My Big Fat Gujarat

[coz1]

Well, I don't know. You never know what's under one of those Bengali turbans. Could be that third eye up there that no one knows about. But you are right though - not green, that's for sure.

Sounds like that BB is getting higher and causing a few problems. Good luck in the war.

 

[Van Engel]

Bengal is way too big, make it smaller!

 

[J. Passepartout]

The Bengalis are able to change colour at will, like chameleons.

Well, I think I see what the next obsessionwill be, although it is nothing a little forceful training at the madrassa will not get rid of.

 

[unmerged(25608)]

Looks like you've found another freak hobby for the next sultan. I'm not sure what that is, but it's either talking to rabbits or space exploration.

Will you be growing tomatos on a moon colony I wonder?

 

[unmerged(11750)]

Looks like you're getting a few BB-caused wars. Time to build a larger standing army.

Seriously, though ... think of the opportunity! You can take Samarkand and Ganges in one defensive war, thus gaining two CoTs for a mere two BB, and in the process cripple the Bengali economy. That should give you enough income to convert away some of those hindu provinces that are most certainly annoying you by now.

 

[unmerged(21523)]

I'll definitely be keeping an eye on Flopsy, rabbits can be trouble and they breed like...rabbits.

 

[unmerged(28944)]

You know Farq, Crimson King has a really good idea going there, any possibility of Gujarat being able to handle that?

I agree with Zach, you can never trust rabbits. Remember the blood thristy attack rabbit that almost destoryed King Arthur! (Gawd! I love being able to throw in memories of Monty Python!)

 

[unmerged(29835)]

Muzaffar: Dad, why do you keep saying “Uh...” like that?

i thought this was a family forum! ...

 

[Farquharson]

Troggle: Muzaffar turn claw-worshipper? Yes indeed, anything is possible in this tale...

Zeno: I'm afraid Muzaffar's wraith-father had a bit of a soft spot for him, especially with the five-year disappearance and all. I don't think there's much chance of firm fatherly discipline...

Grundius: Yes, yes - of course, Gujarat is not nearly big and fat enough yet!

Maku, Zenek and others: Absolutely - I just need to relieve the Mughals of Samarkand - for their own good of course! Such wealth only breeds worldly materialism, not to mention funding nasty wars against me!

Skymning: Great picture! My theory is that this is another of the Zloq-tana's victims, but this one got accidentally put back the wrong way up...

coz1: Well my BB is only about 20/40 - is that what's prompting everyone to DoW me suddenly??

Van Engel: Make Bengal smaller - nice idea! I'll see what I can do.

J.Passepartout:I think Muzaffar maybe beyond the help of anyone. And anyway, what if it's all true!

wcoleridge: Regarding precisely what Muzaffar's obsession will be - all will be revealed in the next update!

Crimson King: You make it sound so easy! Ganges is a long way from my border...

Zacharym: Have no fear, Flopsy the rabbit is totally harmless. Weird perhaps, but harmless!

Draco: Ahem, well, we'll see... Regarding Monty Python, here's an interesting thought. Based on one short (but unforgettable) sketch, in one of the great etymological journeys of modern times, the word "spam" has rapidly taken it's place in the English language meaning something seemingly completely unrelated to its original meaning!

Sultan:

Well now, it's time to give an explanation for the lack of updates. In fact I have to confess to a sudden and inexplicable drop in motivation for and interest in this game/AAR. This, coupled with the fact that I have recently ordered CK, which should be in my grubby paws very soon, means that I have decided to bring this AAR to a close after the first 100 years (approximately). Think of this as Part One - I may well do Parts Two, Three, etc sometime in the future. In any case, the tale will end after Muzaffar's reign, which will take one or perhaps two updates (which I haven't yet written). Sorry to those who were looking forward to another three centuries of mayhem, but on the other hand, those who like AARs to be short will be pleased! Next update coming soon.

 

[Zenek K.]

But... but... we like LONG AARs! And yours were long. Hopefully you'll manage to finish it...
Only one person will be happy - Rythin. He can start reading.

 

[unmerged(29835)]

Aww... (not uh... )

 

[Van Engel]

Well now, it's time to give an explanation for the lack of updates. In fact I have to confess to a sudden and inexplicable drop in motivation for and interest in this game/AAR. This, coupled with the fact that I have recently ordered CK, which should be in my grubby paws very soon, means that I have decided to bring this AAR to a close after the first 100 years (approximately). Think of this as Part One - I may well do Parts Two, Three, etc sometime in the future. In any case, the tale will end after Muzaffar's reign, which will take one or perhaps two updates (which I haven't yet written). Sorry to those who were looking forward to another three centuries of mayhem, but on the other hand, those who like AARs to be short will be pleased! Next update coming soon.

 

[J. Passepartout]

What? NOOOOOOO!!!

I was going to shout more, but then I noticed you did indeed say you would go a little tiny bit longer, and tell us what the next obsession will be.

 

[unmerged(19936)]

Yes! Now we get to read Farq's CK AARs

I'm just trying to stay positive, to push back the overwhelming darkness that now enshrouds my soul

 

[unmerged(28944)]

I'm in the same camp with Troggle!

 

[Farquharson]

Zenek: Hmm - the trouble with long AARs - they take a long time to write!

Sultan: Now you're making me feel bad!

Van Engel: Now you're making me feel terrible!!

J.Passepartout: Now you're making me feel suicidal!!!

Troggle: There you go! Troggle to the rescue as usual! I was actually tottering on the window ledge there...

Draco: Well, before anyone else pushes me over the edge, here's an update!

 

[Farquharson]

Chapter 13: 1509-1516
Mahmud Shah finds a Woman

It was February of the year 1510, and Gujarat were at war with the Mughal Empire, Bengal, Uzbek, Sibir and the Golden Horde. Young Muzaffar, heir to the throne of the mighty Gujarati Empire, sat on the lawn of the palace gardens in Rajkot and talked to the rabbit that was quietly nibbling the grass in front of him.

Muzaffar: Father seems in a better mood today, Flopsy - he’s received news from Samarkand. Apparently the city has just surrendered.

Flopsy: * twitches his nose approvingly *

Muzaffar: Well, that kind of evens things up a little since the Mughals captured Bundelkhand and Sibir took Herat. I know we took Raipur from the Bengalis, but they managed to break our siege of Bihar last month and now our eastern army has been wiped out and it seems like the Bengalis will soon recapture Raipur.

Flopsy: * droops his ears slightly *

Muzaffar: Father took another loan last month, as well. How on earth are we going to pay back all that money? I suppose if the Mughals do give us Samarkand...

Flopsy: * shivers violently *

Muzaffar: Hmm - yes, I know what you mean, Flopsy. Fat chance of that, isn’t there? To tell you the truth, I really think my Dad is losing his touch these days. You know I really think I could do a better job than him sometimes. Do you think he’ll be ready to hand over the reins of power any time soon?

Flopsy: * cocks his head on one side *

Muzaffar: The first thing I’d do is see if we can’t get the Zloq-tana into our alliance. Wow! Imagine what we could do to those despicable Mughals then? Level a few of their smelly old cities with a Zloq-tan interplanetary gravitron cannon. They’d soon hand over Samarkand, I can tell you!

Flopsy: * turns his head and looks sideways at Muzaffar *

Muzaffar: You don’t think the Zloq-tana would want to go to war against the Mughal Empire? But - they’re my friends aren’t they? If only they would get in contact with me again...

The fact was that Muzaffar spent many hours scanning the skies over Rajkot for any sign of a Zloq-tan craft, but so far to no avail. He realized there was probably some perfectly good reason why they had temporarily broken contact with him, but he could not imagine what it was.

At first Muzaffar thought this flying saucer, spotted above the palace gardens, was a Zloq-tan craft coming to visit him -
until it smashed into a wall and turned out to be just what it looked like - a saucer flying out of a nearby home where a couple were having a slight domestic...​

A few weeks after the capture of Samarkand the province of Kushka was captured by Sibir. With very little army left, and things not looking too hopeful, Mahmud Shah was getting ever so slightly worried. It was with a certain interest that he received a Mughal envoy at the Royal Palace in May 1511. He couldn’t possibly be here to offer Samarkand, could he? In fact, no - he was offering precisely 36 ducats. Mahmud Shah surveyed the charts in his war-room for a few nanoseconds and signed the treaty.

Now Gujarat only had Uzbek, Sibir and the Golden Horde to worry about. Well, for a few days anyway, until for some reason the tiny island state of Lanka declared war. Mahmud Shah pretty much ignored this as an insignificant side-issue, however time would tell how significant it would prove to be. Muzaffar however was growing increasingly restless, while his wraith-king father grew increasingly listless and apathetic. By November, the war with Uzbek was still at a stalemate, while tiny but insolent Lankan armies had begun to land and pillage Yanam. Muzaffar decided it was time for a confrontation:

Muzaffar: OK, Dad, I think we can all agree - it’s time for you to go. The war is going disastrously, and frankly it doesn’t look like you care a fig. And why should you - you’re already dead! Gujarat needs somebody a little more alive and with it on the throne, don’t you think?

Mahmud Shah I, Wraith-king of Gujarat, with a heavy sigh: Ah - you know I do believe you’re right. I think the time has finally come for me to die properly.

Muzaffar: Well, that’s a piece of good news at last! How about today?

Mahmud Shah I: Hmm - well, it’s not as easy as you might think. I mean - how do you get rid of someone who’s already dead?

Muzaffar: Er... stake through the heart?

Mahmud Shah I: That’s vampires son - see any fangs?

Muzaffar, peering hopefully at his father’s dental set: Hmm... not really, no.

Mahmud Shah I: I think we need Grajwit here - he’s bound to know.

Arvad Grajwit, appearing from an obscure corner of the room: Ever at your service, Your Spectreness.

Mahmud Shah I: I want to die, Grajwit - any suggestions?

Arvad Grajwit: Wish granted, Sire - look, you’re already dead!

Mahmud Shah I: No you imbecile, I mean really die. Like dead-and-buried-in-the-ground die. We’ve decided it’s time for young Muzaffar to take over.

Arvad Grajwit: Wonderful, Sire. A great idea, if I may say so!

Mahmud Shah I: Thanks for the vote of confidence, Grajwit. The trouble is, we’re not sure how to... er, you know... go about it.

Arvad Grajwit: Woman, Sire.

Mahmud Shah I: Woman?

Arvad Grajwit: Vampires need a stake through the heart, Your Majesty. Wraith-kings just need a woman.

Mahmud Shah I, looking confused: Er... what for, exactly?

Arvad Grajwit: To kill them, Sire. Sword through the face works pretty well - first-year college stuff, that.

Mahmud Shah I: Oh - so, just any old woman?

Arvad Grajwit: Young is best, Sire. Young, tragic and immensely brave. May be a little tricky finding the right damsel, Sire.

Mahmud Shah I: I’ll leave it with you then. I want to be dead by the end of the week - understood?

Arvad Grajwit: Very good, Sire.

And so advertisements appeared in next day’s Rajkot Review: “Applications invited: young tragic damsel required to kill wraith-king. Only immensely brave candidates need apply.” As it turned out, only one candidate was brave enough to come forward, but she seemed just the ticket. In fact, she even had previous experience of killing wraith-kings, something that was pretty rare around the Gujarati job market.

The successful candidate preparing to get the job done​

And so, amid much pomp and ceremony, Mahmud Shah I was finally properly killed and laid to rest and Shams ud-Din Muzaffar Shah II was officially crowned the new Sultan of Gujarat.

Muzaffar Shah’s first priority was to end the war. By March 1512 the city of Herat was back under Gujarati control and the Lankans had been driven out of Yanam. It was then a simple question of occupying the usual unfortified Uzbek provinces (Meched and Kerman) while Kushka was recaptured from Sibir. By November the Uzbeks were offering 129 ducats for peace and Muzaffar Shah accepted.

Now it was just a matter of dealing with Lanka. This however proved more difficult than it at first seemed. The trouble was that the mighty Gujarati Navy (three galleys patrolling for pirates off Rajkot) was not really adequate for an invasion of the island, and the stubborn Lankans refused to make peace. Muzaffar Shah, who had really been counting on Zloq-tan assistance, was in something of a quandary. With stability in the realm at an all-time low, revolts were breaking out everywhere as unhappy peasants demanded an end to the war. Muzaffar Shah tried to make public speeches pointing out that it really made no difference to the average Gujarati peasant whether they were at war with Lanka or not, but his arguments fell on deaf ears and he was invariably booed down.

Finally in March 1516 the Sultan did what he obviously should have done some time before. He made the Lankans an offer they couldn’t refuse. It cost the Gujarati treasury 100 ducats, but the Lankans at last agreed to sign a peace treaty and the seven-year war was finally over.

Muzaffar Shah now settled down to a serious survey of the skies over Gujarat. His observation yielded a number of fairly definite sightings of Zloq-tan reconnaissance craft, but none of them appeared to land or make contact with the Sultan in any way.

A typical sighting of a suspected Zloq-tan craft, this one over Lahore​

 

[J. Passepartout]

That was a great update. I was laughing by the time I was done reading the title.

Flopsy seems to be a very intelligent rabbit. Perhaps he should be made one of Muzaffar's advisors.

 

[Grundius]

Another funny and cool update! I really like how you mix the jokes in with some real data; One can still keep track of the real game despite all the funny dialogues. Especially funny end for Mahmud Shah, allthough he was my favourite Sultan to date (well he did get more air time than everybody before him, but still). As for those pesky Lankans: I just hate those nigh-unreachable states that dow you and just won't accept a white peace!!! So I sympathize .

 

[unmerged(19936)]

There I go again, keeping this AAR, and Farq as well, from slipping off the edge

I think I deserve a mention in the AAR *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*