Inevitable Defeat - Slovakia '44

[El Pip]

GreatUberGeek - Was that Trotsky pre- or post- icepick? Anywhere else I wouldn't ask, but in Slovakia it might not be a bar to continued employment on the General Staff.

Stuyvesant - I think we both know that option is ridiculous. 'Cleverly' and the Slovak Army? Really? ( )

Gen. Marshall - It was Paint Shop Pro as it happens.

sebas379 - I think those are just really elaborate 'Long service without forgetting how to breath' medals. It's the only explanation that makes sense.

Stuyvesant - Well that is the surprise in the next update ruined. I blame myself though, I shouldn't have tried to do clever teasing hooks, I should have stuck to bad jokes about paradox mistakes and silly names.

GreatUberGeek - In the Slovak military you can be awarded a medal for not drowning in your excess of medals. Sadly the extra medal is usually fatal, which is why Slovakia has no Field Marshalls. True(ish) fact.

 

[Gen. Marshall]

Stuyvesant - Well that is the surprise in the next update ruined. I blame myself though, I shouldn't have tried to do clever teasing hooks, I should have stuck to bad jokes about paradox mistakes and silly names.

Since I have the intelligence level memory of a fish, I'll have forgotten it by the time you have your update up. So keep up the good work

 

[Stuyvesant]

Stuyvesant - I think we both know that option is ridiculous. 'Cleverly' and the Slovak Army? Really? ( )

Y'know, now that you mention it, I can't believe I managed to type 'cleverly' in a sentence about the Slovak Army and not instantly recoil from the absurdity of it all. The post will remain, a permanent stain on my reputation.

 

[GreatUberGeek]

Trotsky post-icepick. I mean, you'd have to have an icepick lodged inside your cranium to join the Slovak Army on purpose. Hopefully the amount of medals can...eliminate some of the more unsavoury members of the Slovak Army.

 

[Andre Massena]

Wow, this AAR has been going on for years

 

[GreatUberGeek]

Wow, this AAR has been going on for years

Welcome to the brilliance of El Pip.

 

[Jape]

Why would anybody leave Slovakia? Maybe he's here because of the sheer amount of medals. They must be drowning in them.

They've got a bin of them in the back office. If you don't lose immediately you get to pick out a handful!

 

[Gen. Marshall]

Since I have the intelligence level memory of a fish, I'll have forgotten it by the time you have your update up. So keep up the good work

I already forgot, and seeing as I won't go back to the last page to find out again, feel free to update again

 

[El Pip]

Gen. Marshall - Here is hoping for an outbreak of fish memory syndrome!

Stuyvesant - I hope to use it as an object lesson to teach others the follies of Slovak Optimism Syndrome.

GreatUberGeek - If you start taking out the unsavoury then Slovakia becomes very empty, very quickly.

Andre Massena - Second slowest AAR on the board!

GreatUberGeek - Indeed sir. Indeed.

Jape - Slovakia is not short of metal, so that's alarmingly plausible.

 

[El Pip]

8th August(Again. Again)

Having been threatened with a Slovak General Staff map, Tiso and Tuka are in Army HQ braced for the worst cartography their loyal generals can muster.

"Here is the map." General Viest said, pointing out a large map being pinned to the wall by junior officers.

The new Slovak General Staff Map of Many things. It may not show good news but as map it was a vast improvement over previous horrors.​

"As you can see the 1st Division (East) is recovering after the Battle of Luck. As the front appears to be stabilising we plan to move the division down to Eastern Romanian to participate in Operation Geschwindigkeitsbeschränkungen." Viest explained.

"Geese wind digs kites best rank urge?" Tiso mangled the pronunciation spectacularly.

"It means 'Speed Limit'." Catlos explained.

"Indeed. The operation aims to cut off and trap the spearhead of the 3rd Ukrainian Front and destroy it, before liberating Eastern Romania." Viest continued.

The briefing seemed worryingly competent. Tiso hurriedly checked his hipflask. Surprisingly it was still full.

"General, why is the Slovak Army HQ shown in Preividza when all the senior officers are based here in Bratislava?" Tuka asked.

There was an embarrassed silence. A thankful Tiso realised that the brief outbreak of competency wasn't that widespread. Then he cried on the inside as he realised he had just found incompetence re-assuring.

"Moving on, what is the Forest Fortress of Banska Bystrica?" Tuka asked.

"It was to be the final redoubt, an ancient castle hidden deep the forests of south Slovakia, massively upgraded and made into a fortess from where we would conduct the heroic Last Stand of Slovakia." Catlos said.

Aside from the heroics, and the last stand, the plan made a certain amount of sense to Tiso and Tuka. More so to Tiso as his hip flask was no longer full.

"You said 'was', why was this plan abandoned? Was it lack of troops to man it or lack of resources to build it?" Tuka asked.

"A bit of both." Catlos said.

"But mostly the plan was abandoned when we worked out Banska Bystrica was a lot nearer to the Soviet Union than Bratislava, so any last stand was likely to be in Bratislava not halfway across the country in a tiny and otherwise unimportant town." Viest admitted.

--
There is a single level 1 fort in Banska Bystrica. I really don't know why. All I can see on the internet is a single very old castle in the old town that had mostly fallen down long before the war. Someone at Paradox got their numbers wrong when adding in facilities and accidentally gave the wrong province a fort? Your guess is as good as mine.

 

[Stuyvesant]

...Operation Geschwindigkeitsbeschränkungen." Viest explained.

"Geese wind digs kites best rank urge?" Tiso mangled the pronunciation spectacularly.

Bravo! That phonetic mangleization is impressive!

It's an ambitious plan and it's bound not to happen. For one, by the time the Slovak division is in position, the 3rd Ukrainian Front will probably be storming into Budapest. But hey! I applaud the fact that the Slovaks managed to put a plan together. And one that is almost, sort-of, relevant to the current situation. Shocking display of competence, really, and therefore understandable that Tiso had to hit his boozeflask.

PS: When you mentioned 'Slovak Optimism Syndrome', I saw the abbreviation and immediately got Abba stuck in my head. Thanks a lot.

 

[Ikarases]

There is a single level 1 fort in Banska Bystrica. I really don't know why. All I can see on the internet is a single very old castle in the old town that had mostly fallen down long before the war. Someone at Paradox got their numbers wrong when adding in facilities and accidentally gave the wrong province a fort? Your guess is as good as mine.

There were hardly any forts in January 1936, I know that for sure as I did a research on this. So forts in Czechoslovakia in vanilla are a lie

But it seems that whoever made them present in 1944 was worryingly competent and those forts are actually justified according to one of the maps, have a look yourself:

PS: When you mentioned 'Slovak Optimism Syndrome', I saw the abbreviation and immediately got Abba stuck in my head. Thanks a lot.

We're too old :sad:

 

[Stuyvesant]

We're too old :sad:

I'd like to add that I only know Abba from listening to my parent's cassette tapes in the car, on the way to vacation in Denmark - but much as I might try to prove that I'm really not that old, the fact that my parents used to listen to Abba is a pretty good indicator that yes, I'm getting on in years.

Anyway... Now that the fortress in Banska Bystrica has been validated as real, I think Tiso and Tuka should shelter there. It might be insignificant enough that the Soviets will roll right past it, as they march into Bratislava to install a communist puppet. Then T & T can sneak over the border and make for... er... Soviet-dominated Hungary? Poland? Austria, perhaps? Yeah, that could work. Hide out in forest fortress/spider hole, then sneak out of the country. Perhaps the Vatican can forge some passports and bam! They're both set for a long and happy life in exile.

 

[El Pip]

Stuyvesant - Abba. Damned Swedes!

Ikarases - It's a fine theory, alas there is a minor issue. Almost all of Southern Slovakia, including those fortress lines, was handed to Hungary in the First Vienna Awards; see here in this svg file I can't show as an actual picture.

Those border forts are all present (and as you say they are in the the 1936 start file as well) so it's not them, the mighty Banska Bystrica fortress is something else. Or was put in the wrong place.

Stuyvesant - Tiso's old boss was very popular with the Vatican so I'm sure the Pope would sort out a new identity and travel to South America. However T&T are staying in Slovakia till the bitter end, they are nothing if not loyal.

 

[Ikarases]

Ikarases - It's a fine theory, alas there is a minor issue. Almost all of Southern Slovakia, including those fortress lines, was handed to Hungary in the First Vienna Awards; see here in this svg file I can't show as an actual picture.

Those border forts are all present (and as you say they are in the the 1936 start file as well) so it's not them, the mighty Banska Bystrica fortress is something else. Or was put in the wrong place.

Still, it's too damn close enough of being competent! But hey, isn't Paradox and 1944 scenario quite similar to your Slovakia and it's struggle?

 

[sebas379]

This plan is, on the outside at least, so worryingly competent, I'm at a loss for words here.

 

[Baltasar]

At least the Slovakians are still using their whole army of three divisions on three seperate fronts. That way they do get news from every angle of the combined Communist Capitalist advance.

 

[GreatUberGeek]

Competence in the Slovak Army? Obviously they are filthy non-Slovak democrats or even worse, Czech
I love how the heroics and the last stand are what doesn't make sense to Tiso and Tuka.

 

[Gen. Marshall]

Competence in the Slovak Army? Obviously they are filthy non-Slovak democrats or even worse, Czech
I love how the heroics and the last stand are what doesn't make sense to Tiso and Tuka.

Czech spies? Oh no! What do we do now?! They might even be READING THIS THREAD RIGHT NOW!!

 

[GreatUberGeek]

Czech spies? Oh no! What do we do now?! They might even be READING THIS THREAD RIGHT NOW!!

OH MY TISO! LOCKDOWN! This thread is now on CODE RED!
Worry not, citizens, the Czech threat is being dealt with. You may return to your incompetence soon.