Mangez mes briefs! - a French AAR

[Anduwaithe]

Hey all.

This is my first attempt at an AAR, so please bear with me. Also, I decided to start writing this two years into the game (the point at which this installment ends), so I don't have specific dates written down for most of the events that occurred in that period.

Enjoy, and please let me know what you think of it!


Technical Info
IGC Options: Tax Setting - High, Swedish Ingermanland, Moldovian Bujak, Russian Unrest, Persian Unrest, Turkish Unrest, Uzbek Unrest, Polish Unrest, CoT in Copenhagen, CoT in Stockholm, CoT in Astrakhan, CoT in Reval, CoT in Moscow

Game Options: Difficulty - Very Easy, AI Aggressiveness - Normal, Fog of War - Off, Game Events - Historical Only, Forced Annexation - On, Dynamic Missions - On, Base Victory Points - On


1492
As the new year dawned, His Majesty, Charles VIII, declared that he would be taking steps to ensure the health of France's economy, promoting seventeen bailiffs. And with an eye toward expanding French trade into the fabled markets of the Orient, the king sent his royal diplomats to negotiate an exchange of maps with the (relatively) friendly Shiite rulers of Egypt and Persia. Some in the king's court were shocked that their sovereign would have dealings with "heathens", but they were downright flabbergasted when he announced that France would maintain a policy of religious tolerance toward Muslims. When asked to explain the reasoning behind this move, Charles politely stated that the Turkish threat to Christendom was too great for him to ignore:

"To put all of our eggs in one basket," he said, "and leave the defense of Europe to the Austrians, would be folly. It is my intention that, once our position in Europe is strengthened and secured, we shall launch an invasion of North Africa, opening a second front with the Turks. And when that day comes, we would do well not to have the Africans revolting at the drop of a hat. For the greater good of our faith, we must make this concession to the Muslims."

As the year unfolded, the ranks of Spain's already-formidable alliance swelled with the addition of Naples, The Palatinate, and Poland-Lithuania. His Majesty had previously expressed a desire to bring Navarra into France's own alliance (which now included Helvetia), but he now suspected that such a move might prove disastrous. Surely once the Spaniards had crushed the Muslim state of Granada, Navarra would be next, and His Majesty didn’t like the prospect of facing a war on all sides. Around this time, however, news from England reached the ear of the king. Apparently, most of the English army was currently tied down in Ireland, quelling a series of rebellions.

"The English are cowards," said the king. "If Spain declares war on Navarra, they will not think twice about breaking their oaths so they can concentrate on slaughtering the Irish rebels. And when the south no longer holds promise for us, we must verily turn our gaze to the north."

Not long after this, His Majesty sent an envoy to James IV of Scotland, negotiating an alliance. And in mid-August, the king's prediction proved most accurate: Spain declared war on Navarra, and all of her allies (save England) followed suit. His Majesty believed that now was the moment to strike, and he began marshalling his forces in preparation for war. Lord Admiral Bidoux in Marseilles was ordered to sail his galleys around the Iberian Peninsula to Bordeaux, where they would join the Escadre Ponant already stationed there. Generals Foix and La Palice were ordered to march north to Picardie from their posts in Lyonnais and Champagne, respectively. And on September the 1st of 1492, France and her allies declared war on England.

Calais, Wales, and England proper were all devoid of troops. However, there was still the large English navy to worry about. France’s Atlantic fleet would be no match for it until Admiral Bidoux’s arrival, and that was several months away at least. It was decided that, rather than confronting England on the high seas, the Escadre Ponant would sail into the Bay of Biscay in an attempt to divert English ships away from the British Isles. The plan worked splendidly. As soon as the enemy fleet drew near, the French ships would retreat back to port and let the English sail back north. The French would then put to sea again, luring them back. This was repeated several times until Bidoux arrived and the English fleet high-tailed it to Ireland.

Meanwhile, General Foix’s advance force of 5,000 cavalry arrived in Calais to begin the siege of the city in preparation for the infantry’s arrival. It was then that the field marshal had a revelation. He could see that there wouldn’t be enough food and supplies in the province to support the combined armies of France and her allies. And without artillery, a successful assault on the city was unlikely to occur soon. Foix decided that he would keep the rest of the French army in reserve for the final assault, letting the Swiss and Savoyard troops take the brunt of the attrition before then.

1493
With the new year came tax revenue, and King Charles immediately put it to use. He ordered the commission of ten new warships, to be built in France’s coastal provinces. Early in the year, the technology was developed to send merchants to centers of trade. His Majesty, aware of the need to save money for the war, ordered that our merchants travel to local markets, rather than making expensive journeys to Asian ones.

A couple months into the siege of Calais, General Foix withdrew to Picardie, ordering La Palice to move in with 1,000 infantry. Foix didn’t wish to waste his precious cavalry in a siege. However, once the walls of the city were sufficiently reduced, Foix moved back in with the full force of France’s infantry, nearly 40,000 men. An assault on the city was launched and Calais quickly fell to the invaders, who hoisted the fleurs-de-lis over it in place of the St. George’s cross.

With Calais secured, Admiral Bidoux set sail for the Straits of Dover to begin the historically dangerous task of ferrying men across the English Channel. The bulk of the English fleet was now off the coast of Ireland, where an army was being loaded onto it. The Admiral prayed that he would get the French armies across before being attacked. A week later, his prayer was answered, though not in the way he expected: rather than sailing into the Channel, the English fleet was setting sail for the Mediterranean! On hearing this news, His Majesty set aside money in case an army needed to be raised in the south to repel a seaborne invasion.

Bolstered by the ten newly-completed warships, the Escadre Ponant carried out its task admirably. Foix was the first to cross, leading an army of about 14,000 cavalry and 11,000 infantry, ready to make battle with the 8,000-strong English army in Cornwall. However, instead of attacking the French invaders, this army boarded a second fleet, which also set sail for the Med. Now completely unopposed, Foix laid siege to Dover. La Palice and his force of 28,000 infantry were the next to cross, landing in Anglia and besieging London. And to the surprise of all, d'Este and his 7,000 Papal troops landed in Ireland and laid siege to Wexford, causing even more rebellion to flare up across the island!

 

[unmerged(21523)]

Off to a good start I see. I usually shoot for Ireland when England attacks as they rarely defend it properly, but watch those Brits in the Med., they'll probably land in the south of France!

 

[Anduwaithe]

Thanks zachary.

This is actually my first attempt to play all the way through a game to the end, so I have high hopes! (The longest game I've done so far lasted up to a little bit after the Dutch revolution.) Any suggestions on whether or not I should aim to take some provinces in Britain as part of a peace agreement?

Strangely enough, the first English fleet was off the coast of the Hafsid Empire, sailing toward Alexandria when I stopped to write the aar (even though they're not at war with anyone in that area). I'm hoping that if they do attack anyone, it'll be the Papal States.

 

[unmerged(21523)]

Well, last time I played France I'd occupy every province on Ireland to run up my war score to force the Brits to give me their wealthy mega-CoT in the Phillipines . At this stage in the game I'd aim to grab a toehold on the big island, somewhere like Cornwall so you can station troops in Britian without having to sneak past the British navy. Wonder what those Brits are up to in the Med? Looking forward to more .

 

[unmerged(15687)]

The Brits are weak like Ukraine. You can go one of four (+) ways with this-

1. Immediately be a nightmare to colonists everywhere and annex Portugal and the Netherlands before they expand. I find this particularly fun, especially when you get their maps and ships. (After that, close in on Spain pre-Aztecs)

2. Do the opposite, and colonize alongside Portugal, Spain and the Netherlands.

3. Take over Germany (Yay BB wars) and pwn some Austria.

4. Do a major sweep from all sides on to England (don't peace for one province, it's a waste of 5 years) and from there move on to Germany or Scandinavia.

1 is my personal favorite- I love watching Tago fall in a few weeks

 

[Morpheus506]

Looks like a promising start. I have one question though--what does Mangez mes briefs mean?

 

[Anduwaithe]

"Mangez mes briefs" is Franglais for "eat my shorts". I swiped it from Michael Moore's cult comedy classic, Canadian Bacon.

 

[Anduwaithe]

Taking screenshots

I'm sure this has been asked about a zillion times before, but what's the command for taking a screenshot, again? I played up to November 1498, and would like to show y'all my progress in the next installment...

 

[Morpheus506]

Screenshots are taken with F11.

 

[billy bob]

for what you should do, if you havnt done it,Be like the AI and get Calais and Wessex after Scotland gets something.

 

[Anduwaithe]

The British Isles, Northern France, and the Low Countries (February 15th, 1494)


1494
On the 14th of February, the English navies in the Mediterranean unexpectedly changed course and turned back for the British Isles. Undoubtedly they received word of the French army now camped outside the walls of London. With the south of France no longer facing the immediate threat of invasion, His Majesty began investing money that had earlier been held in reserve. He promoted several of the kingdom’s bailiffs, and began sending French merchants to Egypt and Asia.

On March 1st, the Irish declared their independence from England, and declared war on their former sovereign, Henry VII. Disliking the prospect of a foreign war, Prussia and the Teutonic Order backed out of their alliance with Henry, only to form it with him again a few months later. Charles was overjoyed to see England now facing enemies on all sides, and immediately sent diplomats to Ireland. The clan chieftains were unwilling to join France’s alliance, however, agreeing only to a royal marriage. The king was greatly angered by their refusal of his generous offer, and he privately swore revenge on the Irish for their impudence.

Pope Alexander’s army in Leinster was finally crushed by English forces on June 11th, and Dover fell to the French on September 18th. Foix marched his triumphant army further down the coast of England, destroying a small enemy force before besieging Wessex and Cornwall. In the north, James IV of Scotland personally oversaw his armies' siege of Newcastle. Despite having been cut off from supplies since late 1492, the city seemed to be holding out rather well.

1495
In January, La Palice marched half his army north to do battle with a newly-raised English force in Lincoln. The green English troops were no match for hardened French soldiers, and after being forced to retreat to the Midlands, they were slaughtered to a man. In July, England managed to force a peace agreement with the Free Irish by taking their capital city of Dublin. When France developed Field Artillery in early April, however, England's fate was sealed. King Charles ordered the construction of cannons in Northern France, to be shipped across the English Channel. By the end of the year, Cornwall, Wessex, and Anglia had all been captured. Henry Tudor's eldest son Arthur, Prince of Wales, was taken prisoner by French soldiers during the storming of the capital, and placed in the Tower of London. King Henry himself, however, had been smuggled to safety before the city fell.

1496
With the French armies now supported by 110 (and later 330) cannons, 1496 saw a seemingly endless string of defeats for the English, as their provinces in Britain fell one by one. By year’s end, the only city still in their hands (outside of Ireland) was Newcastle, which the Scots had been trying to take for more than 4 years.

1497
Now that Britain was secured, Admirals Bidoux and Polin were ordered to sail north to St. George’s Channel and attack the English fleet stationed there. Successful, the French navies began transporting an army to Ireland. On February 10th, General Foix landed in Leinster with an army of 8,000 infantry and 100 cannon. Meanwhile, with the aid of French artillery, James IV finally succeeded in taking Newcastle. The Scottish king immediately marched south to Wales, where his men boarded the Scottish fleet and sailed to Ireland. James landed in Leinster a week after Foix had taken the city, and an allied force of French, Savoyard, Scottish, and Italian troops marched north to besiege Connaught.

1498
The last English province fell on March 26th, as the St. Andrew’s cross was raised over the still-smoldering remains of Galway. The following day, Savoy made peace with England in return for 250 ducats. Because their aid was no longer needed in the war, they were grudgingly forgiven for this betrayal.

On April the 9th, in the year of our Lord one thousand four hundred and ninety-eight, King Charles VIII of France died, leaving no male heir. He was succeeded by his cousin, Louis XII, duc d’Orléans. Immediately after his accession, Louis ensured the continuance of the personal union of Brittany and France by having his first marriage annulled and marrying Charles' widow, Anne of Brittany. James IV, however, was not impressed by this new French king, and secretly negotiated a peace treaty with Henry Tudor, giving back Connaught in return for The Marches. Acting calmly in the face of this national crisis, Louis ordered General Foix to again march on Connaught and retake the city that had now been abandoned by the Scots. Royal agents were also sent abroad in England, entrusted with the task of finding the English king and arresting him.

In mid-autumn, Henry was found hiding in a barn in northern Lancashire, where he was subsequently stabbed to death by two zealous French knights while attempting to flee. When His Majesty received word of this, he immediately set sail for London from Calais. On pain of death, Henry's imprisoned heir was forced to relinquish his claim to the throne of England, naming the French king as rightful successor to his father. On November 22nd, Louis XII of France was crowned Louis I of England at Westminster Abbey.

After his accession, the king met with emissaries and rulers from Rome, Dublin, Edinburgh, Torino, and Zürich. They all had gathered together to negotiate and sign the historic Treaty of London, a document proclaiming peace between England and France, granting Papal sanction to Louis’ claim to the English throne, recognizing Anglo-French rights to colonize and trade in certain regions of the New World, and demarcating the new borders between England, France, Scotland, and Eire. His Majesty’s new royal title, as written on the Treaty, reads thus:

Loys, par la grace de Dieu, roy de France et d’Angleterre

The British Isles, Northern France, and the Low Countries (after the Treaty of London, 1498)

England’s discoveries in the New World

 

[Lord E]

This is really a great start, and you have done very well so far.
Great work taking out England there, now maybe it is time to start the colonization of the new world, and you should really see to do something about that unlawful Spanish occupation of your provinces like Franche Comte, Artois, Luxembourg and the rest in the north and also in the south why not invade Spain to show those Spanish that they can’t do as they want and that you won’t respect them occupying French lands

 

[Anduwaithe]

Thanks, Lord E.

The only thing is, my badboy rating is now up to 19 after the annexation (yes, yes, I peeked at my EUG file...), so I'm not sure if going to war is the wisest course of action right now. (Unless of course I was Morpheus and actively pursued BB Wars.)

Any thoughts, anyone?

 

[unmerged(15687)]

In my Papal game, The Knights pwned me and took all of my provinces, so I gave them Romagna. I had no dock for the next 100 years. That angered me. So I took over all of Europe.

Moral of the story: BB isn't a problem till it's over 300.

 

[Morpheus506]

I have to agree with that one. BB is not a problem at 19. 19 is nothing. Go back to war, get your level up higher. Way higher. Make the enemies come to you, then annex them. (which then repeats the cycle, but you get bigger along the way. Can you say unstoppable?)

 

[Anduwaithe]

Well, I guess it's worth a try. Personally I wasn't planning on a WC*, but we'll see where this takes me.

What about my new provinces in Britain** and Ireland? How many troops (if any) would I need to leave there in case of uprisings? Also, I was thinking of ignoring the Americas (for now) and aiming for expansion into Asia, instead. Any thoughts on this?

* Especially since it shares its abbrev. with a toilet...
** I realize I'm splitting hairs, but is it clear to you all that when I write "Britain" I mean the island of Great Britain? My dictionary says that it was called Britain only up to the reign of Alfred the Great, but I assumed that afterwards the two names were more or less interchangeable. If not, I'll edit it and add the "Great".

 

[Morpheus506]

Well, you should definitely leave some men there to fight the rebels (if any) that appear. I would put maybe 20,000 troops there for anti-rebel duty, and if you see any rebel forces larger, expand that to fit the need. We can't have a rebellious island, now can we?

Oh, and yes it is clear when you say Britain. At least to me

 

[Anduwaithe]

1498-1500
With England defeated, the French king could see that Spain was now the single greatest threat to his nation's dominance over Western Europe. With that in mind, Louis secretly began making preparations for war. Foix was appointed Lord Protector of England, and given an army to defend it--both from within, and without. He would crush nearly a dozen English revolts over the next four years.

General La Palice was given command of the remainder of the French army, which marched south to Languedoc, leaving behind a small force of 100 artillery in the city of Calais. The French navy, now one of the largest in Europe, was divided into two fleets: one to protect the British Isles (and the strategically important English Channel), and the other to defend France’s Atlantic coast. Once his forces were in place, the king ordered improvements to the fortifications of several key French cities along the Spanish border.

1501
On the 23rd of January, sensing that a French invasion was imminent, Isabella I and Ferdinand V of Spain preemptively declared war on France. Their allies (who now included the Mamelukes) also declared war, prompting Louis to call upon his own alliance for aid. On March 14, the Papal States (with help from Swiss and Savoyard troops) conquered Milan, making peace with the duchy in return for 156 ducats. Meanwhile, La Palice led an attack on Franche Comté, defeating two armies before being forced to retreat due to attrition. What followed was a series of bloody battles in eastern France, ending with the Spanish invasion of Switzerland and the German invasion of northern Savoy. In the north, seeing that the Low Countries were undefended, the small French army in Calais marched on Antwerp, capturing the city on October 26th.

1502
In January, the Mamelukes attempted to land in the Grampians, but were quickly defeated by Scottish forces. The following month, as Swiss and Savoyard troops besieged Artois and Luxembourg, Brussels fell to France. The small artillery force then marched on Mainz, hoping to knock the Palatinate out of the war, but a newly-raised army of 20,000 men in Heidelberg convinced the French commander to withdraw. Further south, La Palice succeeded in dislodging the Spanish army from Helvetia, but was unable to drive the Germans out of Savoy. Even further south, Pierre Bayard captured the city of Perpignan from Spain before crossing the Pyrenees to besiege Madrid.

1503
On January 7th, La Palice finally defeated the combined German and Spanish army in Savoy, but not before Torino had fallen. Not wanting France's ally to be forced into a peace agreement with Spain, he laid siege to the city. Later that month, Admiral Polin defeated a fleet from Naples in the English Channel, forcing them to sail around Scotland and retreat to the Mediterranean. And on February 15th, Madrid was taken by Bayard’s army, causing Spain's royal maps to fall into French hands.

In June, La Palice recaptured the Savoyard capital and marched east, hoping to conquer Milan and bring them to the bargaining table. Unfortunately, the French general lacked cavalry support, and was repulsed by a force of Milanese horsemen. Meanwhile, in Paris, Spanish diplomats had begun peace negotiations with France, offering to cede the counties of Flanders, Hainaut, and Roussillon to the French crown in return for an end to hostilities. Believing that the outright annexation of Spain might be too difficult an undertaking at this time, His Majesty agreed to the offer, signing the Treaty of Paris on August 1st, 1503.

Spanish map of the Americas, taken by French soldiers during the looting of Madrid, February 15th, 1503

Western Europe, after the Treaty of Paris, 1503

 

[Anduwaithe]

1503
After signing the Treaty of Paris, Louis negotiated a white peace with Milan. Although he would have liked to take advantage of the war by invading Northern Italy, His Majesty knew that the Austrians would not stand idly by and allow such an audacious move by the French to go unpunished. Leader of the great alliance between itself, Bohemia, Hungary, Bavaria, Lorraine, Baden and Württemberg, Austria posed a very serious threat to France. Louis knew that if his country were to ever prosper, he would need to address this threat and neutralize it.

1504
On the 22nd of April, after being a vassal to Austria for nearly a decade, the Duchy of Lorraine was formally absorbed into the territories of Maximilian I. In response, King Louis XII declared that Alsace and Lorraine rightfully belonged to the French crown, and demanded that the Emperor relinquish his own claim to these lands. Maximilian's refusal sparked the First Franco-Austrian War, which began on May 1, 1504. All of Austria's allies joined, but only the Swiss Confederation honored its pact with France. In the first phase of the war, French armies marched into Lorraine and Alsace, while Austria and its allies besieged Zürich. La Palice took Lorraine on the 14th of October.

1505
January 26th saw Alsace and Zürich fall to French and Austrian troops, respectively. The following day, Helvetia was annexed into Maximilian’s realm, and his alliance's armies began marching for France. From March to September, Generals Bayard and La Palice fought and won a series of pitched battles against these armies throughout eastern France: Austria was defeated in Nivernais and later Alsace, Bavaria and Hungary several times in Lyon, Baden in Nivernais, and Württemberg in Champagne. On August 22nd, Spain concluded its war with the Papal States by taking Emilia and Romagna from the Pope. Followed by the annexation of Naples in September, the Spanish now controlled almost half of Italy.

1506
With eastern France more or less secured, Louis decided to bring the battle to the enemy and, once the winter snowfalls had melted, ordered Pierre Bayard’s army to begin its long march into the Swiss Alps. After capturing Zürich on May 13th, the general pressed on to Munich, taking the Bavarian capital on December 28th. Earlier that month, after reconquering Alsace, a massive allied army had attempted to march into Helvetia, only to be completely destroyed by a cavalry force under the command of General La Palice.

1507
On new year's day, Bavaria paid a handsome sum to France in return for peace. Louis’ armies then marched to Alsace and Vienna, which fell on August 14th and November 28th, respectively. Bayard continued east toward the Magyars’ capital, hoping to end their participation in the war once and for all.

1508
On January 4th, the threat of an invasion persuaded Hungary to offer a white peace to France, which King Louis graciously accepted. General Bayard then turned north, capturing Prague and making a similar peace with the Bohemians in June. With his remaining allies of Baden and Württemberg now under French siege, Emperor Maximilian agreed to cede all Austrian territories west of Tyrol to France. This agreement, known as the Peace of Stuttgart, was concluded on July 24th.

Western Europe, after the Peace of Stuttgart, 1508

 

[Anduwaithe]

1508
On December 15th, the Mediterranean exploded into war as Modena (Tuscany, Genoa, the Knights of St. John, and the Papal States) declared war on Spain (Milan, the Palatinate, Poland-Lithuania, and the Mamelukes). King Louis knew that the Italian-Rhodian alliance would be no match for the combined might of both Spain and the Mamelukes, and that this war would result in even greater Spanish dominance over Italy. His Majesty regarded this as a direct threat to his power, and ordered his generals to move their armies into Alsace and Lorraine.

1509
On January 1st, France declared war on Spain, and all of the latter country's allies joined in. Five days later, Scotland and Sweden declared war on the Knights, Modena, and Genoa. In February and March, the French decimated several Spanish and German armies in Alsace and Lorraine before launching an invasion of the Palatinate. The French navy was also quite successful, defeating a handful of fleets in the English Channel and capturing Spanish rutters. By late June, the armies of King Louis were laying siege to Pfalz, Mainz, and Luxembourg. Meanwhile, in the Mediterranean, half a dozen provinces were also under siege: Rhodes by the Mamelukes, Emilia by Genoa, Romagna by the Knights, Milan by the Papal States, Modena by Spain, and Naples by a rebel army. By the end of the year, France had taken control of the Palatinate and Luxembourg, Modena had been annexed by Spain, and Milan had made peace with the Pope (after paying him handsomely).

1510
On new year's day, King Louis signed a peace treaty with the Palatinate in return for the German state’s entire treasury, some 200 ducats. In the spring of that year, La Palice laid siege to Milan, and Pope Julius paid off the Spaniards for peace. By the end of July, Pierre Bayard's army had arrived outside the walls of Madrid, and Milan had fallen to La Palice. Louis quickly made peace with the Italians (for a price), eager to secure his eastern border.

1511
Madrid fell to the French on February 7th, and Bayard's army marched south to Toledo. Throughout the spring and summer, La Palice and his huge cavalry force (some 30,000 men) wreaked havoc throughout Iberia, destroying Spanish armies and pillaging Spanish towns. Toledo fell on the 14th of July and, seeing that it was only a matter of time before a settlement was made with Spain, La Palice led his army to Madrid to wait out the remainder of the war.

1512
Bayard captured Andalusia on the 4th of February. On March 19th, Spain was forced to sign a humiliating peace treaty, ceding the Kingdoms of Sevilla, Cordova, and Jaen, the Duchy of Luxembourg, and parts of the Kingdom of Toledo to France.

Western Europe, after the Peace of Sevilla, 1512