Anhalt, the army was sent to wait in Madgeburg until war.

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A shady-looking man arrived at the castle and walked up to Wilhelm whilst he was in the gardens, "Congratulation Wilhelm, you've won!" said the man.
"What ya talkin' aboot?" asked Wilhelm in a thick Scottish accent despite being German.
"You completed your mission your honour, excellent!"
"What ya mean, wha' mission?"
"Alliance with Saxony great king!"
"Okay, so wha' do I git?"
"PRESTIGE, GLORIOUS GLOOORIOUS PRESTIGE!" screamed the man before running off.

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More missions arrived from the unknown mission giving organisation, Meissen was told by these people to expand the army to be bigger than Thuringia's, this was done and the army got 'tradition', whatever that means.

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The next mission was given, to have a royal marriage with Anhalt, this would have to wait, Meissen was running low on diplomats to go on ventures.

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Armee von Meissen stood in Madgeburg preparing for battle, Wilhelm was made a general and put in charge of the 3,000 man army. Out of all the men there Wilhelm had the least experience, he'd never been in a battle before and he insisted that his weapon would be his pitchfork which was... unique.

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Meissen gained approval from the Emperor Bohemia to get the throne of Mecklenburg, a man was sent to the Mecklenburgian king to tell him that war was about to happen.

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WAR, Pomerania and Saxony ran to aid Meissen and only Brunswick agreed to help Mecklenburg and they couldn't even get to the battle. It was already evident Meissen would win but imagine this is a great cliffhanger!

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I need to sub! Go Wilhelm I the gardener! Maybe you need to plant a banana tree to provide you soldiers with fruit!
 
Are you strong enough to take on Braunschweig once you're besieging Mecklenburg? They'd make a really nice vassal, they would almost double your income and might later be diploannexed for a Germany-core.


Also, brilliant pun!
 
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Ameissing Start​

Meissen's army marched north and met the Pomeranians who came from the east in Mecklenburg, the battle was a victory and the Mecklenburg troops fled too Pomerania, Vorpommern. Wilhelm and his lads stayed in Mecklenburg for the siege and the Pomeranians ran after the Mecks.

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The strange mission man walke up again and talked to Friedrich, "Congatulations Mister Von Wettin, another mission completed!"
"Arr ye lookin' for me father Wil'elm?" inquired Friedrich in an odd, not-German accent.
"No, you're Von Wettin as well, you'll do nicely!"
"Great, so wha's the next one lad?"
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, you now have a marriage with Anhalt! Well done, you win a prize!"
The man pulled out a bag and gave it to Friedrich, "Lucky dip!".
Friedrich put his hand in and felt a sharp pain and pulled it out to find it missing and replaced with a note. "Wha' th' HELL?"
"How fuuun!"
He opened the note not wanting his hands death to be in vain:

Dear The Von Wettin's,
Congratulations on winning another of the challenges set by my association, we hope you
had fun. For your prize we sent away a diplomat to reduce your infamy by 1 Infamygram. We
hope you find this fulfilling and that the next one is just as worthwhile!

Okay so your next mission is to raise 100 ducats! It can't be too hard! Have fun,
Wolfram Fischer


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As Friedrich was rushed away to the hospital to replace his hand Bohemia had decided that Meissen would look better if it was included in the Bohemian sphere, what this meant was not sure but it gave Bohemia more more influence over Meissen's well-being, maybe when Meissen was big and powerful they would understand.

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Another 1,000 men appeared in Mecklenburg out of no-where but Wilhelm wasn't fooled and quickly ended the surprise attack!



And once that was done he could finally complete the siege, he did this by painting Meissen green lines across the blue countryside of Mecklenburg.

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The Mecklenburgian king was brought infront of Wilhelm and peace discussion was started. "I want yer throone Meck."
"No deal Mr Wettin, this is mine." argued the Meck king
"So what we gonnae do with ya then Mecker?"
"Well maybe give me back my throne and maybe make me annul treaties with Brunswick?"
"Nah, tha's a borin' thing for AI ta do, I think I'll have tha throone."
"Gahhh, fine."
"An' also yeell annul treaties wit' Broonswick."

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Now that that was over Meissen and Mecklenburg had to become friends, otherwise the Mecklenburgians would break the Union on Wilhelm's death, a present was given to a random Meck.

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The king of Saxe-Lauenburg wasn't known for his smarts and when he saw a Meissen diplomat riding up to the castle he wondered what it was for, the diplomat opened with "Hello sir, do you want a royal marriage?" Instead of thinking "They just took the throne of Mecklenburg through one of these, better be careful!" he accepted thinking how sweet of Meissen it was to think of them.

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The next month the diplomat returned with a claim to the Lauenburg throne and soon after a war was started for the throne of Saxe-Lauenburg. But still, it was sweet of them.

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What's The Würst That Could Happen?

Wilhelm charged into Lauenburg wielding nothing but a small trowel, but it was a sharp trowel and many soldiers fell beneath his gardening implement. In a few hours time the battle ended, 1,000 Lauenburgian men lay dead and now Wilhelm just had to wait for his army to arrive because he ran on ahead.

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Friedrich and some diplomats traveled to Mecklenburg to improve relations and got Mecklenburg to become an ally, Meclenburg joined the war against Lauenburg and other various Germans.

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"The siege is complete."
"I know lad I was there remem'er?"
"Of course I heard of you wiping out the Lauenburgian army single handedly."
"Yeh, that's true, they were bein' too slow, did ye do as I asked?"
"Yes, all Lauenburg's partners in war are too strong except Würzburg, do you want to send the army?"
"Yeh, I'll lead again, let's hope they keep up!"
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The Würst army in the world lead by some guy named Gerhard was beaten by Meissen, it wasn't a clean victory and Gerhard was chased down in the middle of Frankfurt at the surprise of many shoppers in the city center when a man stabbed an archbishop with a trowel in the city center.

The 3,000 soldiers of Meissen spread out across Würzburg's two provinces as equally as they could, sadly none of them knew basic Mathematics so there were 2,000 in Bamberg and only 1,000 in Würzburg.

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The sieges didn't last too long and finally the Würst nation in the world was under Meissen control!

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The new archbishop was brought to Wilhelm for peace, "Hello Wilhelm."
"'Ello Bishop man.
"What are the terms?"
"Yer gonna become our vassal 'n we take Bamberg in ours 'n also ya lose yer friends. Deal or no deal!"
"I don't know what you just said but sure, deal."

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Next up was Saxe-Lauenburg, "G'day Wilhelm."
"'Ello Askanier, I'm goin' ta take the throne of your country."
"Why would I agree, I have the Saxeist throne in Europe."
"I admit it's a pretty Saxe Lauenberg ye have but ye don't have a choice."
"Okay, quit Wettin yourself, I accept."

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And with that Meissen had doubled it's size and gained a throne along with a new vassal, it was going well for Meissen!

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