I didn't read it through yet but will, since I can sense this is an absolute classic in the making. Thanks for this AAR, subbed (and will comment more as soon as I'm through).
March of Austria
- Thread starter Athalcor
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Thank you and welcome
. Hope you will enjoy the rest of the ride .And everybody: Huge thanks for reaching 10k views! (I know it is not a really extra big number but still...)
Three thousand more and we will make it to the first page (sorted by viewcount) and that will be the biggest prize for me
.Update pbly tonight.
You got a worthy steward I see, nothing like a man who knows you need to get drunk once in a while
You got a worthy steward I see, nothing like a man who knows you need to get drunk once in a while
Even the great Kaiser sometimes needs a day off
.Also, I am approaching the Photobucket bandwidth so if the pics suddenly all disappear, don't panic
.
Chapter Eight - Drunken Crusade
(I love this coat of arms)
So...I have spent quite a lot of my piety to defeat a meaningless Baltic tribe? For the glory of the Empire, I suppose.
While I am assembling my armies, the pagan savages attack and plunder Brandenburg.
My forces, nominally led by the Duke of Verona, but officially under command of General Guttorm, attack them in response. They are quickly forced to retreat but the battle costs the realm a brave soldier and commander, my son-in-law Gerhard.
The battle of Jüterbog decisively crushes any opposition the Chiefdom could field. The remnants of their horde flee northwest to Altmark...
...and they are followed there by Guttorm's army. I probably should be impressed by the fact that the Sicilian Royal Navy sailed round entire Europe and transported thousands of Italian soldiers to help my efforts here but...
Halberstedt is the last stand of pagans in hostile Europe, fighting for their freedom, their faith and traditions!
They all die.
Janusz is driven away and light finally comes to these dark lands...
...brought there by Baldemar von Arnstadt who has been chosen for this task with precious...oh, just kidding - he was the first guy I met in Vienna today.
In other news, the first act of peace is the creation of the Kingdom of Burgundy.
And granting it to my loyal vassal, Rudolf von Neuenburg.
Another part of the Golden Bull fulfilled.
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In 1199, another internal struggle, caused by power-hungry Guntram, starts.
But that does not really matter - as long as my vassals are loyal to me, I do not care what they are doing in their free time.
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The Lotharingian victory is the first news of the new century. But the other ones are also quite interesting:
The taifas in Spain finally got angry with their Almoravid overlords and declared independence...
...but more importantly, the old Basilissa died and her little son, Samuel (a Serbian Orthodox Árpád) rules in Constantinople, though he is already facing an open rebellion. But I think he will handle it.
Or maybe not. His much older brother couldn't bear that only because he was not a porphyrogennetos, he was excluded from the succession. And so the Brother's War over the Imperial Crown begins. And we would be quite silly, if we didn't try to take a piece for ourselves, wouldn't we?
Release the Birds of War and let the battle of two two-headed eagles begin!
(a cage - notice that the birds of war have been released)
Oh, I almost forgot:
I'm liking the birds of war - very humorous It also seems that you have appointed the dullest man to walk the Earth as the Duke of Mecklenburg...
It also seems that you have appointed the dullest man to walk the Earth as the Duke of Mecklenburg...
I'm liking the birds of war - very humorous
Better a vassal-idiot than a revolting genius
.Also, he has like zero character traits
.Update tonight.
Also, he has like zero character traits
I cannot believe I didn't notice that before you pointed it out. I didn't think having zero traits (counting education) was possible. He's the perfect secret agent, well apart from his mustache that is, which really gives him a certain, let's say, presence...
What does ASB stand for, by the way? Advanced strategic bombing? Alternative system balance? Auxiliary steam boiler? I honestly don't know, and there are too many possibilities, and I'm too lazy to go through all of them until I find one that makes sense.
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It isn't - he'll have an education trait, though I imagine it'd be under the dynasty tree pop-up. It's quite easy to get a vapid character, though - especially considering my game has taken to no longer informing me when a child come of tutoring age. My worlds are rife with really dull people.
Ah, forgot that CK's traits are aligned with the right side of the window. Quite amazing how such things can slip one by despite the several hours spent on looking at "character sheets"
It isn't - he'll have an education trait, though I imagine it'd be under the dynasty tree pop-up. It's quite easy to get a vapid character, though - especially considering my game has taken to no longer informing me when a child come of tutoring age. My worlds are rife with really dull people.
Heh
.Yes, I think he has an education trait and, as Densley pointed out, it is hidden. Also, I used the 'call a noble' to summon him.
Also, Densley, that's quite strange with the tutoring - try message settings
.And finally - ASB stands for Alien Space Bats. Yeah, really. Well, this term is used by the guys from the alternativehistory forum (where I had been hanging around before I discovered Paradoxplaza) and its meaning can be explained like this:
When something 'is ASB', it is so strange, crazy and improbable that it would need some alien space bats for it to happen.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alien_space_bats
Also, Densley, that's quite strange with the tutoring - try message settings
I've had a peruse, though nothing strikes me as being of any relevance. Oddly, it's usually girls who I'm constantly needing to check up on. Boys sometimes get a little pop-up.
Chapter Nine - One doesn't simply walk into Constantinople
While my forces start to pour into Byzantine territories, my cousin Mathias (author's note: I call every distant relative 'cousin', as seen in the Downton Abbey series) asks me for the hand of my daughter. I agree as the poor girl deserves a peaceful bay to live after so many disasters happened to her - her clubfoot, death of her daughter and now her husband as well...
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'Mein Kaiser, we have conquered fortresses defending Byzantine border with us and met with no resistance. But the Basileus's war council refuses to surrender.'
'Very good, commander Ciro. How many troops do you have?'
'About thirteen thousand, sir.'
'Well. Then regroup your men and order them to march...to march on Constantinople.'
'My lord! With all due respect, you don't mean this - the City can't be conquered!'
'Of course, it can be. The garrison is weary and the young Basileus is effectively powerless. And no one really expects such a daring attack - we will show the
world that the Holy Roman Empire is the greatest country ever and burn the so-called 'New Rome' to the ground.'
'But...'
'No more words!'
'As you wish then, my lord.'
Ciro started his long march on Constantinople with thirteen thousand soldiers and another seven thousand from the Kingdom of Sicily with no enemies in sight. The path was clear.
Three thousand soldiers died during the journey but when the Veronese Duke arrived in Thrace, he found out that the reports of the Imperial spies were correct - only few hundred loyal Varangians were defending the City of Man's Desire. The rest had either declared an open revolt or joined the ranks of the Hungarian pretender.
It took only four months and two thousand men to seize the Imperial capital almost in entirety. The Reichsarmee troops ransacked the City and burned the rest. It will take decades for Constantinople to recuperate from this invasion.
Seeing the destruction, the Imperial Lord Regent had no choice but to surrender. Surrender one, dirt-poor county in Croatia. But that was not the point - the Byzantine Empire was humiliated and defeated by Catholics. And Siegfried's arrogance rose to levels yet unseen.
Soon after the disastrous siege, the Hungarian army arrived in front of the City's walls. The council surrendered and the young Imperator was imprisoned. His brother Konrád united the two Árpád realms into one...
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My victory over the Árpáds makes me the greatest Kaiser ever! To show the Italians (and the Pope) that they are actually my vassals as well, though they do not know it yet, I will have myself crowned the King of Lombardy in Pavia and take the Iron Crown...with Pope's consent or without!
The crown my father conquered is meaningless now - I will grant it to Adam. Yes, he is the murderer of my brother but that was like forty years ago. And I will show the world that I am not afraid - no one can challenge my rule!
The cripple can enjoy his new shiny realm. I always hated Croatia and this way, my vassals will think that I am actually acting in their interest.
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Eirik died yesterday. He had served me for so long! Maybe it is a sign...but I can't leave yet! There is still so much to be done!
(yes, an Irish member of a Scandinavian house residing in Germany - why not?)
His son Guttorm will take the position of the Imperial marshal. Maybe he is dull as hell but he definitely knows how to lead armies - he has shown that already.
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According to my spies, one of Leopold's vassals is going to be succeeded by a Hungarian noble. My incompetent nephew is unable to solve this problem so I will have to take care of that as well. What does Leopold expect? I won't, sadly, be here forever...does he want me to keep helping him from beyond the grave after I leave?!
And...and that might be sooner than you would think. A messenger arrived today - my wife...she is dead. Yes, I haven't seen her in person for more than ten years but...we had been married for almost forty years!
I marry Princess Ylva, sister of the Swedish King. She is four times younger than me but you know, the marriage will serve only political purposes. Beneficial alliance and such.
Erm...so much for the useful alliance.
But what else should I expect?
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Kingdom of Lombardy? That's one nice CoA. And Adam certainly has quite the pimp-esque look about him.
Entertaining, as ever.
Entertaining, as ever.
Well, I do believe that alliance will be quite beneficial. The Norwegians will at any rate benefit from it quite a lot, provided you are as selfless an ally as our dear Sicilian friends. Seeing as you have promised us a total collapse of your empire I fully expect you to begin doing stupid things like actually helping out your allies.
Also, Adam murdering your brother forty years ago gives a somewhat bizarre mental image of a fetus poping out the womb with a knife in its whatchamaycallit, stabing a man, and then going back the way it came to be fully developed. (And yes, I know he ordered him executed, which doesn't lessen the hilarity of the mental image by much. Most babies stick to kicking their mothers insides.)
Also, Adam murdering your brother forty years ago gives a somewhat bizarre mental image of a fetus poping out the womb with a knife in its whatchamaycallit, stabing a man, and then going back the way it came to be fully developed. (And yes, I know he ordered him executed, which doesn't lessen the hilarity of the mental image by much. Most babies stick to kicking their mothers insides.)
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Really strange. And you know, this is a middle-ages game, so girl discrimination is quite the norm. Also, what else should women know than to know how to knit and such? All these complicated character traits...no, that's totally not for them.
Yes, the CoA is awesome.
And I guess it's the mustache.
Heh, helping my allies? You made my day. This AAR won't be that crazy.
Also, I am starting to think that the mental imagination of Paradoxians is quite...well, off
.
Caught up again, keep falling behind with all these updates left and right
I must say.. That's the ugliest, most disgusting ERE I've ever seen...
And I've seen a lot by now :/
I must say.. That's the ugliest, most disgusting ERE I've ever seen...
And I've seen a lot by now :/
Caught up again, keep falling behind with all these updates left and right
I must say.. That's the ugliest, most disgusting ERE I've ever seen...
And I've seen a lot by now :/
Thanks for the compliment
. And don't worry, it will get even worse.Also, update later today, a lot RL stuff involved (*cough* all-night party resulting in 36 hours of being awake resulting in 12 hours of sleep *cough*)
I hope you know I was reffering to your rival, the purple blob of damnation, right?
EDIT: Also, way to spend your night!
EDIT: Also, way to spend your night!
I hope you know I was reffering to your rival, the purple blob of damnation, right?
EDIT: Also, way to spend your night!
Yeah, but it's a compliment to the world of the AAR in its entirety
.Maybe, but I do not know if I do it anymore in the future
.