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Khan of the Crimea
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Letter to the High Court of EUtopia

Dear sirs:

Recently EUtopia has come under a series of acts of vandalism--sugaring of police cars vandalization of private property--and breaking and entering. But who was responsible? And why have they not been found? I set out to find the answer.

EXHIBIT A:
Dear sir,

The masses of EUtopia have awakened, our first attempt has come to a good end. Hereby we claim the assault on the fascist pig's cars (police-cars) in the name of the most enlightened Revolution. We, The Most Enlightened Order of The Revolution, have booked our first victory in the achieving of a Socialist Worker's Paradise on Eutopia.

Long Live The Revolution!

Master of Propaganda

EXHIBIT B:
Its night... 3 o'clpck in the morning. A tiny bus, rented by the socialist youth drives through the roads of the capitol. It is a very dark night, there is no moon.
At the next red traffic lights, when the bus stops, two people, all wearing black jump out of the bus. The bus drives on...
[...]
They have a bucket full of glue and a few posters with them. Very quickly they sneak to the poster of the CC, the red-white Eutopia flag and one begins to put the glue on it. In the meantime, the other puts the poster over it.
The whole action doesnt take more than a half minute. of course the socialist youth has a lot of expierience on such kinds of operations.
So, then, we know that "The Most Enlightened Order of Revolution" is behind the attacks so far, and we know they have a group called the "Socialist Youth" as a wing of their organization.

EXHIBIT C:
Transcripts from the headquarters of the EUtopian Socialist Reform Party:
i'd suggest we found a socialist youth organisation with which we can reach politically interested youths.
The reply?
However I'm to old, I would be happy to indoctri... ehm introduce these cute little childern into the wonderful world of revolu... reform-techniques. I'm willing to put me fore as a leader of a local troop....
Some friends of mine have made some grave mistakes and because of this I can be seriously burned. But I don't want to pull the party in this. So if they go after me. I'll quit.
Therefore we know:
-The ESRP is either behind the idea of a Socialist Youth or someone who browses their HQ is
-At least one member of the ESRP is linked to the Revolution; whether the party as a whole is linked or not is a mystery. Or is it?
Well, this is how I see the new revolution. I already see the first sparks. Seattle, Göteborg, Prague, Genua, ... The protests at those giant capitalist summits. I foresee that those will increase over time, if more and more people see through the illusion of this so called 'democracy' and I foresee that Capitalist and Fascist leaders will grow so frightened that they once open fire on such a demonstration, and it will happen more and more and before you know the Revolution has begun! The only thing we can do is try to get more and more support from the people we care for, for the workers. I admit I'm an intellectual, but you must see that at the first Internationale most of the members their were intellectuals and not workers. But it's thanks to them that we know that the Revolution will come some day and that we're trained in them. And the revolution is already busy, everywhere a repressed people stands up for their rights, their is a part of the revolution. Let's speak over the PKK (Kurdish Workers Party) and many others, their are the Sparks of the Revolution showing. It can be still 200 or 300 years but these sparks will enlighten into a shining fire.
it would be nice if we can have a revolution like that, but it will have to be hard bloody. hard, because there is a lot of work to do, and bloody, because we will have to slaughter all the readers of right populist media.

Ah, but this evidence is all circumstantial. I unfortunately have still more circumstantial evidence: when Mr. C.S. Morgan said, "By the way, if I had not promised to keep quiet about the ESRP/terror deal, I would tell all, and the face of EUtopian politics would never be the same again," the response by private mail [OOC: PM] was, "What do you know?" Think about the wording. As Mr. Morgan put it when he faxed me his packet of evidence, "What does he mean, What do you know? If you meant, what do you know that could change politics, you likely would have said What do you mean? That phrase, though, implies What do you know...about a specific something, i.e., What do you know about Iraq's dealings with al-Qaeda? or What do you know about our secret plot? So I am suspicious, highly suspicious..." This is the reason why I took up the case.

Concrete, rock-solid proof? We have some: we do know that some members of the ESRP are linked to the Revolution and that the ESRP was the association that provided the idea for Socialist Youth. But there are problems.

-How do we know that the ESRP, and not just some of its members are involved? We do not. We lack concrete evidence to prove this, sadly.
-How do we know the phrase, "What do you know?" implies anything at all? This is only a guess.
-Why is the President slow to act regarding the revoltionary captured at the CC headquarters? A question I can answer! There are only three possible reasons: a) Murmurandus suffers from serious lethargy, as does his High Court; b) he does not take the case seriously; or c) it is in his best interest NOT to try the criminal! As A and B seem unlikely, we must look to C. It fits perfectly with our theory. Murmurandus relies on the ESRP to provide the votes needed to propel him back to office. So if he tries the criminal, and if the ESRP is linked to him, he may very well lose votes or support. Without the support of the ESRP, the RD would be a stand-alone party, without coalition partners. So maybe, just maybe, it is a political game to keep support beneath it all!

If the above theory is to be conclusively proven false, I demand the following:
-I demand the ESRP explain all talk of 'revolution' in their headquarters;
-I demand an immediate explanation as to why criminals are not being tried by both President and government, and why the President has spoken in defense of the terrorists, saying, "The so-called vandalism is just some graffitti and the city services are already cleaning them. I also asked the police to keep an extra eye open for those juvenile delinquents," (why can he not call them radicals, revolutionaries, or even part of a revolution?);
-I demand concrete proof that the Revolution and ESRP are not linked, not just the words of a common revolutionary who may not know the workings of the upper echelons of the revolution.
-I also demand an explanation of all other pieces of evidence cited in this letter.

If the above cannot be supplied, the consequences maybe incredible and far-reaching.

Thank you,

Achille Poirot, Private Investigator
 
Last edited:

Josephus I

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[ooc]...With all due respect, HQ commentary can not be held accountable. Consider it as people talking in a private office together. Otherwise this game will fall apart........

[ic]....of course you wait until my plane is about to leave for Cuba to bring these unsubstantial charges up. My second-in-command Shiiuga can defend us if necessary, but I strongly believe that no court in the world can see any possible reason for prosecution and the only possible solution is to drop the matter ASAP.

[edit] As recently published in the Eutopian Worker, an interview with the leader of the said revolutionary group shows conclusively that the ESRP is not behing, nor a supporter of, said group.
 

jacob-Lundgren

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(ooc certain items can be err um. obtained though;)
the CC is well funded :D but i see your point )
 

Blade!

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Originally posted by Hajji Giray I
...Concrete, rock-solid proof? ...


Certainly not. Depart from the courthouse steps! :mad:


OOC: :) :D
 

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Khan of the Crimea
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I thought I said, if Mr. Poirot is wrong, PROVE IT, don't just SAY IT. Otherwise I'll not be convinced.
 

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Let me just say I am intimately involved in the inner workings of the main revolutionists cell, and, although I have seen many ESRP members join, I have yet to see anything remotely resembling an official ESRP delegation.

Edit: This document was acquired from the Revolutionary HQ. It contains rough estimates of funding sources.

All amounts are in U.S. dollars.

I. Grand Master’s personal slush fund: 46%

II. “Special” funding, American and Arabic donations: 23%

III. Entrance fees: 9%

IV. EUtopian Private and commercial funding: 22%
A. Member donations: 12%
B. Funds from other anarchic and communist organizations: 9%
C: Funds from corporate interests: 1%
 
Last edited:

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Khan of the Crimea
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Josephus I: Prove the claims are insubstantial!

Celt: The table is very much appreciated and takes a good deal of force from Mr. Poirot's letter--but "special" funding?

Blade!: Oops, my mistake. I'll fix it ASAP. (Meaning, I just realized that there is SOME concrete proof.)
 

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Dear Mistier Poirot,

Firstly, we live in a country that values democratic ideals. (socialism values democratic ideals too, by the way.)
This means:

1. Freedom of gathering. We, as a political party, may gather ourselves and talk about everything we want without the publicity and especially the police knowing about it. We, as a legal political party, may say ANYTHING as long as we dont publish illegal contents or do criminal things. And saying something in our headquater is not publishing, and we did not start a revolution or slaughter all the right populist media readers, did we?

2. We do not have to prove that we are not linked to the revolution. In democratic law system, not the defender has to prove that he/she is not guilty, but has to be proven to be guilty.
I also think that, as you were already so nice to violate the privacy of our HQ, you should know that we do not support Celt's revolution.

By the way, why would it be bad to be linked to celts revolution, as there was no try made to do something against his organisation, right? i suppose its regarded as legal too.

[OOC:]
Secondly, it is very well written that archeolooginspe and me were not recogniseable when we put our posters up in the city, right? it just would have been obvious anyways that it was us, because i posted it, and i wanted to write about how the posters appeared there so i suppose this cant be a prove too.
[/OOC]


Now to the other things you mentioned.

Could you specify where you got Exhibit A from? i dont know in which context to put it, i am not familiar with such a text.

That at least someone of us is related to a revolution.
Why that? because one of our members said "revolu.."
REALLY? is the use of any words or word parts beginning with revolu... a crime?

i dont think we live in a gestapo-like surveillance system, sorry.

I also do not get at all how "what do you know?" as a question can be regarded as a hint that someone of us is criminal. I mean, i could also say that you could have said "I am a terrorist" and therefore you are a criminal.. I mean, what do you want? You want to bring us into prison for something that we could have said?????

If you want to know why the president acted the way he did, ask him and dont blame us. that is easy.

Then: We do not at all have to explain our talk in our HQ about revolutions. Some of our members might very well love the idea of a revolution, but the thaughts are free and you cant charge us for thinking something as long as we dont do something criminal or publish something state-threatening. And i can certainly say that we didnt do that.

But as you wanted to have the revolution explained:

We support revolutionary politics, in the sense of new solutions to old problems.

Oh, I am so sorry that your letter to the high court will just make you look old. Should we consider sueing you for damaging our crediability or something like that? well maybe.

Sincerely,
Weyoun.
 

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I would like to bring to Mr Poirot's attention an article from a recent edition of the Eutopian Worker, entitled Terrorism, What Terrorism?

As a member of the ESRP I feel the need to express my severe distaste to the accusations of terrorism being directed at our party. I find this extremely offensive, for a number of reasons. It seems to me that these right wingers appear to be falling into the stereotype of people who only take one course of action in a crisis. That course is, to give it a name "Blame People and Organisations With Different Ideas and Beliefs" For example, Geroge Bush and the current situation on world terror.

Now dont get me wrong on that point, by no means am I denying that it was indeed Muslims that commited these horrendous attacks, and I by no means support them. I am however shocked by the fact that Mr Bush jumped straight to that conclusion without hearing all the facts.

The final point I am to make in this article is that of my position. I am unsure as to how many of you know this, but I am a Lieutenant in the Eutopian Army. Do you seriously for one minute believe that the army would recruit a terrorist or someone affiliated with a terrorist organisation? That would be madness!

I would like to conclude by saying that people should consider their words and the facts before hurling accusations our, or indeed anyone elses way, this makes for a much friendlier society and a happier Eutopia. After all, a happy Eutopian is a happy worker, no?

1st Lieutenant Patrick Murray

Surely this is proof enough that the ESRP as a whole is not part of any revolution. I cannot, however speak fro other individual members, but to say that it is up to them whether they partake in revolutinary activities, but their actions do not reflect the actions and beliefs of the ESRP as a whole organisation.
 

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Khan of the Crimea
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Originally posted by weyoun
Dear Mistier Poirot,

Firstly, we live in a country that values democratic ideals. (socialism values democratic ideals too, by the way.)
This means:

1. Freedom of gathering. We, as a political party, may gather ourselves and talk about everything we want without the publicity and especially the police knowing about it. We, as a legal political party, may say ANYTHING as long as we dont publish illegal contents or do criminal things. And saying something in our headquater is not publishing, and we did not start a revolution or slaughter all the right populist media readers, did we?
This is an undeniable right; however, the need for justice is more important than the need to protect such suspicious sayings. I pursue justice at any cost.
2. We do not have to prove that we are not linked to the revolution. In democratic law system, not the defender has to prove that he/she is not guilty, but has to be proven to be guilty.
The prosecution's job is to produce evidence proving the defendant guilty; the defense's job is to produce evidence that the prosecution is faulty. If what you said was true, the prosecution only would be allowed to call witnesses and procure evidence!
By the way, why would it be bad to be linked to celts revolution...?
Why would it be bad to be linked to an organization guilty of three acts of vandalism?
[OOC:
Secondly, it is very well written that archeolooginspe and me were not recogniseable when we put our posters up in the city, right? it just would have been obvious anyways that it was us, because i posted it, and i wanted to write about how the posters appeared there so i suppose this cant be a prove too.]
No, this is not any proof at all. I would not know who did it, because I was not there at the time. [OOC: Note how in the original letter the names 'Weyoun' and 'Archeolooginspe' have been changed to 'one' and 'the other'.]
Now to the other things you mentioned.

Could you specify where you got Exhibit A from? i dont know in which context to put it, i am not familiar with such a text.
This information was found in a recent copy of The Gazette, a famous newspaper.
That at least someone of us is related to a revolution.
Why that? because one of our members said "revolu.."
REALLY? is the use of any words or word parts beginning with revolu... a crime?
No, words beginning with revol...is not a crime. But if a certain member was NOT involved in the revolution, why would he say, "Some friends of mine have made some grave mistakes and because of this I can be seriously burned. But I don't want to pull the party in this. So if they go after me. I'll quit." Why would he say that, otherwise? Another question I would like an answer to.
I also do not get at all how "what do you know?" as a question can be regarded as a hint that someone of us is criminal. I mean, i could also say that you could have said "I am a terrorist" and therefore you are a criminal.. I mean, what do you want? You want to bring us into prison for something that we could have said?????
"What do you know?" What do you know about what? What do you know about our ties with the Revolution? What do you know about pig-farming? What do you know about the famous poem "In Flanders Fields"'s connection with Socratic discussions? What would "What do you know?" mean, otherwise? And no, I'm not trying to jail people for saying, "What do you know?", I'm trying to identify the vandals and safely put them behind bars!

[OOC: If you've read Agatha Christie, you know the real M. Poirot makes sure to solve every little detail, especially ones that seem incredibly unimportant.]
If you want to know why the president acted the way he did, ask him and dont blame us. that is easy.
[OOC: I am asking the President! And he's not answering...]
Oh, I am so sorry that your letter to the high court will just make you look old. Should we consider sueing you for damaging our crediability or something like that? well maybe.
I am quite old, and looked like it already. But I have a reputation to keep, and stand behind my theory, and will do so until it is conclusively proven to be a bunch of parrot droppings, or the truth.

Achille Poirot, Private Investigator
 

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Khan of the Crimea
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Blade!--thanks for pointing out my error. I have now changed it from
Concrete, rock-solid proof? We have none. But we do know that some members of the ESRP are linked to the Revolution and that the ESRP was the association that provided the idea for Socialist Youth.
...to...
Originally posted by Hajji Giray I
Concrete, rock-solid proof? We have some: we do know that some members of the ESRP are linked to the Revolution and that the ESRP was the association that provided the idea for Socialist Youth.
 

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mister poriot,

i do still not know why you can regard the socialist youth as a criminal organisation. what did we do? as far as i know, you should not have any proof for what you are saying, and please, i'm asking you, which political youth organisation does not stick its own posters above the ones of the others? just to inform you, this is very common, i think.
so you really should cut "responsible for socialist youth" out of your accusions.

secondly, you must not ignore democracy for security. we do not plan to slaughter anybody. and we insist on being allowed to talk about revolutions and slaughtery, just because revolutions and so on belong to the speaking topics of leftists, even of one who do not support a violent form of revolution, like me and probably some more people in the ESRP.

You are right about what you said about the defense's job and so. But there is a line saying "not guilty, until the guiltiness is proven." So we do not have to prove that we are not guilty, until you have some proves that we are. which you dont have.

if Celts revolution is so bad, why do you attack us and not Celts revolution? I am sure that no member of our party would even talk to an organisation that is forbidden. so forbid it if you want to be sure that our members have no contact to them - now as they are not forbidden, i personally can't say if somebody of us is in contact with them unofficially. but if someone was, it wouldnt be a problem as the organisation is not forbidden yet.

Is there something you want to indicate with the name change of "the one" and "the other"? [ooc] if yes, then say so, because i think it would have the same meaning if i wrote our names. Dont interpret something in my message that has no reason. [/ooc]

I also dont know what the friends of Archeolooginspe did. maybe they were reasonable for the attack on the CC center? i have no idea. dont ask me.

If you find a prove lying in the words "what do you know?" then present it to us, ok? I really am curious to know what it is!

I am glad that we have such a nice inspector here, but i think that you are wasting your powers on something that is innocent. We do not plan a revolution.

[ooc:] and please leave our HQ to us! i mean, we could do all our party talk in PMs too, but this would be quite impossible. just take it as a fact that we have a place where we can talk without anybody listening who we dont want to [/ooc]

every party has such a place, and democracy gives us the right to have such a place.

by the way, i do not think that this kind of vandalism (putting posters above other posters) will really bring someone behind bars. we dont live in despotism. [ooc] and the socialist youth is used to pay small amounts of fees for things like that. [/ooc]
 

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Three brief comments for Mr. Poirot:

(1) If you suspect wrongdoing on somebody else's part, the onus is on you (or the authorities) to prove it - not on them to disprove it.

(2) As it is, you have no case - only speculation and propaganda. If you want to publicize those, do so in the media; the High Court is hardly the place for that sort of thing.

(3) Please explain how you obtained transcripts of internal discussions in the ESRP headquarters.
 

unmerged(11366)

Khan of the Crimea
Oct 21, 2002
2.038
12
bgreinhart.wordpress.com
Dear sirs:

As there appears much evidence contradicting my theory, I respectfully withdraw the theory from the Court. I wash my hands of the whole affair.

However, before supporters of the "Revolution" gleefully celebrate their escape, I wish to say this: If any concrete proof regarding who these revolutionaries are comes up, I will renew the case. Also, before leaving, I have two requests:

1. I request that the High Court investigate the matter for the sole purpose of identifying and apprehending the revolutionaries, in order for justice to be served; and
2. I request that EUtopian police officers be sure to check scenes of the "Revolution's" strikes for forensic evidence which maybe useful in the identification of the rebels.

Sincerely,
Achille Poirot, Private Investigator