How about that big nasty British motorised division with modern weapons.
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How about that big nasty British motorised division with modern weapons.
Sometimes you need to break (rotten) eggs to make a (disgusting) omelette.
Actually I was thinking that they would be stopped by the fact none of them can swim but yeah, maybe the british will stick around long enough to shoot the rest.
Actually there are good chances Slovakia will be the only human state to beat Eternity! I mean, to survive Stalin, Hitler, Churchill, and all the others eon after eon, is an epic T&T Slovak victory.
Yeah, but that does not mean the Slovakians are involved in any way.
Indeed, it appears that a surprising amount of effort went into getting random Mongolian details correct....
It was just blind luck they guessed the correct minister type wasn't it?
That's just the sort of attitude Slovakia needs. As you say it won't help, but it will ensure that the nations goes out as it came in - with correctly filled in paperwork.
This would be an exceptionally Slovakian ending.
The spying/intelligence part of HOI3 never really worked properly, so once again I suspect this is random accident not deliberate AI effort.
Indeed, I always look to Soviet puppet states for leadership on social and moral issues.
You forget that the Slovak Army is decades (centuries?) in advance of the rest of the country and contains much lost and forgotten knowledge. They can probably swim, even if the rest of the population cannot.
Tiso's Slovakia: The Disgusting Omelette. I think that works.
If this was Buttefly then perhaps, for it's endlessly expanding scope does suggest the never-ending epic. This however must and will reach a conclusion, for it was promised in the title that T&T's defeat was inevitable and these promises must be kept.
That is probably the wise way to bet, yet will the Germans in Hungarian uniforms bother to defend Bratislava when Bavaria itself is threatened?
Well quite. I feel that the terrible cabinets are somewhat mined out at this point so it will take something quite special for this bit of Paradox mocking to appear again.
26th January 1945
26th January 1945
We return to the suspiciously peaceful Bratislava where,h aving got bored of just waiting to be attacked, Tiso has summoned the Total War Cabinet for a meeting. He's not expecting any useful answers, but it will at least pass the time.
"When do we expect the 1st Division to arrive?" He asked.
"A few days." General Kubela admitted.
"And the 2nd still cannot attack until tomorrow?"
"The paperwork if very complicated." General Malar whined.
"So do we know why the Allies have not yet attacked Bratislava as it is essentially defenceless?" Tiso asked the cabinet.
"We think they might be distracted in the West." Kubela speculated.
"What could be so distracting as to deflect from the Race to Bratislava?" Tuka asked.
"There might have been a slight misunderstanding, the OKW may have failed to fully grasp the subtlety of the Führer's orders." Baron Von Killinger admitted.
Tiso and Tuka exchanged a glance at this utterly unsanctioned use of scare Umlaut resources.
"The Führer commanded that Liege be declared a Fortress and held at all costs." Von Killinger continued.
"And it wasn't held?" Tuka asked.
"It is still holding out now against a massive Allied assault." Von Killinger boasted.
"Well then how could such a simple order get misunderstood?" Tiso asked.
"The OKW may have carried out the order a bit too well and been slightly literal about 'at all costs'." Von Killinger handed over the latest map.
The German forces in the West have heard about this 'front line' idea and will have no truck with it. Vast gaps between isolated units, ideally all wearing foreign uniforms, this is the doctrine that will bring victory. It just won't necessarily bring it to Germany.
"Army Group B have held Liege, but they have most of the Netherlands while doing so." Kubela explained.
"Surely that's not all the German forces in the West?" Tiso asked in shock.
"No of course not." Malar reassured them.
"That's a relief." Tuka said. Tiso glared at him for relaxing far too early in the conversation.
"The rest of the troops are in Army Group G fighting to escape a pocket in Southern France." Kubela explained.
Two German armies, the 1st and the 19th, scramble to escape from the South of France pocket. Meanwhile the mighty SHAT IIs continue to rumble ominously along the Riviera.
Tiso looked triumphantly at Tuka, who sighed sadly and wished he had a Presidential hipflask.
"I doubt these issues will delay the Allies for long, if indeed they are the reason. We must activate the Contingency." Tiso announced.
A gasp went around the room.
Meanwhile, in Graz
The Allied High Command are not discussing Slovakia, they are not even in Graz. However Mallory and Miller are.
"We've been asked to put together a report about progress at the front." Major Mallory told his subordinate.
"Should be straightfoward enough, sir." Sargeant Miller replied.
"That's what I though, just got this strange reference to someone's child falling into a volcano." Mallory pointed at the relevant section.
"We could just not mention anything about Brats-in-lava and see if anyone notices?" Miller suggested.
"Capital idea." Mallory nodded. "Just need to explain why the speed of advance has slowed."
"I think this covers it."
The Rancid Yak-Butter tea supply has been cut-off at sources, this will be a crippling blow to the War Effort. If only the Industry Monk hadn't interpreted the Dali Lama's thrown rusk as meaning a 15% wage cut for all factory staff this might have been avoided.
Mallory raised an eyebrow.
"The lack of yak-butter tea has had a significant effect on morale, sir." Miller explained.
Mallory contrived to raise his eyebrow slightly higher.
"The men can now open a ration pack without fear of being ambushed by a rancid tea-abomination, they are too busy celebrating this relief to do much fighting." Miller continued.
"Seems as plausible as anything else." Mallory nodded.
---
Notes:
The German AI has just got itself terminally confused at this point. The British AI has, after a slow start, finally got the hang of Western Europe and the results are no pretty for the Axis.
You've already met the Tibetan cabinet and it was only mildly broken, though the pig-headed, isolationist, fascist toddler Head of State still makes me smile.
We return to the suspiciously peaceful Bratislava where,h aving got bored of just waiting to be attacked, Tiso has summoned the Total War Cabinet for a meeting. He's not expecting any useful answers, but it will at least pass the time.
"When do we expect the 1st Division to arrive?" He asked.
"A few days." General Kubela admitted.
"And the 2nd still cannot attack until tomorrow?"
"The paperwork if very complicated." General Malar whined.
"So do we know why the Allies have not yet attacked Bratislava as it is essentially defenceless?" Tiso asked the cabinet.
"We think they might be distracted in the West." Kubela speculated.
"What could be so distracting as to deflect from the Race to Bratislava?" Tuka asked.
"There might have been a slight misunderstanding, the OKW may have failed to fully grasp the subtlety of the Führer's orders." Baron Von Killinger admitted.
Tiso and Tuka exchanged a glance at this utterly unsanctioned use of scare Umlaut resources.
"The Führer commanded that Liege be declared a Fortress and held at all costs." Von Killinger continued.
"And it wasn't held?" Tuka asked.
"It is still holding out now against a massive Allied assault." Von Killinger boasted.
"Well then how could such a simple order get misunderstood?" Tiso asked.
"The OKW may have carried out the order a bit too well and been slightly literal about 'at all costs'." Von Killinger handed over the latest map.
The German forces in the West have heard about this 'front line' idea and will have no truck with it. Vast gaps between isolated units, ideally all wearing foreign uniforms, this is the doctrine that will bring victory. It just won't necessarily bring it to Germany.
"Army Group B have held Liege, but they have most of the Netherlands while doing so." Kubela explained.
"Surely that's not all the German forces in the West?" Tiso asked in shock.
"No of course not." Malar reassured them.
"That's a relief." Tuka said. Tiso glared at him for relaxing far too early in the conversation.
"The rest of the troops are in Army Group G fighting to escape a pocket in Southern France." Kubela explained.
Two German armies, the 1st and the 19th, scramble to escape from the South of France pocket. Meanwhile the mighty SHAT IIs continue to rumble ominously along the Riviera.
Tiso looked triumphantly at Tuka, who sighed sadly and wished he had a Presidential hipflask.
"I doubt these issues will delay the Allies for long, if indeed they are the reason. We must activate the Contingency." Tiso announced.
A gasp went around the room.
Meanwhile, in Graz
The Allied High Command are not discussing Slovakia, they are not even in Graz. However Mallory and Miller are.
"We've been asked to put together a report about progress at the front." Major Mallory told his subordinate.
"Should be straightfoward enough, sir." Sargeant Miller replied.
"That's what I though, just got this strange reference to someone's child falling into a volcano." Mallory pointed at the relevant section.
"We could just not mention anything about Brats-in-lava and see if anyone notices?" Miller suggested.
"Capital idea." Mallory nodded. "Just need to explain why the speed of advance has slowed."
"I think this covers it."
The Rancid Yak-Butter tea supply has been cut-off at sources, this will be a crippling blow to the War Effort. If only the Industry Monk hadn't interpreted the Dali Lama's thrown rusk as meaning a 15% wage cut for all factory staff this might have been avoided.
Mallory raised an eyebrow.
"The lack of yak-butter tea has had a significant effect on morale, sir." Miller explained.
Mallory contrived to raise his eyebrow slightly higher.
"The men can now open a ration pack without fear of being ambushed by a rancid tea-abomination, they are too busy celebrating this relief to do much fighting." Miller continued.
"Seems as plausible as anything else." Mallory nodded.
---
Notes:
The German AI has just got itself terminally confused at this point. The British AI has, after a slow start, finally got the hang of Western Europe and the results are no pretty for the Axis.
You've already met the Tibetan cabinet and it was only mildly broken, though the pig-headed, isolationist, fascist toddler Head of State still makes me smile.
It's good to see the Germans at least trying to defend the southern front, it's just too bad it's not the correct one.
Surprisingly historically accurate, other than having the entire OB West faffing about in Southern France ofcourse. Why hold something as defensible as The Rhine when you can get cut off in Bordeaux instead, right?
Also, WHAT IS THE CONTINGENCY??.... no scratch that, SLOVAKIA HAS A CONTINGENCY???
Perhaps the contingency for 2nd Pesi Division should have been just to march back to Bratislava rather than waiting around for 70 hours for a spoiling attack that probably won’t matter? Though that might have been a bit direct and therefore un-Slovakian.
It seems the British ‘intelligence’ services seem to have cornered the market on silliness, leaving Slovakia to soldier on with world-standard venal stupidity! Take the first names away from those English fish-slapping-dancers! Oh, I see you already have.
It seems the British ‘intelligence’ services seem to have cornered the market on silliness, leaving Slovakia to soldier on with world-standard venal stupidity!
Take the first names away from those English fish-slapping-dancers! Oh, I see you already have.
Many would say rancid yak-butter tea is a declaration of war. Or even a war crime.
It is a start, at least they are defending somewhere. They are learning, unfortunately this is costing them territory. I fear they will run out of the latter before they compete the former.
If the Allies had landed down in Aquitaine or done an Operation Dragoon on the Côte d'Azur then OB West would be perfectly placed to strike back. Admittedly that didn't happen so they look stupid, but it might have worked if the dastardly and perfidious British had just co-operated.
Some-one noticed that, I feared it was too subtle. Hurrah!
Rest assured all will be revealed when next we return to Bratislava.
That's the sort of thinking that will get you shunned by OKH and kicked out of power to be replaced by a more pliant puppet dictator.
Andy "Dusty" Miller and Carruthers Mallory are disappointed, but in no way surprised, at this typically Australian response. There are far sillier things out there than them, they just have the job of trying to explain it in-universe, enough to send anyone slightly mad.It seems the British ‘intelligence’ services seem to have cornered the market on silliness, leaving Slovakia to soldier on with world-standard venal stupidity!
It would be quite funny if Germany fell before Slovakia, however unlikely that seems now, there is a chance it will happen. Especially if the Brits keep avoiding Brats in lava like the plague, and the Germans loose most of their army in the South of France. Imagine having to host a German Government in exile in Brats in lava.
The Germans appear to be having... difficulties... in the West. Where's that damned Steiner?
That would be deeply hilarious, but I suspect the game mechanics don't allow it.
Actually this is Paradox, having a puppet master annexed when the human is playing the puppet probably triggers a freak bug which would make Slovakia head of the Comintern with the Soviet Union as Slovakia's puppet.
Kurt or Felix? Not that it matters at this stage just curious which one you think would help more.
I shall leave you all to briefly ponder that deep and philosophical question, for we shall shortly be returning to Slovakia where "The Contingency" will be revealed!
27th January 1945
27th January 1945
We return, but not to Bratislava. Instead we are in Vienna where General Jurech's preparations for the attack on Eisenstadt have just been rudely interrupted. He is discussing the news with his Chief of Staff Colonel Lendvay.
"Something important must be happening Lendvay, you are wanted in the capital." Jurech explained.
"More important than the upcoming battle?" Lendvay looked sceptical.
"Apparently so. You are to go there immediately." Jurech said.
"How? It's 60km to Bratislava and we have no cars, trucks or aircraft to get there." Lendvay complained.
"You know how the messengers can always find us and arrive instantly?" Jurech asked.
Lendvay nodded warily.
"Like that."
Lendvay gasped in realisation before rushing off.
Jurech sighed slowly as his colleague departed, then pulled himself together and ordered the attack.
Jurech is attacking across a river, during a storm against a well dug in veteran British motorised division led by a brave and skilled general. Luckily his hat remains impressively jaunty or things would be looking really bleak.
Seconds later, in Bratisalva.
"Good to see you Lendvay." General Kubela welcomed his subordinate into the command shed.
"We have some good news and some good news." General Malar continued.
Lendvay immediately started checking for his nearest exit.
"After your sterling work with the (2nd) (Division) and the heroic defences of Paris the Supreme Vodca has agreed your double promotion to Major-general." Kubela said.
Lendvay smiled and waited nervously for the consequences of this good news.
"You have also been appointed commander of the 1st Hranicni Oblast."
"Aren't they the Border Area militia?" Lendvay asked.
"Indeed they are. And as Bratislava is now on the border, this is a very important job." Malar explained.
"Now go meet your troops and prepare to defend the capital." Kubela ordered.
The newly promoted General Lendvay inspecting the mighty warriors on who's shoulders rest the hopes of a nation. The less question asked about how a nation that denies the concept of tanks trained an anti-tank brigade the better.
Tiso, Tuka, Pruzinksy and Fritz watched the dazed Lendvay salute and leave the command shed.
"It's a good thing the Contingency was ready in time." Tiso said.
"The industrial complex of Slovakia has never yet failed the nation." Pruzinksy said proudly.
"I still think we should have called them the Hlinka Guard." Tuka sulked.
"I would advise against that, now is not the time to be making radical and possibly dangerous changes to the Constitution. We must abide by Article 47 of the Constitution." Fritz declared.
"No Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust shall, without the Consent of the Supreme Vodca, accept any goat based Emolument or emulsify a goat." Pruzinksy quoted. "Wise words indeed, emulsifying goats is a tricky business at the best of times, but I fail to see the relevance to the current situation."
"Article 74." Fritz red-facedly corrected.
"The firmly bonded name clause, that does makes more sense." Pruzinksy nodded.
Tearing himself away from this vital constitutional discussion, Tiso remembered the wider war.
"Now the Contingency is in place shouldn't we order Jurech to stop the spoiling attack?" He asked.
"I think that will take care of itself." Fritz speculated.
In all honesty this could have gone a lot worse.
---
Notes:
The greatest challenge in all of HOI3 achieved! Slovakia built something before being annexed. If they have time to actually generate any organisation is a different question, but for now just luxuriate in the achievement.
I continue to enjoy speculating on the contents of the Slovak Constitution and have no intention of stopping.
We return, but not to Bratislava. Instead we are in Vienna where General Jurech's preparations for the attack on Eisenstadt have just been rudely interrupted. He is discussing the news with his Chief of Staff Colonel Lendvay.
"Something important must be happening Lendvay, you are wanted in the capital." Jurech explained.
"More important than the upcoming battle?" Lendvay looked sceptical.
"Apparently so. You are to go there immediately." Jurech said.
"How? It's 60km to Bratislava and we have no cars, trucks or aircraft to get there." Lendvay complained.
"You know how the messengers can always find us and arrive instantly?" Jurech asked.
Lendvay nodded warily.
"Like that."
Lendvay gasped in realisation before rushing off.
Jurech sighed slowly as his colleague departed, then pulled himself together and ordered the attack.
Jurech is attacking across a river, during a storm against a well dug in veteran British motorised division led by a brave and skilled general. Luckily his hat remains impressively jaunty or things would be looking really bleak.
Seconds later, in Bratisalva.
"Good to see you Lendvay." General Kubela welcomed his subordinate into the command shed.
"We have some good news and some good news." General Malar continued.
Lendvay immediately started checking for his nearest exit.
"After your sterling work with the (2nd) (Division) and the heroic defences of Paris the Supreme Vodca has agreed your double promotion to Major-general." Kubela said.
Lendvay smiled and waited nervously for the consequences of this good news.
"You have also been appointed commander of the 1st Hranicni Oblast."
"Aren't they the Border Area militia?" Lendvay asked.
"Indeed they are. And as Bratislava is now on the border, this is a very important job." Malar explained.
"Now go meet your troops and prepare to defend the capital." Kubela ordered.
The newly promoted General Lendvay inspecting the mighty warriors on who's shoulders rest the hopes of a nation. The less question asked about how a nation that denies the concept of tanks trained an anti-tank brigade the better.
Tiso, Tuka, Pruzinksy and Fritz watched the dazed Lendvay salute and leave the command shed.
"It's a good thing the Contingency was ready in time." Tiso said.
"The industrial complex of Slovakia has never yet failed the nation." Pruzinksy said proudly.
"I still think we should have called them the Hlinka Guard." Tuka sulked.
"I would advise against that, now is not the time to be making radical and possibly dangerous changes to the Constitution. We must abide by Article 47 of the Constitution." Fritz declared.
"No Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust shall, without the Consent of the Supreme Vodca, accept any goat based Emolument or emulsify a goat." Pruzinksy quoted. "Wise words indeed, emulsifying goats is a tricky business at the best of times, but I fail to see the relevance to the current situation."
"Article 74." Fritz red-facedly corrected.
"The firmly bonded name clause, that does makes more sense." Pruzinksy nodded.
Tearing himself away from this vital constitutional discussion, Tiso remembered the wider war.
"Now the Contingency is in place shouldn't we order Jurech to stop the spoiling attack?" He asked.
"I think that will take care of itself." Fritz speculated.
In all honesty this could have gone a lot worse.
---
Notes:
The greatest challenge in all of HOI3 achieved! Slovakia built something before being annexed. If they have time to actually generate any organisation is a different question, but for now just luxuriate in the achievement.
I continue to enjoy speculating on the contents of the Slovak Constitution and have no intention of stopping.
Good contingency! Very Slovakian: appears on paper to be far more than it is in actuality! What a juicy irony it would be if the one thing they were able to produce (not bad with artillery and AT under the circumstances, even if the ground-holders are only militia) should be ready just in time to be shattered in their first combat because of a lack of time to organise. Organisation not being the strong suit of this regime or ‘nation’. Lendvay certainly has a job of work ahead of him.
A very brave attack ... with the awaited consequences ... and he should be glad he didnt have higher moral or he would have continued the senseless assault.