Not An EUII AAR - A Tale of Morocco

[EvilSanta]

Once upon a time there lived a rich handsome man...there lived a rich man...there lived a man called Ali. Ali was a simple farmer in the mystical land of Morocco.

"Become a farmer" they said. "You will make loads of money" they said. Why, oh why did I listen to them? You cant grow anything in this Allahs forsaken land called Morocco! There is nothing but bloody sand in here! Oh, how nice it was beeing a bicycle repair man. They respected me and all.

But little did he know back then. For he was going to change the face of earth. And not by beeing a farmer...

Let me tell his interesting story. It all started in the 1448. It was a rainy day in Morocco when suddenly...

My story has to start the one single freaking day in a year it actually rains in here...

Silence! I am your god, Allah, and I have a task for you. Listen me for a while. You see, when I and God were out having a drink yesterday, we started arqueing about whose followers are better. After hours and hours of arquements and dozens bottles of beer, we came up with a competition. The winner is the one whose followers find America first...

America? What on bloody earth is that?

Do not interrupt me, mortal! You are to be the leader of my most glorious nation, Morocco. Your job is to colonize America before the Christian scum. Now go to what ever is the capital of Morocco and start your dynasty, dynasty of Ali! I have spoken!

By the way, could you invade Luxembourgh? Those bastards make damn good chocolate for christians!

Chocolate? What on bloody earth is that?

Something you will get when you find A...sorry, I need to hang up. My wife is getting pissed off about the yesterday.

What a strange person!

And what do I need to find in order to get chocolate? America? No, it cant be that. Asia? Algeria? Australia? I will first go find America and then think about that issue.

And so Ali became the king of Morocco in the year of 1448. What the future brought to Ali, we dont know. It is just 1453 now and Ali didnt do anything worth of a note during these 5 years. And I am just an ordinary shop assistant at the Abduls Kiosk. I know, I know, I said he was going to change the face of earth but if I hadnt done that, would you have stayed listening?

Buy hot doooooogs, best hot doooogs south from Spaiiiiin!

And more importantly, would you have bought a hot dog?

 

[EvilSanta]

This is my newest AAR with my brand new EUIII. This isnt to be taken dead seriously but I am sorry if I offend any muslims/christians/jews/Swedes/shamanists/hindus/scientologists/French/buddhist etc.

This is my very first game with EUIII so I decided to start with an easy enough country with an easy task.

 

[The Great Duck]

A good read!
PS.The first comment!

 

[Kurek]

I'll have me one of they hot-dogs.

Here's to discovery and to Allah!

 

[coz1]

Sounds like fun. Good luck!

 

[gosam]

Good luck, you'll need it. In my games, castille comes knocking down your door by the first 10 years of playing.

 

[Lord E]

Very funny and nice start. This seems like it can be an enjoyable tale to follow, looking forward to more.

 

[Duke of Wellington]

A funny start. I like the idea behind this. Good luck.

 

[Fiftypence]

Really good start. I can't wait to see Morrocan America.

 

[Mike von Bek]

Ah Morocco... the sun... the sand... the sun... more sand...

Oh God! Theres no escape

Watch out for those damned Spaniards! They crave your sand!

 

[Sir Humphrey]

Good start. Top hole funny. : )

 

[unmerged(21085)]

Well, I can understand that. I am playing Cyprus as second game and writing that as AAR

Still, I enjoyed the discussion between Allah and the King

Cheers

Sap.

 

[stnylan]

This does look like it could be very amusing.

 

[EvilSanta]

As we all now by know, Ali became the king of Morocco 5 years ago and he has spent the royal treasury to beer and whores totally ignoring Allahs mighty command. But things were to change for Ali met a beautiful woman who would change his sinful life once and for all...

Just kidding, Allah gave him a visit in May 29th 1453 that was yesterday. Now if I was real narrator, we could go into Alis palace where big things are beeing decided this very second.

But I am not. I am just a hot dog salesman at Abduls Kiosk.

*In the Alis palace*

What should I do? What should I do? I cant take all this pressure alone. Ah, I know! I shall hire a philosopher who will teach me!

*Amazingly, the very second Ali said that, gold was removed from his treasury and philosopher named Ali Barek popped up next to him*

Wow, Moroccon post is really fast these days. Now Ali, I need you to educate me regarding ruling.

If one wants to find America, the one should hire 2 more advisors.

And name me the head advisor.

That is brilliant! An advisor is really cheap way to improve our technology! I shall hire both naval and land reformers.

What else do you suggest?

Man is a wise man when he trades. If man doesnt trade, he isnt wise.

And a man who uses money on improving goverment gets the best ladies and first national idea.

Yes! Brilliant! Astounding! Marvellous! Our nation needs extra funds and better goverment so we are able to explore the seas! How I wasnt able to think of that?

You got more brilliant ideas?

If you want peace, you must prepare a marriage.

But where does one find Alis relative? If girl isnt of royal blood, she is ugly.

That makes so much sense! A one sister of mine is capable of driving even the toughest men to edge of insanity. It will secure our borders in east. And if we are lucky, we might even inherit them!

And dont worry, I come from Moroccon south, we all are relatives there. I send a courrier to pick up few girls.

What else, my dear 3-star philosopher?

When philosopher has nothing important to say, philosopher starts a small talk.

Nice weather outside, isnt it?

And so ended the talk with two great Alis. Now you might wonder how do I know about that. Well, I dressed up as a woman and sneaked in.

Why as a woman, you might ask. Well, shut up, it is none of your business!

Ahh, a foreign man, Algerian I assume, is coming. Id better put my bras and thongs on and find out what is happening.

Just shut up, you all.

*An Algerian courier and the 2 Alis have a talk*

We surrender! We cant take your sister anymore! She has a beard and testicles. Please, we offer you an alliance if you take her back!

A woman with balls is to be feared like taxation.

I shall happily accept your offer. I will send my sister back to Moroccon south to continue our inbreeding program.

And so, Morocco found an ally in her neighbour Algiers. This act would give Morocco more manpower in case of war would start and also secure her eastern border.

Well, hello you handsome man! At your place tonight?

 

[Grubnessul]

A woman with balls is to be feared like taxation.

You sir just made my day (and quote of the week)

 

[EvilSanta]

The update speed will suffer in the future as result of more schoolwork. I also still keep my The Medieval KISS-AARmy - A MusicAAR About Nothing to be my main work. (it is AAR told entirely with relyriced songs. I know, shameless adverting)

And on to replies

The Great Duck: Thank you, hope you will enjoy the rest, too.

Kurek: Cheers, mate! To discovery and Allah!

coz1: Thank you. I will surely need luck when I have Castile to fight against for the New World. (and the Old World)

gosam: As far as I have played, Castile has been peaceful towards me. Lets hope it stays that way.

Lord E: Thank you. I hope that this will be enjoyable in the future.

Duke of Wellington: Thank you. I also like the idea of muslim-christian race for New World.

Fiftypence: Thanks. I hope that I can bring Islam to Americas before christian scum gets there..

Mike von Bek: I will do. I think that by having a good navy I can stand a chance to keep them away from my precious sand.

Sir Humphrey: Thank you, Sir.

Sapphire: Your Cyprus AAR is very nice, from the little I had time to read. And thanks.

stnylan: I hope it also is and not just could be. Thanks.

Grubnessul: Thank you, Im glad I can bring little laugh to AARland.

 

[Olaus Petrus]

This is brilliant.

 

[Lord E]

That was funny, I can understand the Algerians wanted to swap the sister with balls into an alliance :rofl: Great work

 

[gosam]

Yeah algerians, like they were to be trusted. (from a game perspective)

 

[Duke of Wellington]

Really good update . A great philosopher you have by the sounds of it, as for the cross-dressing, well...... I don't know what to think.