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As an American who has not had the honor of ever getting close to South Wales... what part of the US is the bad facsimile?

I was talking about Australia. For America I'm not too sure. There probably is a weirdly rural, industrial yet ancient part lying around somewhere.

My guess would be Trump and coal country

Cardiff coal is the best in the world after all...

Furthermore it is my opinion that El Pip should continue with For King Haakon and the Fjords

Don't we know it. (Do you know that you can add that as a signature to the end of your comments?)
 
Don't bring up cheap imitations Australia. Only the US has you beat in that regard. Imitation neo-gothic cathedrals, imitation English, imitation cricket and rugby (presumably taken from an imitation rule book sold to you by the French;)) and bizarrely enough, imitation South Wales...I mean, of things to imitate...

Even the French can't get imitation quite right sometimes. Giving their president a palace three times the size of the white house and about as fancy as Buck Pal doesn't to me seem like they've understood what exactly they want their president to be like.
Haha! This salvo was aimed more at the esteemed El Pip, but I appear to (rather like the artillery fire in Paris) have caused some collateral damage! :D But New South Wales (my home state) I must blame on - yes - the English! Remember, it was them, not Australians, that named it early on during their colonial rule. And it may not have even been a compliment. And I think I’d rather swim on one our beaches, thanks very much. :p Lovely though I am sure South Wales is in other ways. :)

No, like all the other things you mentioned (except perhaps for the imitation cathedrals which would have been built by Poms anyway and which must be more famous in England than here), not imitation: but improvement of things originally brought over here by the colonial masters, but taken to the next level of excellence by the inheritors. Rather like the Commonwealth Games at the moment ;)
 
I have no idea why I've decided to play Jingo today but since we're here (because we're here because...)

But New South Wales (my home state) I must blame on - yes - the English! Remember, it was them, not Australians, that named it early on during their colonial rule.

If by that you mean British because by that point England had disappeared into the same sea Wales had. And if you're going to say they were English anyway because they came from the English bit, then apparently wrong again because its all the fault of a Welshman...who apparently kept naming everywhere he went New South Wales...

Things you used to get away from.

And I think I’d rather swim on one our beaches, thanks very much. :p

Really? Of the coast of your beaches are the corpses of sharks and people, killed by far worse things. Off our shores lie oil, gas, Ireland, France, and several thousand tons of rotting wood and corroding metal sent to the depths by various navies and Acts of Gawd. Top that.:cool:

Lovely though I am sure South Wales is in other ways. :)

Well you can see Devon and Cornwall from there, which means you are continually filled with pleasure knowing that you aren't there. And the ice-cream is pretty good. And the castle. And, dare I say it, the welsh.

but improvement of things originally brought over here by the colonial masters, but taken to the next level of excellence by the inheritors. Rather like the Commonwealth Games at the moment ;)

Well you do seem to have gotten the hang of our best tricks of cheating and changing the rules whenever they don't suit you. If only every country could-oh wait:eek:
At least Australia will be mostly spared from the oncoming nuclear Armageddon.
 
As terrible as they both are (new South Wales is full of Australians and I imagine South Wales to be some sort of British Weat Virginia), both will still be beaten by the crusaders/All Blacks later in the year (NSW is first in line I believe)

Furthermore it is my opinion that El Pip should continue with For King Haakon and the Fjords (and that this has more impact here than in a tag line)
 
I have no idea why I've decided to play Jingo today but since we're here (because we're here because...)



If by that you mean British because by that point England had disappeared into the same sea Wales had. And if you're going to say they were English anyway because they came from the English bit, then apparently wrong again because its all the fault of a Welshman...who apparently kept naming everywhere he went New South Wales...

Things you used to get away from.



Really? Of the coast of your beaches are the corpses of sharks and people, killed by far worse things. Off our shores lie oil, gas, Ireland, France, and several thousand tons of rotting wood and corroding metal sent to the depths by various navies and Acts of Gawd. Top that.:cool:



Well you can see Devon and Cornwall from there, which means you are continually filled with pleasure knowing that you aren't there. And the ice-cream is pretty good. And the castle. And, dare I say it, the welsh.



Well you do seem to have gotten the hang of our best tricks of cheating and changing the rules whenever they don't suit you. If only every country could-oh wait:eek:
At least Australia will be mostly spared from the oncoming nuclear Armageddon.
:D I’ll just leave at this for now - wouldn’t want to be caught imitating an English take down (it being more a societal/cultural reference than a geographic one). The rest may be right, but we weren’t nearly as good at cheating as the Poms (our guys should have struck to pocketfuls of mints or soil, in the time-tested English way). Though we have got the hang of changing the rules to suit in other areas. ;) Always a useful skill to have.
 
Well you do seem to have gotten the hang of our best tricks of cheating and changing the rules whenever they don't suit you. If only every country could-oh wait:eek:
At least Australia will be mostly spared from the oncoming nuclear Armageddon.

You should watch On the Beach...
 
As terrible as they both are (new South Wales is full of Australians and I imagine South Wales to be some sort of British Weat Virginia), both will still be beaten by the crusaders/All Blacks later in the year (NSW is first in line I believe)

Furthermore it is my opinion that El Pip should continue with For King Haakon and the Fjords (and that this has more impact here than in a tag line)

Don't we know it. (I'm mean...okay but this might go on for a while. Want to play dungeons and dragons for the next quadrillion years?)

:D I’ll just leave at this for now - wouldn’t want to be caught imitating an English take down (it being more a societal/cultural reference than a geographic one). The rest may be right, but we weren’t nearly as good at cheating as the Poms (our guys should have struck to pocketfuls of mints or soil, in the time-tested English way). Though we have got the hang of changing the rules to suit in other areas. ;) Always a useful skill to have.

Eh, El Pip was looking for off topics to see when he wrote that line in the first place. Though the fact that Paris still hasn't been retaken just makes me more aghast at how awful this scenario is. Is every city going to have to be bombed flat before they're retaken? Was this all just a plot to wipe out as much non scandivnain and Iberian culture from Europe as possible (yes I know the Nazis had that as a Plan Z)?


Ah, classic.

You should watch On the Beach...

Is this a thing people have actually made stuff about? I assume they'll die eventually anyway but if anyone on earth has a chance of survival it would be people in the outback of Australia.
 
That’s a pretty accurate strategic summary! :D Though they might decide to hit our Pine Gap installation (or ‘Joint Facilities’ as they are quaintly termed). The rest should be OK. Except perhaps the Sydney Harbour Bridge and Opera House, which always get taken out in end of the world and SF alien attacks. Rather like the Eiffel Tower, Statue of Liberty, Big Ben/Westminster, etc. ;) Apart from that, the nuclear winter would help to counteract the global warming. Pity about the ozone layer.
 
Eh, El Pip was looking for off topics to see when he wrote that line in the first place.
Oh, I have no doubt of it. :D And this was a return of serve for all that ‘Britain won the war for France’ stuff in my Quick & Dirty AAR. ;)
 
Give the Slovaks their due
Defending Paris better than Montague
The Brits took down
the highest tower in town
Thus showing how critical realism might best relate to the realm of International Relations
This is one of the most apt poems yet, I remain impressed and delighted at the effort you are putting into this. :)

In all fairness, simply the first part here is a sufficient victory to declare the war over, mission accomplished, and send everybody home! :p
Wise words.

They think Blackpool and the Eiffel towers were pointless? Just wait till they see modern Paris and London then...

Also it took them barely any time to build that tower in the first place, if they want to rebuild it twice the size and with a bigger flag they can. Blackpool I love for very unashamedly building a smaller copy and sticking it on a wacking great building made of marble and granite which contains all of the actual attractions at Blackpool tower. The actual tower is pretty much just for catching tourists. On the whole, I have enjoyed it whenever I went there but the stadium next door beats it. Four star hotel and the bar overlooks the stadium so it's basically a ridiculously nice premier box. The rugby matches played there at Easter 2015 (I think?) were great.

Wait...if they managed to destroy the tower through shelling, does that mean they wrecked the only part of Paris that's actually nice to look at? I hope they didn't kill any pigeons.

Edit: this reminds me of the tale about that church spire with the Virgin Mary on top (think it was the Virgin Mary). Both sides had hold of this city and someone had very nearly knocked the statue off the top but it hung on...just. The British defending the city at the time began to believe that the war would end when the statue fell. The Germans when they held the city he,ieved whoever knocked the statue off would lose (since...you know, the British would have to shell them cos they were using the church as a base at the time. Godless bastards;)). Anyway the Brits do knock the statue down and the Germans celebrate. Then depending on which story you read they all surrendered within a week or this was one of the first cities to get firebombed heavily by the Americans.

Anyway, they put a replacement spire and statue back up after the war, and I think some priest actually suggested putting it back up in the famous wartime pose. Thankfully, someone told him no.
A proper skyscraper is a wonderful and useful thing, a tall tower with nothing in it bar a viewing platform is pointless. You can still build it as a tourist attraction or just for the joy of building large metal towers, that can often be reason enough, but it has not removed it's essential pointlessness.

Another bewilderingly swift update El Pip - you're on a roll! :D

And two successful defences of Paris? Hmm, while overall defeat may be inevitable, it seems they are still to be permitted some victories along the way!

And how British to celebrate the destruction of a French icon (like it or not) then claim victory for some mediocre English imitation! Can I have English fries with my Wimpy Burger, please? :p
It is a low bar, but General Jurech will go down as more competent than any French general.

And surely you mean British Chips?

Don't bring up cheap imitations Australia. Only the US has you beat in that regard. Imitation neo-gothic cathedrals, imitation English, imitation cricket and rugby (presumably taken from an imitation rule book sold to you by the French;)) and bizarrely enough, imitation South Wales...I mean, of things to imitate...

Even the French can't get imitation quite right sometimes. Giving their president a palace three times the size of the white house and about as fancy as Buck Pal doesn't to me seem like they've understood what exactly they want their president to be like.
It's arguable the world didn't really need one South Wales, let alone a second one.

The French are quite bad at large official buildings. Palace of Versailles has similar issues, it is far too big to be tasteful but too dull to be interesting, they didn't quite know what they wanted it to be and it shows.

As an American who has not had the honor of ever getting close to South Wales... what part of the US is the bad facsimile?
One of these places maybe?

My guess would be Trump and coal country

Good part El Pip, with help from the six panzer division Paris will never fall, also I would like to point out that Paris was held by the English during the Hundred Years' War

But a question. With the arc du rubble and the Eiffel scrap heap done which tourist attraction will the allies destroy next? (It can't be any of the palaces as the allied officers need somewhere to stay post recapture)

Furthermore it is my opinion that El Pip should continue with For King Haakon and the Fjords
I will not ruin the surprise, but you are correct that no-one is going to be issuing any buildings insurance for any Parisian landmark.

Oh, you mean Freedom Fries? :p
Everyone knows French Fries are actually Belgian, they are just called that as a two-for-one insult. Belgium gets upset at losing the credit, France is insulted that people thing that is the best thing in French cuisine.
ja_zps42369c2d.gif


I was talking about Australia. For America I'm not too sure. There probably is a weirdly rural, industrial yet ancient part lying around somewhere.

Cardiff coal is the best in the world after all...

Don't we know it. (Do you know that you can add that as a signature to the end of your comments?)
Welsh Anthracite is indeed amongst the highest grade Anthracite you can get. Therefore optimistic idiots keep trying to dig it out, hoping the high selling price will offset the high costs, sadly it doesn't work out that way. The latest bunch started last month

Haha! This salvo was aimed more at the esteemed El Pip, but I appear to (rather like the artillery fire in Paris) have caused some collateral damage! :D But New South Wales (my home state) I must blame on - yes - the English! Remember, it was them, not Australians, that named it early on during their colonial rule. And it may not have even been a compliment. And I think I’d rather swim on one our beaches, thanks very much. :p Lovely though I am sure South Wales is in other ways. :)

No, like all the other things you mentioned (except perhaps for the imitation cathedrals which would have been built by Poms anyway and which must be more famous in England than here), not imitation: but improvement of things originally brought over here by the colonial masters, but taken to the next level of excellence by the inheritors. Rather like the Commonwealth Games at the moment ;)
Nothing was improved by being taken to Australia. You can't even cheat properly, as your Cricket Team so memorably (and hilariously) proved.

The Commonwealth Games system remains baffling to me, I'm sure there is a reason why the UK has to compete as 4 smaller bits but no-one else is arbitrarily sliced up. Why isn't Australia represented by 6 states? As I understand the Federal system the New South Wales Parliament has more powers than the Welsh Assembly and it's got it's own flag. As I said, baffling.

I have no idea why I've decided to play Jingo today but since we're here (because we're here because...)



If by that you mean British because by that point England had disappeared into the same sea Wales had. And if you're going to say they were English anyway because they came from the English bit, then apparently wrong again because its all the fault of a Welshman...who apparently kept naming everywhere he went New South Wales...

Things you used to get away from.



Really? Of the coast of your beaches are the corpses of sharks and people, killed by far worse things. Off our shores lie oil, gas, Ireland, France, and several thousand tons of rotting wood and corroding metal sent to the depths by various navies and Acts of Gawd. Top that.:cool:



Well you can see Devon and Cornwall from there, which means you are continually filled with pleasure knowing that you aren't there. And the ice-cream is pretty good. And the castle. And, dare I say it, the welsh.



Well you do seem to have gotten the hang of our best tricks of cheating and changing the rules whenever they don't suit you. If only every country could-oh wait:eek:
At least Australia will be mostly spared from the oncoming nuclear Armageddon.
This entire post is invalidate by saying Wales is better than Devon or Cornwall. I've spent time in both and it is not even close, Wales is much worse. The ice-cream is worse, the weather is much worse, there is a catastrophic lack of cream teams and pasties and there is the ever present risk of a male voice choir.

As terrible as they both are (new South Wales is full of Australians and I imagine South Wales to be some sort of British Weat Virginia), both will still be beaten by the crusaders/All Blacks later in the year (NSW is first in line I believe)

Furthermore it is my opinion that El Pip should continue with For King Haakon and the Fjords (and that this has more impact here than in a tag line)
South Wales prefers heroin where as West Virginia goes for OxyContin, but otherwise it probably is quite close. They are both full of people who regularly vote for pretty much anyone from the Red coloured party, even if the Republicans and Labour are quite different apart from the colour.

:D I’ll just leave at this for now - wouldn’t want to be caught imitating an English take down (it being more a societal/cultural reference than a geographic one). The rest may be right, but we weren’t nearly as good at cheating as the Poms (our guys should have struck to pocketfuls of mints or soil, in the time-tested English way). Though we have got the hang of changing the rules to suit in other areas. ;) Always a useful skill to have.
The Australian cricket team have been cheating for decades without punishment. I imagine they just got cocky and lazy and that's why they were so blatant they got caught.

Dear lord.

You should watch On the Beach...
Almost as cheerful as Threads.

Don't we know it. (I'm mean...okay but this might go on for a while. Want to play dungeons and dragons for the next quadrillion years?)



Eh, El Pip was looking for off topics to see when he wrote that line in the first place. Though the fact that Paris still hasn't been retaken just makes me more aghast at how awful this scenario is. Is every city going to have to be bombed flat before they're retaken? Was this all just a plot to wipe out as much non scandivnain and Iberian culture from Europe as possible (yes I know the Nazis had that as a Plan Z)?



Ah, classic.



Is this a thing people have actually made stuff about? I assume they'll die eventually anyway but if anyone on earth has a chance of survival it would be people in the outback of Australia.
Paris has been pretty much the only place the Axis have managed to make a stand, the lack of progress in the rest of Western Europe is basically down to lack of Allied forces - almost all the post D-Day reinforcements went to Italy and the Balkans, not France. Bomber command doing nothing (that I can see) and Germany not deploying any V-1s or V-2s means that there will probably be less cities being destroyed than OTL.

That’s a pretty accurate strategic summary! :D Though they might decide to hit our Pine Gap installation (or ‘Joint Facilities’ as they are quaintly termed). The rest should be OK. Except perhaps the Sydney Harbour Bridge and Opera House, which always get taken out in end of the world and SF alien attacks. Rather like the Eiffel Tower, Statue of Liberty, Big Ben/Westminster, etc. ;) Apart from that, the nuclear winter would help to counteract the global warming. Pity about the ozone layer.
I like to imagine the Soviets had a couple of dozen spare nukes pointing at Australia just on principle. If you are going to get destroyed in a nuclear war, you don't want the best placed survivors to be capitalist pig dogs.

Oh, I have no doubt of it. :D And this was a return of serve for all that ‘Britain won the war for France’ stuff in my Quick & Dirty AAR. ;)
We shall have to just disagree about the true heroes of Quick & Dirty. ;)
 
17th November 1944
17th November 1944

It was Friday and Tiso had been hoping for a quiet day and an early escape for the weekend, instead he found himself faced with both a cabinet meeting and a baffling argument about the meeting.

"It has been submitted so must form part of the agenda." Fritz politely, but firmly, insisted.

"But what is it?" Tuka insisted. "What if it so terrible we wish we had never heard it?"

"We will have to find out during the meeting." Fritz stuck to his guns.

"Surely the benefit of being Supreme Vodca is that you don't need to be bound by such foolish democratic conventions?" Tuka turned to Tiso.

Tiso thought it over.

"I'll agree this 'technological breakthrough' from Pruzinsky sounds ominous, but we probably need to find out what on earth he is talking about. It might be important." He decided.

"We will begin with the military update then Pruzinsky will brief the cabinet." Fritz announced the agenda, almost succeeding in not sounding smug. Almost.

"Good news from the Eastern Front." General Kubela beamed. "The 1st (Getting Colder) Division has arrived in Ilia and successfully managed to start retreating!"

Tiso looked at the proffered message

b8GhGN3.jpg

The 71. Guards Rifle Division was one of the most elite and feared of all the fictional Soviet divisions. The 1st (Eastern Front) Division was the second best unit in the Slovakian Army, this also meant it was the worst.

"And this is good news?" He asked in bafflement.

"Oh yes, we had been worried they would be over-run like the 1st (Original and Best) Division was in Italy. Luckily they arrived in time and so were able to run away again to Savarsin." Malar explained.

"Where they will find a stable front line and be able to re-join the fight to throw back the Soviets?" Tuka asked hopefully.

"I suppose that could happen." Kubela looked doubtful.

"But this analysis says you no longer believe the 3rd Ukrainian Front will invade Slovakia." Tuka pointed out the relevant bits.

"Indeed. That's because the 71. Guards Rifle Division is part of a different bit of the Soviet Army, so we now think it will be 2nd Belorussian Front that will conqueror Bratislava." Kubela expertly crushed Tuka's hope like the professional he wasn't.

"Is there any actually good news from the West?" Tiso asked, desperately changing the subject.

"Jurech reports he has successfully defended Paris. Again." Kubela gestured at the telegram.

G1NRRzg.jpg

If all battles went like this then Slovakia has hope. Most battles outside of Western Europe don't go like this. There is some good news, 264. Infantry Division has arrived in Paris so Jurech is no longer single handedly defending Paris. Until 264. gets bored and wanders off again to join the panzers.

"He believes the British attacked by mistake, which is why they cancelled so soon after starting." Kubela carried on.

Tiso looked doubtful.

Seeing the doubt Malar joined the conversation "They didn't even have time to destroy another Parisian landmark before the battle was over."

Tiso accepted this powerful argument and tried to mentally prepare himself for the next stage of the cabinet meeting, the mysterious "technology" (whatever that was) briefing from Pruzinsky.

---
Notes:
In a return to the traditions of the past, and in the interests of keeping the update momentum going, this will be a two parter. Tune in next time for the thrilling conclusion to this cabinet meeting.

The British and Allied AIs are making a right hash of the Invasion of France; lots of disjointed attacks, the absence of any air-support and lots of aimless redeployments. It is almost as inept as the Axis defence of Italy.
 
To be fair on the "1st (Getting Colder) Division", they were outnumbered by the Soviets and up against crack guard forces. The 2nd may have had German backup, but they are up against the crack Guards Armoured Division, so keeping them out is a major success too. This is faintly beginning to smell like successful defense, imagine the heresy!!
 
Seeing the doubt Malar joined the conversation "They didn't even have time to destroy another Parisian landmark before the battle was over."

So there's so many Russian troops that they have to start making up names for them and Paris continues to be a front for both sides getting into ritual human sacrifice (you can decide what either side is praying for. Presumably in the British case it isn't rain).
Is there another Parisian landmark that looks better, is bigger or is anyway more impressive than its GB counterpart that is also within shell range? I'm actually trying to think of one. The Louvre maybe but that's very debatable (see debate below).
 
We watched the British charge in
To evict the Slovakians
They missed hitting the Louve
So all's left to prove
That Critical Realism can only explain everything at no time versus all the time .
 
I’m starting to get (pleasantly) bewildered by the recently frenetic pace of updates: it is now only perhaps mildly slower than real time. I applaud this gentle shifting up of gears, even if Treebeard might regard it as “hasty!”

I think the staff are right about that latest ‘battle’ for Paris. Sounds more like an accidental firefight when both sides went out to steal chickens or scrounge booze and ran into each other!

Either that, or some guy went out for a crap and got lost, running into a recce patrol and calling in his comrades when the s#!t really started to fly (so to speak). Apologies for anyone’s gentle sensibilities that may have been offended, but it wouldn’t be the first time something like that happened in OTL. :confused:
 
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It's only hasty if they interrupt each other during sentences.
 
I should like to think that by this point in the AAR, the major powers have all said hello, and perhaps (if we're being optimistic) have decided that the Slovakians are not orcs. :p
 
The Allies are fighting so bad in order not to ashame Tiso et al.