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Mad Clansman
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Nov 7, 2003
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My Big Fat Gujarat

Chapter 1: 1419
How it All Began


Sultan Nasir ud-Din Ahmad Shah I was above all other things a stamp-collector. It was his passion, his love, his very life. It was therefore a source of slight irritation to him that the Sultanate of Gujarat in 1419 possessed no postal service. Like rulers around the world on January 1, 1419, Sultan Ahmad Shah I summoned his counselors to discuss what should be done in his realm. Or rather, his counselor, for he had only one, his faithful Prime Minister who went by the unfortunate name of Nysan Handhi.

Sultan Ahmad Shah I: Well, Handhi, it seems to be January 1, 1419, and a game of EU2 has just begun, apparently. What should we do?

Nysan Handhi: Sire, I’m afraid we can do nothing.

Sultan Ahamad: Nonsense, man. There must be something we can do! What about this ridiculous vassalization to the Sultan of Delhi? We can surely cancel that right away?

Handhi: Er, no Sire, I’m afraid not. We have no diplomats, you see...

Sultan Ahmad: When do we get some?

Handhi: In about a year, Your Excellency.

Sultan Ahmad: A year? We have to twiddle our thumbs for a year, grovelling to that toad in Delhi? Luckily I have my stamp collection to keep me busy, but I do hate being a vassal.

Handhi: There is the army to deal with, Sire.

Sultan Ahmad: Ah, yes, let’s declare war on someone. Oh - no diplomats, can’t do that yet, then. Well, how big is it anyway?

Handhi: Ten thousand infantry and three thousand cavalry, My Lord.

Sultan Ahmad: Yikes! That’s not very big, is it?

Handhi: Too big, as a matter of fact, Sire. We can really only afford to support nine thousand troops altogether.

Sultan Ahmad: This gets worse and worse. Well, disband four thousand infantry. Luckily I just happen to be a fearless and brilliant field commander as well as the world’s greatest stamp collector. Once we get to declare war on someone I’m sure we’ll give them a thrashing in spite of having such a piddling little army. Let’s make sure and go to war against someone who has a postal service. Ah - think of the pillage and loot! Stamps, first day covers...

Handhi: That kind of narrows it down to Hyderabad, Sire.

Sultan Ahmad: Hmm... They’re kind of large - no allies, though, I trust?

Handhi: Vijayanagar, Rajputana and Bengal, Sire.

Sultan Ahmad: Eek! Well, what else? Trade is surely our trump card, right? We have this nice fat centre of trade in Rajkot. Do we have any merchants?

Handhi: We get about four a year, Sire, but it’s cheaper to send them to Samarkand or Mascate.

Sultan Ahmad: Pah! We fill up Rajkot first, then we can start sending them abroad.

Handhi: Very good, Sire. And what about domestic policy changes?

Sultan Ahmad: Let’s become more innovative in the next ten years. Maybe we’ll be able to invent a postal service.

Handhi: As good as done, Your Excellency.

Sultan Ahmad: Good - now, bring me my albums, and don’t disturb me again until we have a diplomat.


Gujarat and its environs in 1419​

Gujarat is the yuckie Provençal brown on the coast south of the Timurid Empire (grey)
Northeast, and in confusingly similar shades of red are Rajputana (red) and Delhi (orange-red)
To the south is Hyderabad (grey),Vijayanagar (bluish) and Mysore (dark brown)
Further east are Bengal (dark green) and Orissa (light green)

The country: Gujarat (oh, you guessed that, huh?)
The scenario: Grand Campaign, AGCEEP
Settings: Normal/normal (the reason for this is not that I’m a total wimp, but that I always forget to change them when starting a new game. The reason I don’t change them later when I remember is because I’m a total wimp)
Goals: Become big and fat, and write a totally non-serious AAR in the grand Farquharson tradition.
Why Gujarat: Chosen totally at random - and yes, this is the first ever Gujarati AAR!


The flag of Gujarat, designed by Ahmad Shah I in 1419. Red is for the blood of the many sons of Gujarat who would die fighting to make Gujarat big and fat. White isn’t really for anything - he just happened to be designing it on a white piece of paper.​
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Van Engel: Actually I see that someone did in fact start a Gujarat AAR about a year ago, but abandoned it almost immediatley. I of course would never do a thing like that... :eek:

Xizo: Sorry, but this AAR is unsuitable for people with heart conditions...

J.Passepartout: The grey to the north is the Timurids, the swathe across India is Hyderabad - yes, they are the same colour, unfortunately, but I will of course be working on getting rid of one or both of them over the next 400 years! ;)

Rythin: Gee, really Rythin, no need to start up the flattery so soon! :p

Here's Chapter 2 (what, already???)
Chapter 2: 1419-1425
The War of the Little Perforations


At the very first opportunity, Sultan Ahmad Shah I of Gujarat sent a diplomat to Delhi, explaining to Khizr Khan that he no longer wished to be his vassal. This caused widespread instability in the realm, since the population had up until then regarded Gujarat as a small and all-but-defenceless nation in need of a powerful overlord to protect them. Ahmad Shah however gave a series of rousing speeches to his people, explaining that henceforth Gujaratis would bow to no-one, and promising to make Gujarat big and fat.

Then in January 1421, Sultan Ahmad Shah’s Prime Minister, Nysan Handhi came to him with some important news:

Sultan Ahmad Shah: Ah, Handhi, good to see you. Where are my stamps from Hyderabad? I haven’t received any new ones for months!

Nysan Handhi: Alas, Your Excellency, that is the important news I had come to break to you, for I would certainly not have disturbed Your Esteemed Highness without a most pressing reason.

Sultan Ahmad Shah: Well, spill the beans, man! What’s happened?

Nysan Handhi: News from the markets of Rajkot, Sire - the stamp merchants claim that they are being harassed by their Hyderabad counterparts. Having realized that they have a total monopoly in stamps, and knowing also about Your Excellency’s insatiable desire for stamps, these crooks are hiking the price through the roof.

Sultan Ahmad Shah: Wonderful! Escalate the complaint, then, and we should be at war with them within the year.

Nysan Handhi: Very good, Sire. But... er - shouldn’t we join an alliance first?

Sultan Ahmad Shah: Good thinking Handhi! Is there a large and powerful one around?

Nysan Handhi: Vijayanagar’s My Lord. The only trouble is, Hyderabad are already in that alliance.

Sultan Ahmad Shah: Tricky! Our first difficult decision of the game, eh? Well, these alliances are usually pretty fragile at this stage. Let’s just join up and hope for a stroke of luck.

So Gujarat applied to King Deva Raja I of Vijayanagar, who gladly welcomed them into his now huge and invincible alliance consisting of Vijayanagar, Rajputana, Hyderabad, Bengal and Gujarat. But as Sultan Ahmad Shah had so wisely predicted, the alliance crumbled only a month later when Hyderabad declared war on Orissa, and Vijayanagar, Rajputana, and of course Gujarat dishonoured it. Within a year Vijayanagar had put together a new alliance, including Mysore, Orissa and Gujarat. So as soon as the next Gujarati diplomat turned up at the Sultan’s palace in February 1423 asking for orders, Ahmad Shah replied without hesitation - declare war immediately on Hyderabad. His allies all joined in, while Hyderabad were joined by their only remaining ally, Bengal.

Sultan Ahmad Shah personally led his mighty army into Bombay where, after crushing an army of rebels, they laid siege to the city. By the following January Bombay had fallen, and crateloads of stamps were being shipped back to Rajkot to await the Sultan’s return. A year later Khandesh was in Gujarati hands and Maharshtra was under siege. By now, however, Hyderabad were on the counter-offensive and were busily trying to recapture Khandesh. Seizing his moment, Ahmad Shah offered Sultan Shihab ud-Din Ahmad Shah of Hyderabad peace in return for the province of Bombay. The Sultan of Hyderabad accepted. Thus ended what would go down in history as the War of the Little Perforations.


The situation at the end of the war in 1425
Hyderabad have gained Palakimedi from Orissa and lost Bombay to Gujarat​

By now Gujarati merchants had been sent in large numbers to Samarkand and Mascate, but nowhere had they been able to find a suitable supply of stamps for Sultan Ahmad Shah’s collection. Now at last, having seized control of Bombay and it’s Central Post Office, the Sultan’s dreams had come true. Naturally he immediately had a stamp issued in celebration:

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A wonderful start. Though I hope this won't take too much time away from our adventures with Louis XIV's explorers. But a grand tradition continues and I look forward to many laughs in the weeks ahead. :D
Very amusing. How long before a Stamp Act is passed?
Another AAR!! :eek: And is written in the great Farquharson style. I must follow this one.

On a sidenote: this time in Asia... You've got AARs in Europe and Africa, so the next one will be in America? ;)

Another tradition: post #300. ;)
You're getting close though, Troggle!

Hey Farq, are you still gonna do the French one??
Troggle said:
I second the Farquharson goes to America idea, of course in AGCEEP there are no NA tribes available...
By the time he finish this AAR (and it could be looooong AAR like Provencal or 'Most OT AAR ever' ;)) they maybe re-include some of them - they working on it.
Yaaaa!!! A new Farq attack. Smite left, smite right, smite up and smite down. My advice is to get military access from Vijayanagar so you can send some guys into those colonies of theirs...I've heard that's where they keep their ultra-super-dooper-Uber stamps...of course this might result in the natives rising up and killing off the Vijayanagar settlers. What a pity it would be to have to fill those empty places with big fat Gujuraties. ;)
Ah, joy of joys, yet another FarqAAR! Why, my heart is all a flutter at the idea of another wonderful dose of writing by Farq! :D

Will eagerly be following this one (said as the subscribe button is being struck and the office lights dim at the thought of working being put off for the reading of a Farq AAR) :p
coz1, CatKnight: Ahem - what can I say regarding Louis XIV and his astronomers? Well it's not officially abandoned, but I have to confess to having severe motivational problems. As discerning readers may have noticed, it isn't a real AAR, it's just using a game of EU2 to write about real history. Plus, as I've said elsewhere, I have great difficulty writing serious AARs. So the basic message on that one is "Don't hold your breath..." :eek:o

J.Passepartout: Was "Hyperabadis" just a typo? Anyway I liked it! I may use the slightly amended term "Hyper-baddies" in future episodes! :D

Xizo: You've grasped the gist of this - "Large Empire" is what it's all about! ;)

stnylan: You can always be trusted to come up with useful ideas - a Stamp Act might be just the thing somewhere along the way! :)

Zenek: North America next? Maybe. On the other hand, I expect to be getting my grubby paws on CK in the next couple of months, so this may be my last EU2 tale for a while.

Troggle: Oh alright, you can post, as long as you say nice things. And is it true that there are no NA tribes available in the AGCEEP? I hadn't even noticed! :eek:

Rythin, Van Engel, Draco: Thanks for all your encouraging words!

Maku: As you'll see, those colonies have indeed been deserted already, and I even have a colonist to send, but the odds of success are a little slim. I'll wait to reach Trade 2 and try for a trading post, maybe.

Right now, where were we...?