It must stop being the 29th of August at some point. Surely?
Deep in the heart of the Slovak Republic Army's Supreme Central Command Bunker the staff are spending most of their time writing down the ever increasing name of the HQ instead of doing work. This is probably for the best. Meanwhile Tiso and Tuka have got a civil war to fight and are discussing quite how to attempt this.
"So the only force available to resist Veist is the Slovak HQ in Preividza?" Tiso asked.
The assembled staff officers nodded.
"And we only send the best and brightest officers here to Bratislava, so the ones out in the HQ are the B-Team?" Tuka asked.
The staff looked smug while nodding.
Tiso and Tuka exchanged a glance of shear horror.
"To win a battle with such troops we will need a hero, the greatest general Slovakia has ever produced." Tiso concluded.
"But General Turanec is hundreds of miles away fighting the Soviets." Tuka pointed out.
"There is another, summon General Svoboda." Tiso ordered.
General Ludvík Svoboda, the greatest general in all of Slovakia. That is a much more impressive achievement than it sounds.
Tuka looked at Mach, sighed and nodded.
"No. Guards, arrest General Svoboda and then drag him away." He said sadly, spitting on the floor.
"Wha.." Tiso started, then realisation dawned. "He's a Czech traitor isn't he?" He asked.
Mach nodded. The Staff spat on the floor in disgust at yet another Czech traitor.
"Well we're doomed then." Tiso said.
The gloom is interrupted by the main doors being smashed off their hinges and flying into the room. Two familiar figures, covered in snake bites and pencil wounds, enter the room.
"Malars!" Tiso and Tuka shouted in unison.
"Indeed, we have returned in Slovakia's hour of need." Gustav Malar said.
"But how did you escape the pencil studded, snake filled fighting pit?" Tiso asked a question that no-one else in history has ever had to ask.
"All the guards are busy dragging away foul Czech traitors." Augustin explained, as the general staff spat on the floor due to force of habit. "With no guards it was simple to tie the snakes together into a rudimentary rope and use that to climb out.
"And now, working together, the Malar twins are back to save Slovakia." Gustav stated.
Years of fighting on the Eastern Front mean Augustin actually knows what a Tank is, making him one of the finest and most advanced military theorists in all of Slovakia.
"Brother, go to Preividza and begin the fight." Gustav continued. "I will stay in Bratislava and rally the staff for the fights yet to come."
Malar nodded, saluted T&T and left the bunker.
Surprised, and relieved, to actually have a functioning command again Tiso asked about the grand Malar plan.
"We will fight Viest in Zlate Moravce, before he has a chance to begin his march on Bratislava." Malar explained.
Tiso looked at the map again.
"So he's not based in the Forest Fortress of Banska Bystrica?" Tiso asked.
"Surprisingly not." Malar said. "He picked an entirely unfortified, dull, bit of plain next door instead. A foolish and inexplicable mistake."
Tiso's spirits rose, you could take the Officer out of the Slovak General Staff, but you could never take the Slovak General Staff out of the Officer. They may yet have a chance.
30th August. At last!
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And people thought this was just badly strung together jokes about bad research, poetry and AI mistakes. They were probably right.
When the game generated the rebel Czech HQ it did so in the pointless province, not the one with a fort in. The rebel Czech capital is in Banska Bystrica, the HQ was named Banska Bystrica, but the unit was actually located in the dull province next door. The AI has clearly been infected by T&T.
Svoboda was a Czech communistical leaning general of such fanaticism he became Puppet President of Czechoslovakia in the late 1960s/early 1970s so, obviously, spent WW2 fighting against the Germans and Slovaks. He was also the only 3 skill general available to Slovakia, so I just knew research would reveal him to be Czech.