Inevitable Defeat - Slovakia '44

[El Pip]

If surrender is rewarded, maybe Slovakia should surrender many times in order to be rewarded many times?

That would depend upon Stalin, or indeed any Soviet, noticing Slovakia had surrendered. Or even existed.

@El Pip, it is pleasantly astonishing that you still have this going, after all these years. Excellent work!

I will finish this, I've learnt not to promise when, but I will. I find it more astonishing anyone is still reading it to be honest, but I'm very grateful people are.

He can't try both? It could make for some particularly choleric scenes and some entertaining badinage! Perhaps some drunken Social Realist poetry?

As supreme Vodca Tiso feels he has to maintain some standards, no-one cares about those standards but he does.

Running away back to the Bratislava redoubt now would be rank defeatism. There is plenty of time to run away later and still prepare for the epic Ragnarök in Bratislava.

Just think of the bonus of all those people standing next to each other!!! It will be glorious!!!!

It's an opportunity for some gloriously garbled orders certainly, but could they be any worse that the actual orders from the Slovak General Staff?

Literally the last fight in the game will be a last stand in that room with these deranged and depressed politicians fighting the red army. Is this a sad thing? I think it might be.

It's that or the more historically inspired ending of T&T doing an 'Allo 'Allo style escape disguised as nuns and fleeing into a convent with some looted art and the key to Tuka's Swiss bank account.

Of course now the AI will muck things up till it's a random Western Allies unit that makes it to Bratislava first.

"General Lattmann surrendered to the Soviets at Stalingrad in 1943." Kubela said.

Paradox has head of research and attention to detail, but believes such things are the work of the devil and will have no truck with them.

 

[Galbatorix994]

It's an opportunity for some gloriously garbled orders certainly, but could they be any worse that the actual orders from the Slovak General Staff?

Perhaps the Slovak Army could adapt Chinese Whispers into a military doctrine? After all, it wouldn't require much in the way of technology.

 

[nuclearslurpee]

Perhaps the Slovak Army could adapt Chinese Whispers into a military doctrine? After all, it wouldn't require much in the way of technology.

I fear that it may be too much to ask the Slovaks to learn Chinese, though!

Or at least, that's probably the excuse that will be given...

 

[Bullfilter]

Perhaps the Slovak Army could adapt Chinese Whispers into a military doctrine? After all, it wouldn't require much in the way of technology.

Ah yes, some old classics and new opportunities there, such as the good old "send reinforcements, we're going to advance!" = "Send three and four-pence, we're going to a dance". The way the Western Front was often conducted because of the communications problems once you left the trenches (not to mention the cases of bone-headed and over-optimistic attack planning), you can imagine this happening on more than one occasion.

And given the Slovak command system is still many years behind the outbreak of WW1 and far more bone-headed, Slovak Whispers might actually be an achievable communications advance on the tech tree! There would be a better than even chance that the garbled orders finally received would make more sense and be more useful than the originals! Or perhaps the method is already in use ....

 

[El Pip]

Perhaps the Slovak Army could adapt Chinese Whispers into a military doctrine? After all, it wouldn't require much in the way of technology.

While this is a good plan I fear it will not be popular for reasons that I hope will become apparent after the next update.

I fear that it may be too much to ask the Slovaks to learn Chinese, though!

Or at least, that's probably the excuse that will be given...

Slovakia is a land rich in excuses.

And given the Slovak command system is still many years behind the outbreak of WW1 and far more bone-headed, Slovak Whispers might actually be an achievable communications advance on the tech tree! There would be a better than even chance that the garbled orders finally received would make more sense and be more useful than the originals! Or perhaps the method is already in use ....

I may have to sneak in an update on Slovak doctrine, it is an area of surprising potential.

 

[El Pip]

2nd October.

It is the first Monday of the month, so Tiso and Tuka have returned to the Slovak High Command Bunker to discuss strategy and the war. A general discussion on what to do on the Eastern Front once the 1st (Very Cold) Slovak Division has finished 'straightening out the front lines' is interrupted by a messenger kicking the door open, hurling some paper in and then running away in a wild panic.

"Why did he do that?" Malar asked.

There was an awkward silence. Tuka coughed meaningfully.

"Have you been threatening to shoot the bearers of bad news? Again?" Malar asked.

"If people waste my time with news about Stalin's Grated Pate Apricot Whirl then they deserve everything they get." Tiso said.

"This is a serious war, not some kind of communist baking contest." Tuka agreed.

Stefan Tiso is not allowed in cabinet meetings due to his crimes. These crimes are the same reason he is forced to be Foreign Minister and deal with such... useful... telegrams.​

"I think that's actually Stalin announcing the Great Patriotic War." Malar interrupted.

"So three years into the war, with pretty much all Soviet territory cleared of invaders, that's when he declares it?" Tuka asked sceptically.

"I think my interpretation is much more logical." Tiso declared.

While they had been bickering, Fritz had been reading the hurled in messages.

"We have some good news and some bad news." He announced.

"Let's start with the bad news, get it out of the way." Tiso decided.

"An assassination attempt on the French leader Charles De Gaulle has failed." Fritz announced.

Better luck next time random assassins. We are all rooting for you.​

"And the bad news is?" Tuka asked.

"Well he is still alive." Fritz started.

"So it was a lucky escape. Just imagine if he'd been killed, someone competent might have taken over the Free French." Tuka said.

"Someone who would get the French Foreign Legion unit in Yugoslavia to do something rather than just sit in Zadar port for weeks on end." Malar added.

"I'm declaring that good news." Tiso decreed. "What is the other bit of good news?"

"Amazing news from the East!" Fritz was moved to shout.

Some people say the Nationalist Chinese regime was a bunch of corrupt fools. Deciding to surrender now is not a strong argument against this allegation.​

"Does that mean what I hope it does?" Tiso asked.

"Yes, with the Japanese conquest of mainland China we may finally see the much hoped for Bamboo/Tatami fusion floor covering." Fritz breathlessly replied.

--
Notes:
All real events, further proof of quite how thoroughly Paradox play tested this scenario.

The French Foreign Legion unit that is invading the Balkans is being quite incredibly lazy. I first noticed it on the 20th Sept in game, it may have landed earlier, and at this point it still hasn't moved.

 

[sebas379]

Oh China,how Paradox slashed her in an attempt to get japan to focus on the pacific, its a shame really, since I dont think its needed. I tested having the nationalist annex the various cliques they have cores on and the result was a sino-japanese stalemate in shanxi. A much more sensible result than Japan crushing them wouldnt you think. (yesI know seize the coast is supposed to represent a stalemate but Japan wipes the floor with China on the battlefield)

And GPW, well there goes Slovakias hope of bleeding the Red Army white on her impregnable Bratislava fortresses.

 

[nuclearslurpee]

Oh China,how Paradox slashed her in an attempt to get japan to focus on the pacific, its a shame really, since I dont think its needed. I tested having the nationalist annex the various cliques they have cores on and the result was a sino-japanese stalemate in shanxi. A much more sensible result than Japan crushing them wouldnt you think. (yesI know seize the coast is supposed to represent a stalemate but Japan wipes the floor with China on the battlefield)

From what I've seen, both BICE and HPP handle the Sino-Japanese War much better, though it's clear that it took the mod teams some time and effort to get the balance right (or closer to right, anyways). Even so, it's clear that balancing that theater is doable, so this stands as yet another example (in the spirit of this AAR) of Paradox's laudable attention to detail and dedication to historical accuracy.

 

[markkur]

"So three years into the war, with pretty much all Soviet territory cleared of invaders, that's when he declares it?"

That was a typical dictator-move. Be sure the call is "yours".

 

[uberjedi]

If we could just get an updated map, I am sure people would see that the situation is not so bad as the negativists are trying to spin it.

 

[Nathan Madien]

If we could just get an updated map, I am sure people would see that the situation is not so bad as the negativists are trying to spin it.

I agree. The situation for Slovakia is indeed not so bad as other people are claiming. It is just bad.

 

[El Pip]

Oh China,how Paradox slashed her in an attempt to get japan to focus on the pacific,

And GPW, well there goes Slovakias hope of bleeding the Red Army white on her impregnable Bratislava fortresses.

The amount of effort Paradox put into not having to get a decent naval/amphibious AI was staggering. Surely at some point it would have been easier just to do that properly rather than fudge and hack everything else to (try) to cover the flaws, but no they persisted in hammering away with badly bodging a fundamentally flawed solution.

As for operation "Bleed the Reds White" I would say the GPW event makes no difference to it's chance of success.

From what I've seen, both BICE and HPP handle the Sino-Japanese War much better, though it's clear that it took the mod teams some time and effort to get the balance right (or closer to right, anyways). Even so, it's clear that balancing that theater is doable, so this stands as yet another example (in the spirit of this AAR) of Paradox's laudable attention to detail and dedication to historical accuracy.

I'm sure some work did go into HOI3, but it is hard to see quite where. Most of the events, all the leaders/pictures and I think a large chunk of the AI were copied across from HOI2. Paradox are not a company of hard work and putting any more than bare minimum effort in, expecting them to actually balance a game is just silly. If it works when you play as Germany and US (the majority of starts to judge by the AARs) then job done.

"So three years into the war, with pretty much all Soviet territory cleared of invaders, that's when he declares it?"

That was a typical dictator-move. Be sure the call is "yours".

It would be very Stalin I agree.

If we could just get an updated map, I am sure people would see that the situation is not so bad as the negativists are trying to spin it.

You actually want a Slovak General Staff Map of Many Things? A brave move to risk asking for such a thing!

I agree. The situation for Slovakia is indeed not so bad as other people are claiming. It is just bad.

Such positivity! Sure 1/3rd of the army has been destroyed and the economy has stopped due to lack of energy, but things could be so much worse. It is therefore important to save the really bad words for later, when things inevitably will be so much worse.

 

[Bullfilter]

You actually want a Slovak General Staff Map of Many Things? A brave move to risk asking for such a thing!

Just so long as we are given warning and can have our hip-flasks ready, we would bear it in solidarity with T&T

 

[El Pip]

Just so long as we are given warning and can have our hip-flasks ready, we would bear it in solidarity with T&T

I may hold you to that.

In celebration of the Weekly AAR Showcase, we now return to Bratislava!

 

[El Pip]

5th October.

The hour is late but the war continues, though in Bratislava no-one is burning the midnight oil. Because Slovakia long since ran out of oil, fuel and indeed coal. All that is left is blood, sweat, determination and surprisingly large metal reserves. An urgent message has summoned Tiso and Tuka back to the Command Shed, we join them as they arrive in the briefing room.

"What is this urgent news that couldn't wait till morning?" Tiso began the meeting.

"General Jurech reports the 2nd (Words in Brackets) Division is under attack in Vernon." Kubela replied.

Despite copious support from the RAF and friends, those look bad odds for the Allies. It must also be admitted that 10pm is not a great time to start a battle. ​

"This looks promising." Tuka ventured.

"It was, until 6th Panzer ran away right after the fight started." Malar said.

"What? Surely every true German dreams of dying for the Fuhrer!" Von Killinger rose from his seat, before some junior officers dragged him back down again.

"We think they are scared of Zombies." Kubela said.

Tiso, who had got through the whole day without drinking, sighed and reached for his pocket, as Tuka took a deep breath.

"Wait!" Fritz interjected. "I think they have a point, look at this." He passed over a message.

As an added bonus the US forces are operating under General Gerhardt, in a crowded field one of the worst US generals of the war. He also has a terrible hat and is up against a man in a monocle, sartorially this is open and shut.​

"Fritz...." Tiso growled.

"General Sümmermann died almost three years ago in North Africa." Fritz explained. "He should be 6ft under some sand, not leading the defence of a French town." Fritz explained.

"So why are our men staying while 6th Panzer has fled?" Tuka asked.

"Well some of the 6th Panzer men must have served in the Afrika Korps, so they know General Sümmermann should be dead. Our men don't follow German generals obsessively so probably don't know." Kubela theorised.

"So we are OK as long as they remain ignorant." Tiso asked.

Kubela, Malar and Fritz exchanged glances and stared nodding.

Tiso relaxed, a plan that relied upon Slovak ignorance was bound to succeed.

--
Notes:
Major-General Max Sümmerman died in December 1941 in North Africa while in command of 90th Light Division. I know it's him as he had the same dashing monocle.

Right after the attack started 6th Panzer did run away, no idea why as they had plenty of morale and org, it was also mid-session so the AI has very few excuses.

Finally General Gerhardt was awful, he did command 29th Division (well done Paradox on getting that right) and he led it into lots of incompetently run battles. Second highest casualties of any US division (Highest was the 1st division but they fought in North Africa and Italy, 29th only did D-Day and western europe), mostly through terrible tactics, bad choices and fighting battle that didn't need to be fought. Common line was he commanded three divisions; one on the field of battle, one in the hospital and one in the cemetery.

He was so inept he was demoted back down to Colonel post-war, though his habit of establishing brothels for his men probably didn't help, but this being the army he soon bounced back up again. All in all, an ideal opponent for the Slovakians.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

This chapter could very well be named 'Things fall apart' in terms of how insane the game has gotten...

The hour is late but the war continues, though in Bratislava no-one is burning the midnight oil. Because Slovakia long since ran out of oil, fuel and indeed coal. All that is left is blood, sweat, determination and surprisingly large metal reserves. An urgent message has summoned Tiso and Tuka back to the Command Shed, we join them as they arrive in the briefing room.

Out of all types of fuel to burn aside from wood...this really, really should be a surrender condition to be honest. Unless Paradox believes that everyone in Eastern Europe lived in mud huts and operated on a medieval level of tech all of the time.
What type of metal could you possibly still have stored up? I guess its time to start building blockades and walls made of steel or lead or whatever...actually, they might well try lead. And moats filled with mercury...

I just have this vision of a Slovakian scientist actually managing something ridiculously impressive like carbon nano-tubes in his/her secret cave base, only to have it buried by Russia before anyone finds out.

Despite copious support from the RAF and friends, those look bad odds for the Allies. It must also be admitted that 10pm is not a great time to start a battle.

Ah, the problems of having a clock the game tries to stick to. CKII barely has days, they go so fast. Mind you, that leads to the opposite problem of a battle lasting two months and a hard siege maybe two years (that one is truth in television though).

"It was, until 6th Panzer ran away right after the fight started." Malar said.

The fanatical Germans are giving up now. Now this is a massive warning sign, isn't it.

"We think they are scared of Zombies." Kubela said.

Drink.

As an added bonus the US forces are operating under General Gerhardt, in a crowded field one of the worst US generals of the war. He also has a terrible hat and is up against a man in a monocle, sartorially this is open and shut.

Yeah, but considering that the best hatted men in WWI were all Austrian...

"General Sümmermann died almost three years ago in North Africa." Fritz explained. "He should be 6ft under some sand, not leading the defence of a French town." Fritz explained.

Notes:
Major-General Max Sümmerman died in December 1941 in North Africa while in command of 90th Light Division. I know it's him as he had the same dashing monocle.

Right after the attack started 6th Panzer did run away, no idea why as they had plenty of morale and org, it was also mid-session so the AI has very few excuses.

Finally General Gerhardt was awful, he did command 29th Division (well done Paradox on getting that right) and he led it into lots of incompetently run battles. Second highest casualties of any US division (Highest was the 1st division but they fought in North Africa and Italy, 29th only did D-Day and western europe), mostly through terrible tactics, bad choices and fighting battle that didn't need to be fought. Common line was he commanded three divisions; one on the field of battle, one in the hospital and one in the cemetery.

He was so inept he was demoted back down to Colonel post-war, though his habit of establishing brothels for his men probably didn't help, but this being the army he soon bounced back up again. All in all, an ideal opponent for the Slovakians.

That's grim even for wartime. And certainly the only man who could screw up an invasion of Slovakia. Maybe Paradox actually does know what they are doing?

Oh wait, the German guy...so, what does this scenario actually claim that it does? Because so far, it's just tossed random names and armies into the generator based on whether they were alive in the 1930s (for the most part...though sometimes they were dead or not yet born even then). It's funny but also bewilderingly inept.

 

[Bullfilter]

"We think they are scared of Zombies." Kubela said.​

​

Tiso relaxed, a plan that relied upon Slovak ignorance was bound to succeed.

Well, quite.

Common line was he commanded three divisions; one on the field of battle, one in the hospital and one in the cemetery.

A great line - though not the circumstances of him earning it

He was so inept he was demoted back down to Colonel post-war

To be fair (not that he sounds like he deserves such mercy), he was probably reverting to his substantive rank. I'm reasonably sure that Ike himself was a substantive Colonel at the beginning of the war and rose to 5 star General by the end of it. I think I recall reading that had things gone wrong in Europe and he'd been sacked (wasn't all plain sailing), he was concerned he would have reverted back to colonel again! A lot of those promotions were wartime and (like in WW1) if your Army demobbed significantly afterwards, there just weren't the slots for all the senior ranks, so it could be reversion or retirement. I think that's arcane but true, but am on the road and can't easily check it.

Having said that, Gerhardt sounds like a battlefield leveller for the Slovak participants. Given your description of his epic incompetence and ability to overpay the butchers bill so badly, does he get a Paradox level rating of 4-5? My hand is hovering over the hip-flask in anticipation of your advice

 

[Andre Massena]

The hour is late but the war continues, though in Bratislava no-one is burning the midnight oil. Because Slovakia long since ran out of oil, fuel and indeed coal. All that is left is blood, sweat, determination and surprisingly large metal reserves.

Someone needs to give you a book deal

 

[markkur]

Despite copious support from the RAF and friends, those look bad odds for the Allies. It must also be admitted that 10pm is not a great time to start a battle.

"though his habit of establishing brothels for his men probably didn't help"

His OOB (Order of Brothel) would be very difficult to command.

 

[El Pip]

Out of all types of fuel to burn aside from wood...this really, really should be a surrender condition to be honest. Unless Paradox believes that everyone in Eastern Europe lived in mud huts and operated on a medieval level of tech all of the time.

In fairness Slovakia is producing some coal, but only half of what it needs to fuel it's laughably small industrial base. It does have zero oil production and no possibility of ever acquiring more, unless it's puppet master Germany decides to offer some in trade, which seems unlikely

What type of metal could you possibly still have stored up? I guess its time to start building blockades and walls made of steel or lead or whatever...actually, they might well try lead. And moats filled with mercury...

Lead and mercury are the stereotypical Slovakian metals, anything that causes long term mental health problems after prolonged exposure. It should therefore come as no surprise that Slovakia also has uranium reserves, just to add to the set.

The fanatical Germans are giving up now. Now this is a massive warning sign, isn't it.

On the contrary, the fanatical Germans are so committed they are rising from the grave to fight for the Fatherland. Which is also a warning sign, just a different sort.

Oh wait, the German guy...so, what does this scenario actually claim that it does? Because so far, it's just tossed random names and armies into the generator based on whether they were alive in the 1930s (for the most part...though sometimes they were dead or not yet born even then). It's funny but also bewilderingly inept.

The purpose of the 1944 scenario is, as far as I can tell, to allow people to load up as Germany or Japan and turn things around so the Axis win the war. They can therefore prove they are amazing strategists who are much better than Hitler/Tojo, even though that is an incredibly low bar to clear. I'd like to believe this is the reason the scenario is so badly balanced, to make it easier for the target audience (axis fans) to win. But in reality it's probably just Swedish ineptitude.

A great line - though not the circumstances of him earning it

To be fair (not that he sounds like he deserves such mercy), he was probably reverting to his substantive rank. I'm reasonably sure that Ike himself was a substantive Colonel at the beginning of the war and rose to 5 star General by the end of it. I think I recall reading that had things gone wrong in Europe and he'd been sacked (wasn't all plain sailing), he was concerned he would have reverted back to colonel again! A lot of those promotions were wartime and (like in WW1) if your Army demobbed significantly afterwards, there just weren't the slots for all the senior ranks, so it could be reversion or retirement. I think that's arcane but true, but am on the road and can't easily check it.

Having said that, Gerhardt sounds like a battlefield leveller for the Slovak participants. Given your description of his epic incompetence and ability to overpay the butchers bill so badly, does he get a Paradox level rating of 4-5? My hand is hovering over the hip-flask in anticipation of your advice

Wiki says Gerhardt was a Brigadier-General at the start of the war, so I don't think it was reversion. And he was sent to be military attache to Brazil post-war, which doesn't sound like a prime posting!

Someone needs to give you a book deal

I fear my lax approach to deadlines would go down badly in the world of publishing, but if you have any contacts who could help...

His OOB (Order of Brothel) would be very difficult to command.

If you are getting lots of men killed you do need to do something for morale and I understand the brothel was popular, just not with his senior officers. Seems a bit unfair on the men though, either give them a competent officer OR regular 'recreational facilities'. Just taking away the whores while leaving the idiot in charge is worst of both worlds.