Inevitable Defeat - Slovakia '44

[El Pip]

8th August

Tiso & Tuka would have dearly loved to take the weekend off to recover, but alas the Battle of Luck had been lost on a Monday. Cursing this typically Slovakian luck they were back in Army HQ on Tuesday discussing the war effort with General Catlos.

"I'm concerned we're focusing too much on the East." Tiso said.

"A good point." Tuka agreed. "General, what news from the rest of the army?"

Catlos gestured at the General Staff's Big Picture. "It's all up there." He said.

The Slovakian General Staff's 'Big Picture'. It may, or may not, have changed since last time. Frankly given the scale of the thing how would you tell?​

Tuka managed to avoid shouting, instead he practised his calming deep breathing exercises. Meanwhile several junior members of the Slovakian General Staff were practising normal breathing, just in case they forgot how to do it.

"Let us assume we've forgotten to bring our microscopes, could you just tell us?" Tiso asked.

"Oh, well the 2nd Division has just crossed the Rhine while in Italy the 1st Division (Original and Best) is recovering from the Battle of Monte Castello." Catlos explained.

Reminding himself he shouldn't start naming divisions after hitting the hip flask, Tiso carried on.

"And what of General Turanec?" He asked.

"The general is leading the Slovak Combat Group as it masterminds the defence of Montalcino." Catlos replied.

The Axis outnumber the enemy four to one, the weather is in their favour and they have proper HQ support. On the other hand the British 78th 'Battleaxe' division was at least as hard as nails, if not harder, and General Briggs does have an outstanding moustache and hat combo while Turanec looks alarmingly like a lost tramp. This battle could be worryingly close.​

Re-assured, sort of, that the West and South were secure T&T felt able to turn their attention back to the Eastern Front.

---
Short but.. short. Still I thought I'd better do something to celebrate winning an award, thanks to all who voted and please accept this as a token of my appreciation.

 

[El Pip]

8th August (Still)

Tiso & Tuka are still in the General Staff HQ, mores the pity. Having reviewed the other fronts their thoughts return to the Eastern Front.

"So how are things on the Eastern Front?" Tiso asked Catlos.

"I'll check with the head of the Army." Catlos replied.

Catlos gestured at one of his senior officers to come over.

"I thought you were head of the Army." Tuka asked.

"Yes I was, but when I replaced the foul traitor Malar.."

The group paused to spit on the floor, more disgustedly than they would for democratic vermin, but not as vigorously as they would at mention of the foul Czechs.

"... I realised I couldn't carry on being double hatted as both CoS and Chief of the Army." Catlos finished.

"Because of the onerous duties of the role?" Tiso asked.

"No of course not."

"It's not like Slovakia has any armed forces beyond the army anyway." Tuka agreed.

"Then why?" Tiso asked again.

"Because I looked ridiculous in two hats." Catlos explained.

General Malar may be gone, no-one has checked the pencil studded, snake filled fighting pit to find out quite what happened, but his legacy of depressing literal mindedness lived on in the Slovak General Staff.​

Deciding it just wasn't worth the effort Tiso turned to meet his new Army Head.

"Allow me to introduce General Rudolf Viest, head of the Slovakian Army." Catlos said.

Tiso and Tuka exchanged a glance, Viest seemed strangely familiar but neither of them could place him.

Strangely familiar. Still he's a re-assuring dark grey, making him a loyal member of the punctuation laden and in no way far too long Hlinkova slovenská ľudová strana – Strana slovenskej národnej jednoty.​

"So how are things in the East General Viest?" Tiso asked.

"We have prepared a map to explain things." Viest replied.

Bitterly familiar with the Slovak General Staff's unique approach to map making T&T braced themselves for the worst.

---
Genuine photo of General Catlos. That is a mighty impressive wall of medals, though the sash is a nice touch. My favourite part is probably the hand grenade shaped necklace.

The Hlinkova slovenská ľudová strana – Strana slovenskej národnej jednoty was the formal name of Tiso's political patry - Hlinka's Slovak People's Party – Party of Slovak National Unit. Hlinka being the previous leader of the party and sort of national hero. To some people at least. Certainly the pope liked him, granting him any number of high honours, and he had the good sense to die in 1938 so no-one knows if he would have collaborated or gone into heroic exile.

 

[El Pip]

8th August(Again. Again)

Having been threatened with a Slovak General Staff map, Tiso and Tuka are in Army HQ braced for the worst cartography their loyal generals can muster.

"Here is the map." General Viest said, pointing out a large map being pinned to the wall by junior officers.

The new Slovak General Staff Map of Many things. It may not show good news but as map it was a vast improvement over previous horrors.​

"As you can see the 1st Division (East) is recovering after the Battle of Luck. As the front appears to be stabilising we plan to move the division down to Eastern Romanian to participate in Operation Geschwindigkeitsbeschränkungen." Viest explained.

"Geese wind digs kites best rank urge?" Tiso mangled the pronunciation spectacularly.

"It means 'Speed Limit'." Catlos explained.

"Indeed. The operation aims to cut off and trap the spearhead of the 3rd Ukrainian Front and destroy it, before liberating Eastern Romania." Viest continued.

The briefing seemed worryingly competent. Tiso hurriedly checked his hipflask. Surprisingly it was still full.

"General, why is the Slovak Army HQ shown in Preividza when all the senior officers are based here in Bratislava?" Tuka asked.

There was an embarrassed silence. A thankful Tiso realised that the brief outbreak of competency wasn't that widespread. Then he cried on the inside as he realised he had just found incompetence re-assuring.

"Moving on, what is the Forest Fortress of Banska Bystrica?" Tuka asked.

"It was to be the final redoubt, an ancient castle hidden deep the forests of south Slovakia, massively upgraded and made into a fortess from where we would conduct the heroic Last Stand of Slovakia." Catlos said.

Aside from the heroics, and the last stand, the plan made a certain amount of sense to Tiso and Tuka. More so to Tiso as his hip flask was no longer full.

"You said 'was', why was this plan abandoned? Was it lack of troops to man it or lack of resources to build it?" Tuka asked.

"A bit of both." Catlos said.

"But mostly the plan was abandoned when we worked out Banska Bystrica was a lot nearer to the Soviet Union than Bratislava, so any last stand was likely to be in Bratislava not halfway across the country in a tiny and otherwise unimportant town." Viest admitted.

--
There is a single level 1 fort in Banska Bystrica. I really don't know why. All I can see on the internet is a single very old castle in the old town that had mostly fallen down long before the war. Someone at Paradox got their numbers wrong when adding in facilities and accidentally gave the wrong province a fort? Your guess is as good as mine.

 

[El Pip]

9th August

After experiencing the Slovak General Staff Map of Many things, not to mention the alarming display of competence from the Staff, Tiso and Tuka decided to take the weekend off to recover. The fact it was only Tuesday had in no way put them off this plan and they had departed the bunker in high spirits, Tiso in particular. Sadly this otherwise perfect plan was be rudely interrupted the following morning.

"Generalissimus!" Messenger #78 cried out, waking Tiso from his not at all alcohol induced slumber.

"What is it?" Tiso asked, lifting his head of his desk and peeling important state documents from his face.

"There is vital news from the front and you must come to the General Staff HQ at once!" #78 shouted again, most inconsiderately from Tiso's perspective.

"Very well, I will be there shortly." Tiso said, wondering where Tuka had got to.

Finding a snoring Tuka in the cupboard, Tiso kicked his colleague awake and together they made their way to the General Staff bunker.

"Why was that chap called Messenger #78?" Tiso asked belatedly, as always cutting right to the heart of the irrelevant issues.

"We're rationing our Umlauts for the the war effort, so all our messengers had their names replaced with numbers. It was a noble sacrifice we were willing for them to make." Tuka explained.

"But we've only got two messengers. So why #78?" Tiso said.

"Security." Tuka said cryptically, handing over a memo from Slovak Counter-Intelligence.

To confuse enemy spies,
it's perfectly fine to tell lies.
Hence we count from the wrong number
so our enemies still slumber
And thus hierarchical and complex stratification of the nested interpenetrating constraint acts to resist hegemonic collectivisation.

No longer content to act within the rigid and artificial hierarchy of merely catching spies, Janko Jesensky had diversified into general security advice. Possibly. It's always hard to be sure about critical social realism.​

Realising that Jesensky was either some form of security genius or an idiot, Tiso resolved to stop thinking about the subject as he suspected he wouldn't like the answer.

Putting such thoughts from his mind Tiso realised they had reached their destination. Within the HQ lay the vital news that had cut short his weekend, good or bad he hoped it was at least actually important and not Slovak Army important. He checked his hip flask, nodded at Tuka and went inside.

---
A quick update to ensure I don't allow a whole month to pass between posts. Hope it's enough to tide you over and Jesensky's latest effort is up to his usual high standards.

 

[El Pip]

Thank you all for the replies, I am as always amazed at people's enthusiasm for slower than real time AARs. For those not keeping score at home we are currently running at 50 days of game time which has taken us 1360 days of real time, giving us an impressive 27:1 real:game time ratio.

I'm also impressed at Davout's ability to keep the faith in tanks.

Update this very evening upon my return from cricket.

 

[El Pip]

9th August (Still.)

Tiso and Tuka, having been summoned by the mysterious and incorrectly numbered Messenger #78, have arrived at the Slovakian General Staff Headquarters ready to receive vital news on the war effort. From bitter experience they were braced for something terrible, it was Slovakia after all, but they did hope it involved actual recent events. It is important for leaders to set realistic goals, particularly in an autocratic, fascist, puppet dictatorship.

As the most awake of the duo, Tiso started the meeting.

"What was the vital news that meant we had to interrupt our important government business?" Tiso shamelessly lied. Though in truth getting absolutely drunk and collapsing into a heap didn't actively hurt the war effort, so they were doing better than most of the rest of the government.

General Viest adopted a grim but determined expression and addressed the group. "Despite fighting bravely we have lost the Battle of Montalcino."

Slovak military science has no word for what happens when you fail to lose a battle. It's not a problem they've had thus far in the war and not one they expect to encounter in the future.​

After a moments silence, and Tuka scrabbling around to try and find a hat so he could respectfully remove it, the meeting moved on.

"That was the battle where we outnumbered the enemy four to one and the ground and weather were on our side?" Tiso asked, showing an alarming grasp of the facts. Alarming if you were on the Slovak General Staff certainly.

"Yes, but the odds were against us." General Catlos chipped in.

"How?" Tiso asked in confusion.

"We had the Albanian Mountain SS on our side." Viest explained.

"What?"

"An SS mountain division composed mostly of Albanians. They were on our side." Catlos said patiently.

"Yes, but why would that reverse all our advantages?" Tiso asked.

"Well they weren't mountain equipped, were very badly trained, were far smaller than a proper division and most of them weren't even members of the SS." Viest said.

"Then they spent most of the time accusing each other of not being Aryan enough and conducting 'Security Operations' on themselves and not actually fighting. It was all very distracting." Catlos added.

"In hindsight it was a problem waiting to happen." concluded Viest.

Tiso and Tuka had resigned themselves to leading the most inept nation fighting on the Axis side, or indeed any side. In his darker moments, towards the end of the hip flask, Tiso had sometimes wondered if the Slovakian General Staff even had any 'ept' at all. Therefore the shocking revelation that there as someone even worse at fighting than them left T&T too stunned to even start shouting or reach for a hipflask.

---
Note:
Fighting alongside the Slovakians in the Battle of Montalcino was indeed the "21. Waffen-SS Geb.Div.", more formally known as the 21st Waffen Mountain Division of the SS Skanderbeg (1st Albanian). Viest's description of them is broadly true and they were, of course, really unpleasant. Quite what a smallish anti-partisan unit of Albanians that never left Yugoslavia, and never actually fought anyone who could fight back, is doing holding the Gothic Line is a mystery known only to Paradox.

 

[El Pip]

9th August (Still. You weren't expecting progress were you?)

As Tiso and Tuka take a break from the meeting to discuss the shock of not being the most incompetent German puppet, the rest of the cabinet discuss the burning issue of the day. Their long discussion on the Slovak fire service need not detain us, suffice to say they all agreed it would be a good idea to have one, but it wasn't that urgent as most of Slovakia was too damp to burn. With that sorted they moved onto the rest of the agenda.

"Is there anything else we need to show to the President and Prime Minister?" Catlos asked the group. "Production?"

"It's something of a mixed bag I must admit." Pruzinksy said. "On the plus side our reserves of steel and rare materials are slowly increasing. However this is only because we are completely out of coal and so our industry is barely running at a 1/3rd of capacity due to the shortages."

A lesser man would have wondered how this qualified as mixed news, but Catlos was not the sort to indulge in idle thinking. Or indeed thinking at all.

"Any other news?" Viest asked.

"Well our crude oil reserves should run out completely in about two and a half months, but that should give us enough fuel for quite some time as we barely use any."

Head of the Air Force Anton Pulanick suppressed a sob as he though of his missing Me-109s.

"That's something I suppose. Any Foreign News?"

Durcansky opened his file of many things and pulled out a telegram

"We think the Chinese communists have gone mad." He said.

There was a brief pause as the group tried to remember where communists sat on the Slovak 'Spitting on the floor in disgust' hierarchy, eventually one of the junior General Staff officers found the list and confirmed that the correct form was looking disgusted but not actually spitting, to the relief of the cleaners. That sorted out, the group looked suitably disgusted and then studied the telegram.

Actually up to date news from the Slovak Foreign Office. I know, I'm as surprised as you are.​

"I thought nationalising everything was what Communists were supposed to do?" Catlos asked.

"Yes, but that's not why we think they've gone mad." Durcansky said.

"Is it because the Chinese communist are currently three men and a Yak up a mountain in North China so there is no industry, private or otherwise, for them to nationalise?" General Viest guessed.

"Yes, that's it." Durcansky replied.

"I thought Communist China was four men and two Yaks?" Pruzinksy asked.

"It was, the Mao had one of the Yaks purged for failing to meet it's milk quota. When one of the men pointed out a bull Yak was always going to struggle to meet a milk quota Mao had him purged as well." Intelligence Minster Hans Not-A-German Bernard chipped in.

"Anything else?" Catlos asked.

"Just this."

Typically Swedish behaviour. A man who expects the worst from Sweden will never be disappointed.​

After another quick check on the disgust list, the group spat on the floor in mild disgust; for while the Swedes were democratic vermin they did at least rig their elections, so therefore merited a less disgusted response than a full blown real democracy would.

As the Slovak War Cabinet congratulated each other on a good meeting, the cleaner swore under his breath and went to get a mop.

--
Note: I've no idea where Slovakia's fuel is going. The army doesn't use any (well barely any, there that one anarchonistic Armoured Car brigade but the rest is leg infantry) and of course there is no air force or navy. When the oil and fuel does run out I'll probably disband the AC brigade and carry on as normal. The hidden benefit of Slovakia's lack of tech.

 

[El Pip]

12th August

Having taken a few days to recover from the shock of not being the most useless German puppet, and in Tuka's case to have a therapeutic yell at the Foreign Ministry for wasting their time with news about Sweden, Tiso and Tuka are once again in the General Staff HQ for an update on the war.

Gathering the cabinet and military staff together Tuka started the meeting.

"Any good news?" Tuka asked, keen to get that formality out of the way. To his surprise though, someone spoke up.

"Yes, I have some good news." Pruzinksy said.

This should have been a monocle popping out in surprise moment, alas only Pruzinksy wore one and he wasn't surprised by his own news. This was in itself rather surprising, but we will stop here to avoid excessive recursion.

"Due to recent events we have managed to reduce the amount of industry we must devote to supply manufacture by 25%, slightly delaying the day when we completely run out of supplies for the army." Pruzinksy said.

Suspecting there was a hideous black lining to this silver(ish) cloud, Tiso and Tuka decided not to be pleased and instead moved on.

"Very well. Any other important news?" Tiso asked.

"The Allies have simplified our command structure in Italy." General Catlos said, enigmatically.

"Did we want our command structure simplified?" Tiso said

"Probably not." Catlos said.

"So we are going to reverse this simplification?" Tiso questioned.

"No, I don't think we can." Catlos admitted.

As the conversation veered towards angry questioning Tuka took over from Tiso. "Why not?" he asked loudly, having learnt to reserve his yelling for when he would inevitably need it later.

"Because we would need a new Mobile HQ unit and I don't think we can afford one." General Viest, head of the army confessed.

"So in fact your news should have been that the Slovak Combat Group Headquarters in Italy was destroyed!" Tuka yelled.

"Well if you want to focus on the negatives, then yes you could describe it that way." Catlos replied.

"The negatives?! What possible good can come of this?" Tuka risked increasing his volume a few decibels.

"Well as Pruzinksy said it's a big saving on supplies. And General Turanec is now available to work full time as Head of the Navy." General Viest tried to defend Catlos' optimism.

"And that's the up side is it?" Tuka shouted his question.

"Of course not." Catlos replied, looking hurt. "That is." he continued, pointing towards the ceiling.

Everyone craned their necks to look up towards the roof. There was an awkward silence. Tiso, manfully resisting the call of his hip flask, broke the silence.

"And where is this additional good news?" He asked.

"Good news?" Catlos said. "There isn't any, I thought you were asking me where the up side of the room is, so I pointed at it."

As Tuka started yelling and cursing the thrice damned literalness of the General Staff, Tiso, feeling both relieved that things were back to normal and depressed at how bad normal was, finally gave in and found solace in his hip flask.

--
Note: The Slovak Combat Group was bombed to death in Italy while retreating. This could be described as leaving early to avoid the rush.

 

[El Pip]

14th August

In accordance with his priestly training Tiso declined to do any government business on Sunday if at all possible. While he was a little hazy on some bits of his training, he was never sure if he was supposed to covet or falsely witness graven images, he did remember the importance of having a day off. In contrast Tuka just enjoyed giving his vocal chords a rest. Alas it was soon Monday and they were back in Bratislava.

Looking around the room Tiso noticed the ominous sight of a map board, resolving to get the horror over and done with he started on military matters.

"With the Slovak Combat Group HQ destroyed what is the situation in Italy?" He asked.

"Ordinarily the 1st Division (Original and Best) would rally at the fallback position and try to hold the line there." Catlos said.

"Ordinarily?" Tuka queried.

"There is the minor issue that Montalcino was the designated fallback position and we just lost control of it. Our HQ never got a chance to designate a new fallback position before it was destroyed." Viest explained.

"So what are the default orders if there is no fallback position?" Tiso asked.

"Panic?" Catlos suggested.

At this point several of the Slovak General Staff junior officers, believing this was an order, began running in little circles around the bunker while waving their hands in the air and shouting. After they are eventually calmed down and led back to their desks, the meeting continues.

"Why is it we can't afford a new HQ?" Tiso asked. "Is it the manpower?"

All eyes turned to Armaments Minister Pruzinksy who, for reasons that probably made no sense at all, was responsible for the census and marshalling Slovakia's manpower.

"Well we still haven't completed the census." Pruzinksy started.

Tuka muttered under his breath about useless fire and steam producing machines.

"However I am fairly confident that, given the current rate of enthusiastic volunteers being forcibly collected by our recruting parties, we could fully staff a new HQ in a few months." He finished.

"So it's an equipment problem?" Tuka asked.

"Basically yes." General Catlos confirmed.

"We got the list from the Slovak General Staff and it's quite extensive - the white tents, maps, rickety tables, parking spaces for horses, it all adds up." Pruzinksy said.

The Slovak General Staff's idea of a modern and fully equipped mobile head quarters unit. While the furry hats were optional, the moustaches were compulsory and those who couldn't grow a proper facial hair were made to wear different coloured uniforms and carry large trays of shame.​

Deciding that the Slovak Army could probably manage without a Napoleonic tent full of outdated maps, Tiso and Tuka decided to agree with the General Staff and not order a new HQ unit be formed.

---
Note: Slovakia actually has some manpower reserves and gets a whole 0.5MP a month. It just lacks the technological or industrial base to do anything useful with that manpower.

While that obviously isn't a real Slovak HQ it is still a magnificently appropriate picture.

 

[El Pip]

15th August

Having realised there was nothing useful they could contribute to the military situation at that point, or perhaps ever, Tiso and Tuka met in the Presidential Office to discuss a vital political matter. And for Tiso to refill his hip flask from the drinks cabinet, a task that he was being forced to undertake increasingly frequently. We join them mid-discussion.

"I know it might be unpleasant, but I believe we have to consider it. Tuka said.

"But what difference could it really make?" Tiso asked, a useful phrase that could be applied to any aspect of the Slovak war effort.

"I think a Minister for Production who at least knows what century we are in can only help." Tuka replied.

"We'd still have a tiny industrial base utterly crippled by a lack of resources." Tiso countered.

"Yes, but we'd have a chief scientist who isn't surprised every time a telephone rings and who would know that heavier than air flight is a good idea and not just a passing fad." Tuka outlined his (limited) hopes.

"Possibly. Remember what happened last time we looked at potential replacement ministers, who knows what horrors await?" Tiso warned.

"The whole of the General Staff think we should at least consider it. Even the Minister for Security agrees." Tiso said, handing over a memo from said minister

On a subject as vital as this
People would think it remiss
Not to say yes
in support of progress
And remind everyone that only through critique of the fact-value dichotomy can emancipatory change be actualised

Straying far beyond his security remit Janko Jesensky was a passionate and eloquent supporter of bringing in a new armaments minister. Possibly. That or he was putting in his order for breakfast. As always with socially realistic poetry, it is hard to be sure.​

Bowing to the arguments of his cabinet, and because he could see the attraction of an armaments minister who didn't keep talking about the Holy Roman Empire, Tiso agreed.

Relieved, Tuka sent a messenger to bring in the file of options. A strangely familiar looking man eventually arrived, handed over the file and then departed.

"I'm sure I've seen that man before. He looks familiar." Tuka said.

"That's my cousin Stefan, he's the new Private Interior Senior Secretary For Logistics And Personnel." Tiso explained.

"That's not an important sounding role." Tuka said, deliberately not working out the acronym.

"No it isn't. I was thinking about giving him a senior role in the government, but he is a bit of an extremist so I think it's safer if he stays where he is." Tiso said.

Torn between surprise at such a display of common sense, and horror at quite what Stefan must have done to be too extreme for even a hardened collaborator like Tiso, Tuka took refuge in reading the file.

--
Bonus Note: Stefan Tiso was a real person and actually a cousin of our own AAR President Joseph Tiso. He did pick up a few very senior jobs in the Slovak state in real life and is a minister in the HOI3 data files. However as Slovakia is set up as merely a right wing autocracy, as opposed to a full blown fascist dictatorship, all the actual national socialist ministers (like Stefan Tiso and Alexander Mach) are not selectable. Apparently Paradox believe the Germans set up a puppet state where the collaborators who most agreed with the Germans were not allowed into power. Another triumph of Swedish logic and attention to detail.

 

[El Pip]

15th August (Still)

Tiso and Tuka are discussing potential replacements for their current Minister for Production (and/or Armaments) the early Victorian throwback and powered flight denier Mikulas Pruzinksy. Given this low base Tuka believes anybody would be an improvement, Tiso is less sure, because this is Slovakia after all. We join them just as the door to the Presidential Office is bursting open.

"Stop!" An out of breath Gejaz Fritz yells as he runs in.

"What?" Tuka asks

"Why?" Tiso asks, but slightly later

"I know what you are doing and you must stop." Fritz exclaimed.

"What do you think we are doing?" Tuka asked.

"Specifying mitre joints for you Axminster due to problems with puckering. That is madness, you'll only make your carpet bonding problems worse."

Tiso and Tuka had become so jaded they didn't even need to exchange a glance.

"No Fritz, that's not even slightly right. What we are doing is selecting a new Minister for Armaments due to problems with Pruzinksy." Tuka explains with exceptionally impressive restraint.

Fritz had the decency to look embarrassed, but then looked a bit confused.

"But where is the Chief of the General Staff?" He asked.

"Not here." Tuka explained, in a marginally less restrained manner.

"But he has to be here for Minister selection, it's in the constitution, a bit above the section about goats." Fritz pointed out the relevant part of the document.

"Why on earth do you carry around a copy of the Slovak constitution?" Tiso asked, cutting straight to the irrelevance of the matter.

"I am Chairman of the Supreme Constitutional Court of State." Fritz said.

"Yes. And?" Tiso queried.

"Well what kind of Chairman would I be if I didn't carry around a copy of the constitution with me at all times?" Fritz asked. "You'll be suggesting I would over laminate a double bonded shag pile next!"

As Fritz looked offended Tiso and Tuka deduced that this would be a bad thing and decided to avoid wasting any more time thinking about it. Looking over the document and confirming the clause was indeed there, Tiso asked the actual obvious question

"Fritz, why is our constitution so full of strange clauses?"

"Well, once we'd removed all the bits about term limits, voting and not imprisoning people for arbitrary reasons we ended up with a fairly short constitution." Firtz said.

"So it was bulked out with this sort of thing so it looked the right length?" Tuka asked.

"Basically yes. I tried to put in a lot about the right to a properly bonded carpet, but it was rejected." Fritz said.

"Why?" Tiso asked. "That seems more sensible than all this stuff about goats."

"Apparently giving the population any rights at all was considered a bad precedent." Fritz said.

Tiso and Tuka nodded along in agreement, that sort of thing would be the thin end of the wedge. Give a person a properly bonded carpet and before you knew it they'd be asking if they had to have a secret policeman sitting in the corner of their room all the time.

--
Note: The Slovak constitution remains a weird document. Fritz Gerja's actual views on carpet bonding defy all my efforts to research them.

 

[El Pip]

15th August (Still. Again.)

Having been joined by the Chief of the General Staff General Catlos, as required by the constitution, Tios and Tuka are reviewing the options available to replace their current Minister for Production (and/or Armaments), master of fire, smoke and steam Mikulas Pruzinksy. Tiso has also asked Minister for Justice Fritz to stay as he was the nearest Slovakia had to a functionally sane minister despite, or perhaps because of, his strong views on carpet bonding.

"This Jaroslav Kratochvil chap has some excellent ideas to help further delay the day when we completely run out of all supplies." Catlos said.

"I'm afraid he is utterly unacceptable." Tiso declared.

"But we really need supplies." Catlos complained. "Our troops keep complaining about the Armaments Ministry issuing them black powder and new supplies of flints instead of modern equipment."

"So what do they want instead?" Tuka asked.

"Art-ill-rye shells and bull-lets apparently." Catlos mangled the unfamiliar words. "Not sure quite what they are, or why paintings of sick crop seashells and little boy cows will help fight a war, but the troops all insist they are the latest and greatest things."

As Tuka reflected on the problems of having infantry units several decades, perhaps more, in advance of the rest of the nation's armed forces and scientific and industrial base, Tiso kept telling himself that 9:30 AM was far too early to start drinking. In an attempt to distract himself from the siren call of his hipflask, Tiso rejoined the discussion.

"Regardless, we will never hire Kratochvil." He said.

"Why not?" Catlos asked.

"He is a fanatical Communist poet who is wanted by the Gestapo for crimes he actually did commit." Fritz explained.

"And he's Czech!" Tuka roared, prompting the entire group to spit on the floor in disgust.

"Oh I thought he was the former Minister for Industry and Trade from the Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia." Catlos said.

"No it's definitely the other one." Tiso declared. "We checked last time."

"Last time?" Catlos asked in confusion

"He previously applied to be Head of the Slovak Intelligence Agency." Tiso explained.

"He's very persistent in trying to sneak his way into the government isn't he." Catlos observed.

"He is, especially for a Romantic Socialist Realist Poet." Fritz confirmed.

"Well that only leaves Pavlov Teplansky, and I'm not sure he'll actually be better than Pruzinksy." Tiso said.

"We are talking about the properly Slovakian, former Minister for Agriculture, Teplansky?" Catlos checked.

"The very same. Since he retired back in 1940 he's been a full time farmer and he's gone a bit odd." Tuka explained.

"In what way?" Fritz asked.

"Easiest to show you." Tuka said, signalling for the door guard to send Teplansky in.

An eager and excited Teplanksy entered, sat down and outlined his plans for Slovakia to win the war by using cutting edge jet engines and harnessing the power of the atom to produce incredibly destructive bombs. The group nodded in bemused shock and said they'd let him know if he'd got the job later.

When I am looking for top notch theoretical scientists my thoughts always turn to long retired farmers.​

"See?" Tiso said. "The man's gone mad."

"I think that means we are stuck with Pruzinksy as the least bad option." Tuka concluded, with sadness in his voice.

Catlos and Fritz sadly nodded, while Tiso wondered if 9:40am was too early to break open the hipflask, eventually deciding it wasn't.

--
Note: Genuine minister choice. Someone thought Slovakia need a minister to help with jet engines and nuclear physics and that a former Minister for Agriculture and farming enthusiast was the man for the job. I still find the first part of that sentence the least explicable, though the second part is also not normal.

 

[El Pip]

SFSLovenought - The armoured lobby make a strong and convincing argument don't they?

Gen. Marshall - Some might say that is a controversial choice

Willum - I'm not sure I'm convinced by your protestation about motives. However this is Florida Rules so your vote still counts the same regardless of motivation, bribery or bootlicking efforts. The system is fair that way.

Gen. Marshall - Wise advice, idolising a Lord of slower-than-real-time is always a good plan.

Andre Massena - An attitude the Slovak Government 100% agrees with.

Stuyvesant - There may be a promotion to Voter Colonel in this if you keep such determination to the art of ballot stuffing. Though you will have to survive the revenge of the Men of Tanks if you stop them from winning.

Gen. Marshall - Things remain close enough that semi-realism could make a comeback!

Congratulations, El Pip! You're our new (extremely belated) Character WritAAR of the Week!

Well that was unexpected. Thank you kindly, I shall endeavour to keep standards up and maybe even finish this without another half year gap between updates.

Gen. Marshall - Slower-than-real-time is now so old it's become retro cool again. Or that is my theory anyway.

sebas379 - Embrace the Florida Rules. However this vote goes Slovakia will always try and do her best. Sadly we all know what that best is like.

Willum - The T&T flavoured event has been all mapped out and I must admit I think it will be something special. However I also have plans for tanks and semi-realistic and I'm confident I can make them work as well. So I can now relax and let democracy take it's course.

sebas379 - If it involves Tiso and the general competence of the Slovak government, it will certainly involve hip flasks.

Davout - You realise what you've made me do? Research Slovak late war tanks! And alarmingly such things existed. Thanks for the congratulations though.

Stuyvesant - T&T will at least go down fighting in this election. Whether they fight as well as Slovakia is a very different question.

SFSLovenought - Are you sure you are following the correct AAR? Thing are going a bit faster these days, but I remain the Lord of Slower-than-real-time

keynes2.0 - Luckily we have months of delays in the bank so I can fly through a few updates and still not go faster than real time.

4th Dimension - A bit unfair on plants isn't it?

Hallongren - It is a bewitching concept isn't it?

Gen. Marshall - That's a very critically realist attitude to victory.

jeeshadow - Welcome back to the voting. Thanks for the congrats and I too hope that slower-than-real-time is once again recognised as the majestic and considered art form it so clearly is.

Current Voting Tally
No uprising - 3 stalled awkwardly votes
Semi-realistic-ish - 11 carefully stuff ballot box votes
T&T flavoured event - 11 wondrously possible votes
Tanks -11 determined and researched votes

I was not expecting a three way tie. While we all think about what has happened here, let us return to Bratislava for the next update!

 

[El Pip]

18th August

Having taken a few days to recover from the horror of trying to select a new Armaments Minister Tiso and Tuka have returned to the Slovak General Staff command bunker/shed to have an update on the war. They don't actually want to, but feel they have to at least make the effort now Slovakia is committed to Total War to stop the Race to Bratislava.

Reasoning that the Italian Front was probably too depressing for words, Tiso decided to start on the other fronts.

"What news from the Eastern Front?" He asked

"The 1st Division (East)'s thrusting is going well and it has just entered Brody!" General Viest reported.

Unsure if that was a good thing, or if Brody had consented to being entered, Tiso and Tuka confirmed that no actual fighting had happened or was about to happen. As General Viest nodded, they decided to move on.

"How about the war in the West?" Tuka asked.

"Not good." General Catlos reported. "The south has fallen and the last few battered troops have rallied in the capital for a desperate last stand."

Shocked that things had gone so badly wrong in France that Paris itself was threatened, Tiso and Tuka demanded details.

Things are going badly for Ecuador as the enemy is at the gates of the capital Quito. Facing the mighty 2nd division led by the teen-aged General Rodrigues, Ecuador's fate lies in the hands of Field Marshall Davila, hastily promoted from Colonel and given a snazzy suit. This may or may not have been a good plan.​

Tuka through caution to the wind and started ranting as Tiso fought, and defeated, his demons by resisting the lure of the hipflask. Deciding his colleague needed to rest his vocal chords, he rejoined the conversation.

"No General, we meant Western France." He said.

"You only had to ask." Catlos said, sounding hurt.

"The 2nd Division (Brackets Deliberately Left Blank) is racing through Easten Belgium as we speak." Viest explained.

General Jurech, the only Panzer Leader in Slovakia, was of course leading the division with an attached Military Police unit instead of the one with an Armoured Car unit. Because this is the Slovakian General Staff we are talking about.​

"What on earth is a Panzer Leader and why is General Jurech one?" Chief of the Air Force Pulanick asked.

"Something to do with mining equipment I believe." Catlos said.

That explanation didn't seem right to Tiso or Tuka, but bitter experience suggested it probably wasn't worth the argument. As was so often the case in Slovakia.

--
Notes: The Peruvian general Guabloche was born in the mid-1920s (or so Google says) so would have been a teenager at the time. The well dressed Baquerizo Davila was at most a Colonel (and that was in 1947) and is famed for leading a military coup against the then Ecuadorian president/military dictator Carlos Mancheno. Somewhat amusingly Mancheno had only come to power two weeks before when he had launched a military coup himself. Having kicked Mancheno out of office and into exile, Davila was happy to return to obscurity. Possibly. Maybe he hated obscurity, but he does disappear off the internet after that. In any event, it's another triumph of South American research from Paradox. Plus you all now know far more than you ever wanted to about post-war Ecuadorian politics.

Bonus Note: The armoured chain conveyors used in German coal mines are indeed known as Panzers. While it may seem odd that the Slovak military know what they are, the alternative was a Slovakia having a general who knows about tanks, which is clearly ridiculous.

 

[Stuyvesant]

Ah, Gen. Marshall, my worthy opponent in this attritional battle over the ballot box. I salute you! I salute you with a vote for the righteous T&T choice!

As we continue to engage in this electoral trench warfare, I must admit to some dread that El Pip is merely trolling us and that, much like in the grim-dark future of the 41st century, there is only war, in the grimy-dark alternate past of this T&T-powered Slovakia, there is only The Vote. I mean, the next update could be weeks away. Before the story reaches the 29th, I might be planning my real-life retirement party...

Still, onwards we must go, for glory, for righteousness, for The Vote!

 

[El Pip]

18th August (Still)

Tiso and Tuka are being briefed in the Slovak General Staff Command Shed/Bunker. After considering, but rapidly rejecting, the challenge of explaining the concept of tanks to the General Staff (a task that would also require explaining internal combustion, steel, the concept of metalworking and possibly even the invention of fire) they have decided to risk asking about the Italian Front.

"Any news from the Italian Front General?" Tiso asked, his voice barely quavering.

"Yes." General Catlos replied.

There was a pause. It lengthened. Realising the Catlos wasn't going to start speaking again, Tiso asked the follow up question.

"And what is it?"

"The Italian Front? It's the frontline of the war in Italy, which is below Austria, above Malta, a bit to the left of Croatia and Albania. But that's not important right now, what is important is that we've got some news." Catlos replied.

The worst thing was that Tiso was now so used to this sort of thing he didn't even feel the pull of the hipflask, instead he merely let Tuka scream obscenities.

After a particularly inventive section of shouting from his colleague, Tiso felt it was the correct time to restart the meeting.

"Please show us this news." He asked his errant general.

A shaken and upset looking Catlos handed over a vast pile of stained and battered reports and telegrams.

Soon realising there was far too much for them to go through alone, and slightly concerned at how much appeared to have been written in crayon, Tiso gave up.

"General, we can't read all this. Please interpret this for us." He asked.

"Very well." Catlos said. With that he stood up, shrugged of his uniform and danced.

General Catlos describing the Slovakian position on the Italian Front through the medium of interpretative dance. His arms represented the status of the front line, his legs the estimated strength of the allied forces and the angle of his hat described the supply situation. In contrast, and in strict accordance with the sacred and immutable laws of Interpretative Dance, the point of his toes expressed the General Staff's view on man's inhumanity to man. As should be obvious from Catlos exquisite toe positioning, the General Staff were very much in favour of it.​

With one last flourish the dance ended and an exhausted Catlos collapsed, artistically, on the ground, his final sprawl expressing his own personal view on the Slovak Army's chances.

With that we leave the Slovak High Command Shed, it's inhabitants stunned into an awed silence, a silence only broken by the soft rattle and glugs of several hipflasks being opened and emptied.

---
Bonus Note: I've only just noticed how much General Catlos looks like Jeremy Corbyn in that photo. A delightful feature that hopefully makes up for the inexcusable delays in this update being produced.

 

[El Pip]

20th August

We now return not to Bratislava, but to a distant beach where a landing operation was under way.

The assault craft sped towards the suspiciously quiet beach, the men inside, the General, his aides and his press attaches, more excited than nervous. This was it, this was the day. Looking out at the beach ahead the General was concerned, it was not as he remembered it. But then it had been many years, years of harsh total war, but now he was back to bring liberation and democracy.

Meanwhile, actually in Bratislava, Tiso and Tuka have taken a few days off and gathered the mental strength to ask again about the Italian Front.

"General Viest, could you give us an update on the Italian Front?" Tiso asked.

Tuka nodded his appreciation at the wisdom of ignoring General Catlos as much as possible.

"It's not good, the defensive line is only 50% effective" Viest admitted.

Tiso and Tuka had expected bad news, but this sounded like a disaster.

"How bad are the casualties?" Tiso asked, fearing the worse.

"None." Catlos said, joining the conversation.

"But then why is our defensive line so weak?" Tuka asked.

"Well it's a bit complicated...." Viest started to stay.

Back at the coastal assault.

The landing craft came to a dramatic halt and General MacArthur stormed ashore. Well more waded as the landing craft had hit an offshore sand bar rather than the beach, but he was sure that could be edited out of the final cut.

Finally making it onto dry land he adopted his pose and grandly declaimed "I have returned!" He looked around, Manilla was not as he remembered it, a lot less tropical and more green and hilly. Also there was a worrying lack of grateful natives.

Further back in the landing craft the two British liaison officers compared notes.

"He does know this is Messina doesn't he?" Sergeant Miller asked.

"I do hope not." Major Mallory replied. "Hopefully he believe he's in the Philippines."

"Well shouldn't someone tell him he's in Italy?"

"He's having so much fun, it seems a shame to ruin it." Mallory said.

Back in the Slovak General Staff shed/bunker.

"So what you are saying is that our German masters decided they didn't have enough forces to defend all of the front." Tuka read from the notes in front of him.

"Yes." Viest confirmed.

"So they decided to put all the troops in one half of the front line so they could at least defend that bit properly."

"That was the plan." Catlos said.

"And they thought this would work because the Supreme Commander Allied Forces in Italy is terminally confused and his deputy is an idiot."

Catlos and Viest nodded.

Meanwhile at the beach.

"I can see he's enjoying himself, but we do have a war to fight." Miller observed.

"In fact we don't Miller. Our job is explicitly to make sure those two chaps over there doesn't have anything to do with fighting the war and leave it to the professionals." Mallory explained.

As he talked, General Clark was trying to get out of the Landing Craft but kept getting distracted by the shiny rivets in the hull. When he did focus on the beach he then tripped over his own shoelaces.

"Won't the Pentagon be a little annoyed at us cutting their senior officers out of the war?" Miller asked.

"It was their idea, they've transferred all US troops to General Alexander's command and asked us to make sure these two don't find out." Mallory explained.

Looking up, Mallory noticed MacArthur was dangerously close to recognising that he wasn't in the South Pacific.

"Back to work Miller." He said.

Meanwhile in Bratislava

"And then this 'cunning' plan fell apart when the British just attacked the bit of the line that had been left empty." Tuka said.

"Yes, it was a nasty shock to all involved." Catlos explained.

Well that's not gone well has it?​

---
Notes:
The US did send it's entire Italian army, bar two HQs, to British control. Those two HQs, MacArthur and Clark, are indeed mucking around in Sicily doing very little. Italy was defended that badly.

 

[El Pip]

20th August (Still)

Ideally Tiso and Tuka would have taken the weekend off to recover from the shock of the news from Italian Front, however Slovakia was committed to Total War to stop the Race to Bratislava, so they felt they should probably stop taking so much time off. Plus it was Monday and taking a six day weekend seemed a trifle excessive. So with heavy hearts, they returned to the briefing.

"Given the huge holes in our defensive line, where is the 1st Infantry Division?" Tiso decided to get to the heart of the problem.

"The Eastern Front." Catlos said, promptly.

"No the other 1st Division, the one we were talking about, where is that." Tuka said irritably.

"Italy!" Catlos replied.

Deciding it as too early to start drinking, or even shouting, T&T ignored Catlos and asked the same question to General Viest.

"When we realised the 1st (Original & Best) Division was in danger of being flanked, we abandoned Urbino and retreated North while the Italian High Command developed a plan." Viest explained.

"And this plan was?" Tuka asked.

"Operation Occultamento." Catlos said, refusing to be snubbed.

Recognising the signs, Viest pre-empted the inevitable question and carried on.

"The plan was to hide in neutral San Marino and hope no-one noticed us." He said

Sadly the British noticed all the Axis troops in San Marino going 'Shhh' at each other and launched an attack. As Operation Hiding had failed the Italian commander, General Gambara, was forced to fight. Facing veteran British armour under one of the best generals in the theatre, Gambara could either make his HQ troops fight or put Slovakians on the front line. The choice made itself really.​

Tiso and Tuka exchanged a look.

"Do we know what we are doing after we have to retreat from San Marino?" Tuka asked.

"We are currently waiting for the German High Command to implement their secret plan to save the Italian Front." Catlos said.

"And this plan is?" Tiso asked, with amazing patience.

"We can't tell you. It's a secret." Intelligence Minster Hans Not-A-German Bernard said.

As Tuka finally cracked and starting screaming obscenities, Tiso looked at his watch and saw with relief it was now gone 12:00. Having been sober an entire morning he opened his hipflask for the first of the day, safe in the knowledge that whatever the German plan turned out to be, it was unlikely to make any difference at all.

--
San Marino was neutral in WW2, until the Germans walked in during a retreat and the Allies chased after them. The Allies may have been more prepared to respect San Marino neutrality had they not been such enthusiastic fascists. To atone for this the San Marinese then elected a communist government post-war. However they remained basically unpleasant people as women only got the vote in 1960, after the Communists were removed from power.

 

[El Pip]

21st August

Frustrated at not knowing what was happening on the Italian Front, Tiso and Tuka tasked Slovak counter-intelligence to work out what the German secret plan was. They're not holding out much hope, but it passed the time. While waiting they have returned to the Presidential offices for another day running Slovakia.

Suddenly messenger #78 burst in, but is interrupted before he can speak.

"Why don't you messengers ever knock?" Tiso asked.

"No-one ever told me how to knock." The messenger replied.

Tiso looked at his Prime Minister.

"We did cut down on training to save resources for the war effort." Tuka admitted.

Tiso wondered what sort of people needed training on knocking, then realised he probably didn't want to know the answer.

"What is the news then?" He asked.

"News from the Eastern Front, Operation Geschwindigkeitsbeschränkungen has failed!" The messenger announced.

Sighing, Tiso and Tuka realised this meant yet another briefing in the Command Shed. And they'd barely recovered from the last meeting. Still, duty called.

Slightly later, in the Shed/Bunker.

"So what went wrong with Operation Guess winding keats be schrunken?" Tiso asked, flatly refusing to learn the correct pronunciation.

"The Germans were a bit ambitious and the Soviet refused to co-operate with the plan." Catlos complained, gesturing at the Map of Many Things.

This was almost a perfect 'Cauldron' battle, one that left an important armoured spearhead isolated and ripe for destruction. Sadly it was a German spearhead isolated, while the 3rd Ukranian Front just rolled on, but by Slovak standards it was at least a partial success, they were still alive for starers.​

"We were going to take part in the plan to rescue the troops, Operation Gegenteil von dem Kessel, but that was cancelled." Catlos carried on.

"Why did they cancel Operation Go Go Tail Velodrome Castle?" Tiso asked General Viest, leaving a linguistic disaster in his wake.

"Operation Gegenteil von dem Kessel was cancelled for two reasons. One due to severe 'Von' rationing by the Germans we had to keep shortening the name." Viest said.

"Why are they rationing Vons?" Tuka asked, earning himself a kick from Tiso.

"For efficient standardisation, every German Theatre commander has to be a Von, unfortunately this has increased Von use exponentially and so rationing is required." Intelligence Minister Hans-Not-A-German explained.

"Indeed, and while the original title meant Opposite of Kettle, which made sense, Gegenteil Kessel means Contrary Boiler and that was just confusing." Viest continued.

Tuka was going to ask why all German military code names had to blatantly state the objective, then he remembered the pain in his shins and decided not to.

"The second reason is that the Soviets rather inconveniently attacked the relief force before it could get going." Viest said.

"So the 1st Division (East) is in action?"

"Yes, General Turanec is masterminding the defence of Suceava as we speak." Catlos boasted.

After being defeated in Italy by General Briggs and his mighty moustache, Turanec had been sent to the Eastern Front. Despite the numbers he felt he had a good chance, fighting a man without a moustache, or indeed a face, his own facial hair could rise to the challenge. With the 16th Panzer up front, and the Slovak's guarding the rear, he would fight for Suceava and prove his Knight's Cross of the Iron Cross wasn't a fluke.​

As Tiso and Tuka digested what had just happened, a message from Slovak Counter-Intelligence arrived, there had been developments in their investigations in Italy.

As we try to defend San Marino
It seems this war's a casino
A tactic that is sound
is to take the high ground
But non-preservative sublation of a stratified ontology remains the only way to define intransitive reality.​

For an anti-fascist Critical Social Realist Poet, Janko Jesensky was a surprisingly good Minister of Security. Possibly. Certainly after the event he always explained how his limericks had contained the answers, even in no-one at the time understood them.
​

--
Notes:
All the German theatres are commanded by various 'Vons'. Which explains a lot, as I can't imagine
Kesselring cocking up the defence of Italy this much.

 

[El Pip]

21st August (Again)

We return to Bratislava as Tiso and Tuka are trying to decipher the latest intelligence report from their Minister of Security. This is not as straightforward as it would be in a normal country.

"I give up, this just makes no sense at all." Tuka complained.

"But this contains the secret of the defence of Italy, we have to find out." Tiso reminded him.

"Why?" Tuka asked, earning himself a kick in the shins from his boss for asking the wrong sort of question.

"Lets ask Fritz Gejza." Tiso suggested.

"But he knows nothing about military and security matters." Tuka said.

"He did write the Slovak constitution" Tiso reminded him.

"Of course! He has experience of making sense of complex, confusing and nonsensical documents." Tuka cried in understanding.

Summoning the Minister for Justice and Chairman of the Supreme Constitutional Court of State, they handed over the report to Fritz for his expert appraisal. After reading it through he gave his considered constituational opinion.

"That's a terrible poem." He said.

Resisting the urge to inflict violence on another member of his government, Tiso clarified his request.

"But do you know what it means?"

"Not a clue." Fritz admitted.

"Then we're no closer to working out the plan for the defence of Italy." Tiso sighed.

"Oh I know that one." Fritz replied.

"What? How?" Tuka asked.

"The Germans sent through the secret code name for the operation." Fritz explained.

Later, in the Supreme Command Shed.

"So what is the code name for the mission?" Tuka asked

"The plan is called Opeation Luaf weg zu eine Verteidigungslinie in den Apenninen mit Gotischen Architektur." Hans Not-A-German Bernard admitted. "But that is all I can say, the plan is highly classified."

"So the plan is to retreat to a line of fortifications in the Apennine mountains." Tuka translated.

"That, for some reason, have been decorated with Gothic architecture." Tiso confirmed.

"Mein Gott!" Hans shouted. "How on earth did you guess the secret plans!"

Ignoring their Intelligence Minister, T&T turned to their military staff.

"How is this operation going?" Tiso asked.

"There have been a few minor issues." Catlos admitted.

"It turns out fitting flying buttresses and finely carved gargoyles to a series of fortifications in the mountains is really difficult." Viest confirmed.

"But it's all finished now." Catlos said.

"So all the troops are in position?" Tuka asked.

"Oh no, the Germans are keeping their Only-Defend-Half-The-Country plan." Catlos replied.

"They believe that the Supreme Commander Allied Forces in Italy will definitely fall for it this time." Viest added.

The fortifications of the Gothic Line stand ready to resist the surging Allied Armies, their intricately ribbed vaults and vast, reinforced, stained glass windows primed for action. Admittedly the troops were still all crowded around the Adriatic coast, but the German high command considered that to be a trivial, unimportant detail​

Meanwhile, in a bar overlooking Valletta harbour, Mallory and Miller are watching a small, windowless, transport boat going round and round in circles.

"Not that I'm complaining boss, but what are we doing." Miller asked.

"Making sure that the MacArthur and Clark's transport safely makes it to their destination." Mallory replied.

"But their boat has been going round in circles for days now." Miller said.

"Indeed, and it will be doing so for quite some time to come."

"Why?"

"Well MacArthur has requested a transfer to the Far East, and that is a long sea journey. You wouldn't want to short change the Supreme Commander would you?" Mallory answered.

"But what happens when they finally let him out, surely he'll notice he's not in the Far East?" Miller asked.

"All in good time Miller, for now my glass is empty and it's your round." Mallory said, pointing at the bar.

--
Notes: It remains a shame that the Gothic line wasn't decorated with appropriate architecture. Also, despite getting a good run at it, the AI remains confused by defending Italy.