Inevitable Defeat - Slovakia '44

[El Pip]

5th August

With the news from the domestic front continuing to be impressively bleak Tiso and Tuka are in the War Room hoping that things at the front are less awful. The poor, naive fools.

"Good news Generalissimus!" Not-A-German Bernard announced.

Tiso looked around in confusion before remembering he was, for some never explained reason, the Generalissimus of Slovakia.

"Just President will do. And what is this good news?" Tiso replied.

"The mighty 1st Slovakian Infantry Division has been returned to our control."

"That's the mighty 1st Division on the the Eastern Front, as opposed to the mighty 1st Division on the Italian front?" Tuka clarified.

"Yes, the one that died but then got better." General Catlos confirmed.

"We've got to do something about that name." Tiso said. "It's just getting confusing."

Taking a short break from the war, Tiso, Tuka and Catlos visited Gejaz Fritz, Minister for Justice and Chairman of the Supreme Constitutional Court of State, to ask about how they could get around Article 74 and re-name the division.

"So you see the problem?" Tiso finished explaining their situation.

"Yes. It's not an easy problem, I'd say it's almost as tricky as trying to use a double-stick carpet bonding system without appropriate underlay tackifier." Fritz said.

Having no idea what that meant, but suspecting it wasn't good, T&T both nodded. Catlos just looked confused.

"However, much as tackless gripper has revolutionised carpet bonding, there is always a way. I recommend using parentheses." Fritz explained.

"Parent he shes?" Catlos mangled the pronunciation, making it sound like one of the US Command Names readers may remember from Furious Vengeance

"No, parentheses. Like these ( )" Frizt showed off his legal training by pronouncing the shape. "Technically they don't count as re-naming so aren't covered by the constitutional ban."

Relieved there was a solution, Tiso ordered the unit renamed the 1st Division (East).

--
Progress of a sort. Almost. If one has a very, very low bar for progress. And more carpet bonding action from our legal expert, what more could anyone ask for?

 

[NapoleonComple]

Aww, I was hoping to see a mix up where the Italian division gets ordered to attack something on the Soviet front and the Soviet division to attack on the Italian front.

 

[PHN]

PHN - As an outsider I'd always though political science was different from philosophy, but what do I know?

Well, the name is different. However, both of them are attented by human subjects who think very highly of themselves and their cognitive capabilities. And these two entities really derive pleasure from utilizing these pretentious words.
So I might not be off the way too much.

EDIT: Do we see a sudden flash of slovakian not-so-socialist realist genius?

 

[Kurt_Steiner]

Wao. One division in the Eastern Front.

Stalin's trousers are awfully dirty by now, I'm sure.

 

[Stuyvesant]

"No, parentheses. Like these ( )" Frizt showed off his legal training by pronouncing the shape. "Technically they don't count as re-naming so aren't covered by the constitutional ban."

Another impressive display of skill by a Slovak! It does happen! It's only too bad that the rare displays of mastery are in areas that are wholly unsuited to modern Total War. Still, I am very much impressed with Fritz's ability to pronounce parentheses, even if it's not going to delay the inevitable by a single second.

 

[El Pip]

NapoleonComple - Sorry, even the Slovakian General Staff can (just about) keep track of three division.

PHN - There are clever Slovakians, just mostly not in the government. Plus parentheses are a 14th century invention, if not earlier, so aren't beyond the nation's technological base.

I also should have guessed at the philosophy politics link, if one can do a degree in PPE (Philosophy, Politics and Economics) then there probably is some vague connection, or at least people think that there is.

Kurt_Steiner - It is quite muddy on the Eastern Front, that must be the reason for Stalin's brown trousers.

Stuyvesant - Of course these skills are being deployed purely to counter the Slovakian constitution and he is the chief justice of the constitutional court, so one would really hope Fritz has some understanding of the constitution.

That said you do have to wonder how far he could have gone had he not developed such strong view on carpet bonding. And not been Slovakian.

 

[Willum]

I must wonder what your sources are for all this carpet bonding expertise, and what sort of life you've led that has brought you such a wealth of knowledge on such a broad range of fascinating topics. Then again, proceeding at a pace slower than real time does leave ample time for research.

 

[El Pip]

Willum - I laid carpet once, it wasn't enjoyable but did leave me with some of the lingo. For the rest research, my compulsion to visit strange museums and a selection of odd jobs covers it.

 

[Clio]

Slovakia OP?

 

[El Pip]

6th August

Somewhat hungover after celebrating the re-naming triumph (in Slovakia one must celebrate one's triumphs no matter how minor) Tiso and Tuka have returned to the War Room to find out what their newly [not technically] renamed division is doing.

"So where is the 1st Division (East) currently General?" Tiso asked.

"It had been assigned to the Lucky sector." Catlos read off the postage documents from Germany.

"Lucky? This is the Eastern Front we are talking about? The one full of millions of Soviets and Germans fighting a bitter total war? How can anything there be lucky?" Tuka was too surprised even to yell.

Being experienced in Slovakian affairs Tiso was more cautious

"This is because it's based in a town call Luck isn't it?" Tiso asked.

"Probably." Catlos answered. "Apparently the division moved into the town of Luck after the Soviets retreated last month."

"Retreated?! You mean the Germans are making progress, pushing the Soviets back?" Tiso almost reached Tuka levels of shouting. Almost

Catlos' reply was interrupted by the ringing of the phone.

"Yes? Oh really. Do keep me informed." Catlos said, putting the phone down. "It appears the Soviets want Luck back again."

When the Slovakian forces are the lynchpin of your defence, you are in trouble.​

"This isn't going to go well is it?" Tiso asked.

"General Carlaont is the finest mind in the Romanian Ministry of War. He assures us his two Romanian divisions will fight at least as well as our Slovakian heroes." Catlos replied.

Tiso and Tuka exchanged glances.

7th August

As Tiso and Tuka arrive General Catlos handed them the latest news from the East.

Who could possibly have predicted that? Apart from everyone.​

"Turns out it was a lucky sector." Tuka said.

"Just a bad luck sector." Tiso agreed, reaching for his hip flask.

---
General Carlaont was arrested and tried three times for war crimes, which is something of a record I think. Acquitted the first time, then a few years later they tried him again, found him guilty then pardoned him. Then a few years after that they re-re-tried him, found him guilty again and then released him again. If I had to guess I'd say he was actually innocent, the immediate post war Soviet trials were of the 'guilty until proven guilty' variety so anyone found innocent by them probably was. The subsequent trials were, I think, part of the Romanian dictator Gheorghe Gheorghiu-Dej's aim to be even less pleasant than Stalin, a challenging goal but he gave it his best, see for instance the aborted construction of the Danube-Black Sea canal.

 

[Baltasar]

That battle was not that bad, actually. Considering the circumstances, the combined Romanian-Slovakian force did not lose that many more men than the Russians. It could've been worse

...

I get the feeling that this last sentence will come back haunting T&T.

 

[NapoleonComple]

Could've gone worse. I still think Slovakia's best chance is to pray the Allies reach Bratislava first.

 

[Stuyvesant]

Not a completely disastrous defeat, but that might just mean this is the zenith of Slovakia's fortunes on the Eastern Front.

 

[Willum]

Ah, making fun of eastern European names never gets old...

 

[El Pip]

Baltasar - And of course Slovakia has vast manpower reserves so can easily afford to lose more men than the Soviets. Oh no wait...

NapoleonComple - I'd agree, but Normandy and the Italian Front are such a long way away.

Stuyvesant - Quite possibly.

Willum - I do hope not!

Hmm clearly not a popular subject for an update to judge by the relative paucity of comments. I shall attempt to do better next time.

 

[Willum]

Hmm clearly not a popular subject for an update to judge by the relative paucity of comments. I shall attempt to do better next time.

Yes, a gameplay update! What were you thinking? Clearly carpet bonding is what we're here for!

 

[GreatUberGeek]

Wonderful updates, El Pip! I laughed out loud at the name of that Romanian dictator. Guess that the Battle of Luck wasn't full of...luck!
I'm sorry. You already used that pun.

 

[Ikarases]

Leave Bratislava empty. Maybe the AI will give you a blow from mercy via landing some paratroopers here

 

[shierholzer]

Leave Bratislava empty. Maybe the AI will give you a blow from mercy via landing some paratroopers here

That's a FTM game.

 

[sebas379]

Look at the bright side, the soviets did not bring that armoured division to the fight, they kept it off the front.
Probably afraid Slovakian genius would scratch their paint, but still.