Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales)

[phargle]

Stabbed my fate. Actually, by Berenguer.

The Myriadigamous Adventures of King Knud

As told with many pictures. And few words.

(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)

1345 - 1346

Sweet mother of mercy, I've been struck!

Now that I think about that, is struck really the proper tense, or have I been stroked?

Listen, you bloody fool, I'm running away with a sword in my gizzard. This is not the time to be delivering messages.

Reinforcements. Wonderful. They should arrive just in time for me to get brutally murdered.

I just lost three-quarters of my personal bodyguard to a Spaniard with an itchy scalp.

Why do I even have a gizzard? Did one of my ancestors screw a chicken or something?

Knut is halfway to Cordoba by now. That bloody coward sure wasted no time in running away. I should-

Wait. That's me that's halfway to Cordoba.

We're not withdrawing. This is not a defeat.

We're, uh, stategically redeploying our troops out of a combat zone.

Almeria's on the move, but I don't think they'll arrive in time.

What to do, what to do. . .

Agh. I was going to say something pithy about reversing the tide with a well-timed surge, but I think I'll just sit here in agony.

If Aracena is allowed to relieve the siege at Niebla, the civil war could broaden.

I've got no choice but to get up off my deathbed and head back into the breach.

Bugger me with Satan's spiniest flaming trident

This is a nightmare. I'm replaying all the worse episodes of the life and times of Knud and Valdemar Knýtling.

Can things get any worse?

​

Some questions are best left unasked. Things can get worse, and it's always darkest before it gets really dark. There's plague! There's defeat! There's the estates general! There's killing every bad guy and still losing a battle! There's provinces in the middle east! Of course it can get worse, and it does. Don't miss the next exciting episode as the adventures of Knud Knýtling continue!​

 

[Olaus Petrus]

Things look good. Onwards Knud the Victorious!

 

[unmerged(10971)]

An OLD wound? Didn't you just get it?

 

[El Pip]

This is a nightmare. I'm replaying all the worse episodes of the life and times of Knud and Valdemar Knýtling.

Well as long he follows that up with the best episodes from the life and times of Valdemar it will all turn out for the best. And I for one and hoping for that outcome.

 

[unmerged(60841)]

Things always get worse. That's a question that never ends well for a Knytling.

 

[unmerged(51077)]

I've got no choice but to get up off my deathbed and head back into the breach.

Once more unto the breach dear Knýtling, once more!

 

[LordAumerle]

yadda yadda or fill it up with our Spanish dead...

 

[Murmurandus]

It's getting worse, it's getting worse...

...

Cool...

So when will he die?

 

[EvilSanta]

So when will he die?

A Knytling never dies. They just...retire.

 

[LordAumerle]

An old Knytling never dies, he just becomes a problem for the Church.

 

[phargle]

Yep.

Olaus Petrus - Things mostly just look bloody irritating at this point, wouldn't you agree?

Judas Maccabeus - I dunno if my kings are just whiners, but they constantly get horrible stabbed and then complain about the old wound.

El Pip - I dunno if Knud'll get the best times of Valdemar. . . actually, I suppose he has since he slept with his sister and all.

JimboIX - Yes, but how much worse?

General Jac - Once more over and over again. This is a tedious little war.

LordAumerle - More Spanish dead than you can shake a stick at, judging from the plague. Or are you quoting more poetry?

Murmurandus - Would you believe me if I said he lived long and prospered?

EvilSanta - Some Knýtlings retire bloodily and with the swift application of swords.

Onward!

 

[Olaus Petrus]

Olaus Petrus - Things mostly just look bloody irritating at this point, wouldn't you agree?

What do you mean? Knud is doing well and close to achieve one of his greatest victories.

 

[LordAumerle]

LordAumerle - More Spanish dead than you can shake a stick at, judging from the plague. Or are you quoting more poetry?

I was continuing the modified Shakespeare. Henry V, noted Welshman, declared he would take the breach at Le Havre or fill it up with English dead. Pleasant fellow.

 

[phargle]

Gilgamesh, Hercules, Berengeur, Perseus.

The Myriadigamous Adventures of King Knud

As told with many pictures. And few words.

(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)

1346

Elin has the plague. The useful Elin, not the inbred daughter Elin.

Berenguer and I go for round two, which promises to be just as much riveting fun as round one.

The sad thing is that merely being defeated without being stroked would be an improvement.

I'm so pissed at my vassals for being disloyal pricks that I don't summon the estates general.

I just don't want to see them. Apparently, this makes me a just king.

Berenguer lost every soldier in his army and still managed to beat me.

Oddly, I'm now in a situation where merely being defeated and stabbed would have been improvement.

Me and the two hundred and thirty five people who ran away from Berengeur march back into battle.

Berengeur is outnumbered over five hundred to one and he still manages to reduce Kettil's morale.

I hope we win without embarassing ourselves.

That's the end of Niebla. This victory frees up a few hundred swordsman to come help deal with Berengeur.

Elin is made Countess of Niebla. The inbred daughter Elin, not the plague-ridden chancellor Elin.

I'm not even sure what this means.

Berengeur is defeated. He kills fifteeen of Kettil's men, including eleven who should be far away and armed with bows.

Kettil's men have to kill Berengeur a hundred and eleven times.

Now I know what that province in Tripoli is for: it's somewhere we can flee to in case Berengeur has a brother.

​

Does Berengeur have a brother? We'd better hope not! Peace beckons, and Knud may find himself not fighting for the first time in a year or so. In that time, he'll do what he does best - make babies, raise them badly, complain about his old wound, and that's really all he does well. Behold the stunning baby-making and the astonishing griping as the adventures of Knud Knýtling continue!​

 

[EvilSanta]

Kettil's men have to kill Berengeur a hundred and eleven times.

Did he actually even die in battle? You should pray that he does not flee to an obscure duchy/kingdom and manage to get a title from his new liege.

 

[unmerged(10971)]

What the -- is Berenguer invincible or something? Did someone finally have to drive a stake through his heart? Or shoot him with a silver bullet (well, arrow)?

 

[GrimPagan]

Plague. Nature's way of removing anyone able to accomplish anything beyond reproducing with one's siblings.

 

[unmerged(58610)]

The curse of the phantom army. Knud is about to be the caped crusader and fly off to Tripoli to stamp out the Count's rebellion.

I do hope Elin , the plague-ridden useful one survives the plague. Don't much care about the other.

Which of Knud's vassals will rise up to deny him and chase him around more of his own kingdom? Beaten by a dead man has got to be ruinous for his reputation. Friendly fire would explain the debacle.

 

[Morpheus506]

Kettil's men have to kill Berengeur a hundred and eleven times.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

 

[unmerged(51077)]

I hope we win without embarassing ourselves.

Better to embarass oneself and win, than to embarass oneself and lose .