Inevitable Defeat - Slovakia '44

[El Pip]

20th November 1944. Still.

We continue to not return to Bratislava, this time heading to Axis occupied Paris where General Juranec and Colonel Lendvay are celebrating another day successfully defending Paris from the surrounding Allied armies. This happy scene was rudely interrupted by a messenger.

"General, the Allies have launched a new attack!" The staff officer announced.

"Now?" Lendvay asked.

"Yes!"

"What kind of idiot launches an attack at 9pm in the evening?" Lendvay looked around in confusion.

Juranec looked up from reading the note the staff officer had handed over.

"The same kind of person who sends two divisions of tanks into Paris without infantry backup or air support." He said.

As a reminder Paris remains un-encircled and tanks are still terrible in urban areas.​

"So no need to rush to the HQ then?" Lendvay confirmed.

"We can worry about it in the morning." Juranec smiled "If the attack lasts that long."

21st November 1944

"This isn't our HQ." Lendvay looked at the building they were walking into.

"Very astute colonel." Juranec replied "We have been asked to attend a meeting with our colleagues in 264. Infantry division."

"To plan the defence of Paris?"

"Presumably so." Juranec nodded. "Hopefully they have a better plan than just asking us to die quietly."

The two Slovak officers reached the main map room, amongst the hive of activity they spotted their opposite numbers. After some polite greetings they began the meeting.

"Good news General Juranec." General Gareis announced. "In line with the Festung Paris policy we have a presentation for you."

Juranec nodded suspiciously. A German Staff Officer handed him an ornate scroll and a small bit of brass.

"Thank you?" A baffled Juranec tried to be polite.

"So you accept? Excellent." Gareis beamed briefly, before sprinting to the door along with the rest of his staff.

The US 9th 'Old Reliables' have captured Puiseaux, leaving only one safe route out of Paris. The route that 264. Infantry Division is hurrying to take. ​

"Do you have any idea what just happened?" Juranec asked his colleague as they moved to the window and watched a stream of German staff cars race out of Paris.

Lendvay studied the scroll and 'gift'.

"It appears you have been declared Die Allerletzermann and been given a single 7.92mm bullet." He announced. "I think there is something carved on the bullet; 'Der Letzte'."

Juranec's lips moved silenty as he did the translation

"So I am the last man and that is the last bullet."

"Which means the rest of them can run away as Paris is still being defended to the last man and bullet. Cunning." Lendvay said in admiration.

"But the attacking Allied forces aren't that strong. Do they know something we don't?" Juranec asked.

"What like the how to build horse-less carriages or the mysteries of why radios?"

"Apart from those." Juranec sighed. "Something relevant."

22nd November 1944

General Juranec had returned to his regular HQ, in order to better monitor the allied armour struggling in urban conditions. His calm was interrupted when a messenger brought in the latest news.

Juranec read the message.

"Anhhhhh." Despite it's dreadful contents he felt a sense of relief, the other shoe had dropped.

"This must be what the Germans knew that we didn't." He said.

"The secret of smokeless black powder!" Lendvay guessed.

"No not that, though I'm sure Pruzinsky would love to know." Juranec passed over the note.

Now this is more like a properly resourced attack. US Mechanised infantry and the fearsomely confused British 3rd Motorised Infantry (full of tanks) Division. Even the French have turned up, sort of.​

"Shall I tell the men?" Lendvay asked.

"What possible difference would that make?" Juranec replied.

--
Notes:
I just had this idea and had to write it up. I'm probably being grossly unfair to General Gareis but the German division did run away just after the battle started. It was a fight to see which AI wanted Paris least - the Axis AI which keeps running away and the Allied AI that keeps ineptly attacking. Odds of 5:1 suggest that the Allies are finally taking this seriously.

 

[Surt]

And the 2nd Pesi is getting crushed ... finally ... and Paris will be destroyed, or run before the kessel closes around it

 

[Henry IX]

"Tomorrow" being a relative term in Pippian Quantum Mechanics, meaning any and all future time spectrum which is not today.

Manyana carries the correct connotations of the true meaning of 'tomorrow'. However, given what it is like with young children, even knowing what day of the week it is, or whether it is night or day without looking outside, is a minor achievement.

 

[sebas379]

I honestly assumed the "filler" episode was todays chapter. Good thing i was sitting down, though now i wonder where boreal allotment was "fought". Good to see at least 1 division on the western front still knows how to make a stand, the rest of the line is ominously empty. I was thinking the Germans pulled back to secure your your supplylines, but lets not be so generous

 

[Davout]

Full marks to Lendvay for recognizing a modern bullet and knowing about smokeless black powder. Clearly, he is the crème de la crème of the Slovak officer corps. Now if only they had a device able to fire said bullet.

 

[Nathan Madien]

Belated votes are typically not accepted, but as it was for the Slovak Option (which needs all the help it can get) I suppose we can let that one slide, it is Florida Rules after all.

Exception much appreciated.

Full marks to Lendvay for recognizing a modern bullet and knowing about smokeless black powder. Clearly, he is the crème de la crème of the Slovak officer corps. Now if only they had a device able to fire said bullet.

They don't need a device to fire a bullet. Why make things complicated? They can just throw the bullet at the enemy very hard.

"What like the how to build horse-less carriages or the mysteries of why radios?"

They don't have radios in Slovakia? That's a bummer. They are missing out on Glenn Miller.

 

[Galbatorix994]

They don't have radios in Slovakia? That's a bummer. They are missing out on Glenn Miller.

There's always the chance that Slovakia has its own, superior swing band ;-)

 

[El Pip]

And the 2nd Pesi is getting crushed ... finally ... and Paris will be destroyed, or run before the kessel closes around it

If the Slovaks were facing a competent enemy that could be a risk, luckily they are facing a Paradox AI so the chance of Paris actually being encircled remains low.

Manyana carries the correct connotations of the true meaning of 'tomorrow'. However, given what it is like with young children, even knowing what day of the week it is, or whether it is night or day without looking outside, is a minor achievement.

I'm pleased if I can remember it is the weekend and I don't need to go to work.

I honestly assumed the "filler" episode was todays chapter. Good thing i was sitting down, though now i wonder where boreal allotment was "fought". Good to see at least 1 division on the western front still knows how to make a stand, the rest of the line is ominously empty. I was thinking the Germans pulled back to secure your your supplylines, but lets not be so generous

Two updates back to back was the most shocking part of the entire affair. I think the Germans were pulling back because there was no garrison in Nemours so they were trying to cobble together a front line of sorts, though that does just raise more questions about the German AI's strategic competence.

Full marks to Lendvay for recognizing a modern bullet and knowing about smokeless black powder. Clearly, he is the crème de la crème of the Slovak officer corps. Now if only they had a device able to fire said bullet.

The 2nd [Brackets] (Slovak) Division is proper modern-ish infantry so it has attracted the very best. This means that statistically Lendvay was probably a Czech traitor who in OTL participated in the Slovak National Uprising, alas the internet is silent on his fate after the Slovak Mobile Division got wiped out. Could be I am slandering him and he just loyally froze to death on the Eastern Front.

Exception much appreciated.
They don't need a device to fire a bullet. Why make things complicated? They can just throw the bullet at the enemy very hard.
They don't have radios in Slovakia? That's a bummer. They are missing out on Glenn Miller.

Bullet throwing is very much the most Slovak solution to the problem. If you were generous you could say that Slovakia has radios, just no idea how they work (blaming it all on tiny singing pixies that live inside the radio, that sort of thing)

There's always the chance that Slovakia has its own, superior swing band ;-)

Spookily there was a Slovak 'Swing Generation' of musicians who built on the pre-war Czechoslovak Jazz scene and played on despite T&T's official disapproval - http://profil.kultury.sk/en/the-period-of-the-slovak-state/

'Superior' is maybe over-selling it, but I have heard worse;

That is the inestimable František Krištof Veselý with his 1939 Slovak hit - Len bez ženy môže byť človek blažený (shellac)

 

[Nathan Madien]

If you were generous you could say that Slovakia has radios, just no idea how they work (blaming it all on tiny singing pixies that live inside the radio, that sort of thing)

That reminds me: in one of the Three Stooges short films, there's a scene where Curly had to hide from the bad guys chasing after him. He hid inside a radio, breaking something in the process that rendered the radio inoperable. When the bad guys turned the radio on, Curly decided to become the radio voice in order to fool them. Needless to say, his plan only fooled the bad guys for a short amount of time before they caught on.

Maybe that's the only way you can get a radio to work in Slovakia: be the radio.

 

[Rifal]

Ahh Jurech and the 2nd put up a more effective defense of Paris thatn any of those "von´s" ever could manage. But now it seems its at an end. Sad.

 

[Bullfilter]

As soon as the words “Good news General Juranec” were uttered, I knew it would be anything but. Well, for the Slovaks anyway - excellent for the Germans: liked the last man and bullet gag. A chance for Slovakia to feature in another footnote to alternate history as the ones to surrender Paris to the Allies. Surely a poet will be commissioned to write something suitably morose, self-pitying and maudlin to celebrate another gallant (ie too slow or silly to escape earlier) defeat for Slovak arms?

 

[Surt]

61% that attack will not get cancelled, the Mexican's might even join in!!!

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

If the Slovaks were facing a competent enemy that could be a risk, luckily they are facing a Paradox AI so the chance of Paris actually being encircled remains low.

This is yet another level down the circles of AI Hell that InevDev bravely dives through, alas with no guiding Virgil to make sense of it all. Paradox haven't gotten much better at tactics and strategy (in CKII it can be excused because wars really were that chaotic and crap back then...) and EUIV is much better after presumably years of fiddling.

I think the Germans were pulling back because there was no garrison in Nemours so they were trying to cobble together a front line of sorts, though that does just raise more questions about the German AI's strategic competence.

Perhaps they actually succeeded in making the Germany AI competent enough to realise that it (the AI) needed to act dumb so they wouldn't try to fix their horrible mistake. Sure sometimes they get picked for slaughtering (like this scenario, which perhaps wasn't popular?) but most of the time they get the easy job of crushing absolutely everyone whilst the PC either helps them out or tries to avoid them.

(blaming it all on tiny singing pixies that live inside the radio, that sort of thing)

Gremlins would be more period appropriate. For WWII nations anyway. For Slovakia, probably Shakespearian wood nymphs wood be all they can manage.

 

[roverS3]

Somehow, Slovak forces continue to defend the French Capital, to the last bullet indeed, if they manage to load it into their smooth-bore muskets that is...
Knowing HOI3 I wouldn't be entirely surprised if all those reserves never get into the fight, and the Slovaks will stop those tanks in their tracks with their scrapped Eiffel tower...

 

[El Pip]

That reminds me: in one of the Three Stooges short films, there's a scene where Curly had to hide from the bad guys chasing after him. He hid inside a radio, breaking something in the process that rendered the radio inoperable. When the bad guys turned the radio on, Curly decided to become the radio voice in order to fool them. Needless to say, his plan only fooled the bad guys for a short amount of time before they caught on.

Maybe that's the only way you can get a radio to work in Slovakia: be the radio.

It's like you've been to T&T's Slovakia!

Ahh Jurech and the 2nd put up a more effective defense of Paris thatn any of those "von´s" ever could manage. But now it seems its at an end. Sad.

Jurech and the 2nd have defended Paris for far longer than anyone, French or "Von" has managed. They can take pride in that at least, and there are very few Slovakians who can take pride in anything at the moment.

As soon as the words “Good news General Juranec” were uttered, I knew it would be anything but. Well, for the Slovaks anyway - excellent for the Germans: liked the last man and bullet gag. A chance for Slovakia to feature in another footnote to alternate history as the ones to surrender Paris to the Allies. Surely a poet will be commissioned to write something suitably morose, self-pitying and maudlin to celebrate another gallant (ie too slow or silly to escape earlier) defeat for Slovak arms?

I am delighted you liked that gag, it was the only reason I distracted myself from Butterfly to do this. At the risk of a spoiler I will say the Jurech's war does not end in Paris...

61% that attack will not get cancelled, the Mexican's might even join in!!!

If you were the Mexican Army would you traipse around the low countries or head to Paris? Personally, having been to both, I'd much prefer Flanders/Netherlands to Paris, but who can dare to try to understand Mexican logic?

This is yet another level down the circles of AI Hell that InevDev bravely dives through, alas with no guiding Virgil to make sense of it all. Paradox haven't gotten much better at tactics and strategy (in CKII it can be excused because wars really were that chaotic and crap back then...) and EUIV is much better after presumably years of fiddling.

Perhaps they actually succeeded in making the Germany AI competent enough to realise that it (the AI) needed to act dumb so they wouldn't try to fix their horrible mistake. Sure sometimes they get picked for slaughtering (like this scenario, which perhaps wasn't popular?) but most of the time they get the easy job of crushing absolutely everyone whilst the PC either helps them out or tries to avoid them.

Gremlins would be more period appropriate. For WWII nations anyway. For Slovakia, probably Shakespearian wood nymphs wood be all they can manage.

From what I've seen EUIV is not much better, it makes different mistakes, but mistakes none the less. Last one I saw was enemy armies tended to rush off to try and siege enemy provinces, which is all well and good but they all do it at once, leaving their home nation defenceless.

I'd bet money that the 1944 scenario was either (a) only play tested from Germany and Japan or (b) not play tested at all. It cannot have been played from the Allied side or you would have noticed that D-Day is catastrophically broken.

There will be some Slovak specific sprite/spirit/thingy that can perform the role of a wood nymph. (There will also be a tedious but bitter argument about if it is Czech, Slovak or Czechoslovak. There always is).

Somehow, Slovak forces continue to defend the French Capital, to the last bullet indeed, if they manage to load it into their smooth-bore muskets that is...
Knowing HOI3 I wouldn't be entirely surprised if all those reserves never get into the fight, and the Slovaks will stop those tanks in their tracks with their scrapped Eiffel tower...

You sometimes feel that the Slovak forces would be better of just throwing the bullets at the enemy than trying to use their muskets. On the other hand it is tanks in urban warfare and the HOI3 combat engine is a bit odd at times, so they aren't necessarily completely doomed (but the AAR is called Inevitable Defeat. So in the long term they definitely are.)

 

[Andre Massena]

Slovakia can always take pride in the fact they defended Paris better than the French did.

 

[nuclearslurpee]

Slovakia can always take pride in the fact they defended Paris better than the French did.

But really, if one takes pride in being better than the French, is there really any pride to be taken at all?

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

But really, if one takes pride in being better than the French, is there really any pride to be taken at all?

Depends what subject. They still lead the world in many things. Looking at statistics, they are fantastic at stealing cars, and unparalleled in knocking down various parts of Paris and then complaining about it.

 

[Wraith11B]

they are fantastic at stealing cars,

Don't you mean setting them alight?

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Don't you mean setting them alight?

One does not necessarily preclude the other.