Inevitable Defeat - Slovakia '44

[jeeshadow]

Semi-Realism!
I haven't voted for that in a while
Also, congrats on your reward! Hopefully this will mark the slow return of slower than real time AARs to dominance!

 

[El Pip]

SFSLovenought - The armoured lobby make a strong and convincing argument don't they?

Gen. Marshall - Some might say that is a controversial choice

Willum - I'm not sure I'm convinced by your protestation about motives. However this is Florida Rules so your vote still counts the same regardless of motivation, bribery or bootlicking efforts. The system is fair that way.

Gen. Marshall - Wise advice, idolising a Lord of slower-than-real-time is always a good plan.

Andre Massena - An attitude the Slovak Government 100% agrees with.

Stuyvesant - There may be a promotion to Voter Colonel in this if you keep such determination to the art of ballot stuffing. Though you will have to survive the revenge of the Men of Tanks if you stop them from winning.

Gen. Marshall - Things remain close enough that semi-realism could make a comeback!

Congratulations, El Pip! You're our new (extremely belated) Character WritAAR of the Week!

Well that was unexpected. Thank you kindly, I shall endeavour to keep standards up and maybe even finish this without another half year gap between updates.

Gen. Marshall - Slower-than-real-time is now so old it's become retro cool again. Or that is my theory anyway.

sebas379 - Embrace the Florida Rules. However this vote goes Slovakia will always try and do her best. Sadly we all know what that best is like.

Willum - The T&T flavoured event has been all mapped out and I must admit I think it will be something special. However I also have plans for tanks and semi-realistic and I'm confident I can make them work as well. So I can now relax and let democracy take it's course.

sebas379 - If it involves Tiso and the general competence of the Slovak government, it will certainly involve hip flasks.

Davout - You realise what you've made me do? Research Slovak late war tanks! And alarmingly such things existed. Thanks for the congratulations though.

Stuyvesant - T&T will at least go down fighting in this election. Whether they fight as well as Slovakia is a very different question.

SFSLovenought - Are you sure you are following the correct AAR? Thing are going a bit faster these days, but I remain the Lord of Slower-than-real-time

keynes2.0 - Luckily we have months of delays in the bank so I can fly through a few updates and still not go faster than real time.

4th Dimension - A bit unfair on plants isn't it?

Hallongren - It is a bewitching concept isn't it?

Gen. Marshall - That's a very critically realist attitude to victory.

jeeshadow - Welcome back to the voting. Thanks for the congrats and I too hope that slower-than-real-time is once again recognised as the majestic and considered art form it so clearly is.

Current Voting Tally
No uprising - 3 stalled awkwardly votes
Semi-realistic-ish - 11 carefully stuff ballot box votes
T&T flavoured event - 11 wondrously possible votes
Tanks -11 determined and researched votes

I was not expecting a three way tie. While we all think about what has happened here, let us return to Bratislava for the next update!

 

[El Pip]

18th August

Having taken a few days to recover from the horror of trying to select a new Armaments Minister Tiso and Tuka have returned to the Slovak General Staff command bunker/shed to have an update on the war. They don't actually want to, but feel they have to at least make the effort now Slovakia is committed to Total War to stop the Race to Bratislava.

Reasoning that the Italian Front was probably too depressing for words, Tiso decided to start on the other fronts.

"What news from the Eastern Front?" He asked

"The 1st Division (East)'s thrusting is going well and it has just entered Brody!" General Viest reported.

Unsure if that was a good thing, or if Brody had consented to being entered, Tiso and Tuka confirmed that no actual fighting had happened or was about to happen. As General Viest nodded, they decided to move on.

"How about the war in the West?" Tuka asked.

"Not good." General Catlos reported. "The south has fallen and the last few battered troops have rallied in the capital for a desperate last stand."

Shocked that things had gone so badly wrong in France that Paris itself was threatened, Tiso and Tuka demanded details.

Things are going badly for Ecuador as the enemy is at the gates of the capital Quito. Facing the mighty 2nd division led by the teen-aged General Rodrigues, Ecuador's fate lies in the hands of Field Marshall Davila, hastily promoted from Colonel and given a snazzy suit. This may or may not have been a good plan.​

Tuka through caution to the wind and started ranting as Tiso fought, and defeated, his demons by resisting the lure of the hipflask. Deciding his colleague needed to rest his vocal chords, he rejoined the conversation.

"No General, we meant Western France." He said.

"You only had to ask." Catlos said, sounding hurt.

"The 2nd Division (Brackets Deliberately Left Blank) is racing through Easten Belgium as we speak." Viest explained.

General Jurech, the only Panzer Leader in Slovakia, was of course leading the division with an attached Military Police unit instead of the one with an Armoured Car unit. Because this is the Slovakian General Staff we are talking about.​

"What on earth is a Panzer Leader and why is General Jurech one?" Chief of the Air Force Pulanick asked.

"Something to do with mining equipment I believe." Catlos said.

That explanation didn't seem right to Tiso or Tuka, but bitter experience suggested it probably wasn't worth the argument. As was so often the case in Slovakia.

--
Notes: The Peruvian general Guabloche was born in the mid-1920s (or so Google says) so would have been a teenager at the time. The well dressed Baquerizo Davila was at most a Colonel (and that was in 1947) and is famed for leading a military coup against the then Ecuadorian president/military dictator Carlos Mancheno. Somewhat amusingly Mancheno had only come to power two weeks before when he had launched a military coup himself. Having kicked Mancheno out of office and into exile, Davila was happy to return to obscurity. Possibly. Maybe he hated obscurity, but he does disappear off the internet after that. In any event, it's another triumph of South American research from Paradox. Plus you all now know far more than you ever wanted to about post-war Ecuadorian politics.

Bonus Note: The armoured chain conveyors used in German coal mines are indeed known as Panzers. While it may seem odd that the Slovak military know what they are, the alternative was a Slovakia having a general who knows about tanks, which is clearly ridiculous.

 

[Andre Massena]

The classic Battle of Quito

 

[Stuyvesant]

I badly want to make a pun with 'Quito' -> 'Quit', but the old gray matter isn't up to the (admittedly inconsequential) challenge. So let me redirect attention by remarking upon the poor, violated, Brody. It is a poor entity which has to suffer a forced entry by the men of the 1st Division (East).

'Panzer' in German simply means 'armor', which I'm sure is a concept the Slovaks are familiar with. I mean, a tanned cowhide is something even the Slovaks must be able to produce. They might even have some old Roman lorica segmentata from the time that the Romans invaded. Back when Marcus Aurelius was Emperor, in the 170s.

Speaking of 'Panzer', as the concept of 'armored fighting vehicle named after a water container in an attempted ruse'... since it's such an alien and hostile concept for the Slovaks, I think it is only basic human kindness to plunk another vote for T&T, so that the two of them won't have to peer beyond the veil of ignorance and have their minds destroyed by the insanity that is the 'Tank'...

 

[Willum]

This vote is so close that I cannot bring myself to in any way influence the result out of fear that my carelessly given vote might alter the course of history for the worse. It would be Slovak history, so not all that important, but still far too much potential responsibility for one man to shoulder. It is therefore with great relief that I vote for No Uprising, assured both of my own inconsequality and of having done my civic duty as a forum groundling. A cheer every three days for the lord of slower than real time.

 

[Andre Massena]

I vote C if I still can.

 

[Stuyvesant]

I vote C if I still can.

Why yes, voting is still going on and still going strong! After all, we've only reached August 18th in the game and I believe the in-game cutoff date is 8/29 - we might be voting well into 2016!

Speaking of votes, mine's another one for T&T - things are too close for me to squander votes on symbolic also-rans.

 

[Gen. Marshall]

I believe they made a typo. It's not panzer leader, but pansy leader. The game is basically telling you that the 2nd division is especially good at bravely running away.

Talking about pansies, apparently there's an art form called "semi-realism", which in reality seems to be an excuse to add anime whiffs to an otherwise perfectly good drawing. I'll save your eyes from beholding such sacrilege and instead once more vote for Semi-Realism, the Event.

 

[Willum]

Fully devoted to the doctrine of inconsequality, I will vote No Uprising yet again. For I cannot not vote, as voting is my show of devotion to the Lord (of Slower than Real-Time). I vote, not because he needs my vote, but because he smiles at my willingness to sacrifice in his honour. Indeed, he does not need my vote, but I need his love, without which the world is a valley of tears followed by a gulf of despair.

If my understanding of German is correct, rather than denoting armour as a whole, which would be Rüstung, Panzer denotes the plate amour of a knight. It can be stretched to include chain, but the fundamental concept seems to be inflexible (metal) plating, for which reason it can also be used of the chitin of an insect or perhaps the shell of a turtle. It can even be used of metal plates that are not necessarily designed for protection, which I guess is how it entered the mining industry. If my understanding of the word is incorrect, this forum is a hotbed of pedants and Germanophiles, so I am sure I will not remain ignorant of my ignorance long.

 

[El Pip]

Andre Massena - It's not as fascinating as the real (1822) Battle of Quito

Stuyvesant - You never know, it's possible Brody richly deserved its fate. It is the home town of Sigmund Freud's mum, so I imagine it to be full of strange tunnels and cigar shops.

Once again I fear you are over estimating the Slovakian states grasp of technology. Remember they don't have the technology for roads, something that has been around since the Via Appia in 312BC. That said T&T are well aware of modern technology, they even know about aeroplanes, it's just everyone else in the Slovak government who would be shocked by tanks.

Willum - The responsibility of voting in an El Pip AAR is a mighty one, yet I fear it may be too heavy a burden if you are choosing the safe and non-conterversial option over that which you truly believe in. I may have to officially appoint a new Voter Colonel to deal with this sort of issue.

Andre Massena - Indeed you can still vote.

Stuyvesant - A fine knowledge of the electoral mechanics, an understanding of what is at stake and a commitment to Florida Rules style democracy. Hypothetically, would you be interested in the post of Voter Colonel?

Gen. Marshall - Or just very good at gardening? In all fairness the Slovak troops have thus far fought well, they've just had incompetent leadership, outdated technology, no doctrines, unreliable allies and have been mostly out-numbered. Making the best of a bad job really, unlike semi-realism drawing which sounds awful.

Willum - I'm touched, but in a good way, by that post. I too await the pedantic Germanophiles to offer corrections or to silently accept it, thus indicating it is utterly correct in every way as there is nothing to criticise about it.

Current Voting Tally
No uprising - 5 valiantly coming back votes
Semi-realistic-ish - 12 in no way anime related votes
T&T flavoured event - 13 unlucky for some (tanks) votes
Tanks -12 waiting for the armoured contingent to awaken votes

 

[Davout]

Good morning everyone. Another beautiful Antipodean day, another vote for TANKS!

Although I am alarmed by the rapidity of updates. Most un-Pippian.

 

[sebas379]

Well I have been far too busy to check on Slovakia in a few days (not something I'm at all used to being a problem, so that is rather unsettling) I have to chime in another vote before this spirals completely out of control.

In true fashion of T&T consistency I wil go for T&T inspired event! The sole reason for this being my primal fear of Slovakia outdoing the Dutch army in tank usage during the war. The eternal shame would be too much to carry.

What am I speaking of you ask?

The Dutch military had one French Renault FT-17 tank. When Germany invaded the Netherlands, the Dutch sent the tank forward to battle the German Panzers. Before the tank could see battle, it got stuck in a ditch and was abandoned.
If I was correct in my information gathering, it was purchased with the admirable goal in mind that the Dutch territory with its many fields, streams, canals and rivers was utterly unsuited for tank operations and that we therefore had nothing to fear of such nonsense as armoured fighting vehicles.

Unfortunatly the bugger did get across the ditch it was supposed to get stuck in. We'll ignore that minor detail, alright?

 

[Gen. Marshall]

Wondering which fraction of its vote is due to me now, I pick semi-realism as my desired option.

 

[Stuyvesant]

Another day, another vote. T&T need my help, so that is where my vote goes. Ask yourself this, fellow voters: if we don't choose Tiso and Tuka, then how will they be justified in draining that hip flask and launching into screaming tirades? Would you be so cruel as to deny them their god-given roles in this tragedy? I say nay! Up with Tiso and Tuka! Up with hip flasks and swearing! Down with tanks and other non-Slovak aberrations that have no place in the 17th-century idyll that is Slovakia!

Hypothetically speaking, any offer of increased responsibilities of any kind will most likely be met with the sound of rapid footsteps fading in the distance. Which probably means I'd be unusually suited for doing my part for the Slovak war effort (they don't call it the 'fast division' for no reason).

 

[4th Dimension]

4th Dimension - A bit unfair on plants isn't it?

Not if they are bio engineered murderous mutated man eating things mutated by your resident mad scientist with an interest in agriculture.

 

[Stuyvesant]

Stuyvesant - You never know, it's possible Brody richly deserved its fate. It is the home town of Sigmund Freud's mum, so I imagine it to be full of strange tunnels and cigar shops.

A Freudian 'Yo Mama' joke? Well done, well done.

I'm just here for the T&A T&T flavoured event, which needs another vote from me. With the voting tightening, I seem to have made up my mind what poison to pick.

 

[Davout]

Another vote for Tanks because we of the armoured persuasion don't know the meaning of the word "futility". We don't know the meaning of lots of words.

Although I really wish Duritz would start pulling his share of the vote stuffing.

 

[Gen. Marshall]

I vote once again for the decreasingly realistic seeming option; semi-realism; in the hope that my vote would at least serve the purpose of lifting the Lord-of-Slower-than-Real-Time's spirits to a point of making an update, so creeping ever closer to the end of this voting period.

 

[Willum]

Seeing as I have inadvertently violated my own doctrine of inconsequality by encouraging the rampant growth of the bureaucracy in furthering the need for a voter colonel, I must immediately change the way I practice said doctrine in order to not further trespass against its precepts. It is thus with a heavy heart that I vote for a T&T flavoured event. Not only is this what I truly believe, reducing the need for said colonel, it is also the current favourite, and furthermore the option which would be most in line with the status quo, and therefore in harmony with the doctrine so dear to my heart. May the Lord (of Slower-than-real-time) forgive me my sins, as I do penance the only way I know how, by lowering my head to the ground at a speed comparable to that of a mollusc.