Inevitable Defeat - Slovakia '44

[Nathan Madien]

Trujillo is now Chief of Staff as well. He also has perfected his cloning techniques so they all look the same. ​

I marvel at the fact that the Dominican Republic is literally run by just three men, one of whom doesn't even wear a hat.

Apparently Julio Ortega Frier was a judge and college dean so it doesn't seem like he'd a be a good fit to lead the Dominican airforce.

Allen Tate was a poet, so Paradox naturally thought "Let's make him a Foreign Minister for the US!"

This is how Paradox operates: find the most random people and give them the most random jobs.

 

[Athalcor]

I marvel at the fact that the Dominican Republic is literally run by just three men, one of whom doesn't even wear a hat.

At least we have Trujillo to save the day big time.

 

[Bullfilter]

Allen Tate was a poet, so Paradox naturally thought "Let's make him a Foreign Minister for the US!"

This is how Paradox operates: find the most random people and give them the most random jobs.

Hmmm <he says, stroking chin thoughtfully>, there seem to be that many poets included in obscure ministerial lists, I wonder whether it is not random after all . Is there a poetic heart lurking somewhere in the Paradox system and this is their (sick) idea of an epiphany ?

PS: He wasn't of the critical or social realist school, was he ?

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Maybe they just want to kill as many poets as possible by putting them in dictatorship ran states and giving them all crap stats.

 

[Bullfilter]

Maybe they just want to kill as many poets as possible by putting them in dictatorship ran states and giving them all crap stats.

Nice thinking! If so, then maybe Paradox aren't so bad after all .

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Nice thinking! If so, then maybe Paradox aren't so bad after all .

And have you noticed how the nazis and the communists generally end up killing each other? These guys are just doing their bit for liberal capitalist democracy!

 

[El Pip]

sebas379 - 2250 is an ambitious date, particularly as Slovakia appears to be regressing as this AAR goes on. But you are right Deus Ex Nukina is probably Slovakia's only hope.

Athalcor - The HOI4 count of Trujillo is zero sadly. The Dominican Republic, like most of the world, gets only "El Generic-ismo" as it's leader. HOI3 had 17,500 leader photos, internet tells me HOI4 has 480.

Basically this AAR would never work in HOI4, Slovakia is probably led by "Eastern Europe Generic Leader".

Andre Massena - He also looks nothing like the Paradox photo. However he was alive and was Dominican, which makes him better qualified than most.

Bullfilter - The Navy has the overly-ambitious but futile part of the Slovak government covered with their highly ambitious "Open Seas" doctrine. Does Slovakia need even more of the same?

TheButterflyComposer - We won't know the effects of inter-generational readership until we try and I am proud that Butterfly will be a pioneer in that respect.

markkur - One does ones bets.

Nathan Madien - Paradox was at least fair, it seems every nation gets it's random and utterly unqualified minister(s).

Athalcor (II) - He saw the potential hat shortage and nobly stepped into the breach. Not for himself you understand, but for the people of Dominica.

Bullfilter / TheButterflyComposer - I admire your efforts to defend and justify the terrible research of Paradox, but I think it is just lazy incompetence.

That said there are some quite deliberate 'mistakes', there's a strangely familiar Lethbridge-Stewart available to lead UNITs for Saudi Arabia and the good people of Nepal can call upon General Potter (who looks a lot like a certain Home Guard Captain from Warmington-on-Sea) when things get rough.

 

[markkur]

The Navy has the overly-ambitious but futile part of the Slovak government covered with their highly ambitious "Open Seas" doctrine.

<LOL> Yeah, playing a country that has no port and cannot build a transport seeking to oust the RN from ruling the waves? is downright Special in a zany Paradox universe sort of way. i.e Haitian President gets angry with Germany diplomat; "Do you THINK we jest?! We are building as we speak, so massive a Tank-Army that it will assuredly entice Rommel to instantly defect to our Caribbean cruise, er Cause."

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

That said there are some quite deliberate 'mistakes', there's a strangely familiar Lethbridge-Stewart available to lead UNITs for Saudi Arabia and the good people of Nepal can call upon General Potter (who looks a lot like a certain Home Guard Captain from Warmington-on-Sea) when things get rough.

Too busy putting in niche refrences to classic British television programs to open up google and do some work for half an hour. It all makes sense. In fact, this is probably explains the whole scenario. They bought box sets at the company's expense and had to justify it when someone noticed, so they built this entire scenario around them.

We won't know the effects of inter-generational readership until we try and I am proud that Butterfly will be a pioneer in that respect.

*Stands up and salutes.*
No one in the pub reacts. They're all PhD students.

 

[El Pip]

markkur - Are you sure you don't work for Paradox in their research department? The Armaments Minister of Haiti in 1944 is genuinely a Tank Proponent;

While the noMinisterType Chief of Staff may grab your attention, I would like to point out that (a) There never was a Emille Lescot, his name was Elie Lescot (b) That's not his photo, that's a photo of his successor Franck Lavaud (who has an entirely random photo himself) and (c) Elie Lescot, despite all three of his roles being variations on Old General, wasn't a general or ever in the military. Also Luis Dantes Bellegarde has had his name butchered and was a historian and writer who was entirely un-industrial, Gusley Villdrouin was a member of the Young Haitian movement who was shot by Duvalier in the 1960s (so probably wasn't even alive at this point) and Auguste Bonamy died in 1930. ​

TheButterflyComposer - I can only advise moving to a new pub with a better class of clientele.

New readers may sometimes wonder why my AARs are so much slower than real time. I hope this post and the education you have recieved about 1940s Haiti will serve as a partial explanation.

 

[sebas379]

Well, to be fair. That is Haiti in the 1944 scenario. Thats like even worse than Slovakia, who in their right mind would even look at that.
Then again, died in 1930 is quite the accomplishment for a 1944 minister of security, even by Paradox standards.

 

[markkur]

markkur - Are you sure you don't work for Paradox in their research department? The Armaments Minister of Haiti in 1944 is genuinely a Tank Proponent;

​

​

What?! <LOL> No I promise, I'm merely an armchair general.

 

[El Pip]

sebas379 - When would one ever look at Haiti I suppose. Do I need to post the screenshot showing the 1936 start is just as inaccurate, or can we all take that as a given at this point?

markkur - I'll believe you this once, but it is a very suspicious coincidence.

 

[El Pip]

21st September.

Despite taking a day off to recover, Tiso and Tuka are still shaken by their exposure to Imagist poetry. However the Race to Bratislava waits for no man, so they return to the Presidential Palace to carry on wading through the surprisingly numerous hordes looking to work in the Slovak Government.

"Turning to the Head of Slovak Intelligence, our German masters have admitted to a slight mistake." Fritz announced.

"What sort of mistake?" Tiso asked warily.

"They sent us the wrong Hans."

"What does that even mean?" Tuka exclaimed.

"They were supposed to send us Hans Elard Ludin. Unfortunately they sent us Hans Bernard and no-one noticed." Fritz said.

"Why does Germany appoint the Head of Slovak Intelligence?" Tiso asked.

"They don't, they appoint ambassadors." Malar joined the conversation.

"We then appoint those ambassadors as Head of Slovak Intelligence. No-one else competent ever wants the job." Fritz explained as Malar stifled a sob.

Aside from the many German Ambassadors, and the strangely naval General Malar, there is always Jaroslav Kratochvil. But he's a poet, fanatical Communist, Bolshevik apologist, anti-fascist resistance member, wanted by the Gestapo and worst of all, Czech. *Spit*.​

"Well let us meet this new Hans." Tiso decided.

The new Head of Slovak Intelligence was led in.

"What would be your priority in this role?" Tiso asked.

"Looking for the Lost Consonant." Hans Ludin replied.

"Certainly being able to escape to Atlantis would be useful if the war doesn't turn out well. But do you have any more practical suggestions?" Tuka asked.

"I think he meant consonant as in vowels." Friz explained.

"Ahh." Tuka looked disappointed.

"What consonant do you think is lost." Malar asked, earning himself a dirty look from Tiso.

"N. When I left Germany I was Hanns, I've lost the first 'n' so I am only Hans."

"If you've lost the firs 'n' shouldn't you be Ha_ns?" Fritz showed of his extensive legal training by pronouncing the underline.

"Mein Gott you are correct!" Ha_ns Lubin leapt to his feet. "It's worse than I feared" he yelled as he sprinted from the room.

There was a pause, several soft 'pops' and some gentle glugging sounds.

--
Notes:
Hanns Elard Lubin was German ambassador to Slovakia from 1941 till the end of Slovakia. Not a wildly interesting chap to be frank, second tier Nazi who was tried for war crimes he almost certainly did commit. Main claim to fame is being one of the very few senior SA leaders to survive the Night of the Long Knives, apparently because Hitler had used Lubin's trial as a Propaganda platform and had retained a soft spot for him - Lubin and a fellow Reichswehr officer had tried to form a "Nazi cell" in their regiment, ot caught, tried, kicked out of the army and sentenced to 18 months in prison. Interestingly Lubin's fellow officer reacted entirely differently to the entire affair and became a Communist.

 

[sebas379]

sebas379 - When would one ever look at Haiti I suppose. Do I need to post the screenshot showing the 1936 start is just as inaccurate, or can we all take that as a given at this point?

With Paradox, the HOI3 1944 scenario and especially involving Slovakia or Haiti, I take nothing for granted at this point.

 

[markkur]

My Wife and I had tears of laughter reading the "_n" correction, after the "Atlantis" hope.

Btw, "Looking for the lost consonant"? I still have the vinyl for the Moody Blues' "In Search of the Lost Chord", so, as a poet that bit, hit home hard...in a very good way on multiple levels.

I do hope you're doing some serious writing elsewhere? Not that you cannot suggest a deal with Paradox regarding this current effort. i.e. A collection of Fan-fictions called..."Paradoxical Yarns".

 

[sebas379]

Now the Germans make Hans with double N too? Well thats it then, such waste of precious alphabet characters, no wonder they are losing the war.

 

[keynes2.0]

Here is a picture of what Tido Gaspar actually looked like;

The Slovak Youth League was not a high budget organisation and I think Gaspar is just mocking them with his elaborate hat.​

Wow, at least the volksturm made their non-functional guns out of metal!​

 

[Galbatorix994]

Wow, at least the volksturm made their non-functional guns out of metal!​

Every contemporary gun had wooden components, some just had more than others...

 

[Bullfilter]

The guns simply match current cutting-edge Slovakian technology: nothing but the best for the budding crypto-fascists of the future!

And yes, the Lost Consonant was very amusing, but also poignant for the victim: a surfeit of unnecessary and perplexing consonants is clearly a defining characteristic of many Central European languages.

So Ha_ns's reaction is very understandable in the circumstances. Losing a consonant is even worse than losing control of one's vowels - which may have been what triggered his mad dash from the room!

One would be sympathetic if it wasn't for the fact that he was auditioning to be the head of intelligence in a small and nasty Fascist dictatorship in late 1944, when the cat was well out of the bag about their true nature .