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Thank you, my ultimate goal in life is to be as understandable as The Architect.
Can you tell General Catlos was the lead author behind this report?
sebas379 - The national uprising must be kept a state secret, all updates to do with it are hushed up!
Italy is in trouble, but T&T must deal with the filthy Czech uprising first.
safe-keeper - An almost accurate reflection of the Slovak cabinet.
SirNoelRules - An excellent effort and a thought provoking deviation from critical social romantic realism at the end (possibly)
sebas379 - Jesensky cries tears of post ontological stratification. That may or may not be a bad thing.
SirNoelRules - The Architect doubtless appreciates the transcendental nature of social ontology. Social Realism will be a valuable tool in your quest.
Nathan Madien - Well Jesesnky's poetry is pretty offensive to most people. And it wouldn't be Slovakia if it was perfect and mistake free.
Italy is in trouble, but T&T must deal with the filthy Czech uprising first.
safe-keeper - An almost accurate reflection of the Slovak cabinet.
SirNoelRules - An excellent effort and a thought provoking deviation from critical social romantic realism at the end (possibly)
sebas379 - Jesensky cries tears of post ontological stratification. That may or may not be a bad thing.
SirNoelRules - The Architect doubtless appreciates the transcendental nature of social ontology. Social Realism will be a valuable tool in your quest.
Nathan Madien - Well Jesesnky's poetry is pretty offensive to most people. And it wouldn't be Slovakia if it was perfect and mistake free.
29th August 1944 - Simple Map Edition Update
29th August. Still
We return to the hitherto unused Slovak Command Centre where Tiso and Tuka are readying the Slovak state to resist the National Uprising.
"Gentlemen, we face our most terrible threat - Civil War." Tiso tried to begin.
"I thought we were already fighting a Total War to stop the Race to Bratislava?" General Catlos interrupted.
"Yes, we are." Tiso confirmed.
"Well isn't that worse? Total War sounds much worse." General Catlos
There was a brief clicking from Armaments Minister Pruzinksy's abacus as he checked this bold statement.
"He's right. If something is Total it has to include all the little bits or it isn't a Total." Pruzinksy said.
"So if both are happening at once, does that mean are we fighting a Civil Total War?" Catlos asked.
"Shouldn't it be Civil Total War War?" Intelligence Minister Bernard added. "We've got to use up that second War or it'll just flap around getting in the way."
As Tuka yelled at the cream of the nations' political and military leadership, Tiso wondered if Slovakia was really worth fighting for. Dismissing such terrible thoughts, he looked for support and comfort in his hipflask and found the strength of will to focus again on the meeting.
"We could fight a Sub-Total War to stop the Race to Bratislava, that would work and not violate the Venn Diagram of War." Pruzinksy was suggesting as a compromise.
"Shut up the lot of you." Tiso raised his voice, shocking the entire bunker as Tuka traditionally handled the yelling portion of the government. "You can all start to help organise our defence or you can go and help Jesensky prepare his poetry." He threatened.
As the terrified cabinet minister silenced themselves, Tiso asked to see the military position.
"And no sodding interpretative dance." He added.
Catlos took off his ballet shoes with bad grace and pulled out the latest Slovak General Staff Map of Many Things.
A surprisingly simple map. The effect of being in a proper HQ was having a terrible effect on the Slovak General Staff.
"Viest's rebel forces are concentrated in the entirely pointless town of Zlate Moravce." Catlos pointed out.
"And our forces?" Tuka asked.
"The 1st Division (East) under General Turanec is 500 miles away, trying to relieve Suceava on the Eastern Front. General Jurech's 2nd Division (Brackets Deliberately Left Blank) has just reached Abbeville in Northern France, so is 800 miles away." Airforce Chief Pulanich explained.
"You seem well informed about the army, for an air force chief." Tuka asked suspiciously.
"We haven't got an air force and I get bored, so I help out running the army." Pulanich explained.
"So essentially the entire loyalist army is miles away and we have almost nothing to stop the Viest from marching on Bratislava?" Tiso summarised.
"Yes." Catlos said.
In the silence that followed Tiso lamented having hit the hipflask so heavily earlier.
--
Note:
Short but.. short. I'm trying to get back into little and often updates on this, so hopefully this meets with approval. My plan is that this will be over by Christmas, I've probably said that before but this time I'm really going to go for it.
We return to the hitherto unused Slovak Command Centre where Tiso and Tuka are readying the Slovak state to resist the National Uprising.
"Gentlemen, we face our most terrible threat - Civil War." Tiso tried to begin.
"I thought we were already fighting a Total War to stop the Race to Bratislava?" General Catlos interrupted.
"Yes, we are." Tiso confirmed.
"Well isn't that worse? Total War sounds much worse." General Catlos
There was a brief clicking from Armaments Minister Pruzinksy's abacus as he checked this bold statement.
"He's right. If something is Total it has to include all the little bits or it isn't a Total." Pruzinksy said.
"So if both are happening at once, does that mean are we fighting a Civil Total War?" Catlos asked.
"Shouldn't it be Civil Total War War?" Intelligence Minister Bernard added. "We've got to use up that second War or it'll just flap around getting in the way."
As Tuka yelled at the cream of the nations' political and military leadership, Tiso wondered if Slovakia was really worth fighting for. Dismissing such terrible thoughts, he looked for support and comfort in his hipflask and found the strength of will to focus again on the meeting.
"We could fight a Sub-Total War to stop the Race to Bratislava, that would work and not violate the Venn Diagram of War." Pruzinksy was suggesting as a compromise.
"Shut up the lot of you." Tiso raised his voice, shocking the entire bunker as Tuka traditionally handled the yelling portion of the government. "You can all start to help organise our defence or you can go and help Jesensky prepare his poetry." He threatened.
As the terrified cabinet minister silenced themselves, Tiso asked to see the military position.
"And no sodding interpretative dance." He added.
Catlos took off his ballet shoes with bad grace and pulled out the latest Slovak General Staff Map of Many Things.
A surprisingly simple map. The effect of being in a proper HQ was having a terrible effect on the Slovak General Staff.
"Viest's rebel forces are concentrated in the entirely pointless town of Zlate Moravce." Catlos pointed out.
"And our forces?" Tuka asked.
"The 1st Division (East) under General Turanec is 500 miles away, trying to relieve Suceava on the Eastern Front. General Jurech's 2nd Division (Brackets Deliberately Left Blank) has just reached Abbeville in Northern France, so is 800 miles away." Airforce Chief Pulanich explained.
"You seem well informed about the army, for an air force chief." Tuka asked suspiciously.
"We haven't got an air force and I get bored, so I help out running the army." Pulanich explained.
"So essentially the entire loyalist army is miles away and we have almost nothing to stop the Viest from marching on Bratislava?" Tiso summarised.
"Yes." Catlos said.
In the silence that followed Tiso lamented having hit the hipflask so heavily earlier.
--
Note:
Short but.. short. I'm trying to get back into little and often updates on this, so hopefully this meets with approval. My plan is that this will be over by Christmas, I've probably said that before but this time I'm really going to go for it.
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The Slovak army is far away
Viest's rebels may be here to stay
Rebels are opportunistic foes
Slovakia may now fail, who knows
Ergo the intrinsic rights held incontrovertible by the lumpenproletariat must be violated.
Viest's rebels may be here to stay
Rebels are opportunistic foes
Slovakia may now fail, who knows
Ergo the intrinsic rights held incontrovertible by the lumpenproletariat must be violated.
At least the Imperial Slovak HQ can strike back at the revolt, if it had any HQ protection ...
The good thing is that slovakia can probably pull its entire army from the frontline without anyone noticing, in order to deal with the uprising.
Having read the whole thing over the span of a few evenings i just have to subscribe now. I must know the progress of the Total Civil Total War War and i must have more poetry!
SirNoelRules - The communistical version of Jesenky
Surt - There are other cunning plan options to be considered first.
sebas379 - The bad thing is it will take several months for them to get home, and even Viest should have won by then. Surely?
Raticon - Welcome aboard, you have joined just in time for the big event. I will try and fit in more critical social realism later, but first War!
Surt - There are other cunning plan options to be considered first.
sebas379 - The bad thing is it will take several months for them to get home, and even Viest should have won by then. Surely?
Raticon - Welcome aboard, you have joined just in time for the big event. I will try and fit in more critical social realism later, but first War!
29th August 1944
29th August. Again. Again.
In the previously pristine, but now sightly grubby, Slovak National Command Centre Bunker, Tiso and Tuka are reaping the consequences of previous decisions.
"How can we have no home defences at all?" Tuka asked.
"It's just one of those things that happen during a war." Catlos offered.
Suddenly a door is thrown open and a silhouetted figure emerges, dramatically backlit.
"Is it? Or is it just as planned?" The figure asks.
"Mach?" Tuka asks.
The figure nods.
"Well what on earth are you talking about?" Tiso asks the disgraced former Interior Minister.
"I have for some time suspected a diabolical plan has been unfolding, but only now do I fully understand." Mach explained.
"Ignore him, he's just an idiot who keeps saying Just as Planned." Catlos advised.
Tiso considered the matter.
"We might as well let him say his piece, he can't make things any worse." Tiso decided.
"General Catlos, who first promoted the traitor Viest into the High Command?" Mach asked.
"Well I did, but there was a vacancy of Head of the Army." Catlos admitted.
"Ahh yes, the vacancy after General Malar was sentenced to a duel to the death with pencils in the snake pit. Given Malar's understanding of the importance of the Race to Bratislava do you think he would ever have left the homeland undefended?" Mach asked T&T
"No, probably not." Tuka said as Tiso nodded along.
"Remind me general, who forced Malar from office?" Mach asked.
"It was the advice of the General Staff!" Catlos indignantly replied.
"The staff you led?"
"Well yes." Catlos squirmed.
"And the famous Triangle Plan, the one Malar was against and which has left the entire army hundreds of miles away. Who's idea was that?"
"The Staff believed it was the best option to defend.." Catlos started.
"The same Staff you led?" Mach interrupted.
"Yes." Catlos confessed, slumping his shoulders.
"And how long have you been working with the traitor Viest in planning the uprising?" Mach asked, the slower officers (i.e most of them) gasping in horror as they realised the truth.
"Since the start. We lost everything when Czechoslovakia was taken apart; infrastructure, knowledge, industry, electricity, the wheel, fire, poetry that wasn't awful. If rejoining the Czechs is the only way to get those things back, then it's a price I'm prepared to pay." Catlos spat defiance. A few of the slower staff joined in the spitting out of force of habit.
As Catlos was dragged away, the Slovak High Command tried to process the shock.
"And you Pulanich? When did you turn replace the real head of the air force and turn traitor?" Mach asked.
Pulanich tried to look outraged, but gave in when no-one was convinced.
"The same time as Catlos, but how did you know?" He confessed.
"The real Pulnaick always wore a giant scarf and googles." Mach explained. "And couldn't actually spell his own name properly."
Betrayed by his ability to spell, a mistake no true Slovak senior general would make, Pulanich was dragged away along with his fellow traitor Catlos.
As he considered the events Tiso realised he had very mixed emotions, on the one had they had finally purged the high command of traitors. But on the other Slovakia no longer had a high command or indeed anyone left to fight Viest's rebel army.
--
Notes:
The real Catlos was actually Minister of Defence and did defect to the Uprising. He never joined the rebel high command, but did make many broadcasts encouraging others to defect. Pulanick/h, him of the famously wrong Paradox spelling, was a covert supporter of the Uprising and somehow managed to avoid being killed by the Slovak/Germans and so got rewarded by the post-war Czech state.
In the previously pristine, but now sightly grubby, Slovak National Command Centre Bunker, Tiso and Tuka are reaping the consequences of previous decisions.
"How can we have no home defences at all?" Tuka asked.
"It's just one of those things that happen during a war." Catlos offered.
Suddenly a door is thrown open and a silhouetted figure emerges, dramatically backlit.
"Is it? Or is it just as planned?" The figure asks.
"Mach?" Tuka asks.
The figure nods.
"Well what on earth are you talking about?" Tiso asks the disgraced former Interior Minister.
"I have for some time suspected a diabolical plan has been unfolding, but only now do I fully understand." Mach explained.
"Ignore him, he's just an idiot who keeps saying Just as Planned." Catlos advised.
Tiso considered the matter.
"We might as well let him say his piece, he can't make things any worse." Tiso decided.
"General Catlos, who first promoted the traitor Viest into the High Command?" Mach asked.
"Well I did, but there was a vacancy of Head of the Army." Catlos admitted.
"Ahh yes, the vacancy after General Malar was sentenced to a duel to the death with pencils in the snake pit. Given Malar's understanding of the importance of the Race to Bratislava do you think he would ever have left the homeland undefended?" Mach asked T&T
"No, probably not." Tuka said as Tiso nodded along.
"Remind me general, who forced Malar from office?" Mach asked.
"It was the advice of the General Staff!" Catlos indignantly replied.
"The staff you led?"
"Well yes." Catlos squirmed.
"And the famous Triangle Plan, the one Malar was against and which has left the entire army hundreds of miles away. Who's idea was that?"
"The Staff believed it was the best option to defend.." Catlos started.
"The same Staff you led?" Mach interrupted.
"Yes." Catlos confessed, slumping his shoulders.
"And how long have you been working with the traitor Viest in planning the uprising?" Mach asked, the slower officers (i.e most of them) gasping in horror as they realised the truth.
"Since the start. We lost everything when Czechoslovakia was taken apart; infrastructure, knowledge, industry, electricity, the wheel, fire, poetry that wasn't awful. If rejoining the Czechs is the only way to get those things back, then it's a price I'm prepared to pay." Catlos spat defiance. A few of the slower staff joined in the spitting out of force of habit.
As Catlos was dragged away, the Slovak High Command tried to process the shock.
"And you Pulanich? When did you turn replace the real head of the air force and turn traitor?" Mach asked.
Pulanich tried to look outraged, but gave in when no-one was convinced.
"The same time as Catlos, but how did you know?" He confessed.
"The real Pulnaick always wore a giant scarf and googles." Mach explained. "And couldn't actually spell his own name properly."
Betrayed by his ability to spell, a mistake no true Slovak senior general would make, Pulanich was dragged away along with his fellow traitor Catlos.
As he considered the events Tiso realised he had very mixed emotions, on the one had they had finally purged the high command of traitors. But on the other Slovakia no longer had a high command or indeed anyone left to fight Viest's rebel army.
--
Notes:
The real Catlos was actually Minister of Defence and did defect to the Uprising. He never joined the rebel high command, but did make many broadcasts encouraging others to defect. Pulanick/h, him of the famously wrong Paradox spelling, was a covert supporter of the Uprising and somehow managed to avoid being killed by the Slovak/Germans and so got rewarded by the post-war Czech state.
Shock and horror! Traitors in the highest echelons of power who want the filthy czechs back in power? I would sentence them to the pencil- snake fighting pit accompanied by jesensky poetry until the soviets arrive!
I did some research on Mach's philosophy a while ago. I don't agree with many of his views, but T&T should cherish him - he might be the smartest person in Slovakia right now!
sebas379 - It's still entirely possible the Allies will reach Bratislava first. That is the real tension in this AAR, who will annex Slovakia.
Gen. Marshall - Tempting as it would be to have Ernst Mach make a cameo, sadly Slovakia is stuck with the considerably less intelligent Alexander Mach.
SirNoelRules - He is shocked beyond rhyme.
Davout - How would anyone know? Perhaps the elite paddling pool troops are plotting treason as we speak.
Gen. Marshall - Tempting as it would be to have Ernst Mach make a cameo, sadly Slovakia is stuck with the considerably less intelligent Alexander Mach.
SirNoelRules - He is shocked beyond rhyme.
Davout - How would anyone know? Perhaps the elite paddling pool troops are plotting treason as we speak.
If the general state of the Slovak nation can serve as an indicator of the rebels' power I think that the High Command has nothing to worry about: they have enough armed forces to drag away two people at once after all, so they must outnumber the armed insurgent by a decent margin.
I see someone is taking a cue from Donald Trump's entry at the GOP convention.
You know, given how pathetic Slovakia is, I wouldn't be surprised if the Slovak National Command Centre Bunker was nothing more than a trailer behind a Wal-Mart.
That would require Slovakia to develop the technology known as "Wal-Mart".
And since we dont have those in europe in the first place i rather doubt that : p