17. Do Not Shake, Do Not Stir.
June 2nd, 1940
North Theater Central HQ, Zossen, Germany
The sun was shining far too brightly for both Regenbogen and Bernau as they stepped out of the automotive vehicle that Hitler had let them borrow to return to Regenbogen's headquarters at Zossen. The two had just spent the greater part of the day, including many of the earliest hours before the sun had even risen, in a dark room in the Reichstag conferring with Hitler on strategy in the aftermath of the fall of France. Despite the fact that only the consequent annexation of Luxembourg (with no regard to the many peaceful protests elsewhere in the world) could be considered aftermath at this point, they had discussed (were lectured on) a very wide range of issues, which they had to relay immediately onto their staves. It was because of this task that Regenbogen was actually wielding a staff at that moment, waving and spinning it to and fro as dangerously as he possibly could, even though somehow he manage not to hit either Bernau or himself. He was also humming cheerfully to himself and occasionally shooting glances at Bernau as if to enquire where his own staff was. To this, Bernau answered with insightful ignorance, which he mantained right up until they were both inside the room their human staffes resided in.
"No, Goring's mother is probably older. I don't think she'd win that round."
Both Regenbogen and Bernau stopped, confused looks crossing their faces and Regenbogen's staff crossing the room in a spinning manner, slapping itself into the wall with a crack that caused the other occupants of the room to jump and whip around to face the door where Regenbogen and Bernau were standing. Johan Lützow was playing with his truck on the floor, accompanies by Haase, who had what appeared to be a doll in his hands. Both looked
very guiltily up at their respective chiefs and the other staff members only slightly less culpable. Only Pohl remained in the dark about what had just happened, and continued the very exciting conversation.
"Yeah but we're talking about a baby elephant, so regardless of her age, he's at an obvious handicap. Remember, this is all happening in Finland."
Bernau's face dropped as Pohl continued. "After all, everyone knows that Finland is a land of ice, snow and polar bears! Hollywood says so!"
With a cough, Drexler elbowed Pohl, who glanced at him before looking up and seeing Regenbogen and Bernau. He flushed a rare shade of crimson usually only found on flags and tapped his cowboy hat so it fell over his face.
"Wait..." Regenbogen interjected into the silence, "who's mother did you say was fighting a baby elephant?"
"Sir, I beg you to ignore this conversation as it bears no significance to anything in any way."
"But no! The fins are our future lackeys! They must rescue the troubled woman!"
Grasser nodded enthusiastically, though no one was sure who he was supporting. "The troubled woman is ignoring us, so we should ignore her as well! Err...what news from Hitler, sir?"
"Nonono, wait, we must get to the bottom of this. Who's mother is fighting a polar bear?"
Lützow shook his head vigorously. "No no no, see, the lady, the elephant, the polar bear and my truck were going to see who would get to Moscow first, starting from Helsinki. With the entire Red Army in our way."
"Oh... hmmm..."
As Regenbogen sat down to ponder this question, all sane eyes in the room turned to Bernau for a more pressing story.
He coughed. "This highly theoretical question will have to wait, unfortunately." He stressed that final word in a way to make it clear that he did not want to hear about Goring's mother, Lützow's truck, baby elephants or polar bears again--and especially not in the same breath. "We have just returned from a full day strategic planning session in the Reichstag with Herr Hitler and his chiefs of staff. We have worked out a general direction and it will be up to us all to plan it in further detail."
Sehcks was happy that the discussion was taking a healthy turn. "What are the next targets that command is calling?"
"Wait, is the Red Army hostile to all of the contestants?"
Bernau decided to ignore Regenbogen. "Hitler is interested in the Balkans to complete our hegemony of Europe. Most of the countries there will either be drawn into our alliance or conquered. Given Yugoslavia's pro-Allied policies, I am expecting that it will fight, but most of the rest should end up allying with us. Also, we have begun discussing a war with the Soviet Union to begin in approximately a year."
"So soon? Does the Fuhrer feel that the forces available to us are sufficient for this task?"
"Indeed," Zug interjected, "I have seen our general production queue for the next year. It's dominated by much needed military equipment and infantry. I'm personally not convinced that we can face the Soviets with what we'll have by then."
Bernau looked grim. "If we do not have enough, then we'll have to make do. Hitler and the chiefs of staff believe that if we attack any later, say in 1942, then it will be too late and the Soviets will be too strong. At the same time, we are too weak now. It is 1941 or never."
Regenbogen was as puzzled as ever.
"None of this is answering my question! Does it depend on what year they are racing in as well?"
Bernau continued to pointedly ignore Regenbogen. "I want you staffs to begin working out a general plan for the next year and a half of operations. Assume the only fighting will be with Yugoslavia and the Soviet Union. I am sure you," Bernau turned to Regenbogen's staff, "have learned a lot of lessons during the invasion of France. I would be grateful if you shared them with my men."
"Certainly, sir. It will be our pleasure."
"And what about Finland and Sweden? Or was the general referring to something obscure..."
Bernau nodded and sighed resignedly at the same time. "We expect that Finland will likely join us in a war against the Soviet Union, yes. This will undoubtedly influence operations. Regenbogen is, however, referring to something obscure that we will not return to."
Regenbogen, still deep in thought, absently walked forward to pick up his staff, which had been lying neglected on the floor for the duration of the meeting. He began twirling it mechanically before stopping to begin tracing an outline of Finland in the dusty corner he was in, biting his lip in concentration. A few of the others in the room had come up to see what he was doing, as he finished meticulously detailing every feature of the landscape, and proceed to stomp on it violently. None of them understood the symbolism behind his actions. With a huff, he strode out of the room, banging the walls of the corridors with his staff, which had begun twirling again as if of its own accord. Everyone looked bewilderedly at each other as Bernau shrugged and motioned for the two staffs to begin working. He then walked out as well, following the clatter that was ahead of him.
Regenbogen's annoyance with the others was the only reason he did not share with them the answer to the question he had been meditating on.
