• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

Peter Ebbesen

the Conqueror
54 Badges
Mar 3, 2001
16.532
1.630
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Warlock 2: The Exiled
  • Warlock: Master of the Arcane
  • Sword of the Stars II
  • Europa Universalis: Rome
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Majesty 2
  • The Kings Crusade
  • King Arthur II
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Impire
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Crusader Kings II: Sunset Invasion
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Shadowrun Returns
  • Age of Wonders: Planetfall Sign Up
  • Stellaris: Ancient Relics
  • Stellaris: Distant Stars
  • BATTLETECH - Backer
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Age of Wonders III
  • Shadowrun: Dragonfall
  • Shadowrun: Hong Kong
  • Stellaris: Megacorp
  • Imperator: Rome Deluxe Edition
  • Imperator: Rome
  • Imperator: Rome Sign Up
  • BATTLETECH
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Stellaris: Digital Anniversary Edition
  • Stellaris
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
  • Victoria 2 Beta
  • Stellaris: Lithoids
  • Crusader Kings III
  • Europa Universalis III: Collection
  • 500k Club
  • Rome: Vae Victis
Being on the nature of an Introduction and a warning of things to come

Once upon a time there was a happy and prosperous kingdom whose peaceful population lived sheltered lives in utmost harmony with nature and suchlike and had rancid yak butter and were generally quite nice people, really.

While money was sparse in the kingdom, few cared, really, for there wasn't a lot to spend money on, to be completely honest, except for sheep and the occasional reverse engineering of mountains.

The kingdom was ruled by a king, and not just any little old king. No, the kingdom was ruled by a Priest-King, and like many Priest-Kings before him he had a quaint multi-syllable name intended to impress his people. And his people, who were as impressible as anyone, really, were impressed by his multi-syllable name. And he was named Sanam Trakpa Gyan-tsen.

Well, a Priest-King sort of implies some sort of religion, and not surprisingly so. If history has shown one thing, it is that poor cold mountains yield a high yearly crop of monks, who begin their new lives as lazy apprentices named grasshopper, ladybug, godzilla, or some other common insect name, who through hard study and avoidance of real work become respected middleaged monks, and eventually wise old monks knowning the secrets of the universe, or at least the brewing of good yak tea, and with the rights to say non-sensical things and hit younger monks and innocent passers-by with big sticks.

A peaceful religion for a peaceful country, you might say. But since the monks supplied the only cash crop, prayer wheels, and didn't bother people overmuch, they were tolerably well respected.

And on one day, in one year, the Priest-King, Sanam Trakpa Gyan-tsen, listened to his senior monks in his little mountaintop summer palace, and he was not amused.

"He comes", said the first senior monk.

"He comes", agreed the second senior monk.

"Indeed, he comes!", intoned the third senior monk.

"He cometh!!", rasped the fourth senior monk.

"I tell you, the omens are clear: HE COMES!", said the fifth senior monk, not to be outdone.


"Ok, message: he comes. Got it, but how? What say the omens", asked the Priest-King Sanam Trakpa Gyan-tsen

"He comes...
...In Power"

"He Arises...
...In Might"

"He Raises...
...The Whirlwind"

"He Bringeth...
...The Cataclysm"

"He calls...
...The Gathering!"


"Somewhat discouraging, that. Doesn't seem to have quite the proper pacifist state of mind. Perhaps he can be swayed by the liberal application of yak tea?", asked the Priest-King Sanam Trakpa Gyan-tsen

"He is not swayed...
...By Mortal Men"

"He Takes Peace...
...By Force, not Tea"

"He Farts...
...In your General Direction, and the mountains tremble"

"He Laughs...
...And Armies Perish"

"He Frowns...
...And Thrones are Humbled"

...As the silence deepens, quiet chanting is heard from the newest acolytes, who are suffering from Chanting 101. It sounds somewhat like 'Oooooooooooooooo'. They'll get around to 'm' some day in the not so distant future, when the teacher of novices deem them fit.

"There's really nothing to be done, is there? Thousands of years of quiet reincarnation on a mountaintop all to be spoiled by the imminent arrival of the Transcendant One as he, once again, cuts a trail of death and destruction through the very fabric of the world. Why did it have to be us? We are poor, humble, utterly without the means to prosecute warfare, sandwiched between the bread of India and the yak of China, and Buddhists to boot! It is almost enough to make one upset!!!", asked the Priest-King Sanam Trakpa Gyan-tsen

"The question reveals the answer", said the first senior monk.

"The truth is in the question", agreed the second senior monk.

"Indeed, the goat is at the gate", intoned the third senior monk.

"He neither drinks, nor mountains hone with garlic", rasped the fourth senior monk.

"Gazing beyond the infinite reveals the clue and it is blue", said the fifth senior monk, not to be outdone.

"What a showoff", said the second senior monk of the fifth, "that was never an authentic bit of ancient wisdom. You just made it up!"

"Did not", defended the fifth senior monk.

"Did too", said the first senior monk, who wished he had made it up first.

"Up yours respectfully!", exclaimed the fifth senior monk.

"Retaliate Mightily with Words of Wisdom", said the third senior monk.

"When the hardcase goes abroad, the quiet valley sings", interjected the fourth senior monk, getting into the spirit of things.

...
...
...

"Does it, really? I mean chanting valleys, sure, we see those all the time. Even sweating valleys and boistrous valleys. But I never saw a quiet valley sing", said the fifth senior monk, deftly deflecting the course of the conversation.

"What about the moaning valley of lower Phat?", asked the fourth monk.

"Well moaning is hardly singing, is it?", said the first senior monk.


"Will you guys please cut me some slack here? We've got a major incident heading our way, and you discuss singing valleys, when everybody knows there hasn't been a true singing valley since the deep throat incident 529 years ago!", asked the Priest-King Sanam Trakpa Gyan-tsen

"530 years ago", said the second monk.

"528 years to be precise", counterattacked the first monk.

WHACK!
WHACK!


Ouch, master

Ouch, master


Whhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...
....sssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
, came the sound of something large speeding through the athmosphere at an incredible speed.

Boooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...
....iiiiinnnnnnnnnnnggggggg
, intoned the Earth as a large indentified flying object made a photogenic first class landing on the palace roof.

Ooooommmmmmmmmmmmmm, went the acolytes. The teacher of novices would discipline them severely for this outrageous display of independent thought.

YAK DUNG!, went the senior monks, agreeing for once.

The Transcendant One had arrived.......




The Rules
Tibet
GC v1.05
In case of utilising ancient monkish secrets (cheating) you will be notified

The Goals
The Transcendant One Has Seen the Infinite and is Beyond Goals.

The Notes
Wise man say: Tibet is not coloured purple. Tibet is white. Different strategies apply.
Wise man say: Posting will be infrequent, but patience is a virtue.
Wise man say: ALL RIGHT. First installment within a day or two.
 

unmerged(6777)

Field Marshal
Dec 10, 2001
12.470
5
Well, being coloured white means that it does have some purple component to it...;)

So saith the 6th wise monk: Let the mountains shake and the valleys tremble, for Ebbesen has arrived and your puny little sanctimonious lives are about to be shattered forever.

Thus observed the 6th wise monk: I sense that even the yeti will flee in abject terror.

So doth the 6th wise monk: run for the plains!
 

unmerged(8608)

Speshul
Apr 8, 2002
378
0
Visit site
Oh goddie...
 

Faeelin

Field Marshal
66 Badges
Dec 15, 2001
6.968
352
Visit site
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • 500k Club
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Stellaris
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rights of Man
  • Tyranny: Archon Edition
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Together for Victory
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mandate of Heaven
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Death or Dishonor
  • Stellaris: Synthetic Dawn
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cradle of Civilization
  • Europa Universalis 4: Emperor
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Divine Wind
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • For The Glory
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • March of the Eagles
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Victoria: Revolutions
  • Victoria 2
"What are the goals?" asked the first monk.

The 19th monk, who no one really liked, replied, "One cannot know the answer if one knows the question; one cannot know the question if one knows the answer."

WHACK
WHACK
WHACK


The Grand Master then said, "if Grasshopper quotes Douglas Adams, Grasshopper will be wlak food."
 
Last edited:

unmerged(4271)

General
Jun 6, 2001
2.161
0
Even the young acolytes, with their shorn heads and loose robes, were nervous . . . and not just about having to play "find the pebble" with their elder masters.


I'm looking forward to this.

The AAR, that is. Not "find the pebble".


His presence is felt.
The nation awaits him.
Is he not here yet?
 

unmerged(9340)

Second Lieutenant
May 15, 2002
193
0
All bow to the vengeful arm of Buddha

This should be amusing ... I'm trying to picture the Enlightened One commanding his troops on the battlefield. Or a Tibetan monastery bristling with rifles as its garrison prepares for the inevitable Chinese attack. I think the universe just made the sound "oooooooooooooooooommmmmmmm ... *cough* *hack* *wheeeeeeeeze* bleaaaaaah". Or something like that.

May the Dalai Ebbesen's armies follow the Eightfold Path to world domination.
 

unmerged(4130)

impatient compromiser
May 30, 2001
120
0
Visit site
Yet another fine start by Peter Ebbsen.
I think I'll like it.
 

Sharur

Field Marshal
11 Badges
Jun 3, 2001
3.314
0
Visit site
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Divine Wind
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Magicka
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • 500k Club
Now this... oughta be interesting :D

The Enlightened One wouldn't... by any strange coincidence... be of relation to First Scientist, would he :eek:
 

Secret Master

Covert Mastermind
Demi Moderator
80 Badges
Jul 9, 2001
34.122
11.969
  • 200k Club
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Victoria: Revolutions
  • Europa Universalis: Rome
  • Semper Fi
  • Sengoku
  • Ship Simulator Extremes
  • Sword of the Stars II
  • Victoria 2
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • Rome: Vae Victis
  • Warlock: Master of the Arcane
  • March of the Eagles
  • 500k Club
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Knight (pre-order)
  • Pride of Nations
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
  • Mount & Blade: With Fire and Sword
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Crusader Kings II: Limited Collectors Edition
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Achtung Panzer
  • Battle for Bosporus
  • Europa Universalis III
  • A Game of Dwarves
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sunset Invasion
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Commander: Conquest of the Americas
  • Deus Vult
  • Europa Universalis III: Chronicles
  • Divine Wind
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • For the Motherland
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Hearts of Iron III Collection
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • King Arthur II
  • The Kings Crusade
Originally posted by Peter Ebbesen

The Goals
The Transcendant One Has Seen the Infinite and is Beyond Goals.


Ahem... that means that you will be trying desperately to survive the onslaught of the Chinese, right?
:D
 

unmerged(7536)

Second Lieutenant
Jan 30, 2002
176
0
Visit site
Originally posted by Peter Ebbesen

"He Farts...
...In your General Direction, and the mountains tremble"

"
Monthy Python - The Holy Grail

The Frenchmen in the castle to King Arthur and the Knights with a very heavy accent:

I don't want to talk to you, no more, you empty-headed animal, food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Did you think we'd miss it??

Any how good one......:D:D
 

Norgesvenn

LurkAAR
92 Badges
Jun 13, 2001
3.522
0
Visit site
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Supreme Ruler: Cold War
  • Victoria 2
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • 500k Club
  • Cities: Skylines
  • Cities: Skylines Deluxe Edition
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Knight (pre-order)
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Pride of Nations
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Semper Fi
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Cities: Skylines - After Dark
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Cities: Skylines - Snowfall
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Stellaris
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Hearts of Iron IV Sign-up
  • Imperator: Rome - Magna Graecia
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Darkest Hour
  • Deus Vult
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Divine Wind
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Europa Universalis IV: Call to arms event
  • For the Motherland
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Victoria: Revolutions
Young acolyte Norgesvenn had long looked forward to not doing any real work. However, the Priest King seemed a bit like a pain in the nether regions of the back. Norgesvenn wanted to play "find the pebble" and "hide the yak" with heagarty. Now it seemed he'd have to seek Nirvana instead. Which was a problem, since Courteous Ku-Bain, the one smelling slightly of teen spirit had gone AWOL.

Norgesvenn sighed.


:) Nice one, Peter. Are you on some flying saucer tour, playing only nations where aliens are sighted frequently? Try Creek or Cherokee next time. ;)
 

unmerged(7404)

Captain
Jan 22, 2002
459
0
www.europa-universalis.net
Wow! An AAR by Peter Ebbesen! This is like the most interesting reading on earth! By the way, I was just about to start an AAR as Tibet, but it seems that you were first :(. Well, maybe I'll do it anyway. The theme is going to be "Star Wars".
 

Seli

Pining for a past that never was
114 Badges
May 13, 2002
1.276
192
  • Cities: Skylines - Natural Disasters
  • Crusader Kings III: Royal Edition
  • Diplomacy
  • Crusader Kings III
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Knight (pre-order)
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • 200k Club
  • 500k Club
The novice rocked back and fro, murmuring
rule number one number one one whatwasitwhatwasitwhatwasit...

Boooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...
....iiiiinnnnnnnnnnnggggggg,
intoned the Earth as a large indentified flying object made a photogenic first class landing on the palace roof.
Shocked into the real world pictures shot through his mind: orange, brooms, mountains (small for some reason), notsotall wrinkled old men (beware!!), time

*in the background*
Ooooommmmmmmmmmmmmm

WHACK
WHACK
WHACK


*relief*
nothing so bad luckily, just the same old temple, more long years of nice and quiet meditation to look forward to

*memory*
Boooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.......iiiiinnnnnnnnnnnggggggg,
what was that noice....?

--------------
sorry, I just had to;) looking forward to this one
 

Carolus Rex

Enemy of Reality
25 Badges
Dec 24, 2000
11.079
0
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Diplomacy
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Divine Wind
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Europa Universalis IV: Dharma
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cradle of Civilization
  • Stellaris: Synthetic Dawn
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mandate of Heaven
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rights of Man
  • Stellaris
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
  • 500k Club
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
"He Farts...
...In your General Direction, and the mountains tremble"
Nice to include me in ur AAR. :D j/k
 

unmerged(7996)

Court Jester
Feb 28, 2002
1.429
0
Visit site
A lone monk, lost in prayer, kneels in the ceremonial gardens. There was something odd about this one. Some even thought that he came from the future. No one really knew for sure though since he had taken a vow of silence. Monk 357 Version Alpha Mod One Block Zero gazed up at the palace as a large indentified flying object made a photogenic first class landing on the roof.

"So, it begins..." he thought to himself. A very faint whirring noise could be heard beneath the hood of his cowl.


Excellent intro Peter....clicking Subscribe now....:)
 
Last edited:

unmerged(8054)

Captain
Mar 3, 2002
338
0
www.europa-universalis.com
It seems to me this AAR has a certain Terry Pratchett-feel to it... anybody said "Thief of Time";) ?

Well done, anyway.
There's no shame in stealing, if you're good at it:D

Bz