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Mariano's Dream: The Legend of Italian Rus

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love the 'war you've joined but not quite sure on whose side', a classic staple of CK (till you join one and find out that the enemy took it rather personally)

hadn't realised that your new pet pagans were so unwilling to hand over good hard cash to you
 
loki100 said:
love the 'war you've joined but not quite sure on whose side', a classic staple of CK (till you join one and find out that the enemy took it rather personally)

hadn't realised that your new pet pagans were so unwilling to hand over good hard cash to you
Click to expand...

Yeah, the "Conquered a different religious group = -200% taxes and levies for 30 years" takes some of the steam out of the old March to Glory!
 
Episode 4: In Which A Touching Father-Son Encounter Warms All Of Our Hearts

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Count Mariano Torchitorio of Saaremaa
On The Grand Hunt (1073)





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Since the people of my new county still shun me and the people of my old county don’t interest me, there isn’t very much for me to do. So I organize a Grand Hunt!





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If the ‘best hunter’ thought he’d get to shoot the coolest animal, well, he doesn’t know me very well.





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I’m even claiming the Second Best Animals. If my courtiers want to kill stuff, let them organize their OWN Grand Hunts!





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*groan* Of course, there is a downside…like this antler through my groin…Okay guys…I think it is time to call this off. I need to lie down for a while.





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As proud as I am of those two massive deer I killed, I’d be somewhat prouder if I hadn’t been gored.





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*The bedchamber door bursts open*
Stepmother! I came as soon as I heard!
Was it painful? Did he linger?
The will…oh…you’re…still alive.





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…





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Right. Um, well. You know. Good to see you…Dad.





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…





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…





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…





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I, uh, I guess I’ll be going then…take care…ta ta, you know, and all that.
*slips out quietly*
​



-----

Well now, that was certainly awkward wasn’t it? Will Mariano recover from his wounds? Will Orzie ever forgive him for the arranged marriage? Or his name? Will Mariano continue to just putter around his castle, or will he make more moves towards building his Kingdom? Join us next time as we answer some of these questions onMariano’s Dream: The Legend of Italian Rus.
 
I've said it before, and I'll keep on saying it: near fatal gores are a real downer.
 
This is going to take ages... Start decapitating the people you aren't marrying!
 
Ah, marvelous stuff. I thoroughly enjoy the father-son dynamics. And the antler to the groin... I guess that, combined with the living corpse who counts as your wife, make it highly unlikely that you'll produce a more agreeable replacement heir for Orzie. So with Orzie we're stuck. As well as a bunch of unruly, resentful, pagan subjects. At least you still have the summer villa in Sardinia - but I suspect that might not last much longer.

Murmurandus: decapitating the entire populace of whatever-the-name-is-of-that-Baltic-hellhole-he-conquered is going to be a bit challenging, given the general lack of troops and expected level of resistance from the population. In other words, I doubt that bedridden Mariano and morose Orzie and the 4-man levy from Sardinia are going to be able to overwhelm the hordes of pagan savages lying in wait outside the castle walls. ;)
 
Stuyvie, dear... no need to start decapitating those filthy peasants, they need to work in the fields... :no: Focus on important people like Kings and Heirs...
 
Avindian said:
I've said it before, and I'll keep on saying it: near fatal gores are a real downer.
Click to expand...

Indeed they are!

Dovahkiing said:
If Mariano becomes incapable, let his regent beware for his head...
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Or perhaps Mariano should beware HIS!

loki100 said:
at least it was an antler in his groin, imagine if he'd been facing the other way?
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XD

Is Orzie the only heir you have? Sounds like its time for an outhouse induced death scene otherwise.
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He sure is the only heir...otherwise...outhouses away!

Murmurandus said:
This is going to take ages... Start decapitating the people you aren't marrying!
Click to expand...

Eh, why not!

Stuyvesant said:
Ah, marvelous stuff. I thoroughly enjoy the father-son dynamics. And the antler to the groin... I guess that, combined with the living corpse who counts as your wife, make it highly unlikely that you'll produce a more agreeable replacement heir for Orzie. So with Orzie we're stuck. As well as a bunch of unruly, resentful, pagan subjects. At least you still have the summer villa in Sardinia - but I suspect that might not last much longer.
Click to expand...

Mariano's reign did get frustrating fast...a curious mix of 'oh please don't attack me in Sardinia, Muslims' and 'oh please don't steal my miserable island in the Baltic, Russians.'

Murmurandus said:
Stuyvie, dear... no need to start decapitating those filthy peasants, they need to work in the fields... :no: Focus on important people like Kings and Heirs...
Click to expand...

Or counts...
 
Episode 5: In Which Mariano Aquires Some Hobbies

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Count Mariano Torchitorio of Saaremaa

On Vassalage and the Importance of the Cupbearer (1074-1075)





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As painful as it is to do this, I’ve elected to pledge fealty to one of these Rurikovich Dukes. With my new lands so painfully useless and my old lands so painfully close to the Jihad, I need an overlord for protection. For now.





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Of course, just because I have a new Overlord, it doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.





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It turns out I’m pretty good at murder! I hope you’re paying attention to that Orzie.





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Being a vassal isn’t bad at all.

I contribute just 12 guys to his latest war and murder his wife and he still likes me.

I guess it all depends on who your Overlord is. I like mine bad at math and forensics.





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Now that Orzie’s hideous wife is dead, maybe he’ll drop his whole ‘revenge’ thing.
I mean, he has a son already, so he’s pretty superfluous to the Dynasty.





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Jesus, Dad. I’m sitting right next to you.





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I knew you were there, Orzie.
Anyway, since I am stuck with you for now,
let me show you a great way to subtly insult your lesser minions.





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Right.

Because insulting the underlings is a great way to maintain power.





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Son, there is no point in having power if you aren’t allowed to use it.
Thanks to those pesky pagans, it is going to be a while before our
March to Glory in Rus can move forward and it is important
that a Count has a hobby.





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…

And your ‘hobby’ is insulting underlings?





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Right. Only Subtly.




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Watch, I’m going to appoint Bishop Bonaventura as my Official Cupbearer.
On the surface: Wow, what a nice gesture! His Overlord trusts him to taste the food and drink before I consume it!
In reality, I am sending the message: You’ve got dibs on all the poison in the realm.
See? Subtle.





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That reminds me, Dad…your Overlord sent this.





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…
I hate you Orzie.
​


-----
In lieu of Glorious Conquest, we are treated to more good natured ribbing between father and son. Did the Duke find out who really killed his wife? Will Mariano decide to turn Murder into another hobby? How happy is Bishop Bonaventura with his new duties? Join us next time as we answer virtually none of these questions on Mariano’s Dream: The Legend of Italian Rus.
 
Bearing a Cup does not exclude throwing it...
 
I remember phargle appointed someone as a cupbearer with the words "Guys just love to hold your cup", which is even more disturbing than the whole implied-poison thing. :p

Loved the paternal devotion Mariano showed to Orzie - and Orzie did have a nice bit of payback.

Favorite line must be:

Mariano said:
I guess it all depends on who your Overlord is. I like mine bad at math and forensics.
Click to expand...

Inspired. :)
 
Hi Kommunaut, long time no see! :) Good to see you around, now let's hope enough comments have accumulated that AP feels guilted into updating. I'd like to see some more tender-hearted father-son interactions. :p
 
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