AmbassadeBelgie

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The WoW definitely went to his head... :rolleyes:

:rofl:no seriously...peace and quiet? Not quieting in any sense for me! What's wrong?:rofl:
 
Last edited:

Hastu Neon

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AB, you're right! Where is our "Surprise of the Dragon"?
 

AmbassadeBelgie

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Coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooollllllllll................................

Can I be tooo???? Can I be toooooooo????????????

:rofl:
 

Grundius

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Farquharson said:
I begin to fear the worst... CK himself has been assimilated by the Borg! :eek:

No really what happened to CK? His last post dates from the 5th November 2004!
 

unmerged(11750)

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Sorry, folks.

As Grundius deftly pointed out nearly a month ago, I spent the better part of three months away from this forum. The reasons are various and in some cases personal, so I won't go into specifics. I can, however, sum things up with a paraphrase from a recent episode of CSI: "Life simply got in the way."

And doing a complete rewrite of the AAR's ending didn't help, either. :D

Anyway, forthcoming is the final chapter of March of the Habsborg, in which the fate of Earth is finally decided. I should probably warn you that much of the humor will be completely lost on those who are not aficianados of Douglas Adams. (Though I can't for the life of me understand how anyone could not be one.)

I should also mention that the final chapter includes the lyrics from a recently-recorded song which contains words that some folks may find a bit offensive. While taken in the proper context of the song they are not inflammatory, you should still carefully consider sending children out of the room if you're planning to read the final installment aloud. :D

That being said, he we go:
 

unmerged(11750)

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March of the Habsborg
Chapter 15 - Surprise of the Dragon

Lisbon
October 11, 1754


The lead Portuguese "engineer" stepped back, his surgery on the Borg drone complete. "Alright now, everyone hold on to your butts," he said, flipping the switch that provided power to the drone's nanocircuitry. There was a high-pitched electronic whine, followed by a muted trumpet fanfare that seemed to be emitted from a speaker hidden in the drone's cranium. And then ... nothing.

The King scoffed. "Bah! See, I knew this was a waste of -" He was rudely cut short by the sound of the drone's head exploding in a shower of sparks and hydraulic fluid. Brushing bits of ocular implant out of his hair, the King stated flatly, "I think it's time to go back to Plan A. Namely, the drafting of more armies. Good day, gentlemen." And with that, he strode regally out of the room. (Or as regally as one can be while sponging hydraulic fluid off of one's face.)

What the King did not know was that the Earth's first recorded application of malware did, in fact, have an effect. It caused 110,000 drones in Tavastland to experience a simultaneous segmentation fault that erased their loyalty matrices. They rose up in rebellion and laid siege to the local fort:

Screen167.jpg


Of course, the harsh winter weather killed most of them, and fresh drones from Austria killed the rest, but it's the thought that counts.

The Portuguese experiment also caused several thousand drones in Tocuvo to revolt and begin calling themselves the Secondary Collective of Colombia. The fledging nation was short-lived, however, only surviving for eighteen days.

Hebei
August 22, 1757


Meanwhile, half a world removed, the Emperor of China was relaxing in his palace while his seemingly endless supply of peasants were toiling away. He was trying to ignore his advisor, who was droning on about the Borg and some silly White Lotus cult group. Doesn't this guy realize, thought the Emperor, that I'm trying to listen to these minstrels? Sheesh!

*cue lead guitar*

"Holiday", by Green Day

Say hey!

Hear the sound of the falling rain
Coming down like an Armageddon flame.
The shame
The ones who died without a name:


Screen168.jpg


Hear the dogs howling out of key
To a hymn called "Faith and Misery"
And bleed.
The company lost the war today:

Screen170.jpg


I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies.
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday:

Screen172.jpg


Hear the drum pounding out of time.
Another protester has crossed the line
To find
The money's on the other side:

Screen176.jpg


Can I get another Amen?
There's a flag wrapped around a score of men.
A gag;
A plastic bag on a monument:

Screen178.jpg


I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies.
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday:

Screen181.jpg


Zieg Heil to the President Gasman -
Bombs away is your punishment:

Screen188.jpg


Pulverize the Eiffel Towers
Who criticize your government!
Bang bang goes the broken glass
Kill all the fags that don't agree:

Screen189.jpg


Trials by fire setting fire
Is not a way that's meant for me.

Just cause -
Just cause because we're outlaws, YEAH!

Screen192.jpg


I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies.
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives.
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies.
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives.
This is our lives on holiday:

Screen196.jpg


September 17, 1812

Hung Lo was beginning to become exhausted. He had been striking down Borg drones at the gates of the Forbidden City for two hours now, and while the drone army's attempt to storm the palace had so far been unsuccessful, there seemed to be an endless supply of attackers. It was only a matter of time before he and the rest of his guards collapsed from fatigue. Then, just as he was about to give up, the attacks ceased.

Every drone in the attacking Borg army looked toward the sky as Hung began to hear a deep rumbling sound. Looking up, he saw a titanic metal disc hanging in the sky, pulsing with yellow-green light. It descended until it was about 30 meters above the surface, after which several landing legs projected out from the edge of the disc and touched down onto the courtyard. A door on the side of the disc opened, and a ramp issued forth. Down the ramp strode several massive, green, rubbery, bipedal aliens dressed in uniforms so tacky the mere sight of them would have instantly killed the entire population of the Castro. The alien wearing the most gold unfolded a small piece of paper he was carrying, cleared his throat, and began to read aloud.

"Greetings, inhabitants of Earth. My name is Salivos the Phlegmatic, Captain of the Vogon Constructor Fleet.

"Pursuant to plan 325687-13274968-32465B, as filed in the offices of the Department of Galactic Infrastructure (hereafter referred to as 'the Department') on Vogsphere, the planet Sol-3 (known to its inhabitants as 'Earth' and hereafter referred to as 'the Planet') shall be destroyed 167 years from this point in time in order to make way for a planned interstellar bypass. Pursuant to Regulation 24458793311154-3, inhabitants of the Planet may, during the intervening time, petition for the postponement of said demolition by filing the appropriate form with the Department in triplicate and no later than 100 years in advance of said demolition. This will serve as the only notification of this planned demolition.

"Thank you for your attention, and have a plurdled day."

At this, Salivos began walking back to his ship with his entourage, but he was interrupted by Prinzeugen of Borg, which proceeded to state in his typically Borg-ish homage to Ben Stein, "You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile."

The Vogon captain turned to address the drone. "As stated in the aforementioned notification, you may submit - "

Again, the drone interrupted. "Resistance is futile."

"See here," replied Salivos, "you have to go through proper bureaucratic channels. Resistance is useless!"

"Resistance is futile," responded the drone.

"Resistance is useless!"

"Futile."

"Useless!!!"

This riveting repartee continued for roughly 13 hours until finally, in the only known instance of a Vogon being outmatched by a creature more stubborn than itself, Salivos gave up. Before returning to his ship, however, he decided to regale the audience with a recitation of his poem entitled "Sonnet for an Overused Latrine". As is typically the case regarding Vogon poetry readings, the sonnet's utterance instantly slayed all non-Vogons within earshot, including the entire Borg army and the last few hundred unassimilated humans on the planet.

Somewhat concerned by the cold reception of his masterpiece of sadomasochism, Salivos said, "Ah, that's a shame," before reentering his ship and lifting off back into the stars amidst a heap of bureaucratic paperwork.

THE END
 

AmbassadeBelgie

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I read this earlier today, but my reply still come's first :p :D

What a beautiful ending to a stunning AAR. I must say this was a pleasure to read from day one and this last update (CP 15) was amazing *snif* The song made me feel like I was there! Nice choice :)

Having little left to say, and having to leave in a rush, I feel obliged to at least lift my hat and bow down before you: Resistance is uselessly futile.
 

Machiavellian

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What a grim ending. The human race destroyed. The Borg in control of the planet. Will earth be destroyed when the interstellar highway comes or will the Borg prevent such and spread their assimilating ways across the cosmos?
 

AmbassadeBelgie

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What a great way to begin a prologue! Yeah that would be cool :D

But for now there is nobody to stop the interstellar-highway-construction except for the cockroaches! Imagine they evolve to defeat the Vogons!!!
 

unmerged(11750)

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Machiavellian said:
What a grim ending. The human race destroyed. The Borg in control of the planet. Will earth be destroyed when the interstellar highway comes or will the Borg prevent such and spread their assimilating ways across the cosmos?

As Salivor the Phlegmatic clearly stated, the only thing the Borg could do to avert Earth's destruction would be to file the appropriate form with the Department of Galactic Infrastructure on Vogsphere, in triplicate and no later than 100 years in advance of the planned date of planetary demolition. Anything else would be a violation of bureaucratic procedure, something the Vogons are a bit touchy about. :D

... of course, the location of the offices of the Department of Galactic Infrastructure are a secret, and even if the Borg were to find them, they'd have to fight their way past the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal that guards the entrance. That could get messy.
 

Grundius

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The end I see. In this AAR's version of the world, the end of us all :D

Great AAR CK, thanx for taking the time to end it properly.
 

unmerged(11750)

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Heretic said:
yup, nice, clean ending.

(if oh so slightly derivative)

Yeah, I suppose it is. The original ending had the Borg quasi-collaborating with the White Lotus Cult to bring down China, followed by a short epilogue in which it is revealed that the whole thing was merely a holodeck simulation being "played" by Wesley Crusher. A bit more original, but it lacked entertainment value IMO.

I'n not sure that your song lyrics needed quite such a strong health warning, but I guess there are some sensitive folks out there..

I'm inclined to agree; generally the only people who would be offended by the lyrics are those who don't understand them, and such folks would make up a small minority in this forum. Being an engineer by trade, I tend to err on the side of caution. :) Anyway, the whole purpose of using the lyrics at all was to give a kind of homage to the musical montages that were so ubiquitous in cheesy comedy movies of the 1980's. A bit of nostalgia, if you will.

nice to see a good plain map..
complements on having th estamina to do all that tiresome attacking all over asia.

Actually, WC is far less tedious than it used to be, what with RR being annual instead of monthly. It is also much easier than it used to be, at least with latin tech nations. In the final summation, however, it is more fun than it used to be (for me at least), and that's really all that matters.

Anyway, I may post a few more amusing screenies from the game sometime on Sunday, so keep an eye out. Thanks everyone for the compliments. And if any of you happen to have College Sports Television (CSTV) on your cable / satellite dials, check out the Brown vs. RPI game on Saturday night. You might just catch me on stage with the band. :)

Peace,
CK