24th August
Tiso and Tuka are relaxing in the Presidential Office when the door bursts open revealing the distinctive outline of Messenger #78. Deciding not to waste time fighting his inability to knock, or even just open doors properly, they prepare for the latest news from the war.
"General Catlos requests your presence in the Command Bunker, the General Staff are suffering an epistemological crisis!" The messenger grandly announces.
Tiso and Tuka exchange confused glances.
"Are you sure?" Tiso asks.
"Absolutely." #78 replies.
"Because we know General Catlos and we're fairly certain he doesn't know what the word epistemological means." Tiso explained.
"We're not even sure he knows what the word crisis means." Tuka agreed.
"You can know nothing about medicine or biology but still suffer a heart attack." #78 countered.
"But you wouldn't know how to describe it." Tuka belligerently replied.
Leaving them to argue the finer points of linguistic determinism, Tiso stared longingly at the drinks cabinet. Reminding himself of the responsibilities of the Race to Bratislava, he rejoined the conversation.
"Be that as it may, General Catlos would never have used the word epistemological, so what did he actually say?" Tiso asked.
"He said the staff have received a message they don't understand or even know how to understand, so they are confused and don't know what to do." #78 said sulkily.
Dismissing the disgruntled messenger, Tiso asked the not-at-all vital question.
"Given he can have complex discussions about the nature of ontology, why does he still need training in how to knock?"
"I think publishing Jessenky's poems has raised the general standard of philosophical debate in the country." Tuka speculated.
"Amazing. We only start doing that to spite the population after that metal donation drive debacle." Tiso said.
Later, in the command bunker, Tiso and Tuka have arrived to attempt to solve the crisis.
"General, what is this incomprehensible message?" Tiso asked.
"It's OK I've just comprehended it." Catlos explained.
"And?" Tuka prompted.
"The British have appointed General Turanec Viceroy of India." Catlos proudly announced.
Apparently this happened. According to the Slovak General Staff anyway. Though could Turanec really have done a worse job than Mountbatten?
The reaction was not quite what Catlos had hoped for.
"Are you sure we haven't got a better candidate for Chief of the General Staff?" Tuka asked his colleague
"We'll have to double check tomorrow." Tiso replied.
"You don't agree with my interpretation then?" Catlos asked, as he tried (and failed) not to look hurt.
"It is a ridiculous suggestion." Tuka said bluntly.
"Well you see if you can do any better." Catlos cried, throwing over the message. "If he isn't the new Viceroy, then what on earth is this Victory thing that Turanec has achieved."
Given their history you can see why a victory would confuse the Slovak General Staff.
A stunned Tiso reached for his hipflask but, for the first time since independence, not in despair but for a drink of triumph.
--
Notes:
I'll wager very few AARs have this level of philosophy in them. Also Suceava was a genuine victory, the Slovak division even did some fighting.
