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Did those genious czech statesmen forgot about the only-every-three-month meeting-thing?
4th Dimension: Alright! Alright! I was going to wait until I had two ready, but here you go 
Treppe: it's like you read my mind!
PANGI: Thanks! (I hope!)
Treppe: it's like you read my mind!
PANGI: Thanks! (I hope!)
The Setting: A Boardroom in Praha. It is 1 March 1936
They had been sitting in the boardroom for almost half an hour by now. The ministers were busily looking through their notes and preparing their presentations, except for Boris who sat with his hands clasped behind his head. In a few minutes, he was going to be a hero.
Unaware of Boris' delusions of grandeur, Edouard was losing his patience. Kamil had not yet arrived and the time for “fashionably late” was long past.
Edouard rose to his feet and called the room to order, “Gentlemen, we are going to give Kamil another 15 minutes and then we are just going to have to start without him.”
Ludvik looked up, surprised at this, “Don’t you think that’s a waste of time, Mr President? I mean, we’ve all got other things to do and, really, it is kind of silly for you to drag this out. I mean, it’s not like he’s going to show up.”
“Wait. What do you mean he isn’t going to show up?”
“Oh, he’s coming to the April meeting. He was hoping to hear back from France on a Diplomatic matter first.”
“These are optional?” Bluto staggered to his feet and ran from the room, “Whooooooooo!” At the same time, Milan rose angrily to his feet,
“Oh well isn’t this just grand. Optional. Is that why every one of you bastards decided to just not show up last month? Ha Ha, big joke on the Prime Minister, who had far more important things to do than spend a whole day and a half sitting in an empty conference room!” The blood was rushing to his face. Milan was angry.
Unable to restore order vocally, Edouard pulled his loafer off and banged it repeatedly on the table, until the room grew quiet. His blood pressure was quite high.
“Beggin your pardon sir, but I think you’re going to leave marks on the table doing that.”
“This is madness. We are in far worse trouble than I thought if you goons cannot even manage to make it to a simple meeting. Now, lets go over this one last time.”
“The meetings are not optional. The only way we can counter the German threat is by working together, God help me. Second, I distinctly said we would meet every third month and even said March 1st so no one could get confused about the dates.”
“No you didn’t. You said every month. That’s why I wasted a whole day sitting in here by myself. You distinctly said ‘let’s meet every month,’ so don’t try to change the rules now just because you skipped.”
“Yar, guvner. If ye don mind me sayin, every tird month would put us meetin’ on April Fools, sir, not today. This be ever’ other month.”
Edouard sighed. This was going to take longer than he’d expected. Throughout the chaos, Boris sat serenly in his seat.
They had been sitting in the boardroom for almost half an hour by now. The ministers were busily looking through their notes and preparing their presentations, except for Boris who sat with his hands clasped behind his head. In a few minutes, he was going to be a hero.
Unaware of Boris' delusions of grandeur, Edouard was losing his patience. Kamil had not yet arrived and the time for “fashionably late” was long past.
Edouard rose to his feet and called the room to order, “Gentlemen, we are going to give Kamil another 15 minutes and then we are just going to have to start without him.”
Ludvik looked up, surprised at this, “Don’t you think that’s a waste of time, Mr President? I mean, we’ve all got other things to do and, really, it is kind of silly for you to drag this out. I mean, it’s not like he’s going to show up.”
“Wait. What do you mean he isn’t going to show up?”
“Oh, he’s coming to the April meeting. He was hoping to hear back from France on a Diplomatic matter first.”
“These are optional?” Bluto staggered to his feet and ran from the room, “Whooooooooo!” At the same time, Milan rose angrily to his feet,
“Oh well isn’t this just grand. Optional. Is that why every one of you bastards decided to just not show up last month? Ha Ha, big joke on the Prime Minister, who had far more important things to do than spend a whole day and a half sitting in an empty conference room!” The blood was rushing to his face. Milan was angry.
Unable to restore order vocally, Edouard pulled his loafer off and banged it repeatedly on the table, until the room grew quiet. His blood pressure was quite high.
“Beggin your pardon sir, but I think you’re going to leave marks on the table doing that.”
“This is madness. We are in far worse trouble than I thought if you goons cannot even manage to make it to a simple meeting. Now, lets go over this one last time.”
“The meetings are not optional. The only way we can counter the German threat is by working together, God help me. Second, I distinctly said we would meet every third month and even said March 1st so no one could get confused about the dates.”
“No you didn’t. You said every month. That’s why I wasted a whole day sitting in here by myself. You distinctly said ‘let’s meet every month,’ so don’t try to change the rules now just because you skipped.”
“Yar, guvner. If ye don mind me sayin, every tird month would put us meetin’ on April Fools, sir, not today. This be ever’ other month.”
Edouard sighed. This was going to take longer than he’d expected. Throughout the chaos, Boris sat serenly in his seat.
The Setting: A Boardroom in Praha. It is 1 March 1936
After much back and forth, it is established that:
1 – The meetings are not optional
2 – That Edouard erred in his math by calling the meeting for 1 March
3 – That Kamil was, in fact, correct, but for the wrong reasons
4 – That everyone was terribly sorry to have forgotten to inform Milan of the schedule change
5 – That the next meeting would be held 1 July in order to get the meetings back on track and on a quarterly schedule
6 – That Bluto was already drunk, unconscious, pantless and damp on the front steps of the Government Building and would therefore not be awakened and the meeting would proceed without him.
“Okay, now that this mess is behind us, let’s go ahead and get started. Milan…”
“Ooh! Ooh! Me first! Me first!” Boris Trumper almost fell out of his seat as he flailed about in excitement.
“Okay, I’ll bite. We’ll start with the Sub-ministry of Intelligence. Director?”
Boris held up a large sheet of construction paper on which he had drawn up the Intelligence Department report.
“As you can all plainly see,” he pointed smugly at the German military statistics, “the enemy has hit some sort of financial, or maybe morale, crisis. They have cut their Air Force in half and reduced the Army by some 20 divisions. Now Bob was going to fact-check these numbers, but he was caught and executed crossing the border, but I think it is plain that,” and here he paused for dramatic effect, “the crisis has passed! With the new soldiers we’ve raised, we actually outnumber the Germans! Frankly, I think we should attack.” Boris sat down, looking quite satisfied with himself.
“So. Your spies report the German military has cut itself in half in two months time…just after abrogating the Treaty of Versailles and announcing a massive military increase and just after their leader has published a book whose very title indicates plans to wage war on us and your fact checker was killed immediately when he crossed the border.”
“That is correct sir. Yes it is.”
“And…and you do see any sort of, I don’t know, discrepancy there, you know, with what your two spies are telling you?”
“No, I do not, sir.”
“And, if you don’t mind my asking, where are these two spies you regard so highly, currently based?”
“Rio, sir.”
Boris was getting nervous. While the questions seemed reasonable enough, he’d really expected the room to erupt in cheers and to have been carried about on Edouard’s shoulders by now. He did, after all, just end the crisis.
“Rio?”
“Yes, Rio, sir. Rio de Janeiro, sir.”
“Your German spies are living in Brazil?”
“I know, isn’t it brilliant? The Krauts will never think to look there for spies!”
Edouard envied Bluto at that moment.
After much back and forth, it is established that:
1 – The meetings are not optional
2 – That Edouard erred in his math by calling the meeting for 1 March
3 – That Kamil was, in fact, correct, but for the wrong reasons
4 – That everyone was terribly sorry to have forgotten to inform Milan of the schedule change
5 – That the next meeting would be held 1 July in order to get the meetings back on track and on a quarterly schedule
6 – That Bluto was already drunk, unconscious, pantless and damp on the front steps of the Government Building and would therefore not be awakened and the meeting would proceed without him.
“Okay, now that this mess is behind us, let’s go ahead and get started. Milan…”
“Ooh! Ooh! Me first! Me first!” Boris Trumper almost fell out of his seat as he flailed about in excitement.
“Okay, I’ll bite. We’ll start with the Sub-ministry of Intelligence. Director?”
Boris held up a large sheet of construction paper on which he had drawn up the Intelligence Department report.
“As you can all plainly see,” he pointed smugly at the German military statistics, “the enemy has hit some sort of financial, or maybe morale, crisis. They have cut their Air Force in half and reduced the Army by some 20 divisions. Now Bob was going to fact-check these numbers, but he was caught and executed crossing the border, but I think it is plain that,” and here he paused for dramatic effect, “the crisis has passed! With the new soldiers we’ve raised, we actually outnumber the Germans! Frankly, I think we should attack.” Boris sat down, looking quite satisfied with himself.
“So. Your spies report the German military has cut itself in half in two months time…just after abrogating the Treaty of Versailles and announcing a massive military increase and just after their leader has published a book whose very title indicates plans to wage war on us and your fact checker was killed immediately when he crossed the border.”
“That is correct sir. Yes it is.”
“And…and you do see any sort of, I don’t know, discrepancy there, you know, with what your two spies are telling you?”
“No, I do not, sir.”
“And, if you don’t mind my asking, where are these two spies you regard so highly, currently based?”
“Rio, sir.”
Boris was getting nervous. While the questions seemed reasonable enough, he’d really expected the room to erupt in cheers and to have been carried about on Edouard’s shoulders by now. He did, after all, just end the crisis.
“Rio?”
“Yes, Rio, sir. Rio de Janeiro, sir.”
“Your German spies are living in Brazil?”
“I know, isn’t it brilliant? The Krauts will never think to look there for spies!”
Edouard envied Bluto at that moment.
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Poor Boris... those people don't understand a thing about intelligence gathering...
Murmurandus said:Poor Boris... those people don't understand a thing about intelligence gathering...
The problem is two-fold: intelligence (which IQ does an average board room have?) and gathering ("When do we meet again, guys?").
Hilarious. So is this the occasion implied in the title, where Kamil guesses wrong?
Murmurandus: Heh. Sokraates' reply is better than anything I could have written
Sokraates: :rofl: As usual, out-funnying me in my own AAR
(please keep it up)
likk9922: Thank you!
Dr Death: welcome and thank you!
Snugglie: That remains to be seen, but it is one candidate!
Sokraates: :rofl: As usual, out-funnying me in my own AAR
(please keep it up)
likk9922: Thank you!
Dr Death: welcome and thank you!
Snugglie: That remains to be seen, but it is one candidate!
The Setting: A Boardroom in Praha. It is, and seems like it will always be, 1 March 1936
Boris, having completed his presentation was sitting back in his seat, eagerly awaiting the kudos of his fellow ministers.
Antonin leaned over to his friend, “well done Boris, your spy team has really saved the day!”
…
…
“So. Boris. Your department is tasked with one thing before our next meeting. I want you to get a spy physically into Germany. Even if it means hiring an additional spy.”
Boris was displeased. Not even a thank you. He slunk sullenly in his seat.
“Anyway, Machnik, since we’ve begun with your Ministry, let’s go ahead with the rest of them.”
Machnik had been staring at Boris with unbridled hate. “Eh? Oh, right. Okay, well since development on the new Interceptors has been slowing down some, there are no changes within the Air Force. Since we don’t have all the new divisions deployed, I’m also holding off on Operational Planning for now. As such, the Army remains the only real show in town, so I’m going to let Field Marshal Krejci take over and finish the War Department’s presentation.”
Frantisek was hurt. “Wait, chief, I spent the last two months working on a new Air Force motto! You promised I’d get to share it with everyone! You can’t just skip me now.”
…
…
“Fine Air General. You want to show President Benes what an ass you are, go right ahead and do it.”
“Mr. President, you are, of course, aware that I do not have the authority to appoint the branch heads. That falls to Prime Minister Hodza.”
Frantisek glared at the Chief of Staff for a moment before happily rising to his feet with a flourish of rustling of vinyl. “Okay, I worked really hard on this, so be nice.” He was giddy.
“Ahem…Air Force – We Fly High So You Don’t Die!”
He chewed his lip with ill-suppressed nervous tension. “So, what do you think?”
…
“Um. That’s…ah…real nice, yeah. Nice.”
Joseph collapsed into his seat, relief filled his body. He finally inhaled.
“That’s great, because I already ordered 100,000 posters and recruiting shorts are already running in the theatres during the newscasts.”
"Wait, you're recruiting?"
"Yes, isn't that exciting!"
“But you don’t have any planes, not even training aircraft.”
“Just a technicality, really.”
…
…
“How in the Hell is that just a technicality?” Edouard was so angry he was visibly shaking. “You have no planes for them to fly. You have no way to train them at all. You don’t even have uniforms or a budget to pay them.”
His voice rose until he was almost screaming, “what, about any of that is ‘just a technicality’!”
“You know Edouard, if you didn’t like the slogan, you could have just said so. There was no reason to be mean about it.”
“Joseph, you are doing just great and I think your new motto is really spiffy.”
Both men glared at Edouard in reproval.
Boris, having completed his presentation was sitting back in his seat, eagerly awaiting the kudos of his fellow ministers.
Antonin leaned over to his friend, “well done Boris, your spy team has really saved the day!”
…
…
“So. Boris. Your department is tasked with one thing before our next meeting. I want you to get a spy physically into Germany. Even if it means hiring an additional spy.”
Boris was displeased. Not even a thank you. He slunk sullenly in his seat.
“Anyway, Machnik, since we’ve begun with your Ministry, let’s go ahead with the rest of them.”
Machnik had been staring at Boris with unbridled hate. “Eh? Oh, right. Okay, well since development on the new Interceptors has been slowing down some, there are no changes within the Air Force. Since we don’t have all the new divisions deployed, I’m also holding off on Operational Planning for now. As such, the Army remains the only real show in town, so I’m going to let Field Marshal Krejci take over and finish the War Department’s presentation.”
Frantisek was hurt. “Wait, chief, I spent the last two months working on a new Air Force motto! You promised I’d get to share it with everyone! You can’t just skip me now.”
…
…
“Fine Air General. You want to show President Benes what an ass you are, go right ahead and do it.”
“Mr. President, you are, of course, aware that I do not have the authority to appoint the branch heads. That falls to Prime Minister Hodza.”
Frantisek glared at the Chief of Staff for a moment before happily rising to his feet with a flourish of rustling of vinyl. “Okay, I worked really hard on this, so be nice.” He was giddy.
“Ahem…Air Force – We Fly High So You Don’t Die!”
He chewed his lip with ill-suppressed nervous tension. “So, what do you think?”
…
“Um. That’s…ah…real nice, yeah. Nice.”
Joseph collapsed into his seat, relief filled his body. He finally inhaled.
“That’s great, because I already ordered 100,000 posters and recruiting shorts are already running in the theatres during the newscasts.”
"Wait, you're recruiting?"
"Yes, isn't that exciting!"
“But you don’t have any planes, not even training aircraft.”
“Just a technicality, really.”
…
…
“How in the Hell is that just a technicality?” Edouard was so angry he was visibly shaking. “You have no planes for them to fly. You have no way to train them at all. You don’t even have uniforms or a budget to pay them.”
His voice rose until he was almost screaming, “what, about any of that is ‘just a technicality’!”
“You know Edouard, if you didn’t like the slogan, you could have just said so. There was no reason to be mean about it.”
“Joseph, you are doing just great and I think your new motto is really spiffy.”
Both men glared at Edouard in reproval.
The Setting: A Boardroom in Praha. It is, as always, 1 March 1936
As much as Edouard hated the men he worked with, it was true. They were all a part of Milan’s cabinet. He could not fire them and Milan did not seem likely to ever replace them. For the sake of Czechoslovakia, he would have to cope with them.
After apologizing for yelling, and after putting a stop to the recruiting drive, for now, Edouard turned his attention back to Army Chief Ludvik, who was busily setting up his trifold.
“As you can see, we have deployed 5 more divisions, 4 of them militia, bringing our totals to 29 active Divisions. We are assembling mixed Corps of 1 Regular Division and 2 Militia Divisions to garrison the border provinces. Meanwhile, we currently have a Corps of 3 Infantry Divisions garrisoning Praha, and 5 Division Army supporting the Sudetenland garrisons as local reserves.”
“We also have the,” Ludvik sighed, “Land-Ship Army…”
“Ahem”
Groaning, Ludvik rolled his eyes, “right, I mean AARRRRRmy. It is split into two Corps of 2 Tank and 1 partially motorized Infantry Divisions.”
“They be called tha First an Second Dirt-Fleets. An appropriate name fer me salty dogs!”
…
…
…
“Thank you for that Admiral-General.”
Working with the mad Pirate was taking a toll on Ludvik. He sat down heavily in his seat.
“Hey! I just realized something! Admiral Syrovy commands ships right? And they're organized into fleets, right?”
“Shouldn’t they be assigned,” and here he paused for a moment, visions of an actual command dancing before his eyes, “to the Navy?”
Syrovy jumped to his feet. “Yar! That be bloody brilliant mate, those lubbers in the Army got no business orderin’ me Land-Ships about!”
While Ludvik jumped to his feet, screaming at the Navy chief and the Admiral-General began clamoring for a submarine flotilla for the Elbe, Edouard quietly reached for an antacid tablet while Machnik took a deep swallow from a flask.
As much as Edouard hated the men he worked with, it was true. They were all a part of Milan’s cabinet. He could not fire them and Milan did not seem likely to ever replace them. For the sake of Czechoslovakia, he would have to cope with them.
After apologizing for yelling, and after putting a stop to the recruiting drive, for now, Edouard turned his attention back to Army Chief Ludvik, who was busily setting up his trifold.
“As you can see, we have deployed 5 more divisions, 4 of them militia, bringing our totals to 29 active Divisions. We are assembling mixed Corps of 1 Regular Division and 2 Militia Divisions to garrison the border provinces. Meanwhile, we currently have a Corps of 3 Infantry Divisions garrisoning Praha, and 5 Division Army supporting the Sudetenland garrisons as local reserves.”
“We also have the,” Ludvik sighed, “Land-Ship Army…”
“Ahem”
Groaning, Ludvik rolled his eyes, “right, I mean AARRRRRmy. It is split into two Corps of 2 Tank and 1 partially motorized Infantry Divisions.”
“They be called tha First an Second Dirt-Fleets. An appropriate name fer me salty dogs!”
…
…
…
“Thank you for that Admiral-General.”
Working with the mad Pirate was taking a toll on Ludvik. He sat down heavily in his seat.
“Hey! I just realized something! Admiral Syrovy commands ships right? And they're organized into fleets, right?”
“Shouldn’t they be assigned,” and here he paused for a moment, visions of an actual command dancing before his eyes, “to the Navy?”
Syrovy jumped to his feet. “Yar! That be bloody brilliant mate, those lubbers in the Army got no business orderin’ me Land-Ships about!”
While Ludvik jumped to his feet, screaming at the Navy chief and the Admiral-General began clamoring for a submarine flotilla for the Elbe, Edouard quietly reached for an antacid tablet while Machnik took a deep swallow from a flask.
Alfred Packer said:Sokraates: :rofl: As usual, out-funnying me in my own AAR
That's healthy competition. Just like between the army and the navy.
Alfred Packer said:
Having read the last two updates, I actually feel like I could use a sip from some strong brew myself.
If you thought Sparta was madness, you haven't seen Czechoslovakia.
Oddly enough these meetings feel strangely familiar... God, I'm Company-Brainwashed!
Also, I propose to put the Airforce under Navy command as they are after all 'airships'...
Also, I propose to put the Airforce under Navy command as they are after all 'airships'...
This is brilliant. Keep it up.
PS. It says 'Poland' right on his flight jacket! :rofl:
PS. It says 'Poland' right on his flight jacket! :rofl: