Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales)

[Murmurandus]

Martí made me chuckle, good boy, Martí, good boy...

Other than that, I guess Knud is going for a bumpy ride...

Oh, and I just loved this part:

If only Knud knew! Knud confronts Niebla as the first challenge to his rule arises, but it won't be the only challenge. What will Knud do when another province rebels? Will it mean civil war? Will anybody come to Knud's aid? Is Tyke turning into a good king? And how are Knud's other children faring? All will be revealed, except the part where Knud gets brutally stabbed, in the next exciting episode of the adventures of our favorite Scandinavian hero as the adventures of Knud Knýtling continue!

 

[EvilSanta]

Love the peace offers.

 

[EmprorCoopinius]

"This isn't funny yet, but it will be when some poor slob pays me lots of ducats to bang her."


I love this AAR.

 

[unmerged(10971)]

...And the Knytings are still up to their usual tricks: Dealing with ridiculous opponents, having trouble figuring out which direction to send their troops, and plumbing new depths of inbreeding.

 

[Kanil]

The peace offers brought a tear to my eye. Brilliant...

 

[El Pip]

Back from Holiday and I find more Knytling based updatery. With incest and cunning plans! What more could you ask for? Woot indeed.

 

[Sekenr]

Great updates Phargle!

 

[phargle]

We're on a roll. I owe y'all some feedback, but I've been sick for a couple of days and figure I'll just get a daily update out and do feedback later. So: onward!

 

[phargle]

Once more unto the bitch, dear friends, once more.

The Myriadigamous Adventures of King Knud

As told with many pictures. And few words.

(the quality is low because there's a lot of them. pictures that is. the low quality of the words is all my fault though.)

1345 (again)

Let's take a quick look at some of my children.

This is Gustav, my son. He is also my sister's son.

It's a confusing situation that seems to be solving itself quite nicely.

Arnfast is one of my sons as well. I'd forgotten he existed until he got the plague.

When children act up or get the plague, it's not because they're troublemakers. It's a cry for help.

A loud, agonizing, diseased cry for help.

Finally, here's my first and best son.

I'm a little bothered that he looks exactly like me.

Tyke is married to Ragnhild Knýtling, thus assuring that my grandchildren will be real winners.

Ragnhild's father is Erik Knýtling, a bishop in Bornholm.

And Erik's father is Torbjörn Knýtling, who I believe was briefly king of Norway.

It's like the circle of life, but with heresy and treason.

I'm continuing to have trouble putting down the Niebla rebellion, and Emperor Michael is eager to help.

I decline, of course. I can handle this problem myself. Observe.

First, I prove to my vassals that I am a just and benevolent king by declining to summon the estates general.

Then, I sputter in impotent rage.

I'm not saying it's a good plan, but it's the only one we've got.

The traitor catches my battered army off-guard in Aracena. And my wife is pregnant.

They say trouble always happens in threes. I'm dreading what else is coming my way.

Knut arrives just in time with reinforcements.

I'd say things are finally coming up oh my God that Spaniard is coming right at with a-

thunk.

​

Dun-da-da-dah! It's a cliffhanger! Rebellion turns into hard battles, that third bit of trouble happens, and insult is added to injury. Or maybe that's the other way around. The lords of the south continue to rise up against Knud, and Niebla gets another ally or two. Will civil war undo all the good Knud has done? Will he have any more children? Will he overcome that third bit of trouble? You'll never believe what happens when you hear Knud say, "I'll never forget you, son!" and the adventures of Knud Knýtling continue!​

 

[Charle_88]

Well, what did you expect? A good, despotic, feudal tyrant is supposed to periodically take his vassals money from them. When you don't it confuses them, and they revolt.

 

[EmprorCoopinius]

So......are Knytling women really that attractive or just that accessible? :rofl:

 

[EvilSanta]

Yep, typical case. If child does not get sweet, tender loving ( ) they get themselves a plague.

 

[orlanth2000]

Love this AAR it have take me about a week to get this fra from the start - you got to love the slow summer days at work

 

[unmerged(17581)]

And what will happen to Knud's fledgling career as a caped crusader

 

[Olaus Petrus]

It's good to see that Knud's oldest son is following fine Knýtling tradition of inbreeding.

Civil war is nastier thing. I deeply hate that event, especially because person who causes the civil war is usually someone insignificant.

 

[unmerged(60841)]

Knud died. Tyke! And his name should provide an ample opportunity for jokes...is there anyone who doesn't have a claim on Norway?

 

[unmerged(51077)]

Hm, it seems Knud died. Well there seems to be more than one knut left so

 

[unmerged(31881)]

Remember, we speak of no lowly, baseborn bastard Torben!

"Fight on, my men," says the King of the Knýtlings
"I am hurt, but I am not slain;
I'll lay me down and bleed a while,
And then I'll rise and fight again.

"Fight on my men," says Tyke's father,
"These Spanish dogs they bite so low;
Fight on for Aragon and Knud the Blessed
Till you hear my whistle blow!"

 

[Murmurandus]

Ah, everything is going wrong a the good old Knytling way...

 

[phargle]

Feedbizzie.

Sekenr - Frickin' thanks! Welcome to the AAR!

Murmurandus - Heh, those ending blurbs are kind of the throw-away comments of the AARs. I don't even try to be funny, and normally just write the first things that come to my mind. Often, I have to delete them and type something less crude. I bet anonymous4401 can relate to how those ending blurbs are just there. In any case, I'm glad you enjoyed the rawest part of the posts.

RGB - Awwww. <3

Llywelyn - We have post counts here? Ooo-er. We could really go for broke and make a College of Knýtlings, but I fear the system may crash.

bowl of soup - The rotting carcass of this saga will continue to fester for a long time, my friend. And my plot was actually to not win the ACA last time around. I figured I hadn't done the work to deserve a win, so I consciously refrained from updating 'til after the voting ended just so people wouldn't get reminded of this AAR. That's not to say I'm not very grateful, which I am. Thanks!

Chief Ragusa - I will skip no knuts. And what is all this talk of shearing peasants? Weirdo.

greyghost - It hasn't been that I lack readers or anything, but I just couldn't figure out a style for the most recent king and wanted the AAR to stay fresh. The idea that it may have jumped the shark kind of bothers me now and then, but the recent updates are fun and seem worth posting. So I hope it hasn't gone mediocre.

Olaus Petrus - Civil war ain't that bad. It is funny that it's normally some pitiful count overthrowing the crown, though.

nette001 - Welcome to the AAR. I hope you aren't driven knuts, you punny man, you.

zerothehero - Paradox should send me a check shortly for services rendered. Er, I mean, uh, I hope you enjoy the game!

gis - I hope it was a week you won't regret at the end of your life!

BRAVEn - May your stomach recover. What's up with your name? BRAVE and n. I think n is a variable, but I'm programmery.

General Jac - Nobody strictly needs Ireland, not even the Irish. I'm just amused at how Ireland constantly causes trouble for the Knýtlings. One couldn't conquer it, another couldn't become king of it, and now it's begging for alliances.

cohort - End it will, as all good things must. I hope you won't hate the day it happens.

JimboIX - Valdemar had nightmares of Magyars, if you recall. His fruity son accidentally went to war with Attila the Hun. And Janislaw might be slightly too pronounceable a name to be descended from the first Knud's foes, but then again everybody has come a long way since then. And please apologize to your wife on my behalf.

anonymous4401 - Sometimes I think you pick the most mundane line from the AAR to laugh at. But not always, as evidenced by the caped crusader catch you got. That was a hard one to write correctly because the Portuguese king's name didn't quite scan. And enjoy the thuggish requisitioning of the title!

EvilSanta - I'm glad you're still with us, and still enjoy the army route jokes. The problem is I have screenshots of army routes that don't have any other useful information, but I still wanna use 'em, so . . . well, the challenge is to not reuse any old jokes that aren't running gags. And that, in itself, is a running gag.

vertinox - If only this really were better than YouTube. Then I'd be a billionaire.

GrimPagan - Knud's kingdom must be greatest of them all because I've never managed to have a Knuddie sleep with his sister before. This only happened because I changed Knut Skytte to Knud Knýtling, thus changing his dynasty.

Charle_88 - Huzzah for readers of comics! Someone early on, just before getting banned, said this AAR is rather like a comic. Probably a weird Stan Lee comic, but a comic nevertheless!

EmprorCoopinius - The girls aren't hot, but they are accessible. There are hundreds of them across Europe from when the Pax Knýtling held sway.

Judas Maccabeus - One should probably not use words like 'plumbing' or 'depths' when. . . ah, who am I kidding? Plumb away, depth-seeker!

Kanil - The peace offerings brought tears to my eyes, too. Time was when one ducat would have been worth making peace for.

El Pip - Welcome back from your holiday!

orlanth2000 - I hope at the end of your life. . . well, I hope it was a week well-spent.

Tskb18 - But when they could not hear his whistle blow,
Says injured Knud, "I am not dead!
That sword there yonder slightly missed my gourd,
Let all know Knud hasn't lost his head."