Inevitable Defeat - Slovakia '44

[El Pip]

15th October 1944

It is a Monday morning and in the Presidential Palace the latest news is being discussed in the not-very-high echelons of power. As Tiso and Tuka are the leaders of a puppet nation and Slovakia has not discovered morphine, or any other exciting drug, this works on multiple levels. Unlike the Presidential Palace which only works on one level, as it's more of a bungalow than a palace.

Tiso has been rattling through the foreign and domestic news and had established, to his satisfaction, that nothing has changed in Slovakia since last week. With that formality out of the way, he invites General Kubela to give the armed forces update

"On the Western Front the defence of Vernon has received a boost." Kubela announced.

"Has General Juranec stopped trying to help." Tuka muttered.

"Our brave heroes of the 2nd Infantry (Division) have been reinforced by German 2nd Corps." Kubela continued obliviously.

"Shouldn't that be II. Corps?" Von Killinger asked.

"No, that's an entirely different unit." Malar explained. "II. Corps is a highly trained, veteran regular corps, 2nd Corps is more of an emergency reserve unit."

Tuka sighed.

"We are promised the commander is an experienced veteran general." Kubela added.

Meanwhile, in Vernon, the new commander of 2nd Corps is taking over control.

"We must accept that Germany and her allies are on the defensive, we must adapt and use the latest in defensive thinking." He announced.

"Is this the Elastic-Defence doctrine I keep hearing about?" General Juranec asked.

"Braiins." General Sümmermann added as he nodded in agreement, but not too vigorously in case bits of him fell off. Again.

"No, that would never work. This is the Concrete-Defence doctrine."

"Trenches?" Juranec asked.

"Exactly. Deep trenches and reinforced bunkers. These will keep the Republic safe." The new commander smiled, pleased that the Slovak officer had grasped the concept so quickly.

"Brrains!" General Sümmermann despaired at what had happened to the German Army during his brief, death-related, absence.

General Bitthon and his tiny band of brave staff officers of the 2nd Corps have come to take charge at Vernon. The battle remains close, will General Gerhardt's legendary incompetence be enough to fritter away his technological edge? Or will General Bitthorn succeed in forcing him into trench warfare?​

Meanwhile, meanwhile, back in Slovakia.

"So when you said a corps, you meant it is a corps HQ unit and nothing else?" Tiso was clarifying.

"Yes." Kubela confirmed.

"And the commander, who will be the senior officer controlling the battle, is a long retired general who hasn't seen any combat since WW1?"

Kubela nodded.

"And this is good news why?" Tuka joined in, but at a louder volume.

"Because he's not dead, so the battle is no longer commanded by a Zombie." Malar explained.

Tiso fought a heroic battle against his instincts, he was only halfway through the briefing. He may need his hipflask to be full when he heard the news from the Eastern Front.

--
Notes:

Lieutenant General Otto Bitthorn retired from the Reichswher in January 1933 and then vanished from history. He was never called up during the many waves of re-armament and conscription and lived in obscurity till his death in 1953. In the absence of facts I've decided he's a hard core Old Guard veteran who still hasn't noticed that the Weimar Republic has fallen.

General Sümmermann remains long dead, but still somehow walking around commanding a division.

 

[El Pip]

Update at top of the page, above this post.

The ancient rules of El Pip AARs require me to put updates on the top of a page if possible, so the feedback is delayed until now.

Ah, how I've missed the fine poetry of the Slovakian counter-intelligence division! I suppose it makes sense that this would be one of the few strengths of the Slovak government, given that poetry is such an ancient idea, it is well within the reach of Slovakian technological progress!

The Slovaks are playing to their (lack of) strengths.

The threadmarks and especially their ruthless side-by-side comparison of ingame dates and real life dates really present the scope of this story. This is my favourite bit:

View attachment 309417

Occasionally some people attempt to challenge my claim as Undisputed Lord of Slower-than-real-time. Next time they do, I shall show them that and laugh manically as they shiver in the chilling shade of my majesty.

I think the Bulgarians make great allies for the Slovakians! Not so great minds think alike. They could perhaps use some socialist realist poetry written on license from Slovakia (one of the few technologies - or more of a doctrine perhaps - they seem to have mastered). It could be paid for with either one or the other by now worthless currencies. Though that might not be enough to stop the 3rd Shock Army (or whatever it is that’s coming at them).

Bulgaria is having a particularly useless war, even by the standards of a confused and ignored Axis minor. Given their track record I dread to think what they would do with poetry.

I'm frankly shocked that we've progressed as far as we have, here.

Progress is often shocking, particularly when it occurs unexpectedly.

Actually, the AAR accelerated over the years. Now there are not so many single-day updates and sometimes @El Pip even skips one day entirely :O.

It did take a while to complete the initial setup and meet the full cast of characters. But they are such unique types you wouldn't want to rush it, it can take days to recover from the experience of meeting them.

And I am, of course, now required to make sure the next update also occurs on the 15th of October.

"I'm not allowing him to leave his office." Tiso confirmed.

True decisive Leadership!

Tiso can make decisions. They aren't always good ones or sane ones, but he can be decisive even in the face of impending and inevitable catastrophe.

Glad you liked that little bit, my first draft made Stefan's experience more explicit but I went for slightly subtler and I'm pleased people still noticed.

 

[Bullfilter]

15th October 1944

It is a Monday morning and in the Presidential Palace the latest news is being discussed in the not-very-high echelons of power. As Tiso and Tuka are the leaders of a puppet nation and Slovakia has not discovered morphine, or any other exciting drug, this works on multiple levels. Unlike the Presidential Palace which only works on one level, as it's more of a bungalow than a palace.

Tiso has been rattling through the foreign and domestic news and had established, to his satisfaction, that nothing has changed in Slovakia since last week. With that formality out of the way, he invites General Kubela to give the armed forces update

"On the Western Front the defence of Vernon has received a boost." Kubela announced.

"Has General Juranec stopped trying to help." Tuka muttered.

"Our brave heroes of the 2nd Infantry (Division) have been reinforced by German 2nd Corps." Kubela continued obliviously.

"Shouldn't that be II. Corps?" Von Killinger asked.

"No, that's an entirely different unit." Malar explained. "II. Corps is a highly trained, veteran regular corps, 2nd Corps is more of an emergency reserve unit."

Tuka sighed.

"We are promised the commander is an experienced veteran general." Kubela added.

Meanwhile, in Vernon, the new commander of 2nd Corps is taking over control.

"We must accept that Germany and her allies are on the defensive, we must adapt and use the latest in defensive thinking." He announced.

"Is this the Elastic-Defence doctrine I keep hearing about?" General Juranec asked.

"Braiins." General Sümmermann added as he nodded in agreement, but not too vigorously in case bits of him fell off. Again.

"No, that would never work. This is the Concrete-Defence doctrine."

"Trenches?" Juranec asked.

"Exactly. Deep trenches and reinforced bunkers. These will keep the Republic safe." The new commander smiled, pleased that the Slovak officer had grasped the concept so quickly.

"Brrains!" General Sümmermann despaired at what had happened to the German Army during his brief, death-related, absence.

General Bitthon and his tiny band of brave staff officers of the 2nd Corps have come to take charge at Vernon. The battle remains close, will General Gerhardt's legendary incompetence be enough to fritter away his technological edge? Or will General Bitthorn succeed in forcing him into trench warfare?​

Meanwhile, meanwhile, back in Slovakia.

"So when you said a corps, you meant it is a corps HQ unit and nothing else?" Tiso was clarifying.

"Yes." Kubela confirmed.

"And the commander, who will be the senior officer controlling the battle, is a long retired general who hasn't seen any combat since WW1?"

Kubela nodded.

"And this is good news why?" Tuka joined in, but at a louder volume.

"Because he's not dead, so the battle is no longer commanded by a Zombie." Malar explained.

Tiso fought a heroic battle against his instincts, he was only halfway through the briefing. He may need his hipflask to be full when he heard the news from the Eastern Front.

--
Notes:

Lieutenant General Otto Bitthorn retired from the Reichswher in January 1933 and then vanished from history. He was never called up during the many waves of re-armament and conscription and lived in obscurity till his death in 1953. In the absence of facts I've decided he's a hard core Old Guard veteran who still hasn't noticed that the Weimar Republic has fallen.

General Sümmermann remains long dead, but still somehow walking around commanding a division.

Nice update - and battlefield (kind of) action, no less! As a gift of thanks, I saw this in a souvenir shop in Moscow a few weeks back, and thought immediately of Tiso and Tuka. So, here is a gift (one each) for them. They will need to be kept well hidden for now, but when the Soviet occupation comes, these may help to not only sustain their craven skulking escape from justice but, if questioned along the way, there's an outside chance they might facilitate a bluffed passage through a checkpoint!

*flip* - glug, glug: "Na Zdorovie (На здоровье)!"​

 

[Davout]

I note that 15 October 1944 was in fact a Sunday. So for once T&T are ahead of the times!

Or is that out of date?

I give up - too timey-wimey....

 

[Athalcor]

Nice update - and battlefield (kind of) action, no less! As a gift of thanks, I saw this in a souvenir shop in Moscow a few weeks back, and thought immediately of Tiso and Tuka. So, here is a gift (one each) for them. They will need to be kept well hidden for now, but when the Soviet occupation comes, these may help to not only sustain their craven skulking escape from justice but, if questioned along the way, there's an outside chance they might facilitate a bluffed passage through a checkpoint!

*flip* - glug, glug: "Na Zdorovie (На здоровье)!"​

These flasks look nice from afar but then you come closer and realise that they are just cheep plastic :/.

 

[Bullfilter]

These flasks look nice from afar but then you come closer and realise that they are just cheep plastic :/.

Perhaps - they looked all right but I didn’t road test any of them . It was a mildly higher standard souvenir shop just off Red Square, but the major industry of Moscow does seem to be ripping off gormless tourists !

 

[sebas379]

Well now the allies are truly screwed as the germans unleash the undead hordes. I predict the wehrmacht will march gloriously across red square 3 months (aka 6 years) from now!

But the fact that the front is still around vernon in october is a testament to the tenacious defence of the western front by the combined axis forces, it has to be said. It has in no way to do with the allied ais inability to bring its army to bear and supply it.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

In the absence of facts I've decided he's a hard core Old Guard veteran who still hasn't noticed that the Weimar Republic has fallen.

We call this the paradox method.

 

[nuclearslurpee]

And I am, of course, now required to make sure the next update also occurs on the 15th of October.

Perhaps we can go even deeper, and do a flashback to some vaguely-related events which had taken place on October 14th? In a slower-than-real-time AAR, you can't possibly be any slower than going backwards in time!

...unless it turns out that time is an unsigned integer, and going backwards by one day actually takes us forward by a few billion days!

 

[Athalcor]

...unless it turns out that time is an unsigned integer, and going backwards by one day actually takes us forward by a few billion days!

Depends on how many bits Slovakia uses to store its integers. I would guess...2?

 

[nuclearslurpee]

Depends on how many bits Slovakia uses to store its integers. I would guess...2?

This explains why every day seems strangely the same as every other day in some way...

 

[markkur]

Great update!

"Unlike the Presidential Palace which only works on one level, as it's more of a bungalow than a palace."

Loved that explanation! Very telling of ...where they stand.

 

[El Pip]

Nice update - and battlefield (kind of) action, no less! As a gift of thanks, I saw this in a souvenir shop in Moscow a few weeks back, and thought immediately of Tiso and Tuka. So, here is a gift (one each) for them.

That is a thoughtful gift indeed. Certainly much nicer than T&T deserve, indeed it may end up in the Slovak National Museum as the greatest work of art in the nation.

I note that 15 October 1944 was in fact a Sunday. So for once T&T are ahead of the times! I give up - too timey-wimey....

Arse. And I even checked to make sure I got the day of the week right.

These flasks look nice from afar but then you come closer and realise that they are just cheep plastic :/.

That could be an issue, Slovak alcohol can only be stored in reinforced glass or certain types of metal. It can corrode / melt / explode in contact with anything else.

Perhaps - they looked all right but I didn’t road test any of them . It was a mildly higher standard souvenir shop just off Red Square, but the major industry of Moscow does seem to be ripping off gormless tourists !

Tourist ripping off is Russia's third largest industry behind vodka production and 'disappearing' people who have annoyed Putin.

But the fact that the front is still around vernon in october is a testament to the tenacious defence of the western front by the combined axis forces, it has to be said. It has in no way to do with the allied ais inability to bring its army to bear and supply it.

The Axis propaganda arm is definitely going with the first explanation. This explanation may have to change when we complete Part 2 of October 15th.

We call this the paradox method.

Strictly speaking the Paradox Method covers making sweeping incorrect assumptions because you didn't bother to do any research beyond the name. This was not that.

For General Otto Bitthorn I gave it a good look and found out many details about him, after his WW1 service he spent most of his time in the Ministry, training battalions or the delightfully named 'Provisional Matters' section of the RWM.

Far too much research, for a throw away line that doesn't matter, is actually called the El Pip Method.

Perhaps we can go even deeper, and do a flashback to some vaguely-related events which had taken place on October 14th? In a slower-than-real-time AAR, you can't possibly be any slower than going backwards in time!

Tempting, very tempting....

Depends on how many bits Slovakia uses to store its integers. I would guess...2?

I'm imagining a large number of Slovakians, all called "Bit", holding individual bits of rock. Each rock has had 0 or 1 scrawled on them using a burnt stick.This is how T&T's Slovakia stores information.

This explains why every day seems strangely the same as every other day in some way...

Every day in Slovakia is different, the situation gets either slightly or significantly worse with every bit of news.

"Unlike the Presidential Palace which only works on one level, as it's more of a bungalow than a palace."

Loved that explanation! Very telling of ...where they stand.

I'll admit I was pleased with that one, so I'm very glad it was noticed and appreciated.

 

[Galbatorix994]

Every day in Slovakia is different, the situation gets either slightly or significantly worse with every bit of news.

This reminded me of a good joke:

What's the difference between a pessimist and an optimist in Slovakia?

A pessimist maintains that the things are so bad, they can't possibly become any worse; an optimist believes that they could be even worse.

 

[pall1]

Just found this gem, it is amazing keep up the good work.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

This reminded me of a good joke:

What's the difference between a pessimist and an optimist in Slovakia?

A pessimist maintains that the things are so bad, they can't possibly become any worse; an optimist believes that they could be even worse.

You sort of pity the country that ends up with Slovakia at the end of the war. Cos they have to fix it and live with it afterwards. Maybe the cold war gets hot over arguments over who has to take them?

 

[El Pip]

What's the difference between a pessimist and an optimist in Slovakia?

A pessimist maintains that the things are so bad, they can't possibly become any worse; an optimist believes that they could be even worse.

In the case of Slovakia, the optimist has it correctly. Things can always get worse in Bratislava.

Just found this gem, it is amazing keep up the good work.

Welcome aboard, good to have you along. You have timed it well.

You sort of pity the country that ends up with Slovakia at the end of the war. Cos they have to fix it and live with it afterwards. Maybe the cold war gets hot over arguments over who has to take them?

Follow the approved Soviet solution, give it to the Czechs and pretend it doesn't exist. The issue could be if the two factions meet halfway between, so neither can form a proper Czechoslovakia, which would be contrived but maybe just possible. I like the idea of two rump states facing off, ala East and West Germany, but on a far smaller and more goat-filled scale.

And on that note, we return to Bratislava!

 

[El Pip]

15th October 1944. Continued.

Tiso and Tuka are in the Presidential Palace receiving an update on the state of the Slovak armed forces and the wider war. Thus far the news from France is surprisingly positive, in that things haven't gotten much worse. So with due trepidation they turn their attention to the other fronts.

Moving geographically along the front, and in no way trying to delay looking the horrors that lurk in the Eastern Front, Tiso asked about Italy.

"Italy is actually quiet at the moment." General Kubela said.

"And the Yugoslav pocket?" Tuka prodded.

"The French Foreign Legion remains encamped, but the Croatians assure us they are very close to getting someone else to deal with it." General Malar joined the conversation.

"They aren't doing it themselves?" Tisi asked distractedly

"Apparently not." Malar sighed.

Deciding not to probe the mysteries of the Balkans too deeply, Tuka braced himself and enquired about the other half of the Slovak Army.

"How is the 1st Division?" He asked.

"They've entered northern Romania, there should still be a Romanian state for them to defend by the time they get to Bucharest." Kubela replied.

"Should?" Tuka ratcheted his voice up a notch. Kubela nodded at the Head of Slovak Intelligence.

"My contacts assure that the Romanian Army is efficiently dying for their inferior version of the Fuhrer and there should be plenty of opportunities for General Turanec and his men to do the same when they arrive." Baron Von Killinger enthused.

Unsure how to deal with that statement, Tiso could no longer contain his concern.

"General, when you said that Italy was quiet, that was because there had been no fighting there?" The worry in Tiso's voice was clear.

"Yes." Kubela confidently replied.

"So the scratch Axis force there is holding the line?"

"No, not even a little bit." Kubela said. Seeing Tiso's confusion, and recognising Tuka winding up for a shouting fit, he unfurled the latest map of the area.

That's not gone well has it? ​

"The Italian Front has collapsed so much that all the Axis forces there are now mostly in Austria and Yugoslavia." Kubela explained.

"We are waiting for the German High Command to confirm the new name for the front, hopefully something glorious to inspire our troops to heroically defend it to the death." Von Killinger added.

"The Slovak General Staff suggested the Trieste Innsbruck Tactical Stronghold, we think the Germans appreciated it but all the other Axis powers just laughed." Malar added dejectedly.

--
Notes:
The AI is really struggling to hold Italy. For all the focus on the 3rd Ukranian Front it is clear the British AI has decided to treat D-Day as a grand distraction opperation, forcing German units away from Italy so that the 8th Army can thrust up through Austria into the heart of the Reich. That or all the unit swapping and expeditionary force exchanges have so confused the Axis AI it has no idea what it is doing any more and has given up Italy as a bad idea. One or other.

The French Foreign Legion continues to do nothing. The Croatian AI continues to watch it while moving it's armies around random bits of Eastern Europe.

 

[Hightemplar]

Great work with the not Italian front

 

[sebas379]

Sigh, Italy... By far the most defensible region in the game with its narrow front, tough mountainous terrain and plentiful rivers intersecting it. The AI really excels at roleplaying Germany doesn't it. Then again thats a metric ton of Allied armour and mechanised and knowing the AI's lack of AT brigades...
Romania still survives, lets look at the bright side. As long as Romania fights, Slovakia has little to feat of the 3rd Ukranian Front getting anywhere near them.