12th January 1945
The Slovak Total War Cabinet has been assembled due to the threat to Bratislava, though it is remarkably similar to a standard Slovak War Cabinet just more dramatic. Tiso's contemplation on the worth, or otherwise, of renaming his cabinet is interrupted by Tuka starting the meeting.
"Do we have any domestic news?" He asks.
Silence.
"Excellent." Tiso said. "We never get good domestic news."
"Can we have a military update?" Tuka asked.
"Yes." Malar said.
More Silence.
Before his colleague had a chance to scream Tiso hurriedly asked his next question.
"Please summarise the military situation." He said.
"In words, not interpretative dance." A still angry Tuka threatened.
A disappointed Kubela pulled out the map.
The Slovak Front. If you ignore No.4 Group of the RAF attempting to flatten Vienna then very little has changed. There is now a Hungarian Corps HQ running about the place, but they are unlikely to be of much practical help.
"The entire Slovak Army is still in transit back to defend Bratislava." General Kubela announced.
"And when will they arrive?"
"Soon." Kubela said.
"Ish." Added General Malar.
"Probably." Kubela conceded.
Correctly realising this was the best he was going to get, Tiso moved on to the last topic.
"Any foreign news?"
"The disgusting heretics of the so-called Polish government in exile have revealed themselves to be worse than we previously suspected." Fritz angrily announced.
The Polish leaks that triggered the normally calm and rational Fritz.
"Why is Fritz so angry with Poland?" Tuka whispered to Tuka.
"The Poles appointed a minister called Unrug. He took it as an insult against carpets and has never forgiven them for it." Tuka explained.
Tiso decided to try and forget he had ever asked.
"And what news has leaked?"
"Due their boundless depravity they are unable to find enough people debased enough to join the cabinet, therefore they have been forced to appoint several corpses to key roles." Fritz gloated.
"That is most shameful." Tiso nodded. "Anything else."
"The French government has been rocked by a scandal involving a Rogue Politician." Associate-Deputy-Junior Foreign Minister Durcanksy volunteered.
Tiso looked up with interest.
"It turns out De Gaulle has accidentally appointed a rogue minister." Durcansky explained.
"Why is he rogue?" Tiso asked.
"Well the rest of his government is traitors, idiots, corpses and people who are utterly unqualified. General de Tassigny is alive, good at his job and loyal. De Gaulle is under great pressure to sack him and go back to having a completely awful cabinet."
The French parade of governmental awfulness.
Relieved that there was at least one European leader with government worse than Slovakia's, Tiso reached for his hipflask to toast that small achievement.
*glug, glug, glug*
---
Notes:
The Slovak front remains stable, though there is at last a Race to Bratislava - will the two divisions get home before the Allies cross the Danube?
I've not gone through the Polish government in exile, I'm sure by now you are happy to believe it is indeed full of corpses and so on. And a Navy Minister call Unrug, which I thought would enrage a carpet fan like Fritz.
The French one though, I felt I had to cover it because it is impressively full of traitors;
Comert - Journalist, former head of PR for the League of Nations and ex-spokesman for the French Foreign Ministry (nearest he ever got to government). Disagreed with De Gaulle on many issues and only kept his paper going due to British support and the fact it was very good, especially compared to the De Gaulle approved 'official' Free French newspaper. Still utterly unqualified to be Foreign Minister and not in favour with De Gaulle.
Bonnet - Foreign Minister in the key pre-war period, unquestionably one of the worst sort of cowardly appeasers. Naturally massive Vichy supporter where he happily ranted about many unpleasant things. At this point hiding in Switzerland as he knew Germany had lost. Amazingly was allowed to run for office again in the early 1950s. Even more amazingly he won the election and got his old seat back and held it till the late 1960s. Baffling.
Chautemps - Former three-times PM of France pre-WW2. Made the proposal that France should surrender if the terms were "honourable" and ended up a Vichy minister. At this point hiding in the US after he was sent there on a diplomatic mission and refused to comeback.
Flandin - Another ex-PM of France, appeaser and ended up as one of the many Vichy PMs. Kicked out by Darlan he escaped to North Africa and got arrested by the Free French. Should be in Prison awaiting post-war trial.
de Tassigny - Complicated chap, youngest French General in the battle of France. Stayed in Vichy and pinged around a bit. During Case Anton (the Germans invading Vichy after Operation Torch) he was the only general to order his troops to resist, so defected across to Free France and ended up very high up in the Free French army. Only competent person on this list.
Schlumberger - Very junior French naval officer (by 1943 he was commanding a single submarine). Brave chap and de Gaulle loved him. But utterly unqualified for the job of Head of the Navy and even de Gaulle knew it; when Schlumberger finally retired in the 1950s he was still only a Captain.
Victor Bourgeois - 49th Prime Minister of France as a proud 'Social Republican' with an inappropriate last name. Sadly he was PM in 1895 and lasted less than 6 months as he wasn't very good at it. More importantly he died in 1925.
Deat - Minister for Air for a few months in 1936 and then passionate appeaser. Openly argued that France should let Germany annex all of Poland. Hardcore collaborator who was eventually rewarded by becoming Minister of Labour and National Solidarity for Vichy. Sadly (for him) this was in March 1944 so he didn't get long to enjoy it. Should be hiding out in Sigmaringen with the rest of the Vichy government in exile.
