As she's already inbred it's not like it matters that much is it? Besides it's a fine and ancient Knýtling tradition!phargle said:
Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales)
- Thread starter phargle
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Finally made it to the end; read it all.
Now I'm following. And wanting to play CK myself.
Now I'm following. And wanting to play CK myself.
Crazy Knuds!
The Myriadigamous Adventures of King Knud
As told with many pictures. And few words.
(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)
1350 - 1354
I don't know what's worse: that I am advised by fools and retards, or that my marshal is named Knut de Luna.
Crazy Knuds!
Calming my kingdom down may be harder than I first thought.
At least my allies can walk on water.
I send Halsten to church not because I hate God or myself, but because I hate Halsten.
If I was in a self-loathing or God-hating mood, I'd go to church.
With the bastard gone, my sister or daughter or whatever submits to my feudal demands.
I ask all of Spain to submit to my feudal demands and end up gaining negative one vassals.
In Knýtling terms, this is a success.
Knut and I mobilize an army. A very small army.
They say it's not the size of your army that counts, but how you use it.
I wish they wouldn't say that.
I will crush you, gypsy, and I will steal the treasures you keep in your cheeks.
I should hasten to add that I am referring to his facial cheeks.
The duke of Catalonia is ordered to muster his forces, which makes his decision to already muster them under his own banner particularly inconvenient.
Thanks a lot, duke of Catalonia.
Crazy Knuds, ho!
As told with many pictures. And few words.
(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)
1350 - 1354
I don't know what's worse: that I am advised by fools and retards, or that my marshal is named Knut de Luna.
Crazy Knuds!
Calming my kingdom down may be harder than I first thought.
At least my allies can walk on water.
I send Halsten to church not because I hate God or myself, but because I hate Halsten.
If I was in a self-loathing or God-hating mood, I'd go to church.
With the bastard gone, my sister or daughter or whatever submits to my feudal demands.
I ask all of Spain to submit to my feudal demands and end up gaining negative one vassals.
In Knýtling terms, this is a success.
Knut and I mobilize an army. A very small army.
They say it's not the size of your army that counts, but how you use it.
I wish they wouldn't say that.
I will crush you, gypsy, and I will steal the treasures you keep in your cheeks.
I should hasten to add that I am referring to his facial cheeks.
The duke of Catalonia is ordered to muster his forces, which makes his decision to already muster them under his own banner particularly inconvenient.
Thanks a lot, duke of Catalonia.
Crazy Knuds, ho!
But will crazy knuds be enough to smite the rebels in Barcelona? Between Knud's martial trait of 2 and Knut's 4, they should be able to smite something. . . but what will it be? If you guessed "themselves", you won't believe your eyes when you see the next tale of disaster, humiliation, adultery, and revenge. Yes, revenge on the worthless duke of Catalonia! How will it happen? The adventures of Knud Knýtling continue!
phargle said:
The latter. He probably thinks he can banish enemies by the Power of the Moon! and has an annoying cat following him at all times.
That could mean they're Jesus or that they're really seals or that you're drunk.
Quoted For Truth!
phargle said:
Considering that's what this whole story has been about, I think I'll believe my eyes quite well, thank you very much.
Now it's time to defeat the Squirrel of Barcelona!
Too many Knuds get me confused! Time to exterminate some I'd say... Or send them to church...
It is to laugh.
The Myriadigamous Adventures of King Knud
As told with many pictures. And few words.
(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)
1354
Ambushed! By Barcelona!
That lousy duke of Catalona is just watching. Well, I'll show him a thing or two.
Ho! Haha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!
Well, shit.
It's a good thing I'm a military genius, or this would really suck.
Oh.
It's a good thing I have a brilliant general waiting to replace Knut, or. . .
Ah, who am I kidding. This really sucks.
We bury Isaakios the Gypsy in men. He repledges to that lousy duke of Catalonia and pays us 3608 ducats.
Except for the burning shame and losing a Knut in battle, I'd call this a win.
It's kind of an embarassing homoerotic prostitution win, but any one you walk away from, right?
What? Sure. Whatever.
As revenge, I make that lousy duke of Catalonia marry my inbred daughter Helena.
Helena might be a zombie.
Hang on a second. How could Helena know she's pregnant a mere two weeks after the wedding?
. . . ah.
That lousy duke of Catalonia humiliated me again! Well, that's the last straw. I won't tolerate his crap any longer!
Actually, I will tolerate his crap awhile longer.
As told with many pictures. And few words.
(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)
1354
Ambushed! By Barcelona!
That lousy duke of Catalona is just watching. Well, I'll show him a thing or two.
Ho! Haha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!
Well, shit.
It's a good thing I'm a military genius, or this would really suck.
Oh.
It's a good thing I have a brilliant general waiting to replace Knut, or. . .
Ah, who am I kidding. This really sucks.
We bury Isaakios the Gypsy in men. He repledges to that lousy duke of Catalonia and pays us 3608 ducats.
Except for the burning shame and losing a Knut in battle, I'd call this a win.
It's kind of an embarassing homoerotic prostitution win, but any one you walk away from, right?
What? Sure. Whatever.
As revenge, I make that lousy duke of Catalonia marry my inbred daughter Helena.
Helena might be a zombie.
Hang on a second. How could Helena know she's pregnant a mere two weeks after the wedding?
. . . ah.
That lousy duke of Catalonia humiliated me again! Well, that's the last straw. I won't tolerate his crap any longer!
Actually, I will tolerate his crap awhile longer.
And so another rebellion erupts in Spain, this time in the aftermath of Helena's marriage to that lousy duke of Catalonia. Will Knud defeat the rebels before his shame grows even more? Or will his vassals continue to defy him? What will happen when the pope starts taking notice? And what will Knud do to keep warm on campaign? The questions might be different, but the answers never change as the adventures of Knud Knýtling continue!
A win is a win,
and a wench is a wench,
Knud Knytling doesn't seem to be making friends.
And NOW I have finally caught up with this small tale.
What can one say? Probably rather much.
But despite 82 pages of text, I have one special thing I need to comment on: I loved the Leroy Jenkins reference on page seventy-something.
Great story, but you knew that already. Keep it up.
What can one say? Probably rather much.
But despite 82 pages of text, I have one special thing I need to comment on: I loved the Leroy Jenkins reference on page seventy-something.
Great story, but you knew that already. Keep it up.
I don't know why you're so upset about losing your Marshal (well, besides his awesome name), you can always replace him with someone from your massive courtier population...oh wait.
Nice to see that Knud is back in the saddle.
Iberia seems to be land of endless woes and miseries. Or maybe they just don't like Knýtlings.
Iberia seems to be land of endless woes and miseries. Or maybe they just don't like Knýtlings.
What would AARland ever do without the Knýtlings? I'm still following and enjoying every minute of this tale phargle
I just finished reading this AAR after three days of it at work, reading in between phone calls. Classic, purely classic, and I kick myself for not having started it before.
On a more recent note:
"I will crush you, gypsy, and I will steal the treasures you keep in your cheeks."
I think he may have been channelling Nasir for a moment there. :rofl:
On a more recent note:
"I will crush you, gypsy, and I will steal the treasures you keep in your cheeks."
I think he may have been channelling Nasir for a moment there. :rofl:
