Well chariots are a fairly old concept so they might have an idea or two about them around...then again, we come to the problem of the word 'attack'. And if the ill-educated Slovakians speak such a modern language as French.
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Well chariots are a fairly old concept so they might have an idea or two about them around...then again, we come to the problem of the word 'attack'. And if the ill-educated Slovakians speak such a modern language as French.
The 1st (Very Cold Heroes of Arad) Divisoin is much closer and has a shorter distance to
Is there any other kind of CKII game? (Ones with the DLC turned off / not installed don't count
)Slowly. Very slolwy.
You aren't allowing for Slovakian mangled pronunciation. In Slovak that would be "Charred As Suit", a reference to the last time one of Tiso's staff tried to use an iron and there was that unfortunate fire.
You are assuming the Slovakian military has mastered the precursor techs to chariots - Domesticated Animals and The Wheel. With men like Kubela and Malar in charge that is a dangerous assumption.
7th January 1945
7th January 1945
We return to Bratislava where the Slovak Not-War-Cabinet is meeting. Because despite Total War there is a still a country to run. Or attempt to run. Or at least talk about a bit in meetings. Baron Von Killinger opened the meeting.
"The Fuhrer has an excellent opportunity for the Slovak government to accept." He announced proudly.
"Is a chance to die pointlessly heroic deaths?" Tuka asked warily.
"No, it is a trade deal to strengthen both our economies." von Killinger handed over the draft treaty. "Though of course he still expects you will all die for him."
This deal seems both familiar and terrible. The parts that are terrible are also familiar.
"I would recommend we decline to accede to this request." Industry Minister Pruzinsky said.
"Why would you do such a thing?!" Von Killinger shouted.
"Because it requires us to hand over supplies we don't have in exchange for money we can't spend." Pruzinsky explained.
"Oh. That." Von Killinger said.
"I would also advise against this. Our contract of puppethood with Germany may stop us from doing our own deals, but it doesn't force us to accept theirs." Fritz joined in.
Von Killinger cursed inept German lawyers.
"Moving on, any foreign news." Tiso asked.
"There has been a political scandal in Belgium!" Associate-Interim-Deputy Foreign Minister Durcanskysaid.
Despite being in exile, the former low country of Flanoonistan continues to cause international inconvenience.
Tuka just stared angrily.
"It's a real scandal! The Prime Minister is a corpse, he has been dead for over 6 months!" Durcansky gabbled desperately.
Tuka subsided and nodded.
"So they have made changes?" Tiso asked.
"Yes, the rest of the government have kicked out the King and installed a regent." Durcansky replied.
"Why?" Tuka asked.
"Because they thought he should have noticed the decomposing body in the meeting."
"Fair enough. Who is the new Prime Minister?" Tiso continued.
"No-one, Corpse Minister Janson is still in office."
"What!?" Tuka screamed.
"It's Belgium, that's what they do." Durcansky explained.
Fritz decided to change the subject before Tuka burst.
"We have news from the Minister of Security." He said, passing over the telegram.
Janko Jesenky's warning could not be clearer. Well obviously he could be clearer if he just wrote normally, but this is about as clear as critically socially realistic limericks get.
"This printing sounds serious." Tiso said.
"Is it anti-government texts? Soviet propaganda?" Tukas asked.
"Worse." Fritz said.
"You don't mean?"
"I'm afraid it is."
"Czech Communist Iambic Meditative poetry!" Tiso and Tuka said in unison.
"We had always feared this day would come." Pruzinksy said sadly as the cabinet members *spat* their disgust.
"Luckily we were able to find the press and destroy it, but we must remain vigilant. If not we could be seeing copies of the works of Jaroslav Seifert and František Halas on our streets or worse; while I don't want to cause an unnecessary panic, we could be facing the prospect of new work from Vítězslav Nezval being printed."
A few panicked junior minister fled, while the remainder nodded soberly at the magnitude of the threat.
Slovakia has been lucky this time, but the Czech Communist Experimentalist Versifying Community only needs to be lucky once.
"Why is that report in the name of the Foreign Ministry?" Pruzinksy asked.
"Once we realised what was involved, nobody wanted to go near it lest they be exposed." Fritz said.
"So you sent it to Stefan Tiso?"
"We thought the Vodca would approve of this being part of his punishment." Fritz said.
Tiso nodded at this and raised his hipflask in thanks to Fritz. Whatever else may have happened, today was a good day.
---
Notes:
Slovakia actually got the good random result on the event, went for the crack down and got no dissent. Arguably the only bit of luck Slovakia has had thus far so clearly even the game engine has poetic standards
Czech Communist poetry does appear to be quite bad. Halas gave the world "The Cock Scares Death" which is much less interesting than it sounds and was obsessed with time, nothingness and bleakness. Nezval did surrealist imagist poetry, which is exactly as awful as it sounds.
Belgium has Prince Karel as regent, which sort of but not really works. In OTL Karel was regent from September 1944 (liberation of Brussels) till 1950 (because no-one really wanted Leopold III back), so close but the Allies are nowhere near Brussels in this game so it stands out more. Paul-Emile Janson as Prime Minister however is inexcusable as he was only PM in 1937/8 for less than 6 months, got kicked out and then died in 1944. No idea why Paradox picked him as Belgian PM, particularly when they bothered to put in a name and photo for the correct leader Hubert Pierlot.
Current Belgian PM lost a vote of confidence and resigned December 2018. This was accepted by the King. He is, of course, still Prime Minister of Belgium because merely resigning and losing the confidence of parliament is not enough to see someone kicked out of the job. Because Belgium.
We return to Bratislava where the Slovak Not-War-Cabinet is meeting. Because despite Total War there is a still a country to run. Or attempt to run. Or at least talk about a bit in meetings. Baron Von Killinger opened the meeting.
"The Fuhrer has an excellent opportunity for the Slovak government to accept." He announced proudly.
"Is a chance to die pointlessly heroic deaths?" Tuka asked warily.
"No, it is a trade deal to strengthen both our economies." von Killinger handed over the draft treaty. "Though of course he still expects you will all die for him."
This deal seems both familiar and terrible. The parts that are terrible are also familiar.
"I would recommend we decline to accede to this request." Industry Minister Pruzinsky said.
"Why would you do such a thing?!" Von Killinger shouted.
"Because it requires us to hand over supplies we don't have in exchange for money we can't spend." Pruzinsky explained.
"Oh. That." Von Killinger said.
"I would also advise against this. Our contract of puppethood with Germany may stop us from doing our own deals, but it doesn't force us to accept theirs." Fritz joined in.
Von Killinger cursed inept German lawyers.
"Moving on, any foreign news." Tiso asked.
"There has been a political scandal in Belgium!" Associate-Interim-Deputy Foreign Minister Durcanskysaid.
Despite being in exile, the former low country of Flanoonistan continues to cause international inconvenience.
Tuka just stared angrily.
"It's a real scandal! The Prime Minister is a corpse, he has been dead for over 6 months!" Durcansky gabbled desperately.
Tuka subsided and nodded.
"So they have made changes?" Tiso asked.
"Yes, the rest of the government have kicked out the King and installed a regent." Durcansky replied.
"Why?" Tuka asked.
"Because they thought he should have noticed the decomposing body in the meeting."
"Fair enough. Who is the new Prime Minister?" Tiso continued.
"No-one, Corpse Minister Janson is still in office."
"What!?" Tuka screamed.
"It's Belgium, that's what they do." Durcansky explained.
Fritz decided to change the subject before Tuka burst.
"We have news from the Minister of Security." He said, passing over the telegram.
While it causes us plenty of fear
The threat from this printing is clear
Lock down the hatches
Break out the matches
And then use plenty of fire to make it ontologically deactualized.
The threat from this printing is clear
Lock down the hatches
Break out the matches
And then use plenty of fire to make it ontologically deactualized.
Janko Jesenky's warning could not be clearer. Well obviously he could be clearer if he just wrote normally, but this is about as clear as critically socially realistic limericks get.
"This printing sounds serious." Tiso said.
"Is it anti-government texts? Soviet propaganda?" Tukas asked.
"Worse." Fritz said.
"You don't mean?"
"I'm afraid it is."
"Czech Communist Iambic Meditative poetry!" Tiso and Tuka said in unison.
"We had always feared this day would come." Pruzinksy said sadly as the cabinet members *spat* their disgust.
"Luckily we were able to find the press and destroy it, but we must remain vigilant. If not we could be seeing copies of the works of Jaroslav Seifert and František Halas on our streets or worse; while I don't want to cause an unnecessary panic, we could be facing the prospect of new work from Vítězslav Nezval being printed."
A few panicked junior minister fled, while the remainder nodded soberly at the magnitude of the threat.
Slovakia has been lucky this time, but the Czech Communist Experimentalist Versifying Community only needs to be lucky once.
"Why is that report in the name of the Foreign Ministry?" Pruzinksy asked.
"Once we realised what was involved, nobody wanted to go near it lest they be exposed." Fritz said.
"So you sent it to Stefan Tiso?"
"We thought the Vodca would approve of this being part of his punishment." Fritz said.
Tiso nodded at this and raised his hipflask in thanks to Fritz. Whatever else may have happened, today was a good day.
---
Notes:
Slovakia actually got the good random result on the event, went for the crack down and got no dissent. Arguably the only bit of luck Slovakia has had thus far so clearly even the game engine has poetic standards
Czech Communist poetry does appear to be quite bad. Halas gave the world "The Cock Scares Death" which is much less interesting than it sounds and was obsessed with time, nothingness and bleakness. Nezval did surrealist imagist poetry, which is exactly as awful as it sounds.
Belgium has Prince Karel as regent, which sort of but not really works. In OTL Karel was regent from September 1944 (liberation of Brussels) till 1950 (because no-one really wanted Leopold III back), so close but the Allies are nowhere near Brussels in this game so it stands out more. Paul-Emile Janson as Prime Minister however is inexcusable as he was only PM in 1937/8 for less than 6 months, got kicked out and then died in 1944. No idea why Paradox picked him as Belgian PM, particularly when they bothered to put in a name and photo for the correct leader Hubert Pierlot.
Current Belgian PM lost a vote of confidence and resigned December 2018. This was accepted by the King. He is, of course, still Prime Minister of Belgium because merely resigning and losing the confidence of parliament is not enough to see someone kicked out of the job. Because Belgium.
That's slightly worse than the British PM system. Slightly. And a little better than the US system.
Wow, I didn't know Slovakians could read.
I wonder how a government-in-exile could have a parliamentary scandal.
Edit: apparently the Belgian gov-in-exile did have a lot of controversy about the defense ministry
I wonder how a government-in-exile could have a parliamentary scandal.
Edit: apparently the Belgian gov-in-exile did have a lot of controversy about the defense ministry
Last edited:
Here now, come forth the masses
Arise ye Workers of Prague
Let not the Bourgeois gain Victory
In the Race to Bratislava!
I don't know if that is necessarily Iambic, but I tried...
Arise ye Workers of Prague
Let not the Bourgeois gain Victory
In the Race to Bratislava!
I don't know if that is necessarily Iambic, but I tried...
I really like 'Flanoonistan', maybe I should go around calling myself a 'flanoon', it all makes a lot of sense. International inconvenience is our middle name, nothing more, nothing less. It should be our slogan 'Causing international inconvenience since 1830', instead of 'l'Union fait la Force'.
The explanation for this is simple. The parliament, and the king for that matter, had even less confidence in anticipated elections than in the prime minister. The ruling coalition rested on a precarious balance of appointments and compromises. The largest coalition partner had just left the coalition, turning a comfortable majority into a minority government. Unable to find the necessary support for his plans in the opposition, and faced with a motion of no confidence, the Prime Minister tried to quit. As no one wanted an election, they simply didn't let him quit, and that was that.
That said, you're behind on your Federal Belgian Politics. We've had some interesting elections, with the so-called 'far-left' (ahem... Communists) doing surprisingly well in Walloonia, and the so-called 'far-right' (ahem... Fascists) doing surprisingly well in Flanders... This means that the midfield will have even more trouble scraping together a majority that's balanced on linguistic grounds, and can come up with a sensible compromise on policy. Luckily for him, the previous Prime Minister, who remains Prime Minister until a new government is formed (it might be a while), is a shoe-in for the presidency of the European council, so he'll be moving up, out of Flanoonian politics, I'm sure negotiations at the European level aren't as stressful as holding together a minority government following a motion of no confidence.
I won't go into the intricacies of the Flanoonian political system, but the way it is set up, complex coalitions and difficult compromises are almost always necessary for a government to be formed. We have proportional representation, but the electorate is split in 2 so that half the country has one ballot paper, and the other half an entirely different one with entirely different parties and candidates. In Brussels, you can choose which ballot paper you use. The split in the electorate means that there is a certain expectation that the government have a majority, or close to one, in both regions, making government formation even more complicated. Last government had a Prime Minister from a Walloon Party to counterbalance the fact that it didn't have a majority in Walloonia, and that it's largest party was Flemish. You'd almost wish for a 2-party, winner takes all, system, but then you look at how the US and the UK are doing, need I say more.
The problem we've been dealing with for at least 15 years is that we've still got a voting policy and setup that implies and promotes a two party system...but no one is voting like that anymore, the left vote is even more fragmented than usual and the right vote has fragmented in the worst way for many years. Whether or not control gets reasserted by two parties or we fix the voting system (unlikely but preferable), we're in for a couple more rough election cycles, because no one wants to be PM really.
It had been tol long since readers could experience it's unique wonder. I worried people were getting complacent.
The Flanoonistan government in exile also managed to provoke a mutiny in their own forces, the troops complaining about inactivity. Which is quite surprising when you think about it, clearly there were serious problems in the exiled defence ministry.
It would certainly do well in the many OTL Czech poetry contests as it is properly communist. Needs a bit more praise of Stalin before it could be considered for a prize, but a solid start.
All credit belongs to King Haakon for coining the phrase.
Excellent work on the background of the Flanoonian political system. As it happens I see much to admire in it, the system appears designed to fail to produce governments - I'm thinking of the record 540 day no-government period from a couple of years back and the current fun and games. As politicians mostly just make things worse, keeping them out of power and leaving a civil service that can run things but doesn't have authority to make big changes seems ideal. I'll concede occasionally laws need passing, but here again Flanoonistan has a solution as it occasionally allows governments to form. Just not for too long. As I said, much to recommend it.
Well, my dear @El Pip, I come to your country for a spot of cricket and you put up two episodes in two weeks while I’m not looking! What unseemly haste - smelling salts (or even Czech Communist poetry) required.
Am catching up due to rain forcing today’s game to be called off (cricket, tea and rain - all part of the rich tapestry). The printing press must surely have been set up by foreign insurgent elements - such technology should be well beyond any indigenous Slovak underground cell.
Though if the the Czech *spit* poetry was printed on soft and absorbent sheets, then it may actually be quite useful and appropriately applied! Perhaps if they printed pictures of Tiso and Tuka on them, the populace would be even happier to use them!
Am catching up due to rain forcing today’s game to be called off (cricket, tea and rain - all part of the rich tapestry). The printing press must surely have been set up by foreign insurgent elements - such technology should be well beyond any indigenous Slovak underground cell.
Though if the the Czech *spit* poetry was printed on soft and absorbent sheets, then it may actually be quite useful and appropriately applied! Perhaps if they printed pictures of Tiso and Tuka on them, the populace would be even happier to use them!
Your cricket tour sounds a delightful experience, I am officially jealous of you. Glad you have found time to keep up with the adventures of T&T in-between games.Well, my dear @El Pip, I come to your country for a spot of cricket and you put up two episodes in two weeks while I’m not looking! What unseemly haste - smelling salts (or even Czech Communist poetry) required.
Am catching up due to rain forcing today’s game to be called off (cricket, tea and rain - all part of the rich tapestry). The printing press must surely have been set up by foreign insurgent elements - such technology should be well beyond any indigenous Slovak underground cell.
Though if the the Czech *spit* poetry was printed on soft and absorbent sheets, then it may actually be quite useful and appropriately applied! Perhaps if they printed pictures of Tiso and Tuka on them, the populace would be even happier to use them!
Had it been a Slovak cell it would have been on papyrus. Or possibly carved into stone tablets. Yet these Czech *spit* poets are using advanced technology, as you say there must be a foreign power behind this. But who?
And on that mysterious note let us return, but not to Bratislava!
8th January 1945
8th January 1945
Leaving behind a poetry-racked Bratislava we return to Moscow where vital issues on the Eastern Front are being discussed. Well people are telling Stalin things and he is giving orders - Stalin is not a big fan of discussion. A messenger was approaching Stalin's private rooms and had just been stopped by the guards.
"I have some good news for Comrade Stalin." The messenger announced.
"Are you sure Comrade?" The first guard asked.
"Yes, absolutely."
"And you are just saying all the news is good because the Great Leader tends to purge people who give him bad news?" The second guard asked suspiciously. Even more suspiciously than NKVD guards were normally.
"Of course not!" The messenger exclaimed.
"We will let you live for now, but we are watching you comrade." The first guard grudgingly conceded.
"We are always watching." The second guard emphasised as the messenger fled.
Beira arrived, nodded his appreciation at this vital internal security work, and carried the messages into Stalin's private rooms.
"Comrade Stalin, I bring news from our intelligence operations."
Stalin looked up from filling his pipe.
"And the news is good I presume?" He asked, idly reaching for a death warrant in case it wasn't.
Beira gulped.
"Our operations were successful, but we are still trying to understand what we have found." Beira forced himself to remain calm.
"What do you mean?" Stalin stared at his intelligence chief.
"We have been investigating the mystery of why there is an Indian Airborne Division in Odessa wearing Persian hats. Our agents have located another piece of the puzzle, but our analysts are still interpreting it." He handed over the file.
The Tobruk Garrison has been lent to the Persian government and shipped out to Lamard in Southern Persia. Along with a Corps HQ, obviously.
Stalin read the note and looked questioningly.
"We had thought these two expeditionary forces were connected to some wider anti-revolutionary scheme, but Lamard is a centre of the Persian natural gas industry." Beira said.
"So you believe the capitalists may have sent these garrison troops to secure this bounty from the Persian people?" Stalin finished the thought.
Beira nodded.
"That or the British have just done something stupid as part of their ongoing campaign to use baffling stupid deception to confuse the Germans." He said.
"What about our operations in Greece?" Stalin asked.
"We have successfully infiltrated a large number of agents into the Allied armies in Greece." Beira said shiftily.
"How many exactly?"
"A bit under 9,000." Beira admitted.
Stalin put his pipe down so he could stare especially hard.
"They are undercover as the 38. Guards Rifle Division." Beira babbled.
22nd Corps is an interestingly multi-national force as along with the lost Soviets it has a British, Canadian and US Marine division. All working together to implement Montgomery's plan to liberate Greece and keep it safe from Soviet occupation post-war.
"They have managed to confirm that the Allied Operation Taverna Greenhouse has been a complete success and the entire German army in Greece has been pocketed." Beira continued.
"Shutting us out of the country and preventing us from bringing the Greek people the gift of the revolution." Stalin puffed on his pipe.
Beira decided it was safer to say nothing.
"Do you have any actually good news?" Stalin asked.
Beira looked relieved.
"Yes, there is excellent news from the Leningrad Front." He said.
East Prussia, Germany
German Generals Jodl and Keitel are walking towards the main building of the Wolf's Lair to bring news to the the Führer.
"I hope you are pleased with yourself." Jodl said accusingly.
"As you well know there are no good options at this point, I merely proposed the least bad solution." Keitel defended himself.
"It was a catastrophe!" Jodl raised his voice.
"I can hardly be held accountable for such an unexpected failure." Keitel huffed.
"It gassed half of the operations room!" Jodl continued.
"It was so dark they couldn't work, the Fuhrer has ruled out most other options so I suggested Halogen bulbs as a non-decadent and properly Aryan lighting source. How was I to know that the bulbs contained Chlorine gas that slowly leaked out?"
Jodl subsided and decided this debate on National Socialist lighting policy would have to wait.
"How badly do you think the Fuhrer will react to this news?" He asked.
"He had very high hopes about Nordlich III - Die Rache" Keitel said sadly.
Operation Northern Lights III- The Revenge has, like it's predecessors, failed to capture Leningrad. The Mongolia Army continues to enjoy wandering around northern Russia.
Their discussion is interrupted by exceptionally loud screaming and deranged shouting emerging from the briefing bunker and echoing around the Wolf's Lair.
"Ahh, I see the Fuhrer has heard the news." Jodl said.
---
Notes:
The AI's adventures in expeditionary forces continue to baffle all involved, not least the AI itself.
Monty has aimed at just the right number of ports in Greece and that campaign is going well, not for the Soviets but certainly for the Greeks.
The Eastern Front is a place of contrasts; massive Soviet progress in the South, behind OTL in the middle (Minsk has just been liberated when in OTL it was re-captured by July 1944) and tenacious German defence in the North.
The original Halogen bulbs as patented in the 19th century used Chlorine as the 'halogen' gas. Modern ones with Iodine weren't invented till the 1950s. This concludes your lesson on the history behind National Socialist lighting policy.
Leaving behind a poetry-racked Bratislava we return to Moscow where vital issues on the Eastern Front are being discussed. Well people are telling Stalin things and he is giving orders - Stalin is not a big fan of discussion. A messenger was approaching Stalin's private rooms and had just been stopped by the guards.
"I have some good news for Comrade Stalin." The messenger announced.
"Are you sure Comrade?" The first guard asked.
"Yes, absolutely."
"And you are just saying all the news is good because the Great Leader tends to purge people who give him bad news?" The second guard asked suspiciously. Even more suspiciously than NKVD guards were normally.
"Of course not!" The messenger exclaimed.
"We will let you live for now, but we are watching you comrade." The first guard grudgingly conceded.
"We are always watching." The second guard emphasised as the messenger fled.
Beira arrived, nodded his appreciation at this vital internal security work, and carried the messages into Stalin's private rooms.
"Comrade Stalin, I bring news from our intelligence operations."
Stalin looked up from filling his pipe.
"And the news is good I presume?" He asked, idly reaching for a death warrant in case it wasn't.
Beira gulped.
"Our operations were successful, but we are still trying to understand what we have found." Beira forced himself to remain calm.
"What do you mean?" Stalin stared at his intelligence chief.
"We have been investigating the mystery of why there is an Indian Airborne Division in Odessa wearing Persian hats. Our agents have located another piece of the puzzle, but our analysts are still interpreting it." He handed over the file.
The Tobruk Garrison has been lent to the Persian government and shipped out to Lamard in Southern Persia. Along with a Corps HQ, obviously.
Stalin read the note and looked questioningly.
"We had thought these two expeditionary forces were connected to some wider anti-revolutionary scheme, but Lamard is a centre of the Persian natural gas industry." Beira said.
"So you believe the capitalists may have sent these garrison troops to secure this bounty from the Persian people?" Stalin finished the thought.
Beira nodded.
"That or the British have just done something stupid as part of their ongoing campaign to use baffling stupid deception to confuse the Germans." He said.
"What about our operations in Greece?" Stalin asked.
"We have successfully infiltrated a large number of agents into the Allied armies in Greece." Beira said shiftily.
"How many exactly?"
"A bit under 9,000." Beira admitted.
Stalin put his pipe down so he could stare especially hard.
"They are undercover as the 38. Guards Rifle Division." Beira babbled.
22nd Corps is an interestingly multi-national force as along with the lost Soviets it has a British, Canadian and US Marine division. All working together to implement Montgomery's plan to liberate Greece and keep it safe from Soviet occupation post-war.
"They have managed to confirm that the Allied Operation Taverna Greenhouse has been a complete success and the entire German army in Greece has been pocketed." Beira continued.
"Shutting us out of the country and preventing us from bringing the Greek people the gift of the revolution." Stalin puffed on his pipe.
Beira decided it was safer to say nothing.
"Do you have any actually good news?" Stalin asked.
Beira looked relieved.
"Yes, there is excellent news from the Leningrad Front." He said.
East Prussia, Germany
German Generals Jodl and Keitel are walking towards the main building of the Wolf's Lair to bring news to the the Führer.
"I hope you are pleased with yourself." Jodl said accusingly.
"As you well know there are no good options at this point, I merely proposed the least bad solution." Keitel defended himself.
"It was a catastrophe!" Jodl raised his voice.
"I can hardly be held accountable for such an unexpected failure." Keitel huffed.
"It gassed half of the operations room!" Jodl continued.
"It was so dark they couldn't work, the Fuhrer has ruled out most other options so I suggested Halogen bulbs as a non-decadent and properly Aryan lighting source. How was I to know that the bulbs contained Chlorine gas that slowly leaked out?"
Jodl subsided and decided this debate on National Socialist lighting policy would have to wait.
"How badly do you think the Fuhrer will react to this news?" He asked.
"He had very high hopes about Nordlich III - Die Rache" Keitel said sadly.
Operation Northern Lights III- The Revenge has, like it's predecessors, failed to capture Leningrad. The Mongolia Army continues to enjoy wandering around northern Russia.
Their discussion is interrupted by exceptionally loud screaming and deranged shouting emerging from the briefing bunker and echoing around the Wolf's Lair.
"Ahh, I see the Fuhrer has heard the news." Jodl said.
---
Notes:
The AI's adventures in expeditionary forces continue to baffle all involved, not least the AI itself.
Monty has aimed at just the right number of ports in Greece and that campaign is going well, not for the Soviets but certainly for the Greeks.
The Eastern Front is a place of contrasts; massive Soviet progress in the South, behind OTL in the middle (Minsk has just been liberated when in OTL it was re-captured by July 1944) and tenacious German defence in the North.
The original Halogen bulbs as patented in the 19th century used Chlorine as the 'halogen' gas. Modern ones with Iodine weren't invented till the 1950s. This concludes your lesson on the history behind National Socialist lighting policy.
The British master plan will only speed things up as the Soviets now will be funnelled north earlier, up to you guess who.
The paradox AI always seems to try to make it out like there genuinely is a British master plan, even if you don't understand or/it looks insane.
'Look, they're clearly doing something.'
'Yeah but...I don't even know if that's a bad move or pure nonesense that helps no one.'
We see this in Bullfilter's game too, where first it looked like the British were very coldly letting everyone else on the planet die whilst they secure their own investments and got rid of political dissidents by sending them to Africa HQs to die, and then it looked like they were trying to get Iraq to do all the fighting for them. Now they look a bit slow and incompetent but have somehow managed to conquer all of Africa anyway.
So don't underestimate the AI doing something stupid which somehow gets the most victory anyway. Although for once, their tactics seem to be the least unusual of everyone on the board.
'Look, they're clearly doing something.'
'Yeah but...I don't even know if that's a bad move or pure nonesense that helps no one.'
We see this in Bullfilter's game too, where first it looked like the British were very coldly letting everyone else on the planet die whilst they secure their own investments and got rid of political dissidents by sending them to Africa HQs to die, and then it looked like they were trying to get Iraq to do all the fighting for them. Now they look a bit slow and incompetent but have somehow managed to conquer all of Africa anyway.
So don't underestimate the AI doing something stupid which somehow gets the most victory anyway. Although for once, their tactics seem to be the least unusual of everyone on the board.
This made me crack up
We're laughing but the AI has set up Britain to become the dominant power of Europe
This made me crack up
We're laughing but the AI has set up Britain to become the dominant power of Europe
Yes, fresh from the sucess of the Paradox Researchers are Trolls theory, here we're fermenting the new 'UK AI is insane but also genius' theory.
It is a cunning plan.
The Paradox AI relies mostly on the Germans running out of manpower and so utterly collapsing despite the best efforts of the Allied AI to lose the war. I don't want to call it a joined up plan, I don't think Paradox intended their mistakes to cancel out, but it appears to produce results.
*Laughter in British Intensifies*We're laughing but the AI has set up Britain to become the dominant power of Europe
Even Swedish incompetence cannot keep innate magnificence from breaking out.
9th January 1945
9th January 1945
We return to Bratislava where an urgent meeting of the Slovak Total War Cabinet has been called in the Command Shack. Tiso and Tuka have, despite their doubts, arrived and started the meeting. The doubts are both about if anything urgent has actually happened and about whether the cabinet could do anything about it in any event.
"The British have captured Cell Do Milk." General Kubela attempted to get straight to the point.
There was a confused pause and some scrabbling with maps.
"I thought the Allies captured Brest months ago during the Normandy Campaign?" Tuka asked.
"Not that one, the other one." Kubela said.
More scrabbling.
"The Polish city? That is most alarming, the Soviets only capture Minsk a couple of days ago and it is several hundred kilometres from there to Brest!" Tiso said with alarm.
Fritz coughed discretely.
"I believe our military colleagues are trying to say the Hungarian town of Celldömölk." He explained.
"They have reached the Danube!" Von Killinger exclaimed.
Aside from the British reaching the Danube River the observant may notice the large gap in Sopron where an Axis defence line should be. All in all, this does look a bit tricky.
"We have improved our response measures, the staff did not panic at this news." Malar reassured the cabinet.
"So what did you do?" Tiso asked suspiciously.
"We declared General Alarm." Kubela said.
"Colonel Alarm was delighted at the promotion." Malar added.
Tuka just started screaming incoherently. When he had calmed down Tiso continued.
"What actually useful measures, if any, were taken?" He asked.
"We have recalled the entire army back to defend Slovakia." Kubela said in a hurt voice.
"I thought the 2nd Division was still fighting in Romilly?"
"We had some luck there." Malar said, handing over the latest message from the West.
Technically this does mean the 2nd (Last Heroes of Paris) Division is available to redeploy back to defend Bratislava.
Tiso decided to look on the bright side, it was only this morning he had been concerned about the dwindling levels in the cellar and worrying about how he would refill his hipflask going forward. It now appeared this would no longer be a concern. With that problem solved, he celebrated.
*Glug, glug, glug.*
---
Notes:
Short but hopefully sweet. Well not for T&T obviously as we are approaching Koboldedämmerung for them, but I'd like to imagine everyone else is pleased at this passable impression of regular updatery.
We return to Bratislava where an urgent meeting of the Slovak Total War Cabinet has been called in the Command Shack. Tiso and Tuka have, despite their doubts, arrived and started the meeting. The doubts are both about if anything urgent has actually happened and about whether the cabinet could do anything about it in any event.
"The British have captured Cell Do Milk." General Kubela attempted to get straight to the point.
There was a confused pause and some scrabbling with maps.
"I thought the Allies captured Brest months ago during the Normandy Campaign?" Tuka asked.
"Not that one, the other one." Kubela said.
More scrabbling.
"The Polish city? That is most alarming, the Soviets only capture Minsk a couple of days ago and it is several hundred kilometres from there to Brest!" Tiso said with alarm.
Fritz coughed discretely.
"I believe our military colleagues are trying to say the Hungarian town of Celldömölk." He explained.
"They have reached the Danube!" Von Killinger exclaimed.
Aside from the British reaching the Danube River the observant may notice the large gap in Sopron where an Axis defence line should be. All in all, this does look a bit tricky.
"We have improved our response measures, the staff did not panic at this news." Malar reassured the cabinet.
"So what did you do?" Tiso asked suspiciously.
"We declared General Alarm." Kubela said.
"Colonel Alarm was delighted at the promotion." Malar added.
Tuka just started screaming incoherently. When he had calmed down Tiso continued.
"What actually useful measures, if any, were taken?" He asked.
"We have recalled the entire army back to defend Slovakia." Kubela said in a hurt voice.
"I thought the 2nd Division was still fighting in Romilly?"
"We had some luck there." Malar said, handing over the latest message from the West.
Technically this does mean the 2nd (Last Heroes of Paris) Division is available to redeploy back to defend Bratislava.
Tiso decided to look on the bright side, it was only this morning he had been concerned about the dwindling levels in the cellar and worrying about how he would refill his hipflask going forward. It now appeared this would no longer be a concern. With that problem solved, he celebrated.
*Glug, glug, glug.*
---
Notes:
Short but hopefully sweet. Well not for T&T obviously as we are approaching Koboldedämmerung for them, but I'd like to imagine everyone else is pleased at this passable impression of regular updatery.
