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29th December 1944 - Brazil
29th December 1944 - Brazil

Leaving behind the Land of the Dead Presidents we move onto sultry Rio de Janeiro where the exceptionally confused President Vargas is attempting to get a grip on the the Brazilian War Effort. To aid him in this almost heroically difficult task he has ordered the cabinet assembled.

"Comrades..." He attempted to start the meeting, before being interrupted by angry grumbling.

"Very well the revolution hasn't gone quite as I intended." Vargas sulkily conceded the point. "Gentlemen, what news from the European theatre?"

There was some mumbling that sounded like "Not much."

"Surely the Brazilian Expeditionary Force has been engaged in heroic deeds? Fighting alongside the Allies in the liberation of France and the drive into the dark heart of Germany?" Vargas encouraged them.

There is an awkward silence.

"They haven't actually left Brazil yet have they?" Vargas growled at his generals.

"Not as such." The Chief of Staff, General Cavalcanti, confessed.

"But we've been at war with the Axis since August 1942! Surely we are ready by now?" Vargas was too confused to be angry.

"Well you remember all the people saying 'It's more likely for a snake to smoke a pipe, than for the Brazilian Expeditionary Force to go the front and fight'"? Cavalcanti asked.

"I do recall there were some wreckers and splitters voicing such seditious treason. Before we dealt with them." Vargas replied as Security Minister Cassiano smiled as if recalling a happy memory.

"Well it turns out they were right." To his credit Cavalcanti managed to say that with a mostly straight face.

"That is unacceptable! What does the Chief of Army have to say about this?" Vargas turned and stared at General de Mendonca.

There was another, longer, awkward silence.

"He hasn't got anything to say Presidente." Cavalcanti broke the silence in a soft voice.

"Why not?" Vargas raged.

"Because he's still dead. He has been for years." Cavalcanti continued in his careful tones.

"Oh. Yes. I remember now." Vargas subsided.

"And even when he was alive he wasn't a soldier, he was a regional mayor and failed revolutionary." Cavalcanti continued.

"I wanted his revolutionary experience!" Vargas grasped at that straw.

"He was a monarchist revolutionary trying to put Emperor Pedro back on the Imperial throne." Cavalcanti warmed to his theme.

"Look, there's no need to rub it in." Vargas complained.

To break the tense silence General Filho stood up and made an announcement.

"I am delighted to confirm that the Brazilian Air Force has succeed in it's mission. We have prevented the Axis from carpet bombing Rio flat and forcing us to surrender." Filho proudly told the room.

"Have any of the Axis even tried to bomb any Brazilian territory?" Vargas asked.

"No. We think this is proof of how effectively we have deterred them, they are too afraid of our mighty P-36 interceptors to even risk attacking."

"And you are sure that fear of our second hand, obsolete fighters is the main reason? Not the fact there is no enemy heavy bomber within 5,000 miles?" Vargas probed further.

"That may be a contributory factor, but the staff are sure it's mostly fear." General Filho confirmed.

With the twin motivations of both changing the subject and finishing the military briefing, Vargas turned to the naval representative.

"How stands the fleet?" He asked.

"I've no idea." Padilha answered.

"That is unacceptable!" Vargas raged as Padilha cowered before him. "How can you come to cabinet without any idea of the status of our fleet?"

"Mr President please stop, you are frightening the boy." Cavalcanti intervened.

"He is Chief of the Navy and has his duty." Vargas drew himself up and looked down at Padilha.

"He is also a 16 year old philosophy student who has never even been to sea."

"How on earth did he end up Chief of the Navy?" Vargas screamed.

"You felt sorry for him after you had the political police arrest and 'question' his father."

"I did do that didn't I?" Vargas subsided and slumped back into his chair.

Padilha had pulled himself together and stood up to make his statement.

"I did ask Supreme Grand High Admiral Guilhem if it was possible for the Navy to assist in the Ecuadorian war." He sniffled.

There was a silence as the assembled cabinet removed their hats, showing due reverence to the mention of Guilhem's name.

"He said it was a good idea and I was a clever boy for trying to help, but there were a few small issues preventing the navy helping the fighting around Quito. (a) Our battleships cannot be risked so far from their port defence duties, (b) Even if they could they are far too knackered to make it that far because (c) It's too far away for the fleet to even reach. Also (d) Quito is 2800m above sea level and (e) it's 170km inland. So while he stands ever ready to fight for Brazil, the navy cannot assist in the Ecuadorian War."

"The Supreme Grand High Admiral's wisdom has been heard! His word is Brazilian maritime law." Cavalcanti announced as the room burst into appreciative applause.

"This inaction cannot be popular with our Allies, surely there have been diplomatic consequences?" Vargas turned to the Foreign Minster's chair.

Sadly the chair was unoccupied, instead there was a piece of paper pinned to the chair back with a knife. After a gesture from Vargas, General Cavalcanti extracted the knife and passed the paper to the President.

6ND3qDk.jpg

A fine example of 'Concrete Poerty', the post-modernist school which held that poetry should not be held back by hide-bound conventions of typography, grammar or scansion. Or sense. Or the requirement to be any good. In any event the author's intentions here are clear. Apparently.

"What is the meaning of this?" Vargas yelled at his cabinet.

"If you have to explain it, then it isn't art." Security Minister Cassiano languidly smiled at his President.

"Where is Foreign Minster Salgado?" Vargas demanded.

"Life here in Rio didn't agree with him." Cassiano picked up the dagger and turned it over in his hands.

"So he returned to exile in Portugal?"

"Exile... Yes, I suppose you could describe what happened to him that way." The smile returned to Cassiano's face and he started to clean his nails with the point of the dagger.

Deciding that discretion was the better part of valour, Vargas decided to wrap up the meeting.

"That leaves only finance. I suppose this inaction has at least been welcomed by the Treasury!" He tried to lighten the mood.

There was only silence from the test tube carefully placed on the Finance Minister's chair.

"Mr President." Cavalcanti broke the silence. "I'm afraid Senor Neto still hasn't been conceived yet."

For a moment the cabinet thought the President might hold it together, but then with a mighty scream he gave in and burst into tears.

5TFXapY.jpg

The Brazilian Government in all it's confused magnificence.

--
Notes:
Lets begin at the top here. Vargas was indeed combined HoS and HoG, but it's mostly down-hill from there. I fully sympathise with the difficulty of slotting Vargas into a neat Left-Right spectrum, while most people don't fit he is an especially tricky case. But that is no excuse for making him Left Wing Radical and Estado Novo (New State) Paternal Autocrat. Estado Novo basically was Vargas, he wrote the constitution and was it's only leader - they should be identical.

Moving down Plinio Salgado was in Exile in Portugal in 1944 and had been since mid-1939. A leading "Integralist" (the slightly odd Brazilian flavour of fascism, represented here by the Ação Integralista Brasileira party) he had been exiled for leading coups against Vargas and his party, along with all the other political parties, outlawed. He only returned in 1945 after Vargas had been deposed, so an odd choice.

Waldemar Costa Neto was born in 1949. He is still with us and is a Republic Party politician, no obvious military links that I can see.

Riccardo Cassiano - Was indeed a moderately famous poet who did produce 'Concrete Poerty' in his career, along with a wide variety of other styles including a "mystical nationalist journal" which just sounds delightful. He was at least alive at the right date, even if he never entered politics or the secret service.

Newtwon Cavalcanti - Was a real general, plausible choice. OTL was a leading figure in the coup that over-threw Vargas and the Estato Novo, but then most people were involved in that. Did well in the later military dictatorship. This is as good a place as any to say the whole "Cobras are smoking" thing was OTL so the Brazilian Expeditionary Force got a natty shoulder patch with a cobra smoking a pipe. Alas here they do not as they are still aimlessly marching along the Brazilian coastline.

Tomas De Mendonca - Was indeed a long dead Brazilian monarchist. He has a street named after him in random bit of Brazil which makes it damn hard to find out much about him (all the search results were about the road). He was a state mayor once and was somehow involved in a monarchist coup, but as he still got a road named after him it can't have gone that badly for him. Never in the army and also died in 1920s best I can tell.

Tarcisio Padilha - Born in 1928 he became a philosopher, professor and judge in Brazil. Nothing at all to do with the Navy at any point. The funky outfit that he and Cassiano are wearing is the formal gala gilded uniform of the Academia Brasileira de Letras, the Brazilian Academy of Letters - think the Académie Française, which it was copied from inspired by, even down to having 40 members all called Immortals.

Mourao Filho - Army General that took part in '38 coup. In OTL was fighting with the Brazilian Expeditionary Force, no obvious signs of plane related work in his career and definitely nothing on heavy bombers. The Brazilian air force was not a mighty force.

Finally we come to Admiral Henrique Aristides Guilhem. He genuinely was head of the Brazilian navy at the time and had held most of the other important roles in the navy at various points. Post-war he was promoted to Admiral-of-the-Fleet in 1951 and Grand Admiral in 1958. Nothing exciting there, except he died in 1949. The Brazilian navy gave him two post-mortem promotions, the last one being to their highest 'wartime only' rank. Clearly they thought a lot of him, something I thought worth acknowledging.
 
Another update, and this one most certainly topped the Peruvian cabinet in hilarity and research failures!

There was only silence from the test tube carefully placed on the Finance Minister's chair.

"Mr President." Cavalcanti broke the silence. "I'm afraid Senor Neto still hasn't been conceived yet."

This has my nomination for best line of the update. Possibly even a top ten entry for the AAR at large! :p

Riccardo Cassiano - Was indeed a moderately famous poet who did produce 'Concrete Poerty' in his career, along with a wide variety of other styles including a "mystical nationalist journal" which just sounds delightful.

I hereby move for an example of this delightful-sounding work to be included in the next update, at the authAAR's convenience as always.

Tomas De Mendonca - Was indeed a long dead Brazilian monarchist. He has a street named after him in random bit of Brazil which makes it damn hard to find out much about him (all the search results were about the road).

In light of this, I'm frankly shocked that Paradox's "research" team didn't just use one of the first three Google Image search results of the road in question for his minister portrait. Clearly someone in that department was making a case for overtime pay that week.

Finally we come to Admiral Henrique Aristides Guilhem. He genuinely was head of the Brazilian navy at the time and had held most of the other important roles in the navy at various points. Post-war he was promoted to Admiral-of-the-Fleet in 1951 and Grand Admiral in 1958. Nothing exciting there, except he died in 1949. The Brazilian navy gave him two post-mortem promotions, the last one being to their highest 'wartime only' rank. Clearly they thought a lot of him, something I thought worth acknowledging.

Posthumous promotions? I believe we've solved the mystery, then, the Paradox "research" team is simply composed of the same people who used to work in the Brazilian military promotions department! :p
 
"They haven't actually left Brazil yet have they?" Vargas growled at his generals.

Well at least one country had the sense to avoid that dumpster fire

"Because he's still dead. He has been for years." Cavalcanti continued in his careful tones.

"Oh. Yes. I remember now." Vargas subsided.

Hmm. Bit spotty memory there.

"How stands the fleet?" He asked.

"I've no idea." Padilha answered

Honesty is a fine attribute for a politician.

"He is also a 16 year old philosophy student who has never even been to sea."

"How on earth did he end up Chief of the Navy?" Vargas screamed.

"You felt sorry for him after you had the political police arrest and 'question' his father."

...ok

There was only silence from the test tube carefully placed on the Finance Minister's chair.

"Mr President." Cavalcanti broke the silence. "I'm afraid Senor Neto still hasn't been conceived yet."

Oh dear. Well this is not so much a funny cabinet as it is a crap one full of dodgy 'research' and swedish apathy.
 
At least this government is a fine example of cross-party cooporation, including members from different sides of the political spectrum. Thats something, right ..?
 
I'm quite sure both Peruvian and Brasilian governments are a fine example of an Alien Invasion Badly Camouflaged.
 
Many witty little one-liners in there: the amusement they generated for me combined with the humorous highlighting of (shock; horror) risible research failures almost (but not quite) made up for the introduction of ‘Concrete Poerty’ into the narrative. Such heinous barbarity is surely proscribed by the Geneva Conventions and must at least be clearly in breach of the spirit (if not the letter, perhaps) of the Forum Guidelines! :mad::D I may well be haunted by that traumatic experience for years to come. :p *pop, glug glug GLUG, slump*
 
Since I haven't read any updates here since last August, I have dutifully caught up on them. In doing so, several things stuck out at me.

From "28th November 1944 (Continued)"
"Mein Gott! The Coptic Orthodox are in on this as well!" Von Killinger screamed. "I must get my pistol, agents of Pope John XIX could be anywhere!" He ran out screaming his desire to die well for the fuhrer.

Reading this made me laugh very hard.

From "29th November 1944"
"I see you fellows are on a bit of a sticky wicket up in St Petersburg, could be considered bally awkward if the Bosch were to take it. Well worry no more, myself and the chaps have got it all in hand. Operation Boreal Allotment is going great guns, a top hole idea from old Monty. Toodle-oo". The Brit gave them a reassuring smile and left to return to the front.

Do people actually talk like that? o_O

From "5th December 1944"
"After the fall of Sofia there are now no more chances for brave Bulgarians to die a gloriously pointless death for the Fuhrer." He barely held back the tears while speaking.

If you can't do that, then life is not worth living.

From "6th December 1944"
"So we will put Army Group E on alert and send reinforcements to Greece?" Keitel asked.
"No!" Hitler shouted. "That's just what they would expect us to do! We must do something ever more stupidly idiotic to counter-fool them!"

Sums up AI perfectly.

From "23rd December 1944"
Yes those are SS Panzers fighting alongside Romanians on horses. Three Axis powers.. OK two Axis powers.. Alight Germany and two minors working together to fail to defeat a single British division.

Lowering the bar, aren't we El Pip?

From "24th December 1944"
In the heart of the Presidential palace Tiso and Tuka are in the Presidential bathroom, staring at the bath. It is full of water and there is a live carp swimming around.

I don't know what is more surprising: that there is a live carp swimming around in the bathtub, or that Slovakia has a bathtub in the first place. :eek:

From "29th December 1944"
"Exactly! As a long dead corpse he is no position to lead a coup, making him the most trustworthy candidate." Ugarteche beamed widely, prompting further frantic note taking by Montes.

While the entire Peru update was funny, I laughed the hardest at this line in particular. :D

From "29th December 1944 - Brazil"
"Mr President." Cavalcanti broke the silence. "I'm afraid Senor Neto still hasn't been conceived yet."

How Paradox operates: If you have a name and a picture, that's all we need. Literally. That's all we need.
 
Do people actually talk like that? o_O

No, in reality they don't need to be conprehendable and so routinely don't bother. If you do come across such a chap in real life and he starts speaking like this, he's probably trying to say no or yes, or very little at all.
 
Intermission - Novisssima!
Another update, and this one most certainly topped the Peruvian cabinet in hilarity and research failures!

This has my nomination for best line of the update. Possibly even a top ten entry for the AAR at large! :p
I was exceptionally pleased with that line. Casting aside self-depreciation and false modesty, I do think this South American madness has inspired some of my best work.

In light of this, I'm frankly shocked that Paradox's "research" team didn't just use one of the first three Google Image search results of the road in question for his minister portrait. Clearly someone in that department was making a case for overtime pay that week.

Posthumous promotions? I believe we've solved the mystery, then, the Paradox "research" team is simply composed of the same people who used to work in the Brazilian military promotions department! :p
As I've said before, there is an incredible tale to be told about this. It needs one of those long-form, detailed research, dozens of interviews type articles that certain US publications seem to fetishise.

I hereby move for an example of this delightful-sounding work to be included in the next update, at the authAAR's convenience as always.
I considered it, but it is utterly barking. Here is a brief extract;

Ugh! Enough of Orpheus, Minervas, Ulysses, Olympo! Enough of pornographic nudity licked "d'aprés nature" by the servile language of academic brushes! Enough of lost wax casting in statue making! The liberation of the depraved slaves, of the pariah-scribes, has already been challenged. The gasoline engine crushed Pegasus's paw. Photochromia won by a hundred cuts the academy. Those who make the mask of the dead gave a fatal blow to the canvas!

That's from the wonderful people at the International Center for the Arts of the Americas who have digitisied a random chunk of Novisssima and then made it available to everyone for free. (Dodgy translation from Portuguese to English by Google Translate with me 'helping').

Never let it be said I do not put needless amount of research into utterly unimportant details.

Well at least one country had the sense to avoid that dumpster fire

Hmm. Bit spotty memory there.

Honesty is a fine attribute for a politician.

Oh dear. Well this is not so much a funny cabinet as it is a crap one full of dodgy 'research' and swedish apathy.
Apathy is entirely the wrong word, far too much effort was put into this in finding real people. True apathy would be generic invented names and lazy sketches. You know, like HOI4.

At least this government is a fine example of cross-party cooporation, including members from different sides of the political spectrum. Thats something, right ..?
Members from the two extremes certainly. And whatever you may think of Cassiano as a poet, you cannot but admire how efficiently he has wiped out every slightly moderate political party in Brazil.

I'm quite sure both Peruvian and Brasilian governments are a fine example of an Alien Invasion Badly Camouflaged.
I was looking if there was TV trope on that. But if you search the phrase the top result was an article about Iranian State TV claiming the US government was run by "Tall, White" aliens. A description that doesn't describe either Trump or Obama, so perhaps the theory needs some work?

At least with someone who hasn't been born yet there's a hope that they could do a better job
Excellent straw clutching. Have you considered a job in the Slovak Propaganda department?

Many witty little one-liners in there: the amusement they generated for me combined with the humorous highlighting of (shock; horror) risible research failures almost (but not quite) made up for the introduction of ‘Concrete Poerty’ into the narrative. Such heinous barbarity is surely proscribed by the Geneva Conventions and must at least be clearly in breach of the spirit (if not the letter, perhaps) of the Forum Guidelines! :mad::D I may well be haunted by that traumatic experience for years to come. :p *pop, glug glug GLUG, slump*
If nothing else Paradox has introduced me to many new and terrible forms of poetry. You can see why they don't make a feature of this in their advertising for their games.

Since I haven't read any updates here since last August, I have dutifully caught up on them. In doing so, several things stuck out at me.
I am delighted you have caught up and enjoyed those moments. :D

No, in reality they don't need to be conprehendable and so routinely don't bother. If you do come across such a chap in real life and he starts speaking like this, he's probably trying to say no or yes, or very little at all.
You are clearly hanging around with a very different crowd from me. The correct use of such language is to communicate a great deal, but only to those who are in your group/clique. Strangers and outsiders are left baffled or with the impression that nothing of import has occurred, when in fact it has but it was not for their attention.


The stars appear to be aligning, so this very weekend I intend that we return to complete the next leg of our South American detour. It's mostly written and I believe I have done justice to the 'work' Paradox put into this next nation.
 
I was looking if there was TV trope on that. But if you search the phrase the top result was an article about Iranian State TV claiming the US government was run by "Tall, White" aliens. A description that doesn't describe either Trump or Obama, so perhaps the theory needs some work?

Well trump is a melting wax model of an orangutan in a suit, and Obama is a cactus so the Amercian people don't seem very discerning either, if Google is to be believed...

You are clearly hanging around with a very different crowd from me.

Mm...perhaps. You'd be astounded how Neanderthal the average upper middle class person is behind closed doors. Sir Humphrey and co. in front of the minister and in their own club are very different.

So yes, the entirety of middle and upper clas s-languge exists to weed out the weak (read: poor) from the conversation and room, but once they know or think they are alone with their own kind, the trousers come right off, figuratively speaking.

Academics on the other hand, rarely turn off. That really is how they speak. This makes Humanity scholars insufferable and Mathematicians lonely.:D

The stars appear to be aligning

A stirring from the Big Sleep? We'll sharpen our poking sticks.
 
29th December 1944 - Colombia
29th December 1944 - Colombia

We take our leave from the sobbing President Vargas and head north, across the border and up the Colombian Plateau to the climatically pleasant capital city of Bogota. Here we find President Pumarejo preparing for the next meeting of his war cabinet.

Pumarejo and his civilian ministers had gathered in preparation for the latest briefing from the armed forces. Seeing they were as ready as they would ever be, he gestured at the doorman to let the military delegation into the room. The four men marched in and saluted.

"The conflict with Ecuador does not appear to be going well." Pumarejo decided to get straight to the important issue. "Not only has the PATHETIC alliance failed to take Quito, but the Ecuadoreans have pushed back and recaptured Ibarra. They've got a coastline back again."

"The previous plan was not optimal." The military men chanted in unison. "That error has been corrected."

"You have a new plan?" Pumarejo asked excitedly.

"Yes. We will form our tanks into a mighty armoured spearhead, this will break through the Ecuadorian defences and allow our massed hordes of infantry to overwhelm the enemy. Meanwhile the fleet, supported by the maritime squadrons of the air force, will force the Ecuadorian navy into a decisive battle and clear them from the coast."

The cabinet contemplated this audacious scheme.

"I have a few questions." Intelligence Minister Londono Y Londono broke the silence.

The military team turned to face him.

"Our navy consists of two rather old ex-Portugese destoryers and some river gunboats, correct?"

"Yes."

"And we don't actually have any naval bombers?"

"No."

"Or the technology to build any? Or indeed any knowledge of powered flight."

"You are correct. But all of this has been accounted for." The men chanted.

"How?"

"Ecuador does not have a navy, so our fleet will not need aerial assistance to win the decisive naval battle."

There was a brief baffled pause, then Londono Y Londono continued his questioning.

"Do we have any armoured divisions or tanks?"

"No."

"Do we have the technology to build even the most primitive tanks?"

"No."

"Do tanks, assuming we somehow acquired some, even work very well up mountains?"

"Mountains are irrelevant. The Ecuadorian capital is on a hill."

"Quito is almost 10,000ft up. It's the second highest capital city in the world." Londono Y Londono added some geography.

"It is on a hill." The military men stuck to their line.

There was another pause.

"But you are sure this is the best plan?" President Pumarejo asked.

"We are of one mind." The four voices replied in unison.

Pumarejo sighed and dismissed the military men.

"When you said you intended to appoint one man to head up our armed forces, I had thought it would be one person doing four jobs. Not whatever they are." Londono Y Londono took a long drink as he explained his concerns to his President.

9M1OTcM.jpg

The Colombian Government and the leadership of it's armed forces. It's quite the sight.

"There's nothing wrong with the Acevedo Brothers. They are perfectly normal Quadruplets who just happen to agree on everything and like close harmony talking." Pumarejo huffed.

"That's not what I have heard." Londono Y Londono raised his eyebrows.

"You shouldn't listen to those foul Venezuelan rumours." Pumarejo jabbed his finger angrily.

"Finding out what foreigners think and listening to their talk is pretty much my job. In any case are you sure they are the best person/people/abomination for the job?"

Pumarejo glared at his minster.

"Have you seen the tiny talent pool I have to work with?" He gestured down the cabinet table at Foreign Corpse Herrera and Cadaver for Security Hernandez. "I can't even replace those two with living people."

Londono Y Londono looked at the skeletons, before reluctantly accepting a good point, well made.

"But you can't seriously support that plan?" He asked.

"The alternative is Pinzon's scheme." Pumarejo asked the Armaments Minster to begin.

Pinzon pulled out his crayons and excitedly scribbled his scheme for a fleet of jet powered aircraft and Colombian scientists leading the world in mastering the power of the Atom.

"Is he alright? That's an incredibly expensive, impractical and ultimately useless scheme that is probably doomed to failure." Londono Y Londono asked with concern in his voice.

"He is an architect." Pumarejo gently explained.

"Ahh." Londono Y Londono nodded in understanding.

--
Notes:
Paradox do think Quito is a hill province. There are mountain provinces nearby, just not Quito.

Fernando Londono Y Londono - Lawyer and diplomat. OTL he was Minister for Foreign Affairs in 1945 and later on would be Minister for War and then Minister for Justice and the Interior, so a decent fit. Also turns up as a general, which is maybe less acceptable. But then he was Minister for War so I will magnanimously allow it.

Humberto Pinzon. - Architect with zero scientific and engineering training (but I repeat myself). Had a full life, he was head of the Colombian Olympic Committee in the 1940s and then again in the 1970s. Loved volleyball and basket ball. Views on a speculative Colombian Nuclear programme - unclear.

Enrique Herrera was formerly the President of Colombia, and formerly a foreign minister so is at least well qualified. He seems a decent enough chap bar the minor detail that he died in 1937.

Benito Hernandez (Bustos) - Former War Minister and Ambassador from Colombia to the UK. Not obviously security related, did get a bridge named after him, also died in a plane crash in 1940.

The very busy Luis Acevedo. He was a colonel in the Colombian Army about this time and was heavily involved in founding the Colombian Red Cross. There was also a pioneering aviator called Luis Acevedo, but he was (a) Chilean and (b) Died in 1912. Navy wise there is nothing to link the name to the Colombian Navy, so of course Paradox have made him an Admiral in the game, he starts out leading the Colombian fleet.
 
It always amazes me that the Paradox team made such an inflexible system that every nation on the planet have the exact same government positions. That's one thing about HoI4 that I do respect: the ministers are (relatively) flexible. Don't have a Navy? Don't bother expending the political mana to hire one!
 
"Have you seen the tiny talent pool I have to work with?" He gestured down the cabinet table at Foreign Corpse Herrera and Cadaver for Security Hernandez. "I can't even replace those two with living people."

Londono Y Londono looked at the skeletons, before reluctantly accepting a good point, well made.

An actual LOL from reading this.

EDIT: Ok, so clearly there should be a study on every single cabinet in this set up because they are all clearly wrong.
 
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Paradox do think Quito is a hill province. There are mountain provinces nearby, just not Quito.
This is the only remotely excusable part of this update, as it stands to reason that Paradox probably wanted Quito to be less well-defended for balance reasons. Of course, this explanation falls apart when you realize that Paradox doesn't give a rat's ass about proper balance, but perhaps the South American Cabinets Guy™ took it up as a hobby. :p

An actual LOL from reading this.

EDIT: Ok, so clearly there should be a study on every single cabinet in this set up because they are all clearly wrong.

It always bugged me that the USA is required to have a Chief of Staff when they didn't have a united head of the Joint Chiefs until 1942, but I digress...
 
It always bugged me that the USA is required to have a Chief of Staff when they didn't have a united head of the Joint Chiefs until 1942, but I digress...
nothing wrong with digressing :) How about having the VP as the ‘Head of Government’? :rolleyes: If there was one position in the administration that was less so, it might be the Commissioner for National Parks (if there is such a thing. :D
 
"Is he alright? That's an incredibly expensive, impractical and ultimately useless scheme that is probably doomed to failure." Londono Y Londono asked with concern in his voice.

"He is an architect." Pumarejo gently explained.
As an architect in learning, this one cracked me up. You should know that this Architect doesn't really care about the science, he just believes that Jet fighters will look better than propeller-driven aeroplanes. Also, Nuclear bombs will allow for destruction on an unseen scale, and that will just mean more space for Architects to develop their incredibly expensive, impractical, and ultimately useless schemes for reconstruction. It's a win-win really.

I love the quadruplets theory, fascinating really... instead of just saying that Colombia only has an army with maybe a few biplanes, and thus has no need for a Chief of the Navy or Chief of the Air Force, so one man is enough, you just whip out the quadruplets, presumably bringing their speeches on the defence of the nation as a barbershop quartet... That's the kind of thing that makes this AAR one of a kind...
 
If there was one position in the administration that was less so, it might be the Commissioner for National Parks (if there is such a thing. :D

So far as I am aware, the US National Parks actual control such an insanely large amount of land that the person leading it probably is pretty powerful.
 
So far as I am aware, the US National Parks actual control such an insanely large amount of land that the person leading it probably is pretty powerful.

But not a cabinet official, and therefore not in the line of succession!
 
Hmm isn't the 3rd in the line of inheritance the speaker of the house and the 666th the janitor of the white house or something!!!