Inevitable Defeat - Slovakia '44

[NapoleonComple]

I'm sure Germany in 1944 has some spare tigers just lying around to give to Slovakia.

Maybe they should ride actual tigers into battle. Of course they'd be trained incompetently so the tigers would probably just maul the Slovakian's faces off.

 

[GreatUberGeek]

Just caught up with this AAR. Keep up the good work. Perhaps Germany would also have some spare hawks?
Though they would probably just claw the Slovakians faces off. At this point they would buy attack pigeons.

 

[Stuyvesant]

Tiso (fun fact: this stupid iPad thought "Tiso" would sound much better as "Risotto") and Tuka are energized? Enthusiastic? Oh dear, nothing good can come from this... Oh well, I'm sure the crushing burden of reality will soon squeeze all the vigor out of them and they'll revert to despondent hip flask abuse and angry shouting.

 

[SSmith]

When you think about it all this foreign spy activity in Slovakia makes perfect sense. If you were a foreign spy master and you sent an agent to Bratislava would you really believe a word of what he reported back? No, you wouldn't. So you would send another spy... and another... in a futile and ever more desperate attempt to uncover the "truth" about this bizarre little country with it's goat-infested government offices! Being a magnet for foreign spies could just be Slovakia's only notable contribution to the Axis war effort!

 

[DaveyDave]

28th June

As the revitalised Tiso and Tuka leave the room, along with the an elated General Malar and a confused Hans and Durcansky the Slovak Counter-Intelligence building is left in silence.

Is it true that the Slovak Counter-Intelligence building is also known as the Ministry of Education? It would explain lots.

 

[Nathan Madien]

Tiso and Tuka have summoned Foreign Minister Ferdinand Durcansky to help them address the burning issue of the day. General Malar is also present, but he's not helping address the burning issue. Or indeed helping any issue. However he is not burning, for now at least.

El Pip, I love how you take the words "burning issue" and turn them into a Jim Gaffigan-esque joke. :laugh:

 

[El Pip]

Surt - Not actually that bad, a licence built armoured division of Panthers will only take until July 1945. So all I need is for Germany to last two months longer than OTL (and Slovakia to last three months longer) and I will have a single armoured division ready to go.

Actually I wont, because Slovakia will have completely run out of all resources long before that point. But that's just part of the challenge of playing Slovakia.

NapoleonComple - Actual tigers are much more within in the reach of Slovakia's tech base, to my surprise the country actually has the technology to build cavalry!

GreatUberGeek - I am expecting to get absolutely nothing of Germany, I think they are bit busy elsewhere. Plus I suspect they might of forgotten Slovakia exists, it's an easy mistake to make.

Stuyvesant - An alarmingly accurate prediction. Clearly you understand the true nature of the situation T&T find themselves in.

SSmith - That's probably the best theory I've seen as to why there are so many spies in Bratislava. I like it.

DaveyDave - I'm not sure the country has a Ministry of Education. As I'm sure wont surprise you Slovakia has not researched any of the Education techs.

Nathan Madien - I aim to please.


As you all may of noticed updates have been not quiet as frequently as I hoped, this is due to trying to sell two houses while buying another one. However rest assured this has not been cancelled and, thanks to that nice mod Myth, I can promise the return of the traditional El Pip AAR vote on a subject that will in no-way change the fate of Slovakia! (Because short of cheating, nothing can).

 

[Gen. Marshall]

I'm excited to see one of those votes! After all, I haven't been here long enough to witness the latest one - and given the speed of your AARs I think it's an honour reserved only for the eldest AARland veterans

 

[Stuyvesant]

Your mention of 'T&T' tickled some long-dormant neurons and that in turn made the following recollection bubble up to the surface... Horrific in its own way and not quite appropriate, considering the high degree of unlikelihood that either Tiso or Tuka will don a leather jacket and start punching enemies in the face.

As you all may of noticed updates have been not quiet as frequently as I hoped, this is due to trying to sell two houses while buying another one. However rest assured this has not been cancelled and, thanks to that nice mod Myth, I can promise the return of the traditional El Pip AAR vote on a subject that will in no-way change the fate of Slovakia! (Because short of cheating, nothing can).

Ooh, does this mean we get to vote on the percentage of goats in the AAR?!?

 

[Nathan Madien]

...considering the high degree of unlikelihood that either Tiso or Tuka will don a leather jacket and start punching enemies in the face.

Since this is Slovakia, Tiso or Tuka would probably suffer from horrible hit detection and not even connect a punch even though logically they should.

 

[Davout]

I must admit that I had not noticed any delays in updates but then again I do not know how frequently you hoped to update. I suppose I am used to updates after every pitch drop*.

And for newcomers, the correct answer to any El Pip poll is "Tanks".

*Prof Mainstone's funeral was on Friday at our local church.

 

[Antonine]

Can we vote for Slovakia to acquire a 19th century ship please? I think christening the new ship before realising they don't have anywhere to launch it would be a great way for them to pass the time while waiting for the inevitable.

 

[StrikerSVK]

Can we vote for Slovakia to acquire a 19th century ship please? I think christening the new ship before realising they don't have anywhere to launch it would be a great way for them to pass the time while waiting for the inevitable.

One of the two problems with this is where from, as Germany has way better ship tech and other countries aren't an option as Slovakia can only negotiate with its master that is Germany. The other one is payment: I reckon Slovakia has 200-500 money(maybe even less), making the chance of licence building (should the tech even be available) "Impossible", and I might be wrong here, but direct purchase of units isn't possible in HoI3, is it?

 

[LusciousPear]

Am I crazy to suggest that Slovakia and Germany kind just... break up? Been a long time since I played HOI3.

 

[Antonine]

One of the two problems with this is where from, as Germany has way better ship tech and other countries aren't an option as Slovakia can only negotiate with its master that is Germany. The other one is payment: I reckon Slovakia has 200-500 money(maybe even less), making the chance of licence building (should the tech even be available) "Impossible", and I might be wrong here, but direct purchase of units isn't possible in HoI3, is it?

Well I was thinking more in terms of modding one in.

 

[El Pip]

Gen. Marshall - El Pip AAR votes have such an ancient lineage the first ones didn't even need permission. Crazy times!

Stuyvesant - I was genuinely unaware of that show, I think it may have failed to get past border control when they tried to export it to the UK. I'm not sure on the appropriateness, if Tuka gets angry enough he may well start punching people (not necessarily enemies I admit). I agree though that Tiso probably wouldn't look good in a dress!

The subject is far more important than the goat percentage. Far more.

Nathan Madien - Indeed. They'd also discover Slovakia lacks the technology for boxing gloves. Or boxing. Or indeed gloves.

Davout - One update a decade is a little slow, even for me. Tanks is always an answer, especially if the question is 'What weapon does Slovakia have almost no chance of fielding?'

Antonine - The vote is on a subject marginally more practical than that. Just.

StrikerSVK - It's a bit complicated. Slovakia has virtually no money (starts with a whole 2 money), but buying a licence only costs 1.0 so they can afford it a licence build. Slovakia can also but a licence from any member of the Axis (well it's 'Likely' for any Axis member) so I could buy some really rubbish destroyers from, say, Siam.

So the big stumbling block is in fact lack of industry or more accurately lack of resources to fuel the industry, not anything else.

LusciousPear - As a poor puppet Slovakia has no say in the matter.

Antonine - I'm trying to minimise modding in this AAR, thus far the only changes have been providing the D-Day landing forces with some supplies - in their wisdom Paradox had them all out of supply, with no ports and all the defending German units at full strength....

 

[Nathan Madien]

Nathan Madien - Indeed. They'd also discover Slovakia lacks the technology for boxing gloves. Or boxing. Or indeed gloves.

That probably explains why you never hear about Slovakian boxing.

 

[El Pip]

29th June

Tuka, Tiso and General Malar have had a good night's sleep and have returned to the War Room in order to plot Slovakia's transition to Total War. Some people might say starting this 5 years into a global war is a little late. Some people probably aren't that familiar with Slovakia.

"General, please show us the disposition of the troops." Tiso asked.

Malar considered the question before replying.

"I'd say they are mostly disposed to optimism, however the current situation is worrying them somewhat." He said.

While Tuka ranted at Malar's damned literal mindedness Tiso summoned his willpower and resisted the lure of the hip-flask.

"Just show us the map with the army's current position marked on it!" Tuka yelled.

"You only had to ask." Malar replied in a hurt voice, handing over a map.

The Slovak Army in all its glory. Depressing isn't it?​

"Malar!" Tuka yelled. Again. Louder.

"What?" The partially deafened Malar asked.

"This is the map from 1941, we asked for a current map." Tiso explained.

"So it is." Malar replied, handing over a new map.

This seems strangely familiar. And also quite odd, why is the Slovakian Army in Hungary anyway?​

"Malar!!!" Tuka yelled, starting to worry he had started shouting too early and not left himself enough vocal range for his increasing rage.

"This is the same map." Tiso said, desperately trying to hold onto the tattered remnants of his earlier optimism.

"No it isn't, look in the corner it says 1944."

Tiso and Tuka looked. It did.

"That's quite a coincidence, the Army being in the exact same place it was three years ago." Tiso commented.

Malar looked shifty.

"It's not a coincidence is it?" Tiso asked, with dread.

Malar shook his head.

"So what you are saying is that for almost three years the Slovakian Army hasn't actually moved?"

Malar nodded.

"WHY?!?!" Tuka exploded, not quite literally but it was close.

A door on the far side of the room burst open and a strangely familiar voice rang out across the room.

"Perhaps I can answer that."

--
Genuine screenshots from the 1941 scenario and the 1944 scenario. Apparently the Slovakian Army spent the entire war sitting in Hungary for reasons that I confess are less than clear.

Also drama, setting everything up for the vital vote in the next update.

 

[StrikerSVK]

I wonder who that could be. Also, not that positioning them in Hungary makes a lot of sense, but I don't think the 2 Infantry divisions Slovakia has (infantry tech level 3~1938 level if I remember correctly) would make much of a difference on the frontline against...any enemy of Germany with troops in Europe, really. Could this be a part of a plan by Slovakia to re-acquire some of the territory lost to Hungary in the First Vienna Award?

 

[SSmith]

The only thing I can think is that the Slovakian army is in Hungary so that it can receive supply. Quite naturally if had it remained in Slovakia the troops would have no choice but to resort to foraging, a situation that would have been made still more difficult by the government's recent decision to strip the countryside of goats! The only downside I see is that the army has reduced in size by about half between 1941 and 1944... presumably a lot of the the men prefer life in Hungary!