If it was defeatism, they'd be learning Russian by now. From what we can read, they're learning English so they're clearly optimists 
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:rofl: Travelling cyanide pill salesmen making a killing?!
Come and see! Come and see!
Cyanide, cyanide for only five bucks!
Get yer' own pills right now!
sebas379 - I think Kratochvil's many,many books and articles about how the Soviet Union and Bolshevism were utterly wonderful in every way would probably make him safe from the Soviets.
Baltasar - Hence my title of Lord of Slower-than-real-time. I take my duties seriously you know.
StrikerSVK - Hans has a great deal going for him. I mean it's taken until 1944 for anyone to notice he was a German spy, that's 5 years better than any other German spy managed in OTL. OK he was up against a country with a communist poet as Head of Security, but he is still the longest lasting spy in the history of the Reich.
NapoleonComple - It's 320 miles to Switzerland, that's quite a long way for a tunnel, particularly for country that lacks the technology for roads.
Stuyvesant - Slovakia has many plans. There is General Turanec's plan to annex Hungary and Romania to form Greater Slovakia and gain a coastline. And that plan is at least as sensible as tunnelling to Switzerland and a great deal more achievable.
Nathan Madien - If all the countries that Paradox didn't bother to research properly banned the game, it would only be on sale in Sweden. And even then I'm not sure.
shierholzer - Without getting too serious I must say Tiso wasn't that bad as far as fascist dictators go (i.e. utterly awful, but could have been worse) whereas Tuka in fact was that bad.
Luigiii2 - Defeatism? Never! Not while there is alcohol in Tiso's hip-flask!
NapoleonComple - I'm fairly sure Slovakia doesn't have the technology for cyanide capsules. Also the HQ building is too low to jump off (you'd survive) and hitting yourself with a rock would take a while. There is always the notoriously lack health and safety of Pruzinsky fire and steam factories, but that's hardly a reliable way to end it all.
4th Dimension/Gen. Marshall -
And now, back to Bratislava!
Baltasar - Hence my title of Lord of Slower-than-real-time. I take my duties seriously you know.
StrikerSVK - Hans has a great deal going for him. I mean it's taken until 1944 for anyone to notice he was a German spy, that's 5 years better than any other German spy managed in OTL. OK he was up against a country with a communist poet as Head of Security, but he is still the longest lasting spy in the history of the Reich.
NapoleonComple - It's 320 miles to Switzerland, that's quite a long way for a tunnel, particularly for country that lacks the technology for roads.
Stuyvesant - Slovakia has many plans. There is General Turanec's plan to annex Hungary and Romania to form Greater Slovakia and gain a coastline. And that plan is at least as sensible as tunnelling to Switzerland and a great deal more achievable.
Nathan Madien - If all the countries that Paradox didn't bother to research properly banned the game, it would only be on sale in Sweden. And even then I'm not sure.
shierholzer - Without getting too serious I must say Tiso wasn't that bad as far as fascist dictators go (i.e. utterly awful, but could have been worse) whereas Tuka in fact was that bad.
Luigiii2 - Defeatism? Never! Not while there is alcohol in Tiso's hip-flask!
NapoleonComple - I'm fairly sure Slovakia doesn't have the technology for cyanide capsules. Also the HQ building is too low to jump off (you'd survive) and hitting yourself with a rock would take a while. There is always the notoriously lack health and safety of Pruzinsky fire and steam factories, but that's hardly a reliable way to end it all.
4th Dimension/Gen. Marshall -
And now, back to Bratislava!
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26th June 1944
26th June
Tiso, Tuka and Malar are being disgusted at the poor level of applicants for Head of Slovak intelligence; a German spy or a Czech communist poet.
"This is in intolerable, we clearly must replace Hans. We can't have a blatant German spy in the heart of government!" Tiso declared. Then wondered why, after all they were a German puppet.
"Is there no-one else?" Tuka asked.
"Well I suppose I could give it a bash." Malar volunteered.
"Presumbaly using the old general staff technique of monitoring the movement of supplies to learn where a new threat is mounting?" Tiso asked.
"No." Malar said. "I was thinking more of using the naval staff technique of monitoring port movements and ship basing to improve our naval intelligence."
General Malar was nothing if not helpful. And as Tiso would argue he often wasn't helpful, that didn't leave him with much.
Seeing that Tuka was too busy being enraged, Tiso realised he had to reply to this madness.
"General, you do remember that Slovakia doesn't have a coastline, a navy or indeed a naval staff beyond one part-time officer who only works evenings and weekends?" Tiso asked.
"I'm well aware of those minor issues and that's exactly why I would focus my efforts on watching ports and boat movements." Malar exclaimed. "With all those disadvantages our naval intelligence efforts need all the help they can get!"
As Tuka ranted at Malar, Tiso cracked open the hip flask and reflected that the worst part was, after all he'd been through in the last few days, he could actually appreciate Malar's logic. Such as it was.
--
Vital Statement - I didn't change anything. Paradox genuinely thought Slovakia would need an Intelligence Minister with a naval focus and that this should be best carried out by the Head of the Army.
Bonus Fact - Not only is Slovakia lacking a navy it doesn't even have a river patrol boat. For the few years the had to have border guards on the Danube the guards had to ask for lifts from Czech boats to move about. Now they're in Schengen they don't even have that.
Tiso, Tuka and Malar are being disgusted at the poor level of applicants for Head of Slovak intelligence; a German spy or a Czech communist poet.
"This is in intolerable, we clearly must replace Hans. We can't have a blatant German spy in the heart of government!" Tiso declared. Then wondered why, after all they were a German puppet.
"Is there no-one else?" Tuka asked.
"Well I suppose I could give it a bash." Malar volunteered.
"Presumbaly using the old general staff technique of monitoring the movement of supplies to learn where a new threat is mounting?" Tiso asked.
"No." Malar said. "I was thinking more of using the naval staff technique of monitoring port movements and ship basing to improve our naval intelligence."
General Malar was nothing if not helpful. And as Tiso would argue he often wasn't helpful, that didn't leave him with much.
Seeing that Tuka was too busy being enraged, Tiso realised he had to reply to this madness.
"General, you do remember that Slovakia doesn't have a coastline, a navy or indeed a naval staff beyond one part-time officer who only works evenings and weekends?" Tiso asked.
"I'm well aware of those minor issues and that's exactly why I would focus my efforts on watching ports and boat movements." Malar exclaimed. "With all those disadvantages our naval intelligence efforts need all the help they can get!"
As Tuka ranted at Malar, Tiso cracked open the hip flask and reflected that the worst part was, after all he'd been through in the last few days, he could actually appreciate Malar's logic. Such as it was.
--
Vital Statement - I didn't change anything. Paradox genuinely thought Slovakia would need an Intelligence Minister with a naval focus and that this should be best carried out by the Head of the Army.
Bonus Fact - Not only is Slovakia lacking a navy it doesn't even have a river patrol boat. For the few years the had to have border guards on the Danube the guards had to ask for lifts from Czech boats to move about. Now they're in Schengen they don't even have that.
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It's getting more absurd with every update, but as long as you don't touch the pause button there is still hope for Slovakia. Right. isn't there........ Somewhere....... A tiny little bit.............
I love the little stories though, keep them coming
I love the little stories though, keep them coming
I think the only "hope" the Slovakian government has right now is for every single Russian soldier to spontaneously drop dead from a heart attack, while the Americans and British get distracted by some shiny object and wander off towards Zanzibar island for a holiday.
Actually, Slovakia probably didn't feature on any Russian maps, and the western allies simply think the 3 casualties that would be taken invading Slovakia-two of which would occur in pub related incidents and the third of which would be caused by a vending machine accident- is simply too high of a price to pay.
If I had to take a guess, Slovakia's naval intelligence and its' +20% boost might look something like this:
"You'd better tell Tuka we've located a boat."
"A boat? What is it?"
"It's a thing that floats, but that's not important right now."
My guess is that every guy living in Slovakia with a barge has a bigger navy than Slovakia. It looks like Slovakian rivers will fall into anarchy
On the bright side, since Malar won't have much naval intelligence to gather, it means he can easily juggle the responsibilities of being Head of the Army and Chief of Intelligence. And, since he isn't very competent to begin with, his efforts at multi-tasking will have no discernible impact on his efficiency.
Good stuff - at this general level of Slovak competency, our protagonists will die of anger-induced strokes before the Russians ever even get close to Slovakia. Which would count as a victory of sorts, no?
Good stuff - at this general level of Slovak competency, our protagonists will die of anger-induced strokes before the Russians ever even get close to Slovakia. Which would count as a victory of sorts, no?
Why am I not really surprised about this?
And I can appreciate Malar's logic about naval intelligence too, and as I asked myself what good it would do as a means of counter-argument, "I don't think it actually needs to" is the answer. Slovakia is going to get annexed by the SU within a few weeks, with a lot of luck maybe a month or two, might as well gather some intel about the Soviet ships over in Murmansk/Archangelsk/Vladivostok, whichever the spy comes across first
Well, having a Minister of Intelligence who is a German spy is not a disaster... in fact the Germans having a clear understanding of the situation in Slovakia could even encourage Hitler to kill himself and end the war before the Soviets can reach Bratislava! On the other hand, appointing a Soviet spy would be an extremely bold and forward-thinking move from the Slovakians - so that probably won't happen!
And then there is Malar, who might actually be an excellent appointment. First, he is much more likely to discover a boat somewhere in Slovakia than he is to ever stop the Red Army! Second, a boat could offer Tiso and Tuka the illusion of escape... and perhaps keep them amused until they are finally rounded up by the Soviets!
On a serious note, researching the historical figures can be both fascinating and fun! Keep up the good work!
And then there is Malar, who might actually be an excellent appointment. First, he is much more likely to discover a boat somewhere in Slovakia than he is to ever stop the Red Army! Second, a boat could offer Tiso and Tuka the illusion of escape... and perhaps keep them amused until they are finally rounded up by the Soviets!
On a serious note, researching the historical figures can be both fascinating and fun! Keep up the good work!
I now have an image in my head of Tuka and Tiso furiously working the oars on a half-rotten rowboat as they endeavor to paddle up the Danube, all the way to the American sector - while the current keeps steadily pushing them downstream, towards Hungary and the 2nd Ukrainian Front.
Not sure if that was intended as a joke, but there's actually some truth to that - the 1941 bombing of Kosice/Kassa was caused by a mistake from the part of the Soviets, possibly because they were using erroneous maps.
sebas379 - I would like to say where there is the Paradox AI there is always hope, because I've have seen some truly stupid computer moves, but I fear this may be beyond even the AI.
NapoleonComple - That's the backup plan, I think the main plan is still hide and hope everyone ignores them.
Luigiii2 - Trying to be ignored is looking more and more like a good plan.
Nathan Madien - "And don't call me Shirley!"
H.Appleby - Excellent.
Ikarases - It could be that the Slovakian criminal underworld also lacks boats, however should they ever acquire such advanced technology....
Stuyvesant - Good points on Malar, however I can imagine T&T may want to limit their Malar exposure after this jaunt so may prefer someone else. Though as you say if they go for the rage induced strokes and/or liver failure then perhaps he is the best choice after all.
StrikerSVK - If things go as OTL Slovakia should have about half a year, maybe more, before getting annexed by the Soviets. So as the Viennese would say, things are desperate but not yet serious.
SSmith - I struggle to think of anything that could happen in Slovakia that would impact on the German war effort one way or the other. However I do like your optimism on Malar finding a boat, frankly I think even Coracles may be a bit beyond them!
Glad people are appreciating the bonus facts and the research, I'd hate to think it had all been wasted.
Stuyvesant/SSmith - I'm now thinking about the Slovakian cabinet as group in a trireme trying to escape. Several of them are poking holes in the hull, the opposite sides of the boat are trying to row in different directions and most of the rest are in awe at such advanced technology.
Battle bunny - All I can say is that Kosice/Kassa will be a vital part of the plot. Such as it is.
NapoleonComple - That's the backup plan, I think the main plan is still hide and hope everyone ignores them.
Luigiii2 - Trying to be ignored is looking more and more like a good plan.
Nathan Madien - "And don't call me Shirley!"
H.Appleby - Excellent.
Ikarases - It could be that the Slovakian criminal underworld also lacks boats, however should they ever acquire such advanced technology....
Stuyvesant - Good points on Malar, however I can imagine T&T may want to limit their Malar exposure after this jaunt so may prefer someone else. Though as you say if they go for the rage induced strokes and/or liver failure then perhaps he is the best choice after all.
StrikerSVK - If things go as OTL Slovakia should have about half a year, maybe more, before getting annexed by the Soviets. So as the Viennese would say, things are desperate but not yet serious.
SSmith - I struggle to think of anything that could happen in Slovakia that would impact on the German war effort one way or the other. However I do like your optimism on Malar finding a boat, frankly I think even Coracles may be a bit beyond them!
Glad people are appreciating the bonus facts and the research, I'd hate to think it had all been wasted.
Stuyvesant/SSmith - I'm now thinking about the Slovakian cabinet as group in a trireme trying to escape. Several of them are poking holes in the hull, the opposite sides of the boat are trying to row in different directions and most of the rest are in awe at such advanced technology.
Battle bunny - All I can say is that Kosice/Kassa will be a vital part of the plot. Such as it is.