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Peter Ebbesen

the Conqueror
61 Badges
Mar 3, 2001
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Being on the nature of an Introduction and a warning of things to come

Once upon a time there was a happy and prosperous kingdom whose peaceful population lived sheltered lives in utmost harmony with nature and suchlike and had rancid yak butter and were generally quite nice people, really.

While money was sparse in the kingdom, few cared, really, for there wasn't a lot to spend money on, to be completely honest, except for sheep and the occasional reverse engineering of mountains.

The kingdom was ruled by a king, and not just any little old king. No, the kingdom was ruled by a Priest-King, and like many Priest-Kings before him he had a quaint multi-syllable name intended to impress his people. And his people, who were as impressible as anyone, really, were impressed by his multi-syllable name. And he was named Sanam Trakpa Gyan-tsen.

Well, a Priest-King sort of implies some sort of religion, and not surprisingly so. If history has shown one thing, it is that poor cold mountains yield a high yearly crop of monks, who begin their new lives as lazy apprentices named grasshopper, ladybug, godzilla, or some other common insect name, who through hard study and avoidance of real work become respected middleaged monks, and eventually wise old monks knowning the secrets of the universe, or at least the brewing of good yak tea, and with the rights to say non-sensical things and hit younger monks and innocent passers-by with big sticks.

A peaceful religion for a peaceful country, you might say. But since the monks supplied the only cash crop, prayer wheels, and didn't bother people overmuch, they were tolerably well respected.

And on one day, in one year, the Priest-King, Sanam Trakpa Gyan-tsen, listened to his senior monks in his little mountaintop summer palace, and he was not amused.

"He comes", said the first senior monk.

"He comes", agreed the second senior monk.

"Indeed, he comes!", intoned the third senior monk.

"He cometh!!", rasped the fourth senior monk.

"I tell you, the omens are clear: HE COMES!", said the fifth senior monk, not to be outdone.


"Ok, message: he comes. Got it, but how? What say the omens", asked the Priest-King Sanam Trakpa Gyan-tsen

"He comes...
...In Power"

"He Arises...
...In Might"

"He Raises...
...The Whirlwind"

"He Bringeth...
...The Cataclysm"

"He calls...
...The Gathering!"


"Somewhat discouraging, that. Doesn't seem to have quite the proper pacifist state of mind. Perhaps he can be swayed by the liberal application of yak tea?", asked the Priest-King Sanam Trakpa Gyan-tsen

"He is not swayed...
...By Mortal Men"

"He Takes Peace...
...By Force, not Tea"

"He Farts...
...In your General Direction, and the mountains tremble"

"He Laughs...
...And Armies Perish"

"He Frowns...
...And Thrones are Humbled"

...As the silence deepens, quiet chanting is heard from the newest acolytes, who are suffering from Chanting 101. It sounds somewhat like 'Oooooooooooooooo'. They'll get around to 'm' some day in the not so distant future, when the teacher of novices deem them fit.

"There's really nothing to be done, is there? Thousands of years of quiet reincarnation on a mountaintop all to be spoiled by the imminent arrival of the Transcendant One as he, once again, cuts a trail of death and destruction through the very fabric of the world. Why did it have to be us? We are poor, humble, utterly without the means to prosecute warfare, sandwiched between the bread of India and the yak of China, and Buddhists to boot! It is almost enough to make one upset!!!", asked the Priest-King Sanam Trakpa Gyan-tsen

"The question reveals the answer", said the first senior monk.

"The truth is in the question", agreed the second senior monk.

"Indeed, the goat is at the gate", intoned the third senior monk.

"He neither drinks, nor mountains hone with garlic", rasped the fourth senior monk.

"Gazing beyond the infinite reveals the clue and it is blue", said the fifth senior monk, not to be outdone.

"What a showoff", said the second senior monk of the fifth, "that was never an authentic bit of ancient wisdom. You just made it up!"

"Did not", defended the fifth senior monk.

"Did too", said the first senior monk, who wished he had made it up first.

"Up yours respectfully!", exclaimed the fifth senior monk.

"Retaliate Mightily with Words of Wisdom", said the third senior monk.

"When the hardcase goes abroad, the quiet valley sings", interjected the fourth senior monk, getting into the spirit of things.

...
...
...

"Does it, really? I mean chanting valleys, sure, we see those all the time. Even sweating valleys and boistrous valleys. But I never saw a quiet valley sing", said the fifth senior monk, deftly deflecting the course of the conversation.

"What about the moaning valley of lower Phat?", asked the fourth monk.

"Well moaning is hardly singing, is it?", said the first senior monk.


"Will you guys please cut me some slack here? We've got a major incident heading our way, and you discuss singing valleys, when everybody knows there hasn't been a true singing valley since the deep throat incident 529 years ago!", asked the Priest-King Sanam Trakpa Gyan-tsen

"530 years ago", said the second monk.

"528 years to be precise", counterattacked the first monk.

WHACK!
WHACK!


Ouch, master

Ouch, master


Whhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...
....sssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
, came the sound of something large speeding through the athmosphere at an incredible speed.

Boooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...
....iiiiinnnnnnnnnnnggggggg
, intoned the Earth as a large indentified flying object made a photogenic first class landing on the palace roof.

Ooooommmmmmmmmmmmmm, went the acolytes. The teacher of novices would discipline them severely for this outrageous display of independent thought.

YAK DUNG!, went the senior monks, agreeing for once.

The Transcendant One had arrived.......




The Rules
Tibet
GC v1.05
In case of utilising ancient monkish secrets (cheating) you will be notified

The Goals
The Transcendant One Has Seen the Infinite and is Beyond Goals.

The Notes
Wise man say: Tibet is not coloured purple. Tibet is white. Different strategies apply.
Wise man say: Posting will be infrequent, but patience is a virtue.
Wise man say: ALL RIGHT. First installment within a day or two.
 
Well, being coloured white means that it does have some purple component to it...;)

So saith the 6th wise monk: Let the mountains shake and the valleys tremble, for Ebbesen has arrived and your puny little sanctimonious lives are about to be shattered forever.

Thus observed the 6th wise monk: I sense that even the yeti will flee in abject terror.

So doth the 6th wise monk: run for the plains!
 
"What are the goals?" asked the first monk.

The 19th monk, who no one really liked, replied, "One cannot know the answer if one knows the question; one cannot know the question if one knows the answer."

WHACK
WHACK
WHACK


The Grand Master then said, "if Grasshopper quotes Douglas Adams, Grasshopper will be wlak food."
 
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Even the young acolytes, with their shorn heads and loose robes, were nervous . . . and not just about having to play "find the pebble" with their elder masters.


I'm looking forward to this.

The AAR, that is. Not "find the pebble".


His presence is felt.
The nation awaits him.
Is he not here yet?
 
All bow to the vengeful arm of Buddha

This should be amusing ... I'm trying to picture the Enlightened One commanding his troops on the battlefield. Or a Tibetan monastery bristling with rifles as its garrison prepares for the inevitable Chinese attack. I think the universe just made the sound "oooooooooooooooooommmmmmmm ... *cough* *hack* *wheeeeeeeeze* bleaaaaaah". Or something like that.

May the Dalai Ebbesen's armies follow the Eightfold Path to world domination.
 
Originally posted by Peter Ebbesen

"He Farts...
...In your General Direction, and the mountains tremble"

"

Monthy Python - The Holy Grail

The Frenchmen in the castle to King Arthur and the Knights with a very heavy accent:

I don't want to talk to you, no more, you empty-headed animal, food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Did you think we'd miss it??

Any how good one......:D:D
 
Young acolyte Norgesvenn had long looked forward to not doing any real work. However, the Priest King seemed a bit like a pain in the nether regions of the back. Norgesvenn wanted to play "find the pebble" and "hide the yak" with heagarty. Now it seemed he'd have to seek Nirvana instead. Which was a problem, since Courteous Ku-Bain, the one smelling slightly of teen spirit had gone AWOL.

Norgesvenn sighed.


:) Nice one, Peter. Are you on some flying saucer tour, playing only nations where aliens are sighted frequently? Try Creek or Cherokee next time. ;)
 
Wow! An AAR by Peter Ebbesen! This is like the most interesting reading on earth! By the way, I was just about to start an AAR as Tibet, but it seems that you were first :(. Well, maybe I'll do it anyway. The theme is going to be "Star Wars".
 
The novice rocked back and fro, murmuring
rule number one number one one whatwasitwhatwasitwhatwasit...

Boooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...
....iiiiinnnnnnnnnnnggggggg,
intoned the Earth as a large indentified flying object made a photogenic first class landing on the palace roof.

Shocked into the real world pictures shot through his mind: orange, brooms, mountains (small for some reason), notsotall wrinkled old men (beware!!), time

*in the background*
Ooooommmmmmmmmmmmmm

WHACK
WHACK
WHACK


*relief*
nothing so bad luckily, just the same old temple, more long years of nice and quiet meditation to look forward to

*memory*
Boooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.......iiiiinnnnnnnnnnnggggggg,
what was that noice....?

--------------
sorry, I just had to;) looking forward to this one
 
A lone monk, lost in prayer, kneels in the ceremonial gardens. There was something odd about this one. Some even thought that he came from the future. No one really knew for sure though since he had taken a vow of silence. Monk 357 Version Alpha Mod One Block Zero gazed up at the palace as a large indentified flying object made a photogenic first class landing on the roof.

"So, it begins..." he thought to himself. A very faint whirring noise could be heard beneath the hood of his cowl.


Excellent intro Peter....clicking Subscribe now....:)
 
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