• We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.
sebas379 - I remain surprised and delighted at who popular critically realistic limericks are. Tiso and Tuka are not concerned about the quality of Slovakia's roads, because Slovakia doesn't have roads, only dirt tracks. It does, of course, lack the technology to build infrastructure.

Stuyvesant - Wise decision. I pitch the Slovakian government as doing their best in trying circumstances. Sadly the circumstances are awful and their best isn't very good, but I try to avoid them being utterly incompetent buffons.

Willum - That was beautiful and you should win some form of award for it. I particularly enjoyed the word refulgent, though the imagery of dazzled owls was also delightful.

Surprisingly Slovakia does actually have a choice of armaments ministers, which shall be revealed in the next update.

Stuyvesant - Apparently Slovakia had quite a good war in OTL, well up until the Uprising. No Allied bombing (nothing to bomb really), no rationing, no conscription and not being dominated by the Czechs (spit). Of course during and after the Uprising things became very unpleasant, very quickly. But given how easy the early and mid-war was for Slovakia being ridiculously optimistic in the face of impending doom is pretty historic.

And yes you have mentioned T&T the TV show. But it's always good to mention it again because it seems bewitchingly strange.

Current Voting Tally
No uprising - No votes
Semi-realistic-ish - 6 votes
T&T flavoured event - 5 votes
Tanks - 4 votes

It is a foolish man who dismisses the power of the armoured lobby in an El Pip vote. Much like their namesake they may start slow, but they can build an unstoppable momentum.
 
Given that no one else has, I vote for option A: "I respect that decision and just carry on as normal until one or both of the Soviets or Allies utterly crush Slovakia". I figure Slovakia is going to get crushed anyways, so why subject T&T to an uprising that will have zero effect on their nation's chances of not becoming a speedbump on the Allies' road to victory.

Relieved, Tuka sent a messenger to bring in the file of options. A strangely familiar looking man eventually arrived, handed over the file and then departed.

"I'm sure I've seen that man before. He looks familiar." Tuka said.

"That's my cousin Stefan, he's the new Private Interior Senior Secretary For Logistics And Personnel." Tiso explained.

"That's not an important sounding role." Tuka said, deliberately not working out the acronym.

"No it isn't. I was thinking about giving him a senior role in the government, but he is a bit of an extremist so I think it's safer if he stays where he is." Tiso said.

Reading this reminds me of an exchange from one of the Marx Brothers movies (I forget which one):

Groucho Marx: How much am I paying you?
Some Person: $5000 a year, but I have never been paid.
Groucho Marx: Well, in that case, I will raise it to $8000. I will also give you a bonus. Bring your dog along and I will give him a bonus too.
 
Vote for Tanks! The Donald Trump of Pippian Polls - everyone thinks it is a joke until it wins.

Also El Pip, you need to amend your footer soon to clarify that the last Butterfly update was in 11 September 2014, otherwise you will have a horde of fanboys rushing the thread next week, thinking there has been movement at the station.
 
Nathan Madien - Supporting the underdog. A suspiciously British trait, have I been a good/bad influence on you?

Davout - Where would the armoured caucus be without you? And I still have several days to update Butterfly. I probably won't, but you never know.

Current Voting Tally
No uprising - 1 lonely vote
Semi-realistic-ish - 6 votes
T&T flavoured event - 5 votes
Tanks - 5 votes

And with that, back to Bratislava!
 
15th August 1944
15th August (Still)

Tiso and Tuka are discussing potential replacements for their current Minister for Production (and/or Armaments) the early Victorian throwback and powered flight denier Mikulas Pruzinksy. Given this low base Tuka believes anybody would be an improvement, Tiso is less sure, because this is Slovakia after all. We join them just as the door to the Presidential Office is bursting open.

"Stop!" An out of breath Gejaz Fritz yells as he runs in.

"What?" Tuka asks

"Why?" Tiso asks, but slightly later

"I know what you are doing and you must stop." Fritz exclaimed.

"What do you think we are doing?" Tuka asked.

"Specifying mitre joints for you Axminster due to problems with puckering. That is madness, you'll only make your carpet bonding problems worse."

Tiso and Tuka had become so jaded they didn't even need to exchange a glance.

"No Fritz, that's not even slightly right. What we are doing is selecting a new Minister for Armaments due to problems with Pruzinksy." Tuka explains with exceptionally impressive restraint.

Fritz had the decency to look embarrassed, but then looked a bit confused.

"But where is the Chief of the General Staff?" He asked.

"Not here." Tuka explained, in a marginally less restrained manner.

"But he has to be here for Minister selection, it's in the constitution, a bit above the section about goats." Fritz pointed out the relevant part of the document.

"Why on earth do you carry around a copy of the Slovak constitution?" Tiso asked, cutting straight to the irrelevance of the matter.

"I am Chairman of the Supreme Constitutional Court of State." Fritz said.

"Yes. And?" Tiso queried.

"Well what kind of Chairman would I be if I didn't carry around a copy of the constitution with me at all times?" Fritz asked. "You'll be suggesting I would over laminate a double bonded shag pile next!"

As Fritz looked offended Tiso and Tuka deduced that this would be a bad thing and decided to avoid wasting any more time thinking about it. Looking over the document and confirming the clause was indeed there, Tiso asked the actual obvious question

"Fritz, why is our constitution so full of strange clauses?"

"Well, once we'd removed all the bits about term limits, voting and not imprisoning people for arbitrary reasons we ended up with a fairly short constitution." Firtz said.

"So it was bulked out with this sort of thing so it looked the right length?" Tuka asked.

"Basically yes. I tried to put in a lot about the right to a properly bonded carpet, but it was rejected." Fritz said.

"Why?" Tiso asked. "That seems more sensible than all this stuff about goats."

"Apparently giving the population any rights at all was considered a bad precedent." Fritz said.

Tiso and Tuka nodded along in agreement, that sort of thing would be the thin end of the wedge. Give a person a properly bonded carpet and before you knew it they'd be asking if they had to have a secret policeman sitting in the corner of their room all the time.

--
Note: The Slovak constitution remains a weird document. Fritz Gerja's actual views on carpet bonding defy all my efforts to research them.
 
I must say I greatly appreciate you taking your time to answer every comment. When I comment, I do so because I realise that it is a great deal harder to produce work without acknowledgement of some sort, and I naturally want to encourage you. When you acknowledge me, you encourage me to encourage you, creating a vicious (or virtuous, depending on your own position vis-a-vis the fact-value dichotomy, vicious being the factual of the two ) cycle. As such, I think you should receive some sort of award for your audience appreciation.

Concerning the trivial matter of what you have actually written, I must admit that I, like the good Marshall, am beginning to suspect you of having actually read the Slovak constitution. This would be a shocking and disgraceful display of general competence that would leave me clinging to your words like to those of a reliable soothsayer or an unreliable strumpet.
 
  • 2
Reactions:
I suspect someone has been playing that drinking game that was here a while ago and decided to write the constitution afterwards.
But on the bright side: we learn something new about carpet bonding every day (or week, or month)
 
Your level of dedication to the research required* for this AAR is amazing. You are examining the Slovak constitution? I assume in an English translation, but then again, this story's been running so long that it's certainly feasible to learn a new language in the meantime.

Padding out the constitution with random crap to make it look more substantive and therefore real is a fairly inspired stroke by the Slovaks. It doesn't work, of course, but it shows impressive lateral thinking.

I notice that a vote for Tanks right now would put it in a three-way tie for first place... While that's appealing in a trainwreck kind of way, I can't quite lower myself to such levels of irresponsibility, so I'll file another vote for T&T's C.

*Well, I say 'required', but I'm not sure it is really a requirement - your Slovakia does have a rather tenuous (definitely not double-bonded) connection to that of real life...
 
Last edited:
I vote for no uprising. Just for lols
 
Amazing AAR
Had a good afternoon reading it.

:)
 
Gen. Marshall - Of course I read the Slovak Constitution, this is an El Pip AAR. Pointless research into obscure details is one of the key ingredients, along with slower-than-real-time and long gaps between updates.

Willum - I believe the traditional reward for interacting well with your readership is winning one of the AARland awards, alas my award winning days are behind me now. Fashions have moved on and spending several weeks of real time to get through one day of game time is no longer as trendy or popular as once it was.

This I think makes these interactions purer, without the distractions of awards or prizes we can focus on a viciously virtuous circle of commentary while learning about the Slovak constitution and carpet bonding through the medium of Tiso and Tuka.

sebas379 - Fritz may well be my favourite character. And drinks were probably involved in the Slovak constitution.

Stuyvesant - It's worse than that. I've gone through both Slovak constitutions, the current one and T&T era one. They are both odd, but in different ways, and have helped me realise that putting a section on goats in the constitution probably wouldn't even make the top 10 weird things list.

jeeshadow - Vote duly noted. It will at least help option a lose by less

Paglia - Glad you enjoyed it. :)

Stuyvesant - The men of tanks may, or may not, thank you for this. Your armoured voting record is patchy.

Current Voting Tally
No uprising - 2 less lonely votes
Semi-realistic-ish - 6 votes
T&T flavoured event - 7 votes
Tanks - 6 votes

With option (c) flying into the lead, and tanks and semi-realistic in a tie for second, we return to Bratislava.
 
15th August 1944 - Atomic Farming Edition
15th August (Still. Again.)

Having been joined by the Chief of the General Staff General Catlos, as required by the constitution, Tios and Tuka are reviewing the options available to replace their current Minister for Production (and/or Armaments), master of fire, smoke and steam Mikulas Pruzinksy. Tiso has also asked Minister for Justice Fritz to stay as he was the nearest Slovakia had to a functionally sane minister despite, or perhaps because of, his strong views on carpet bonding.

"This Jaroslav Kratochvil chap has some excellent ideas to help further delay the day when we completely run out of all supplies." Catlos said.

"I'm afraid he is utterly unacceptable." Tiso declared.

"But we really need supplies." Catlos complained. "Our troops keep complaining about the Armaments Ministry issuing them black powder and new supplies of flints instead of modern equipment."

"So what do they want instead?" Tuka asked.

"Art-ill-rye shells and bull-lets apparently." Catlos mangled the unfamiliar words. "Not sure quite what they are, or why paintings of sick crop seashells and little boy cows will help fight a war, but the troops all insist they are the latest and greatest things."

As Tuka reflected on the problems of having infantry units several decades, perhaps more, in advance of the rest of the nation's armed forces and scientific and industrial base, Tiso kept telling himself that 9:30 AM was far too early to start drinking. In an attempt to distract himself from the siren call of his hipflask, Tiso rejoined the discussion.

"Regardless, we will never hire Kratochvil." He said.

"Why not?" Catlos asked.

"He is a fanatical Communist poet who is wanted by the Gestapo for crimes he actually did commit." Fritz explained.

"And he's Czech!" Tuka roared, prompting the entire group to spit on the floor in disgust.

"Oh I thought he was the former Minister for Industry and Trade from the Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia." Catlos said.

"No it's definitely the other one." Tiso declared. "We checked last time."

"Last time?" Catlos asked in confusion

"He previously applied to be Head of the Slovak Intelligence Agency." Tiso explained.

"He's very persistent in trying to sneak his way into the government isn't he." Catlos observed.

"He is, especially for a Romantic Socialist Realist Poet." Fritz confirmed.

"Well that only leaves Pavlov Teplansky, and I'm not sure he'll actually be better than Pruzinksy." Tiso said.

"We are talking about the properly Slovakian, former Minister for Agriculture, Teplansky?" Catlos checked.

"The very same. Since he retired back in 1940 he's been a full time farmer and he's gone a bit odd." Tuka explained.

"In what way?" Fritz asked.

"Easiest to show you." Tuka said, signalling for the door guard to send Teplansky in.

An eager and excited Teplanksy entered, sat down and outlined his plans for Slovakia to win the war by using cutting edge jet engines and harnessing the power of the atom to produce incredibly destructive bombs. The group nodded in bemused shock and said they'd let him know if he'd got the job later.

hXSBIlm.png

When I am looking for top notch theoretical scientists my thoughts always turn to long retired farmers.

"See?" Tiso said. "The man's gone mad."

"I think that means we are stuck with Pruzinksy as the least bad option." Tuka concluded, with sadness in his voice.

Catlos and Fritz sadly nodded, while Tiso wondered if 9:40am was too early to break open the hipflask, eventually deciding it wasn't.

--
Note: Genuine minister choice. Someone thought Slovakia need a minister to help with jet engines and nuclear physics and that a former Minister for Agriculture and farming enthusiast was the man for the job. I still find the first part of that sentence the least explicable, though the second part is also not normal.
 
Last edited:
Personally, if I were Tiso or Tuka I would jump at the opportunnity to get a minister with vision in the cabinet! Teplansky might have gone a bit odd, but he has a grasp of modern technology; something not many Slovakians can be accused of. Plus he has vision and a plan. Not a very realistic plan, but since when was that a requirment to be atmitted into an Axis government?

I'd hire him, at the very least he would produce some interesting plans to keep Slovakia busy until the Russians show up.
 
I'm curious, how do you do your research? While I realize that Google is unlikely to be the best source for biographical information on persons of note and ignomy from WWII era Slovakia, it still surprises me how little I can find on any of these people that isn't written in a Slavic language of some description. I did at least find Pruzinsky mentioned as the finance minister throughout the T&T(&StefanT) era in a German article on the Slovak state on page 5, only slightly above this glorious AAR, but Kratochvil was quite elusive. The socialist realist poet at least had a German wikipedia entry besides his Czech one, but the minister of the protectorate is a shadowy figure indeed.

The reason that you haven't won awards in recent years is clearly that the AARlanders refuse to adopt the clearly superior Florida voting system. This clinging to an outdated mode of voting is clearly but a variant form of gerrymandering, intended to keep the truly deserving from winning. It is good to know that you have such a highminded and noble attitude to the issue, though. It shows that my love for you is by no means misplaced, and that external awards and titles is nought when compared with the true nobility of the spirit.

À propos voting, I'm am a proud and constant supporter of T&T(&Tanks)
 
Last edited:
To be honest, for a country that has difficulty conceptualizing rifle cartridges or artillery (a word that, per lazy Googling, dates back to the 14th century), even something as humdrum as agriculture is probably akin to nuclear physics. So maybe it's not that big a leap for Teplansky, from the gentleman farm to the nuclear launch pad?

I fear hiring Teplansky would be less fun than could be imagined. It would probably be akin to hiring a random Greek off the street: the rest of the cabinet won't understand a word of what he's saying, so they'll just ignore him. As far as the game goes: it's nice to know that if you somehow manage to turn Slovakia into a powerhouse (maybe from a 1939 start?), you have the option to pursue nuclear weaponry and jet delivery platforms at a more efficient pace.

Just to cover my bases (and because I take pity on it), I'll vote No Uprising today. I think I have now voted for each option at least once: this must be a new highlight of the Right To Vote in action.
 
'Cause, Pippy, now we got Tank blood
You know it used to be mad love
So take a look what you've done
'Cause, Pippy, now we got Tank blood
Hey

Now Tiso's got problems
And I don't think Fritz can solve them
You made a really deep cut
And, baby, now we got Tank blood
Hey

Oh, it's so sad to think about the good times, Tiso and Tuka

Band-aids don't fix bullet holes
You throw hats down just for show
If you live like that, you live with goats

Band-aids don't fix bullet holes (hey)
You take swigs from your flask just for show (hey)
If you live like that, you live with poets (hey)
Mhmmm

If you love like that, carpets run cold

'Cause, Pippy, now we got Tank blood
You know it used to be mad love (mad love)
So take a look what you've done
'Cause, Pippy, now we got Tank blood
Hey

Now Tuka's got problems
And I don't think Teplansky can solve them (think Teplansky can solve them)
You made a really deep cut
And, Pippy, now we got Tank blood
(Hey)

Vote for Tanks - or you will make TSwift cry.
 
I vote T&T flavored today. Craziness must ensue!
 
'Cause, Pippy, now we got Tank blood
You know it used to be mad love
So take a look what you've done
'Cause, Pippy, now we got Tank blood
Hey

Now Tiso's got problems
And I don't think Fritz can solve them
You made a really deep cut
And, baby, now we got Tank blood
Hey

Oh, it's so sad to think about the good times, Tiso and Tuka

Band-aids don't fix bullet holes
You throw hats down just for show
If you live like that, you live with goats

Band-aids don't fix bullet holes (hey)
You take swigs from your flask just for show (hey)
If you live like that, you live with poets (hey)
Mhmmm

If you love like that, carpets run cold

'Cause, Pippy, now we got Tank blood
You know it used to be mad love (mad love)
So take a look what you've done
'Cause, Pippy, now we got Tank blood
Hey

Now Tuka's got problems
And I don't think Teplansky can solve them (think Teplansky can solve them)
You made a really deep cut
And, Pippy, now we got Tank blood
(Hey)

Vote for Tanks - or you will make TSwift cry.

Impressive - though I'm of two mind whether making Ms. Swift cry is a positive or a negative...

Another day, another vote for T&T.