Into the West

[unmerged(15337)]

I thought it was a flashback rather than a dream -- i.e. remembering events that really occurred. So it appears the entire Snow family was indeed killed by an artillery shell during the war. Here's to hoping Corrina does not suffer any such fate, and with her loving care (and the doctor's) Sonny can recover.

 

[Amric]

I'm kind of with jwolf on this one....I think it WAS a flashback and Ida is dead...which is very sad, actually. I liked her. But I also wonder if it was actually an artillery shell that killed them or if Tanney had something to do with it in actuality and it iis only thought a shell had hit the house.

But I guess we'll have to wait and see. Perhaps Corrina and the Doc can save Sonny...but if he is gutshot like it seems, he is worm food. Back in those days you didn't really survive gun shot wounds to the gut.

 

[coz1]

A quick note to answer some questions:

Ida Snow is indeed dead. The entire story is a flashback, and that last part was a bit laudanium induced (remember when the Doctor gave it to Sonny?) I tried to write much of this last part of Chapter III with that in mind. In fact, you will note (I hope) that there are several moments that seemed like heightened realism and this is done to show that it is going on in Sonny's head as memory rather than in real time.

And Sonny was shot in the shoulder and leg, not the gut. He is recovering from the wounds but is suffering heavily from a fever which could have very well killed him back then. And Tanney did not have anything to do with the shelling. In fact, I look at it like it was bad aim by the Union - trying to aim for the camp but missing - badly. Perhaps a little deus ex machina like to effect Sonny, but it would not be the first time I killed off a character soon after introducing them just to further Sonny's storyline.

jwolf, Judge and Amric - thank you sirs for finding it powerful. I had hoped it would come across that way. I wanted the end of it to be slightly jarring and it seems as though it worked.

 

[Judge]

NO, it can´t be true *sniff*

 

[TreizeV]

I must say, that is a lot for sonny to bear at such a young age, his best friends dead, poor ida snow too what was it 15? 16?

I’ll not have ya killed, Corporal Gamble. Not while I am around. I cannot explain to ya why I find myself taken to carin’ for ya, but I have no children of my own.

General Jackson will have a daughter later in the war But I guess he's having an early lesson in fatherhood

Btw good show! keep on writing

 

[coz1]

TreizeV - Thomas isn't dead - just missing an arm. And that will play into this later - just wait. I have big plans for him later (hope that doesn't give too much away.)

And Sonny is 16 now. I have just realized that I have been quite remiss in pointing it out. I'll try and rectify that in subsequent episodes. It is a lot to bear at his age, but it all has to do with what takes him to Wyoming in 1881 in the state that he is in. Eventually we will come full circle and it will become much clearer.

And Judge - I am afraid it is true. If you had not ended Cum Deo, perhaps you could have used the corpse of Ida in some story line - shudder at the thought.

 

[coz1]

Incidentaly, if anyone has any advice on how to parlay the story so far into pdf documents, I would greatly appreciate it. Please PM me with the info so as not to clutter up the thread, but I would like to offer this in such form for ease of new readers. Thanks in advance.

 

[Judge]

And Judge - I am afraid it is true. If you had not ended Cum Deo, perhaps you could have used the corpse of Ida in some story line - shudder at the thought.

Coz I think Big Sister would have wanted fresh blood. To return the politeness: Erika Blow is out of work so if you need someone to fill up the position after Ida Snow…

 

[Wämö]

Poor Ida, and poor Sonny. Very nice end of the chapter, Coz.

 

[stnylan]

Crikey, that's a bloody good read. One of your best. I like the little reminders that this is indeed "just" a flashback.

 

[Secret Master]

Hey coz,

Just wanted to say I'm still catching up and I'm having a good time so far. I'll have something more coherent to say when I'm up to the present posts.

 

[coz1]

Notes and a quick fb-fb:

Judge - I think Erika may be too much for the folks in this tale to handle...but never for me.

Wamo - Thank you sir. I feel poorly about Ida's fate. Who knew a one and out character would generate so much love so quickly? Still, it will make more sense as the story moves along.

stnylan - Wow! Thanks, stnylan. That means a lot coming from you. I was not sure how that last part would play, but it obviously has done the job admirably.

Secret Master - Great to have you aboard. See the notes below to assist you in that effort.

I have finally firgured out how to get my chapters in pdf form. Links are in the sig for the first three chapters, and as I finish the others, they too will get a pdf document.

Hopefully this well help newer readers to catch up on the tale without have to wade through the comments (unless they would like to) and can overlook that nice little three month stretch.

It will still read like a serial, but I'm simply not ready to start any serious editing of the previous work just yet. When I'm finished I will go back through and make it a more flowing narrative.

And I will be taking a small break for the week. I want to recharge the batteries, so to speak and prepare for the next phase of the war. Plus with the DC trip coming up, I figured I'd just make a little vacation out of it. As soon as I return, Chapter IV will get up and running so stay tuned.

And once again, I really appreciate all of you reading, enjoying and commenting. It truly helps me stay focused.

 

[Wämö]

Wamo - Thank you sir. I feel poorly about Ida's fate. Who knew a one and out character would generate so much love so quickly? Still, it will make more sense as the story moves along.

I really think you should make a book out of this when it's finished. Who knows, you might earn a bit on it.

EDIT: Holy Margoly, 81 pages? I like it.

 

[Rensslaer]

And speaking of book writing, I have thought of it and actually tried my hand at it. My major problem has always been sticking with it. I usually find that I can write fairly well in one sitting, but when trying to pick back up where I left off has been difficult - getting back into that frame of mind. In many ways, that is part of what I am trying to accomplish here.

Coz, I would very much enjoy seeing a book from you. Your writing shows alot of talent for characters and dialogue, and you have a good sense of the process of storytelling -- knowing what needs to be communicated, and how.

Sorry I'm still way behind in the story, but I'm catching up!

Rensslaer

 

[LordScod]

Nice AAR.

 

[Rensslaer]

As for editing, I rarely do it, to be honest. Other than the FC, that is. And I always write my AARs in MS Word first and save it before posting it in the forum. So I have every single installment of every story I've written in Word format. I've not done anything with them, other than burn them onto a CD.

I keep my AAR in Word, too, but I'm constantly frustrated by the number of last-minute edits that I notice after I paste the text into the window and so I have to make the correction both places.

I don't know what it is... I've never been super-intensive at editing before because I usually can get it right the first time. I'm getting more picky, which I think is a good thing.

And, Coz, I also have problems sticking with stuff (I have developed the habit of obsessing about whatever project I'm on, for fear that if I don't get it all done quickly, it won't get done!), but I agree with Josh that it's actually a good thing to set a piece of writing aside and come back to it later (which for me, excepting AAR stuff, often means weeks later).

Keep us posted on your thinking on this! I'm actually thinking of submitting a modification of part of my AAR for a writing contest. Pray for me!

Rensslaer

p.s. Let me know if you'd rather I put this in a PM and delete it from here... I put it here mainly because you seemed to be encouraging an open discussion, and because I found reading the other writers' comments here was particularly interesting. I think we're all at least interested in the possibility of writing professionally!

 

[Heretic]

coz1,

It took ages.. I kept reading the first few bits.. then I forgot it all.. but I finally checked out the pdfs. And it is a good yarn. Nicely told - with a good focus on how generally nasty war is. I look forward to the next section, whenever that may be

Heretic

 

[Director]

Now that I have my computer back in a semblance of working order (and now that I'm fired up and motivated from our DC trip) I've finished catching up on your 'little' western. (That's a 'little' joke, there. It's a Southern thing.)

It's good, man - quite good. I like the way you are setting up the character of Sonny by numerous small strokes of the brush of flashback.

What I see is a story of obsession and a cautionary tale of the cost of war, wrapped around a coming-of-age story. It looks to be a losing game for Sonny; if he fails to get revenge, his anger will corrode him. And if he ever does... people who attain their heart's desire are rarely happy to have it.


It seems unlike Jackson to sit on the defensive and wait for the Union to move (and with Don Carlos Buell, you could wait a long time ). Shall we expect him to take a more active role in the spring?

 

[Rensslaer]

Coz,

I am in common with your feedback -- that last scene was stirringly well written.

Naturally, we'd all fallen in love with Ida, as you've introduced her so well! Sorry to see her go, but ours is not to say...

I'm 100% caught up, which means I'm tapping the table with my fingers, waiting for the next update.

Rensslaer

 

[coz1]

First - new readers, or at least new commenters. Always like to see that.

Second - a bit of fb-fb:

Wamo - We'll have to see when the rough draft is done.

Renss - Good to know. And feel free to comment anytime right here. I'll take any I can get, especially detailed comments. Thanks for catching up and enjoying. You may stop tapping your fingers as Chapter IV is soon to follow.

LordScod - Thank you sir.

Heretic - Good to know the pdfs are coming in handy. I thought they might. Thanks for enjoying.

Director - Thanks for your 'little' comment. I'm pleased that the "small brush strokes" are working. It's hard to get them across in this serial style of writing, but I figure if I keep it up, it will pay off for all of you eventually. Very good summary of the basic idea of the tale. And touche on Buell. I've been trying to keep Jackson on the move, but the game was not so cooperative. Hopefully actions in the east will assist with that.

And now for, Third - Chapter IV begins in the next post. Thanks to all for reading, enjoying and commenting!