24th January 1945
We return to Bratislava where Supreme Vodca Tiso has been woken up early for an emergency meeting in the Command Shed. As he has very publicly had the snake-and-pencil pit serviced, with fresh snakes and newly sharpened pencils, he hopes the cabinet are not wasting his time.
"The British have taken Eisenstadt!" General Kubela announced.
"This is a shocking development." Tuka said.
"That the enemy are now at the gates of Bratislava?" Malar asked.
"No, I've been expecting that for a while." Tuka said. "It's seeing General Kubela managing to convey news quickly and efficiently that is truly shocking."
The Axis defence strategy for the Slovako-Austrian Front is perhaps not working quite as well as hoped.
"This is a most serious situation, what measures have the General Staff taken?" Tiso tried to drag the meeting back on track.
"A new Major Alert was announced." Kubela said.
"Colonel Alert was upset at the demotion, but someone must be held accountable." Malar explained.
Leaving Tuka to scream obscenities at the generals, Tiso contemplated the map. When his colleague paused for breath, he resumed questioning.
"Do we have any forces in the capital?" He asked.
"Just the men of the General Staff." Kubela said.
"Is there actually a plan to defend the capital?" Tiso asked urgently.
"Of course." Malar said reassuringly. "The 2nd (Heroes) of (Paris) Division will launch a spoiling attack on the British, distracting them and allowing time for the 1st to move back to the capital."
This sounded suspiciously competent to Tiso.
"How was this plan developed?" He asked.
"The OKW staff assisted." Baron von Killinger proudly replied.
"Were there any issues with this?" A slightly calmer Tuka managed to ask.
"A few." Malar admitted. Seeing Tuka start to turn red again he hurriedly continued. "Filling in all the German paperwork in triplicate may take a while."
"How. Long." Tuka menaced.
"About 70 hours." Kubela confessed.
Germanic inspired efficiency in action. Jurech's troops may well arrive late but they will have perfectly filed paperwork when they do.
"There is worse news, German Intellgience believe the Allies are attempting to raise a Fifth Column inside Bratislava to undermine it's defence." Von Killinger declared.
Tiso looked sceptical.
"Then why else is France sending spies to Slovakia?" Von Killinger passed over a message.
To put this spy in our dungeons
We followed the trail of onions
His Parisian way
Meant we caught him that day
Once again demonstrating that existentialism's failure to engage with the Morphostatic ontology will always lead to error and epistemological failure.
Strong words (possibly) from Janko Jessneky on the practical and philosophical mistakes made by the latest French spy to have been captured.
"This does look like a concerted effort." Tuka agreed.
"Is there any other news, anything else we should be aware of?" Tiso asked his cabinet.
Junior-Alleged-Deputy Foreign Minister Durcansky looked at the note in his file, but then shook his head. This news was clearly not important.
Meanwhile, in Ulan Bator.
"Excellent news Comrade President." Prime Minister Jumdaagjin Tsendenbal announced. "Our glorious people's army has received a surge of volunteers."
President Gomgchigryn Bumtsend looked contemplative before responding.
"Don't we already require everyone to serve as the state demands?" He asked.
His Chief of Staff General Chimid nodded hurriedly.
"So this measure will in fact make no difference?"
General Chimid nodded again.
President Bumtsend turned to face his Prime Minister.
"You know well the punishment for wasting my time. Comrade Kollontay, take him away to do the necessary." President Bumstend ordered."
Tsendenbal looked around in a panic and then resigned himself to losing his first name.
The mostly lastname-less Mongolian government. Aside from chief name-remover Mikhailovna Kollontay only Foreign Minister Rosenberg had escaped thus far, due to his habit of never saying anything that might offend the President. Some suggested that he achieved this by never saying anything, because he was a long-dead skeleton. These people were never heard from again.
--
Notes:
The war finally reaches Bratislava and the Slovak Army is utterly unprepared for it.
The single named Mongolia government called to me and had to make an appearance. I'm assuming the usual collection of errors and corpses but Mongolia is not a country rich in sources or last names so I've not checked in detail. Rosenberg was Soviet Ambassador to Spain and purged to death in 1938. Kollontay was a Soviet theorist and feminist who was made a diplomat to get her out of the country (because Stalin was not a fan of feminism) though she is at least alive at this point. She was awarded the Order of the Aztec Eagle from the Mexican President, which is an excitingly named medal to get. Neither she nor Rosenberg ever had anything to do with Mongolia, obviously.