Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales)
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With all these Lord Valdemar around, I wonder if we will see a Harry Patter in this story... 
o
Cat
oCat
"After a short war, I subjugate the duke of Trøndelag. Then I make him trønd on my elag.
Actually, I'm just kidding. I let him keep his lands.
You did WHAT?!"
:rofl:
Great bringing the greatest Duke of Skåne ever back.Now Knud is so much mor entertaining.
Actually, I'm just kidding. I let him keep his lands.
You did WHAT?!"
:rofl:
Great bringing the greatest Duke of Skåne ever back.Now Knud is so much mor entertaining.
phargle, I send you a PM with a small question. I will put a link in my AAR to this one and I wonder if I may take a "charge" for it. Whatever the answer will be the link will be there.
Uncle Valdemar seems to be good for Skåne.
Uncle Valdemar seems to be good for Skåne.
Phargle responds.
Let's see. . .
GrimPagan, Knud just wants to live a happy and quiet life. He doesn't want to hurt anybody! But his destiny calls for larger things.
Byakhiam, thanks for reading. I hope it's still fun after all these updates.
kbromer, I was hoping that joke wasn't too dated. All my best humor is stolen.
Snake IV, I read your private message. Your secret is safe with me.
stnylan, what's Trapdoor? And Valdemar eventually rubs off on Knud, so have no fear.
Mr. Capiatlist, I serve my updates in bite-sized pieces so you can read them and work! And I did check Knud out before giving him the crown. I checked that his name was Knud, and it was!
east_emnet, all my best humor is stolen. I'm pretty sure the line is from Blackadder. And yeah, I didn't think you could get kinslayer unless you offed people with your own last name. Oh well!
angryclown, the only things more troublesome in the life of Knýtlings are the lords of Lübeck, Finnveden, and Karelia.
Dead William, I haven't seen the events about sons prefering boys since 1.04a. But I figured Knud was such a fancy lad and he was having so few heirs that maybe. . .
EvilSanta, Knud II is doing the best he can, but he just isn't that good of a leader. Events will prove his worth and you might ask who the greater duke of Skåne actually was!
Hakkapeliitta, your name is not concise! I'm glad you liked the story though, and hope you enjoy the incrimini. . . pretty screenshots.
Cat Lord, I might be the only person in the world who hasn't read Harry Potter. You see, I never learned to read.
Let's see. . .
GrimPagan, Knud just wants to live a happy and quiet life. He doesn't want to hurt anybody! But his destiny calls for larger things.
Byakhiam, thanks for reading. I hope it's still fun after all these updates.
kbromer, I was hoping that joke wasn't too dated. All my best humor is stolen.
Snake IV, I read your private message. Your secret is safe with me.
stnylan, what's Trapdoor? And Valdemar eventually rubs off on Knud, so have no fear.
Mr. Capiatlist, I serve my updates in bite-sized pieces so you can read them and work! And I did check Knud out before giving him the crown. I checked that his name was Knud, and it was!
east_emnet, all my best humor is stolen. I'm pretty sure the line is from Blackadder. And yeah, I didn't think you could get kinslayer unless you offed people with your own last name. Oh well!
angryclown, the only things more troublesome in the life of Knýtlings are the lords of Lübeck, Finnveden, and Karelia.
Dead William, I haven't seen the events about sons prefering boys since 1.04a. But I figured Knud was such a fancy lad and he was having so few heirs that maybe. . .
EvilSanta, Knud II is doing the best he can, but he just isn't that good of a leader. Events will prove his worth and you might ask who the greater duke of Skåne actually was!
Hakkapeliitta, your name is not concise! I'm glad you liked the story though, and hope you enjoy the incrimini. . . pretty screenshots.
Cat Lord, I might be the only person in the world who hasn't read Harry Potter. You see, I never learned to read.
Trapdoor was a wonderful children's animation series here in the UK about Bert, who lives in a haunted castle where nobody goes, and who works for The Thing that lives upstairs. However, in the kitchen where he lives in the Trapdoor, beneath which there lurks things that are always wanting to get out.
Many happy memories. Someday I'll have to get around to buying the DVD.
Many happy memories. Someday I'll have to get around to buying the DVD.
Zigne sucky, zigne sucky, hoy, hoy, hoy!
The Metrosexual Adventures of Duke Knud
As told with many pictures. And few words.
(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)
1152 - 1154
Sigtryg offers me a huge bribe to let him live. But I'm so merciful and generous, I don't need . . .
Finish that thought and I will ennoble your codlings with a butter knife.
269 ducats it is, then!
More of the lords of Scandinavia submit to my rule. Håkon refuses, though.
Mmm, what I wouldn't give to be håkon on his jedalens.
In her defense, we did try to kill each other.
You're also completely flaming.
. . . bloody ghost.
Gudbrand of Hdemark joins my realm and makes peace with the king of Scotland.
I now rule all of Norway.
Mieszko dies from injuries suffered in the war with Norway.
My revenge is complete.
You already said that.
I'm a ghost. We tend to repeat ourselves a lot.
Mikkel Knýtling is the new king of Denmark. He was raised as a Dane.
My revenge is complete.
I don't mean to be rude, uncle Valdemar, but that's really getting kind of old.
Old, like you'll never get to be if I push you down the stairs?
I decide now would be a good time to go beat up some pagans.
I refuse their enormous bribe. I think I can hear uncle Valdemar wailing all the way back in Skåne.
I don't remember hiring this girl and she does look oddly familiar.
All right, uncle. I'll only pay her a little. See? I am learning to be good with money.
Uncle? Uncle Valdemar?
Now where do you suppose he's got to?
Some commander I didn't know I had is defeated by a Frenchman. Wait, a Frenchman? I thought we were fighting pagans.
Eh. Same difference!
As told with many pictures. And few words.
(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)
1152 - 1154
Sigtryg offers me a huge bribe to let him live. But I'm so merciful and generous, I don't need . . .
Finish that thought and I will ennoble your codlings with a butter knife.
269 ducats it is, then!
More of the lords of Scandinavia submit to my rule. Håkon refuses, though.
Mmm, what I wouldn't give to be håkon on his jedalens.
In her defense, we did try to kill each other.
You're also completely flaming.
. . . bloody ghost.
Gudbrand of Hdemark joins my realm and makes peace with the king of Scotland.
I now rule all of Norway.
Mieszko dies from injuries suffered in the war with Norway.
My revenge is complete.
You already said that.
I'm a ghost. We tend to repeat ourselves a lot.
Mikkel Knýtling is the new king of Denmark. He was raised as a Dane.
My revenge is complete.
I don't mean to be rude, uncle Valdemar, but that's really getting kind of old.
Old, like you'll never get to be if I push you down the stairs?
I decide now would be a good time to go beat up some pagans.
I refuse their enormous bribe. I think I can hear uncle Valdemar wailing all the way back in Skåne.
I don't remember hiring this girl and she does look oddly familiar.
All right, uncle. I'll only pay her a little. See? I am learning to be good with money.
Uncle? Uncle Valdemar?
Now where do you suppose he's got to?
Some commander I didn't know I had is defeated by a Frenchman. Wait, a Frenchman? I thought we were fighting pagans.
Eh. Same difference!
Has Knud finally learned the ropes? Has Valdemar finally had his revenge? And who is the mysterious blonde spy master with the enigmatic smile? Watch as Knud finishes his war against the Frenchy pagan bastards and the adventures of Knud Knýtling continue!
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Wow, for a duchy, your dominion grows quite large. Are you sure you don't want to usurp Norway?
USURP! USURP! USURP!! Then Valdemar can rest in peace, or at least spend his eternity chasing women instead of threatening Knud...
Where's Knud I, I wonder? Probably blaming it on the church...
DW
Where's Knud I, I wonder? Probably blaming it on the church...
DW
I would be funny, at the end, for all the kings to come back and argue...Dead William said:
"More of the lords of Scandinavia submit to my rule. Håkon refuses, though.
Mmm, what I wouldn't give to be håkon on his jedalens.!"
Just got love these dirty jokes :rofl:
Mmm, what I wouldn't give to be håkon on his jedalens.!"
Just got love these dirty jokes :rofl:
Zombie bears.
The Metrosexual Adventures of Duke Knud
As told with many pictures. And few words.
(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)
1154 - 1155
The Samogitians force their way into Denmark.
For some reason, that line sounds really naughty.
The Danish army in the north marches in three different directions, none of which takes them into Samogitia.
I refuse that massive bribe and then tell Treniotas that he can keep his lands.
A sudden chill runs down my spine, and I change my mind. Give me 481 ducats or you're dead, Treniotas.
Mmm, I'd love to be treniot his as.
His heraldry changes from a black zombie bear to a white bear with an axe.
You're a Christian lord, Treniotas, not a German heavy metal band. Try to have some dignity?
My power has grown so much that I could declare myself king of Norway.
But the line of Knud remains committed.
Committed to kicking Swedish ass!
I order my men to assemble at Memel.
Then I dream about memelling my mens' assemblies.
Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.
Knud was a prince of Denmark. He hated his wife and the church and failed at everything he tried.
Valdemar was his bastard son and became the mighty duke of Skåne. He's a ghost now but I haven't seen him since that strange blonde woman showed up.
I'm Knud, a grandson of the original Knud. I conquered Norway.
Between you and me, I think Valdemar was some kind of pervert.
I don't want your 334 ducats, Sverre. Oh, hang on. You're asking me to pay you?
You're new to this negotiating thing, aren't you? It's simple. You beg for mercy and offer me gold, and I say no and take everything you ever loved.
And the gold.
This is just a wee bit embarassing.
As told with many pictures. And few words.
(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)
1154 - 1155
The Samogitians force their way into Denmark.
For some reason, that line sounds really naughty.
The Danish army in the north marches in three different directions, none of which takes them into Samogitia.
I refuse that massive bribe and then tell Treniotas that he can keep his lands.
A sudden chill runs down my spine, and I change my mind. Give me 481 ducats or you're dead, Treniotas.
Mmm, I'd love to be treniot his as.
His heraldry changes from a black zombie bear to a white bear with an axe.
You're a Christian lord, Treniotas, not a German heavy metal band. Try to have some dignity?
My power has grown so much that I could declare myself king of Norway.
But the line of Knud remains committed.
Committed to kicking Swedish ass!
I order my men to assemble at Memel.
Then I dream about memelling my mens' assemblies.
Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.
Knud was a prince of Denmark. He hated his wife and the church and failed at everything he tried.
Valdemar was his bastard son and became the mighty duke of Skåne. He's a ghost now but I haven't seen him since that strange blonde woman showed up.
I'm Knud, a grandson of the original Knud. I conquered Norway.
Between you and me, I think Valdemar was some kind of pervert.
I don't want your 334 ducats, Sverre. Oh, hang on. You're asking me to pay you?
You're new to this negotiating thing, aren't you? It's simple. You beg for mercy and offer me gold, and I say no and take everything you ever loved.
And the gold.
This is just a wee bit embarassing.
King Sverre is fighting for his life against Knud the kinslayer. Will the vassals of Skåne support their liege? Can Knud prevail? Will the armies of Skåne and Sweden play ring-around-the-rosy in Courland? What became of the ghost of Valdemar? The adventures of Knud Knýtling will be right back!
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"I don't want your 334 ducats, Sverre. Oh, hang on. You're asking me to pay you?
You're new to this negotiating thing, aren't you? It's simple. You beg for mercy and offer me gold, and I say no and take everything you ever loved.
And the gold."
:rofl:
I loved that part, just so true for CK.
You're new to this negotiating thing, aren't you? It's simple. You beg for mercy and offer me gold, and I say no and take everything you ever loved.
And the gold."
:rofl:
I loved that part, just so true for CK.
One of your best updates this far!Filled with instant classics like this 1:
"I don't want your 334 ducats, Sverre. Oh, hang on. You're asking me to pay you?
You're new to this negotiating thing, aren't you? It's simple. You beg for mercy and offer me gold, and I say no and take everything you ever loved.
And the gold."
People will keep telling jokes they read here long long time...Especially your pervert jokes are so...pervert.
"I don't want your 334 ducats, Sverre. Oh, hang on. You're asking me to pay you?
You're new to this negotiating thing, aren't you? It's simple. You beg for mercy and offer me gold, and I say no and take everything you ever loved.
And the gold."
People will keep telling jokes they read here long long time...Especially your pervert jokes are so...pervert.
Like we would ever accept a danish ruler. Again. For severeal centuries. Before getting a swedish ruler instead.*sigh*
Now that's more like it!
GrimPagan said:
Alas, the Swedes had to wait millenia for a French General to take the throne and for his line to rule the last couple of centuries...
69.
The Metrosexual Adventures of Duke Knud
As told with many pictures. And few words.
(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)
1155 - 1156
It's that Orkney bastard with the yucky eyebrows! I knew I should have taken away his land.
Messengers from Nyland are ordered to enunciate when explaining how the war's progressing.
Meanwhile, my armies push back against Sweden after the Swedes penetrate into the king's demesne.
Now that really sounds naughty!
Sverre offers to give up his claims on Finnveden, the land I hate more than any other, in return for peace.
You're not making any friends here, Sverre.
We spank Sverre in Södermanland and he begs for mercy.
My enemy is digging in behind me and I'm digging in behind him.
Mmmm.
I'll hunt you to the ends of the earth, Sverre.
Having a claim on Skåne is like grappling with a cow.
You might grab an udder, but you'll never get the milk.
The war in the south has basically been reduced to our armies following each other around in a circle, conquering and liberating as we go.
It's like an Italian bath house, except everybody ends up dead.
Sweden's vassals start to get in on the action.
I don't even need to say anything funny to make Bergslagen sound dirty.
As told with many pictures. And few words.
(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)
1155 - 1156
It's that Orkney bastard with the yucky eyebrows! I knew I should have taken away his land.
Messengers from Nyland are ordered to enunciate when explaining how the war's progressing.
Meanwhile, my armies push back against Sweden after the Swedes penetrate into the king's demesne.
Now that really sounds naughty!
Sverre offers to give up his claims on Finnveden, the land I hate more than any other, in return for peace.
You're not making any friends here, Sverre.
We spank Sverre in Södermanland and he begs for mercy.
My enemy is digging in behind me and I'm digging in behind him.
Mmmm.
I'll hunt you to the ends of the earth, Sverre.
Having a claim on Skåne is like grappling with a cow.
You might grab an udder, but you'll never get the milk.
The war in the south has basically been reduced to our armies following each other around in a circle, conquering and liberating as we go.
It's like an Italian bath house, except everybody ends up dead.
Sweden's vassals start to get in on the action.
I don't even need to say anything funny to make Bergslagen sound dirty.
The war in Sweden draws to a close and Knud takes his prize. . . but at what cost to his reputation? Already reviled as a kinslayer, will Knud have to struggle with perceptions that he's a bad boy as well? See how the war ends - and how Knud tries to salvage his reputation - when the adventures of Knud Knýtling continue!
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