Inevitable Defeat - Slovakia '44

[El Pip]

27th June

Tiso and Tuka had taken another early break and had returned early on the 27th to continue the task of reforming the Slovak Intelligence services.

"So it's agreed, we'll go with the least bad option?" Tuka summarised.

Tiso nodded

"Yes, bad as Hans is the alternatives are all far worse." Tiso said.

Malar looked hurt and fought back the tears, but eventually nodded his head in acceptance.

"That only leaves the Ministry of Security, where I think we can all agree we do desperately need a change." Tiso said.

Malar, having dried his eyes and pulled himself together, replied.

"Maybe not, he's not that bad."

"Not that bad! He missed Hans for years!" Tuka yelled.

"Yes, but he's got better recently. Look at the progress he's making." Malar said, handing over the daily ministry of security report.

There once was a spy from Bhutan
who travelled by catamaran
this gave him away
so we caught him today
and that is why secondary sense-data is not to be relied upon in the mind independent world.

Janko Jesensky communicated his counter-intelligence triumphs solely through the medium of non-rhyming limericks, to do anything else would be counter to his poetic critical realist principles. Possibly.​

"This is awful." Tuka said.

"What?" Malar asked. "Surely it's good news we're catching Allied spies."

"No, I meant the poetry." Tuka clarified.

"Indeed. Bad enough the man's a poet, it now turns out he's not even a very good poet." Tiso agreed, barely restraining himself from reaching for his hip flask.

--
Bonus Fact - Critical realism and it's related poetry appear to be terrible. Or at least that portion of it freely available on the internet is. The poetry of Jesensky himself.. well perhaps it just doesn't translate well from Slovak to English so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. For those who wish to see for themselves his war-poem "Siberian Night" is quite easy to find on google. I can't really recommend it, but then I'm an engineer not a critical realist literary critic, so perhaps I'm missing it's sublime beauty.

 

[Shostak]

Wait, a Catamaran. Does that mean...?

I'm enjoying this immensely sir, great job!

 

[Ikarases]

What has happened to that ship? Did they capture it? And how? They didn´t have any ships themselves...

Is this the ressurection of Slovakian navy?

 

[sebas379]

Look at it from the bright side.

He's not Czech. Yet

 

[Stuyvesant]

Bonus Fact - Critical realism and it's related poetry appear to be terrible. Or at least that portion of it freely available on the internet is.

Gauging by your own efforts, I suspect your assessment is spot-on.

I think this Jesensky fellow poses a serious threat to Slovakia's well-being. After all, both Stalin and Hitler were well-known for rather traditional preferences in the realms of the arts. Oh, and murderous ways of expressing their displeasure. If either Hitler or Stalin - or worse, both - find out that the Slovak government is collaborating with an abhorrent modern artist like Jesensky...

I now picture most of the Slovak cabinet trying to escape up the Danube in the confiscated Bhutanese catamaran (with the time-honored slapstick tradition of each half of the crew rowing in the opposite direction of the other), while Tiso and Tuka drink themselves into a Leaving Las Vegas-style stupor and commando teams from SMERSH and Otto Skorzeny do battle on the river bank in their efforts to capture and terminate Jesensky. When the Slovak Apocalypse comes, it will be surreal.

 

[StrikerSVK]

Slovakia should have about half a year, maybe more, before getting annexed by the Soviets.

Half a year?:blink: I considered my estimation optimistic to the point of unrealism, I won't believe until I see for myself!
By the way, I checked out Janko's poetry online, wasn't too bad in my opinion...then again, I'm not a literary critic either.
I also checked the possible alternatives for Janko and now I think I know why Tiso looks so depressed in-game. The best option might be Ulian Pauliny, not that it's going to do much, but he might just be able to let the people know important things, like how far the 2nd Ukrainian Front is, what to do when the Russians come knocking, whatever. Not like the government actually needs extra support or get any, as Tido Gaspar proposes. Terror probably won't work anyway.

 

[Gen. Marshall]

Half a year?:blink:

Look at it from the bright side: At El Pip's pace, you'll still be able to enjoy this AAR when you are old, retired and bored to death!

 

[Surt]

Look at it from the bright side: At El Pip's pace, you'll still be able to enjoy this AAR when you are old, retired and bored to death!

You are so right Marshall, this even beats Uhrias real time Clerk which had 1 week/week this one has one day/week. So if they last half a year it would give us enjoyment for roughly 180 weeks or 3 1/2 year in the universe where we play students and workers

 

[StrikerSVK]

Look at it from the bright side: At El Pip's pace, you'll still be able to enjoy this AAR when you are old, retired and bored to death!

It is a good thing, but I thought my estimate of no more than two months was way too optimistic...I do like the idea of still laughing away at this when I'm retired Thinking about it, I think Slovakia deserves to survive well into '45, perhaps '46 just for the sake of this continuing

 

[Davout]

A Letter to the Editor​

Dear Sir

I must protest at the frequent updating of this AAR. I have been a reader of Mr L Pip's work for a number of years now, and I feel I speak on behalf of many long term fans when I express my horror with the alacrity of the plot advancement, both in real time and in the storyline. There is not the endless waffling on the stress testing of prehensile steel that we have all come to love. I particularly deplore the use of cutting wit and insight (or heaven forbid, poetry) as such behaviour is really most unbecoming in an engineer (these things are better left to Arts majors who have nothing better to do with their time).

I must also express my disappointment that Mr Pip is not making a greater effort to take the mickey out of PI. Surely a perfect opportunity arose to insert the Czech composer, Gustav Mahler, into the narrative as a potential minister instead of this Malar chap. Really, Mr Pip must try harder.

Now, I do not expect an update for at least another 6 months or I shall be forced to read it.

Yours in tanks

D Avout

 

[El Pip]

Shostak - No it doesn't. This is T&T's Slovakia after all. Glad your enjoying it though.

Ikarases - The catamaran sneaked up the Danube, deposited it's Bhutanese agent and then departed. The only know about it because the agent confessed all.

sebas379 - That was the main reason he kept the job to be honest.

Stuyvesant - To be honest both sides will have so many reason to take out Jesensky that his poetry will be a long way down the list. I realise this isn't actually 'good' news, but this is Slovakia where good news hasn't been invented yet.

StrikerSVK - The climactic Battle of Bratislava wasn't till April 1945 in OTL, that's ages away yet. Of course by then Slovakia was even more of a puppet government, but it still technically existed. Of course how long it last in-game is a completely different question.

I could only find one of his poems and I was less than impressed, perhaps I just found the dud one.

Gen. Marshall/Surt - It's true the updates are thorough and considered, but I feel the adventure of T&T deserve nothing less!

Davout - Thank you for your thoughtful letter, reminding us all that this is indeed a lightning paced and laser focused speedster compared to more majestic efforts such as Butterfly. I appreciate the ideas on Mahler, alas the Malar chap is required to remain for reasons of plot, however feel free to continue to ruminate on other options.

Finally can I express my pleasure that you remain, that means when Butterfly re-starts there will at least be someone there to read it.

 

[El Pip]

27th June

Tiso and Tuka are in a meeting with General Malar about the state of Slovak counter-intelligence. Specifically whether or not a staunchly anti-fascist poet who communicates only through non-rhyming poetry is a good choice for Minister of Security. That this even needs discussing tells you all you need to know.

"OK so he caught one spy, that hardly makes up for missing Hans." Tiso said.

"And he was from Bhutan!" Tuka roared and spat on the floor. No-one else did.

After an awkward silence Tiso continued.

"Though I'm dreading it, I think we need to look at alternatives." He said.

"With respect it's not just Bhutanese spies he is catching. Look at this." Malar said, handing over another note.

An undercover man from Greece
was caught by our secret police
His fatal mistake
was eating a snake
And that is why the crypot-literalist empiricist school must be resisted at every turn

The non-rhyming ending represent man's inhumanity to man. Apparently. But then in modern art almost everything does.​

"That's all very impressive, but I'm going to insist we look at the alternatives." Tiso said.

Reluctantly Malar handed over the dossier of potential candidates.

The dossier containing Slovakia's many, many options. Of course it is important not to confuse quantity for quality.​

As Tiso took a calming pull on his hip flask, Tuka went through the list.

"Well it can't be Durcansky, the German's hate him and forced us to expel him from the government." Tuka said.

"But he's Foreign Minister!?" Malar exclaimed.

Tiso, fortified by his hip flask, returned to the discussion.

"That is true general. But as the Germans won't let us have a foreign policy or conduct overseas trade he doesn't actually have responsibility or power over anything and that was close enough for the Germans." Tiso explained.

"None of us had the heart of tell him though, so we let him keep on 'working' in his office and just stopped inviting him to cabinet." Tuka said.

"We'd hoped he'd get the hint when he never got any work to do or never got sent any documents. But he still keeps turning up." Tiso finished.

--
Bonus Fact - Ferdinand Ďurčanský was a complicated character, and not just due to the shear number of accents above his last name. He was originally Foreign Minister but was kicked out of the Slovak government in 1940 under German pressure, his crime was not being anti-Jewish enough (that and he kept trying to organise a separate Slovak foreign policy). Despite that he continued to be a huge supporter of collaboration with the Germans right until the end, even trying to organise a stay-behind underground resistance in 1945. After a few years of running around various bits of the world (Argentina, the Vatican, Canada) and being sentenced to death by the new Czech communist government he ended up as head of one of the many Slovak exile groups and was very big in the anti-communist organisations.

 

[Stuyvesant]

It has to be Ulian Pauliny - not only for his very martial moustache, but also for the fact that he gives Leadership +5.0%. This being Slovakia, the poor country can use any bit of leadership it can get.

 

[H.Appleby]

It has to be Ulian Pauliny - not only for his very martial moustache, but also for the fact that he gives Leadership +5.0%. This being Slovakia, the poor country can use any bit of leadership it can get.

But does it have any leadership to begin with?

The quality of its current Cabinet suggests not.

 

[Stuyvesant]

But does it have any leadership to begin with?

The quality of its current Cabinet suggests not.

Good point. the Prince of Terror, then? But the same thing applies: +15.0% ruling party support requires that there is a ruling party to begin with - and I don't know that swearing and getting drunk counts as 'ruling'.

 

[NapoleonComple]

Good point. the Prince of Terror, then? But the same thing applies: +15.0% ruling party support requires that there is a ruling party to begin with - and I don't know that swearing and getting drunk counts as 'ruling'.

Maybe he can convince the people of Slovakia to start walking westwards and not stop until they reach Allied lands.

 

[StrikerSVK]

Maybe he can convince the people of Slovakia to start walking westwards and not stop until they reach Allied lands.

I don't think you can do that by terror, as fear can be countered by the consumption of alcohol, of which, I guess, there is never a shortage, as Tiso can afford to have a hip flask handy all the time. Also, how would he? Slovakia hasn't (probably)even researched Electronic and Mechanical Engineering yet, let alone Radios. An option would be writing a letter to every single inhabitant, but I don't think the 18 IC or less Slovakia has are capable of handling that in a reasonable amount of time, ie. before the Soviets are at the borders. And let's not forget the Germans, even if he somehow succeeded. They might just notice the ever so slight drop in resource incomes and the 4+ million herd of people just marching through Bavaria, Baden-Wurttemberg and into Champagne, staying there for a while because of the wine(having to leave their homeland tends to make people sad), then moving on, following the Seine and meeting the Allies near Caen or something. As I've said in one of my previous posts, Pauliny is probably the best option,not that it actually matters, but the extra few officers might help with the orientation part of the walking towards the Allies.

 

[SSmith]

Hmm, this is a tough one! Slovakia is clearly spoiled for choice when it comes to security ministers, so I think the first order of business is to toast the health of each candidate with a full hip flask... after that the final selection should go very smoothly indeed!

 

[sebas379]

According to google translate, maybe Ďurčanský would be a suiting candidate?

He's Slovak
He will live until 1974
He's a politician and journalist
He seems to have quite some capabilities, seeing as he studied law in Bratislava, Paris and Amsterdam.

Unfortunatly hes not very good with the Germans and he seems to have been involved in Slovakia's Public works and Transport department. Which as we remember from a few updates ago has the difficult job of reinventing the concept of roads.
But all in all I'd say he ain't too bad, considering the situation?

 

[Nathan Madien]

Ferdinand Ďurčanský does have one advantage over everyone else: he doesn't show his face. He can blend into the general population once the Soviets arrive.

Look at it from the bright side: At El Pip's pace, you'll still be able to enjoy this AAR when you are old, retired and bored to death!

Which of course is the only thing keeping Slovakia alive.