Inevitable Defeat - Slovakia '44

[Stuyvesant]

I'm starting to catch up. Just experienced your alternate version of Market Garden (to be honest, dumping the French Foreign Legion in the backwaters of Croatia seems like an astute way to keep Charles de Gaulle well away from any meaningful contribution to World War II, which might suit Winston Churchill just fine). The quick (so far) detour to Tibet reminded me, as these things are always wont to do, of the magnificent It Came From The Mountains from the days of yore of EU2. And that's always a welcome reminder.

The Pseudo-Slovak Pseudo-National Pseudo-Uprising has also just run its course, where I'm reading, and Tiso is struggling with his new title. I wonder what has happened in Slovakia since those halcyon days of mid-September... I guess I'll find out in a day or two!

 

[El Pip]

nuclearslurpee - It will use a lot of paper certainly, but does Slovakia have enough spare paper?

Andre Massena - They won't send everyone to the Gulag, some will end up working in the fire and steam factories surely.

Galbatorix994 - You certainly learn a lot in Siberia very quickly, mostly survival skills and new words for snow if I'm honest, but more than you will learn in the education-free land of Slovakia.

Stuyvesant - I always had For a Few ReincAARnations More as the definitive Tibet based AAR, but then I did miss It Came From the Mountains so maybe that's a lost classic I must catch up on.

I now intend to return to Bratislava where there won't be an OOB, because I decided to split the military into two updates. This avoids a large gap between updates developing, as once that starts it only gets worse.

 

[El Pip]

22nd September.

Tiso and Tuka are in the final stages of their cabinet re-organisation and must now grapple with the weighty question of who will lead the mighty Slovak Armed Forces to their fate. Which is defeat. Just in case that wasn't already clear.

"I thought we would start with the easy roles first." Fritz proposed.

Tiso nodded at sagely, an easy start might help keep his flask sealed until after lunch.

"We have no new candidates to head the navy, so our choices are un-changed." Fritz continued.

General Turanec remains busy fighting on the Eastern Front. Jozef Hora remains a Czech Communist poet with an inexplicable obsession with Slovakia acquiring a fleet of dreadnoughts.​

"I think it's safe to say Turanec is doing a great job and should stay in post." Tuka said, to general agreement.

"The Air Force next." Tiso instructed.

"There are two applicants for the role and I must declare I am one of them." Firtz announced. "As such it would be improper of me to remain on the interview panel, so I must recuse myself." He stood, bowed and walked out of the cabinet room.

"He's not really got the hang of being in a fascist dictatorship has he?" Tuka commented.

The first candidate, Frantisek Straka, was led in.

"So what is your vision for airpower in Slovakia?" Malar asked.

"I see the role of the Air Force as supporting the Army." Straka replied.

"By providing close air support to the troops?" Tuka asked.

"No, by using transport aircraft and paratroopers to drop forces behind enemy lines, capturing key locations and enveloping the enemy from above."

There was a short, stunned, silence.

"Thank you for that, we will let you know our decision in due course." Tiso managed to reply.

"We had better interview Fritz." Tuka said, to general puzzlement. "You know he will refuse to take the job if we cut corners and don't follow the constitutional procedure." He explained.

Nodding sadly, Tiso gestured for Fritz to be sent in.

"So what is your plan for the Air Force Fritz?" Tuka asked.

There was a long pause. Fritz remained silent.

Tiso sighed.

"You aren't speaking because you are recused, so it would be improper for you to speak. Is that it?"

Fritz nodded.

"So how do you intend to actually communicate?" Tusa asked.

Fritz leapt to his feat and adopted the position.

"If you do interpretative dance I will have you sent to the snake and pencil pit." Tiso threatened.

Fritz sat down. He leapt up again.

"Or experimental mime." Tiso quickly added.

Fritz dejectedly sat down.

"It's OK Fritz, your strong views on carpet bonding are well known." Tuka filled the silence. "That's all we need to know."

Nodding in relief, Fritz left the room.

Gejza Fritz's name is still backwards, Frantisek Straka is an enigmatic mystery with a slightly lopsided face supporting an impossible dream.​

"I've prepared a list of pros and cons to help us decide about Straka." Malar announced.

Cons
1. We don't have any transport aircraft
2. We don't have any aircraft at all
3. We don't have any paratroopers
4. We will need decades of research to develop the technology required to even think about building any aircraft or paratroopers
5. Even if we knew how to build them, or somehow brought a production licence, a single paratrooper brigade would take us years to build as we lack the industry.
6. A wing of transport aircraft might take till 1950 given our crippled industrial base
7. We are on the defensive so dramatic offensive vertical envelopments aren't very useful in our situation, even if we could do them
8. František Straka is a farmer who knows nothing about aircraft or paratroopers
9. He is a committed Communist
10. He is also Czech

Pros
1. He won't mention carpet bonding at any point

After the group had finished spitting they stopped to think. There was a long, contemplative pause.

"It has to be Fritz doesn't it." Tiso said in resignation.

The group nodded and there was a massed popping of flask lids.

--
Notes:
Paradox considers the possibility of a Slovak Battleship so unlikely they didn't even bother putting in suggested names in the game files. Bear in mind that Palestine, Bhutan, Tannu Tuva, Tibet, Nepal, Mongolia and Jordan all get battleship names and are at least as unlikely to ever build them. It hardly needs saying that of course the Czechs get a full list of names for their fleet. *spit*

Still could be worse. Ethiopia gets nothing at all, not even for militias, all their units are doomed to have only generic names.

František Straka was a South Bohemian farmer who was a deputy in the Czechoslovakian parliament in the early 1970s. I cannot even begin to imagine why Paradox thought he would be good as the fascist chief of Air Force in Slovakia, in comparison to that the idea of Slovak paratroopers seems almost reasonable.

 

[Kurt_Steiner]

"It's OK Fritz, your strong views on carpet bonding are well known." Tuka filled the silence. "That's all we need to know."

I can see the whole Slovakian bomber force (two planes) throwing out endless numbers of James Bonds against the enemy cities.

 

[Stuyvesant]

I think Von Killinger will be a breath of fresh air and his picture is very appropriate. That sneer of disgust will see heavy use in his day-to-day duties in Slovakia.

Given the levels of crap that are spewed in Slovakia, I think it's understandable agriculture is quite advanced. Sure the Danube flowing into Hungary and onwards is probably filthier than an open sewer from all the manure runoff, but I expect Slovakia enjoys bountiful harvests of whatever crops it grows.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

I can see the whole Slovakian bomber force (two planes) throwing out endless numbers of James Bonds against the enemy cities.

In this country, being able to properly apply carpets to floors is an art only the finest of secret agent superspys master. Unfortunately, that's why they all ran away to Sweden to star their dream carpet fitting business.

 

[SgtGranite]

Czech communists seem to permeate Slovakia's minister options no matter what.
Also, Slovakia did have a Paratrooper unit (Of 80 men, but still): http://collect-helmets.snadno.eu/Slovak_paratroopers_during_ww2.html

 

[Andre Massena]

You could always give Pulanick/h another chance...

 

[markkur]

Cons
1. We don't have any transport aircraft
2. We don't have any aircraft at all
3. We don't have any paratroopers
4. We will need decades of research to develop the technology required to even think about building any aircraft or paratroopers
5. Even if we knew how to build them, or somehow brought a production licence, a single paratrooper brigade would take us years to build as we lack the industry.
6. A wing of transport aircraft might take till 1950 given our crippled industrial base
7. We are on the defensive so dramatic offensive vertical envelopments aren't very useful in our situation, even if we could do them
8. František Straka is a farmer who knows nothing about aircraft or paratroopers
9. He is a committed Communist
10. He is also Czech

I'm thankful I was not driving with a full hot cup of anything in my lap or I would have suffered third degree burns in a rather delicate place because of laughing so hard. Seeing the road ahead may have also been problematic.

 

[El Pip]

Kurt_Steiner - What a crazy idea. Slovakia having planes! I would also be concerned that James Bond clones would be subject to the Conservation Of Ninjutsu and so would be less effective the more of them you dropped

Stuyvesant - His skill set of disgusted sneers and a fatalistic determination to die in a pointless cause are indeed ideal for the job,

I think you have explained why Hungary is so annoyed with Slovakia, it has nothing to do with territorial ambitions or reclaiming ethnic Hungarian populations. They just want the Danube to go back to being a river rather than something you can walk on.

TheButterflyComposer - Fleeing to Sweden is their crime. Having to stay there is their punishment.

SgtGranite - I am genuinely staggered at that. I am the opposite of staggered that the most competent and well trained bit of the Slovak Army joined the Slovak National Uprising and fought against T&T.

Andre Massena - He is a filthy traitor and has been banished to the snake and pencil pit for his crimes; not wearing googles at all times while being Chief of the Air Force, joining the uprising, treason, being able to spell his own name correctly. All serious offences.

markkur - Don't read El Pip and drive, top safety tip everyone. Glad you enjoyed it.

 

[Nathan Madien]

8. František Straka is a farmer who knows nothing about aircraft or paratroopers

Which is why Paradox made him a candidate for Chief of the Air Force. Who needs to have practical knowledge about whatever it is Paradox wants you to be when you have a name and a picture they can use for anything.

 

[KingGage]

Subscribed

 

[sebas379]

I seem to have been absent for a few weeks. Glad I could still catch up to this in about 5 minutes like I'm used to.
The Royal Slovak Navy appears to be in good hands, if named a bit unimagintive, but I find the cabinets views on the airforce so hopelessly conservative. Go with the times people! Have a chat with the overlord and purchase some of their goodies, like the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Junkers_Ju_390. That should teach everyone not to overlook Slovakia!

 

[El Pip]

Nathan Madien - I've not problem with a lack of knowledge or suitability, I'm sure we can all name politicians in our own nations who were given government positions despite knowing nothing about the area they were responsible for. It's when the candidate is from a different country, or dead, or violently opposed to the ideology of the current government or occasionally all three, that's when I find Paradox research somewhat lacking.

KingGage - Relatively speaking, you've timed it well. Welcome aboard.

sebas379 - In this world of turmoil, strife and change some things must remain the same. Like Caesar, the update schedule is as constant as the North Star, in it's slower than real time nature it has a pace you could set your clock by, if you wanted your clocks to always be too slow.

Aside from lacking the funds to buy the licence, the industry to build it, the manpower to crew it, the paratroopers to put in it and the doctrines for the troops to use it, buying Ju 390s is an excellent plan. It's just a shame about those minor drawbacks.


But enough of such things, it is time to return to Bratislava!

 

[El Pip]

22nd September.

In the face of the crushing disappointment that was the Chief of Air Force, Tiso and Tuka have not given in to the temptation to leave early but have stayed on to finally get the endless cabinet re-organisation over. Plus it's not even lunchtime yet and they should at least pretend to do a day's work.

"All we have left is the Chief of Army and Chief of Staff." Fritz gestured at the two, thankfully slim, files on the desk.

"Lets begin with the Army." Tiso instructed.

"We have one of the Malars applying for the job and one other candidate." Fritz explained.

General Malar (Gustav Flavour), having been taught by his twin is now one of the nation's pre-eminent experts on how to conduct armoured warfare if Slovakia somehow acquired some tanks. His rival is the mysterious and accent-rich Josef Šnejdárek​

"I think we are all well aware of Malar's capabilities, so let's start with this Šnejdárek chap." Tiso said.

"His name sounds vaguely familiar." Tuka said.

Tiso looked through the candidates CV and sighed.

"Fritz, I thought we were supposed to be vetting these applicants."

"I did, he's very well qualified. He's an experienced and much decorated General, he fought in North Africa pre-WW1, in many theatres in WW1 and then defeated the traitorous Poles and the perfidious Hungarian Soviet Republic post-war." Fritz justified himself.

"That's all well and good, but you are missing the serious problem that utterly disqualifies him." Tiso said.

"I'll admit he did retire in 1935 and he is 69 years old, but he's still vigorous"

"We could take an old general, it's something more fundamental." Tuka said, visibly struggling to contain his rage.

"His belief in the decisive use of artillery, when we haven't got any artillery and don't know how to build any?" Fritz guessed.

"The same could be said about Malar and his panzers." Tiso said.

"Well what is the problem?" Fritz asked.

"The fact he is a Czech traitor who we kicked out of the country!" Tuka spat.

"Oh that." Fritz said.

Tiso didn't even bother having the argument with himself, he just gave in and hit the hipflask.

---
Notes:
I am trying to get back to short and regular. Or at least short.

Josef Šnejdárek was a bit of a character, served in the French Foreign Legion in North Africa picking up many medals, then on the Western Front in WW1 and again many medals. Transferred to the Czechoslovak Army in France (the bit of the French Army where all the Czechoslovakians were stored) and then to Czechoslovakia when it existed. Lead the new army in a string of wars with it's neighbours, the week long war with Poland (he won and annexed a new bit to the country) and the slightly longer one with the Hungarian Soviet Republic to confirm who owned Slovakia.

Forced to retire in 1935 due to falling out with the Army hierarchy he chose to live in Bratislava. Sadly T&T were not fans and forced him into exile a few weeks after they gained power. Naturally he headed back to France and ended up in the Czechoslovak Army in Exile, after they were defeated in France he headed back to North Africa and retired again.

Obviously therefore he only appears as an option for the full-Nazi Slovakia, despite being exiled by a Nazi puppet state and his main contribution to WW2 being fighting against said Nazis. Yet another Paradox research triumph.

 

[Athalcor]

As always, your peak at obscure historic details made me discover that Czechoslovakia had her own 7-day war. Also, on the Czech website about this topic, I found this:


- yes, until 1920, Czechoslovakia used the same flag as Poland.

 

[Bullfilter]

22nd September.

In the face of the crushing disappointment that was the Chief of Air Force, Tiso and Tuka have not given in to the temptation to leave early but have stayed on to finally get the endless cabinet re-organisation over. Plus it's not even lunchtime yet and they should at least pretend to do a day's work.

"All we have left is the Chief of Army and Chief of Staff." Fritz gestured at the two, thankfully slim, files on the desk.

"Lets begin with the Army." Tiso instructed.

"We have one of the Malars applying for the job and one other candidate." Fritz explained.

General Malar (Gustav Flavour), having been taught by his twin is now one of the nation's pre-eminent experts on how to conduct armoured warfare if Slovakia somehow acquired some tanks. His rival is the mysterious and accent-rich Josef Šnejdárek​

"I think we are all well aware of Malar's capabilities, so let's start with this Šnejdárek chap." Tiso said.

"His name sounds vaguely familiar." Tuka said.

Tiso looked through the candidates CV and sighed.

"Fritz, I thought we were supposed to be vetting these applicants."

"I did, he's very well qualified. He's an experienced and much decorated General, he fought in North Africa pre-WW1, in many theatres in WW1 and then defeated the traitorous Poles and the perfidious Hungarian Soviet Republic post-war." Fritz justified himself.

"That's all well and good, but you are missing the serious problem that utterly disqualifies him." Tiso said.

"I'll admit he did retire in 1935 and he is 69 years old, but he's still vigorous"

"We could take an old general, it's something more fundamental." Tuka said, visibly struggling to contain his rage.

"His belief in the decisive use of artillery, when we haven't got any artillery and don't know how to build any?" Fritz guessed.

"The same could be said about Malar and his panzers." Tiso said.

"Well what is the problem?" Fritz asked.

"The fact he is a Czech traitor who we kicked out of the country!" Tuka spat.

"Oh that." Fritz said.

Tiso didn't even bother having the argument with himself, he just gave in and hit the hipflask.

---
Notes:
I am trying to get back to short and regular. Or at least short.

Josef Šnejdárek was a bit of a character, served in the French Foreign Legion in North Africa picking up many medals, then on the Western Front in WW1 and again many medals. Transferred to the Czechoslovak Army in France (the bit of the French Army where all the Czechoslovakians were stored) and then to Czechoslovakia when it existed. Lead the new army in a string of wars with it's neighbours, the week long war with Poland (he won and annexed a new bit to the country) and the slightly longer one with the Hungarian Soviet Republic to confirm who owned Slovakia.

Forced to retire in 1935 due to falling out with the Army hierarchy he chose to live in Bratislava. Sadly T&T were not fans and forced him into exile a few weeks after they gained power. Naturally he headed back to France and ended up in the Czechoslovak Army in Exile, after they were defeated in France he headed back to North Africa and retired again.

Obviously therefore he only appears as an option for the full-Nazi Slovakia, despite being exiled by a Nazi puppet state and his main contribution to WW2 being fighting against said Nazis. Yet another Paradox research triumph.

One could argue that appointing a [spit] Czech traitor as Army Chief could both serve as a punishment (having to command the so-called Slovak Army for a few desperate and depressing weeks then up in front of a Soviet firing squad) and also serving the principle of "friends close, enemies closer". What harm could it do? Except increase the hip-flask consumption rate of the Slovak Government? Give the accented one a go - the rest are all traitors or are unable to even control their feline furry friend - and at least he volunteered.

 

[sebas379]

Obviously the only viable candidates. I will have to point out that bringing in Šnejdárek will create a serious deficit in the already heavily rationed supply of Slovak umlauts. This may or may not be a factor, if the exiled czechoslovak legion commander thing left room for doubt. Which I imagine in tbis Slovakia it might, good ministers are hard to come by after all.

 

[Davout]

I am so glad Malar got up. I do so love his symphonies!

 

[El Pip]

Athalcor - The internet says that the Czechs were using the flag of the Kingdom of Bohemia, presumably as it was the nearest one to hand

Bullfilter - The last time Czechs got control of the Slovak Army they implemented the disastrous Triangle Plan to scatter the Slovak Army to three different fronts, depriving them of mutual support. Plus Slovakia doesn't have any friends, even Germany isn't wildly keen on them.

sebas379 - You raise a valid point, Šnejdárek would cause catastrophe for Slovak umlaut reserves. And he probably isn't the type to accept being de-accented.

Davout - This AAR has been surprisingly low on puns, good work in correcting that deficiency (if it actually is a deficiency)