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I think they have one hand that goes off and does things randomly (the make the AI build lots of Super Heavy Armour hand), while the other hand (the leader / unit name /etc research hand) died sometime during HOI2 but Paradox hasn't noticed.
When you've produced 20 odd DLCs for a game, including 3 'major' expansions, and you still have the same errors and mistakes that you made in the previous game in the series that is special. That's industry worst practice, the one everyone else points at while saying "At least we aren't that bad."
I know, it's a terrifying increase in pace. I hope to get to December by the end of the year.Another year, another chapter of Tiso and Tuka to catch up with.
Or... several, actually
It's a majestic pace, there is no denying it.The speed of this AAR is phenominal, we started November 2011 when it was 20 june 1944 and now its 2nd November '44 on 2018-02-23
I like the name SHART II, but I read it as Super Heavy ARTillery II. So I think of this;
The genuinely barking mad 800mm/31.5" armed Schwerer Gustav railway gun.
There will never be a HOI5, Paradox will just release hundreds of DLCs for HOI4. This is called the CK2 max profit/min effort model. Hence I will win by default as I will, at some point, finish this.
And the price of the (really large) gun is around the price of the total Slovak military divisions and a generous supply of hip-flasks with content included.
It shouldn't take that long. But if it does, well I'll need to keep an old computer running for Butterly Effect and that's HOI2, so this one should be fine.
Mildly interesting fact - Krupp had a tradition of not charging for the first gun in any production run. They applied this principle to the giant railway gun, so this one might have been free. Many would argue that is also the worth of the total Slovak military.
I think you may have drastically under-estimated quite how many full hipflasks the Slovak government get through in a day, and that is with rationing. A generous supply would mean many, many large warehouses.What, that cheap?
I hope all these hip flasks are steel-plated, given the abundance of metals the country has. How many Slovak soldiers’ lives will be saved by the old bullet-hit-the-hip-flask-over-his-heart-and-saved-his-life-trick? Much like the last episode of Blackadder 3 (though I think that may have been a cigarette case).
Much like the last episode of Blackadder 3 (though I think that may have been a cigarette case).
Given their likely slow speed, I like to think the super heavy tanks would be classified by the British as a new breed of infantry tank. They could called Matilda III or Super Heavy Infantry Tank.
If steel hip flasks really are bullet proof then Tiso is probably impervious to small arms fire. Indeed give the amount he carries he may well be safe against light anti-tank gun fire.I hope all these hip flasks are steel-plated, given the abundance of metals the country has. How many Slovak soldiers’ lives will be saved by the old bullet-hit-the-hip-flask-over-his-heart-and-saved-his-life-trick?
Excellent names, we should get these forwarded to Paradox for inclusion in the next HOI4 DLC.
And with that, back to somewhere that isn't Bratislava!
5th November 1944
5th November 1944
We begin not in Bratislava but in the City of Lights itself - Paris. OK so there is currently a blackout and it's more the City of Miserable Bleakness, but many would say that is a more honest description of Paris, even in peacetime. General Jurech and his Chief of Staff, Colonel Lendvay, are holding a planning meeting.
"I've got some bad news, some good news and some more bad news." Lendvay announced.
"Lets do it in that order." Jurech decided.
"General Lattmann's plan to use 6th Panzer to cut the allied supply lines has failed."
"That's not a big surprise, it's very hard to weaponise surrendering." Jurech speculated, Lendvay nodded sympathetically.
"The good news is that instead of running away back to Germany he has pulled back into Paris."
"That sounds positive."
"But he is still refusing to talk to us or co-operate." Lendvay finished his news.
"Well as he just wanted us to die quietly without getting his tanks messy, I think we can probably manage without any co-ordinating meetings with 6th Panzer. All in all, could be a lot worse." Jurech concluded.
6h Panzer failed to do much and so is back exactly where it started. Paris isn't surrounded yet, still two escape routes, but being threatened on three sides is not great. The Slovak division's counter is hiding behind the German icon, in much the same way the Slovak troops plan to hide behind the German tanks during the inevitable battle.
This productive briefing is interrupted by the phone ringing. There is a brief pause as the two Slovak officers bicker about who has to answer it before Jurech pulls rank.
"Hello Axis Occupied Paris, Slovakian 2nd () Brackets Division speaking. Who is this?" Lendvay answered.
"Where is General Lansmann?" A French-Canadian voice at the other end questioned.
"Busy polishing his Panzers." Lendvay guessed.
"Merde, we wanted to speak to him and get him to surrender. Again." The voice grumbled. It then continued "You will have to do. We wish to discuss the terms of declaring Paris an Open City."
Lendvay, after much prodding, convinced Jurech he would have to deal with this.
"I don't think we want to do that, we'll give it a miss thanks." Jurech said, glaring daggers at Lendvay "You know I hate marketing calls." He angrily whispered at his Chief of Staff
"If you do not do this and spare Paris we will inflict damage a thousand times worse on Berlin!" The voice threatened.
"We're Slovakian, so you can do what you like to Berlin." Jurech shrugged.
There is a long pause, some rustling papers and the sound of urgent bafflement.
"Then we will inflict terrible damage on Bra-tits-lather." The voice mangled the pronunciation.
"Terrible damage? Have you been to Bratislava before?" Jurech asked.
"We will reduce it to a medieval ruin!" The voice screamed.
"Really? That sounds like an upgrade. We'll take it." Jurech enthused.
"What?!"
"We resist fiercely in Paris and in exchange you turn Bratislava into a medieval ruin. Sounds a great deal to us." Jurech explained. "We look forward to fighting you." He hung up.
"Do you want me to tell the men about this?" Lendvay asked.
"About the possibility of Bratislava being turned into a medieval ruin? Best not, don't want to get their hopes up." Jurech replied.
--
Notes:
(Possibly) Colonel Emil Lendvay replaced General Jurech as commander of the Fast Division on the Eastern Front in OTL, so it made sense to me he would have been his chief of staff prior to that. That aside he is amazingly absent from the internet.
We may, or may not, see more of Jurech and his Chief of Staff depending on how the fight for Paris goes and how well this break from T&T is received by the readership.
We begin not in Bratislava but in the City of Lights itself - Paris. OK so there is currently a blackout and it's more the City of Miserable Bleakness, but many would say that is a more honest description of Paris, even in peacetime. General Jurech and his Chief of Staff, Colonel Lendvay, are holding a planning meeting.
"I've got some bad news, some good news and some more bad news." Lendvay announced.
"Lets do it in that order." Jurech decided.
"General Lattmann's plan to use 6th Panzer to cut the allied supply lines has failed."
"That's not a big surprise, it's very hard to weaponise surrendering." Jurech speculated, Lendvay nodded sympathetically.
"The good news is that instead of running away back to Germany he has pulled back into Paris."
"That sounds positive."
"But he is still refusing to talk to us or co-operate." Lendvay finished his news.
"Well as he just wanted us to die quietly without getting his tanks messy, I think we can probably manage without any co-ordinating meetings with 6th Panzer. All in all, could be a lot worse." Jurech concluded.
6h Panzer failed to do much and so is back exactly where it started. Paris isn't surrounded yet, still two escape routes, but being threatened on three sides is not great. The Slovak division's counter is hiding behind the German icon, in much the same way the Slovak troops plan to hide behind the German tanks during the inevitable battle.
This productive briefing is interrupted by the phone ringing. There is a brief pause as the two Slovak officers bicker about who has to answer it before Jurech pulls rank.
"Hello Axis Occupied Paris, Slovakian 2nd () Brackets Division speaking. Who is this?" Lendvay answered.
"Where is General Lansmann?" A French-Canadian voice at the other end questioned.
"Busy polishing his Panzers." Lendvay guessed.
"Merde, we wanted to speak to him and get him to surrender. Again." The voice grumbled. It then continued "You will have to do. We wish to discuss the terms of declaring Paris an Open City."
Lendvay, after much prodding, convinced Jurech he would have to deal with this.
"I don't think we want to do that, we'll give it a miss thanks." Jurech said, glaring daggers at Lendvay "You know I hate marketing calls." He angrily whispered at his Chief of Staff
"If you do not do this and spare Paris we will inflict damage a thousand times worse on Berlin!" The voice threatened.
"We're Slovakian, so you can do what you like to Berlin." Jurech shrugged.
There is a long pause, some rustling papers and the sound of urgent bafflement.
"Then we will inflict terrible damage on Bra-tits-lather." The voice mangled the pronunciation.
"Terrible damage? Have you been to Bratislava before?" Jurech asked.
"We will reduce it to a medieval ruin!" The voice screamed.
"Really? That sounds like an upgrade. We'll take it." Jurech enthused.
"What?!"
"We resist fiercely in Paris and in exchange you turn Bratislava into a medieval ruin. Sounds a great deal to us." Jurech explained. "We look forward to fighting you." He hung up.
"Do you want me to tell the men about this?" Lendvay asked.
"About the possibility of Bratislava being turned into a medieval ruin? Best not, don't want to get their hopes up." Jurech replied.
--
Notes:
(Possibly) Colonel Emil Lendvay replaced General Jurech as commander of the Fast Division on the Eastern Front in OTL, so it made sense to me he would have been his chief of staff prior to that. That aside he is amazingly absent from the internet.
We may, or may not, see more of Jurech and his Chief of Staff depending on how the fight for Paris goes and how well this break from T&T is received by the readership.
If I may speak for the readership, then... *ahem* The readership has received this very well, indeed!
Although I must wonder...Jurech claims to hate marketing calls, yet he gets sold on a deal to possibly upgrade Brad Pitt's lava? I wonder if Slovakia has somehow not even researched proper levels of whichever technology enables them to properly hate things?
They can always hope that the Mexican(?) division is first to attack and give them an excuse to withdraw with few casualties.
Agree! Absence will make the heart grow fonder. Well, you both know what I mean
It’s ok, hate is a primal human emotion, so even Slovakia should have access to that!Although I must wonder...Jurech claims to hate marketing calls, yet he gets sold on a deal to possibly upgrade Brad Pitt's lava? I wonder if Slovakia has somehow not even researched proper levels of whichever technology enables them to properly hate things?
And they’re in Paris and (iirc) assigned under German command, so will have access to their tech. And it doesn’t take much advancement to hate marketing calls. El Pip, this was an amusing diversion. The running line on the primitive nature of the Slovakian capital was a nice touch. It will make an interesting incentive for the Allied race to Bratty-slave-ya.
I appreciate this spin-off and I'd love to see more of it, we can't afford to ignore the Slovak expeditionary troops in Paris!
By the way, is Slovak technology advanced enough to build (non-mud) walls? If so, that Mexican offensive could be stopped in its tracks...
By the way, is Slovak technology advanced enough to build (non-mud) walls? If so, that Mexican offensive could be stopped in its tracks...
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They have the 6th panzer to function as the pikemen to the slovak musketeer line (or spearthrowers, ive completely lost the technology level at this point, its like civ). Together they can make Paris a tough tut to crack.
All in all, Jurech has has found an amazing deal here, though be wary of them hiring those mexican or canadian troops we see in the area. Think of what maple syrup and tacos together would to to the the command shed!
All in all, Jurech has has found an amazing deal here, though be wary of them hiring those mexican or canadian troops we see in the area. Think of what maple syrup and tacos together would to to the the command shed!
The drive to Brat-tish-slev-ya
Goes well with Stolichnaya
Unfortunately I have none
Because to work I have run
And thus continues the soul-crushing socialization of the capitalist system.
Goes well with Stolichnaya
Unfortunately I have none
Because to work I have run
And thus continues the soul-crushing socialization of the capitalist system.
Argggh use of bad poetry is forbidden by the Geneva convention under the heading weapons of mass destruction.
