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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

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Vesimir

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To my liege Gabriel d'Oroz

Hi Gabby,

how are things in Lorraine? Still marching through some damp French forest, kicking the crap out of some random Duke because the Emperor thought it would be good fun for you to do so?
Things in Holland couldn't be better: I caught two trouts yesterday, the exitement.

Your loyal vassal (although more demesnes would make me oh so more loyal)

Willem van Holland-Lotharingen

Hello minion,

things are indeed bollocks if I may say so. Apart from the duke hunting there's lots of Goths running around. You know the kind, furs, axes and all that. All of them wanted to cut my head off too, lousy lot. Well, ain't much else to say. As for you asking for land, don't worry. You shall receive the lands of.... Ekhm... Kurde, cholera jasna, jak nazywało sie to bagno?....... Holandia? Anyways, no worries.

Your oh, so powerful Overlord

Gabriel d'Oraz, Overlord of all that is under the sky (On the lands of Lower Lorraine).
 

The_Shepherd

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To H. I. M. Emperor of Germany, King of Italy, Bohemia, Etc.
Frm H. H. Karl I von Galien
Yr Imperial Highness, we do ask forgiveness fr damages encumbered at the behest of our dis-hnrble liege, and do ask that we be pledged as a vassal directly to yr majesty.
Yr humble & loyal servent;
H. H. Karl I von Galien, Graf von Sankt Gallien.
 

Morrell8

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NOOOOOOOOO! Jeez, dead already! Good kill Shaun your archers sure can shoot :p. Got me right in my sausage neck.

Robert is a country cousin right. Well if he is, he can't send a letter due to the fact he is illiterate.
 

Lucius Sejanus

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Your Imperial Majesty,
I thought Swiss guard was for Swiss only? At any rate, he has three vassals, you have many more. Would be much better to have you surrounded by loyal troops. As for vacation spots in Italy I know a great island an old friend of mine built a resort on. Five strars, best accomodations from here to Constantinopolis. And I'd happily trade it for a piece of less fashionable land elsewhere in Italy.
- sincerely, Lucius Aelius Sejanus, Dux Austriacus
 

Vesimir

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Could you change my DNA to this : 08040511000010 ?

I have a proper version of CK installed now, and can now see that lots of things that are in the improved faces mod aren't in the original game! Who would've thought. Anyways, this the right dna for the original gfx.
 

morningSIDEr

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Proposed message dictated by Duke Shaun;

Dear benevolent, wise and merciful King James,

Alas once more I am left busy with matters of state, ever seeking to improve my lands so as to prove a better vassal to yourself. Once more my faithful servant Lesshammar has thus taken down my words.

I can easily explain the confusing events surrounding the last five years and my seeming repeated rebellions against your enlightened rule. I twice declined to mobilize my men to serve under your all conquering command due to my concerns regarding rebellious rogues infesting our western border. As such I deemed it more important to keep my forces back in readiness for any attack from this direction.

I then rebelled for the first time so as to test the defences of yourself, oh great liege. For if I could penetrate said defences and best you, then others could too. Therefore my first rebellion was a sensible act, aimed only at aiding you in the long run. That Morell was slain by numerous archers under my command was once again a blessing in disguise. For it removed a clearly inadequate man from your vassalage. Only the best deserve to enjoy your excellent rule.

Having fulfilled my wish to test your defences I then happily took my place as a much contented Duke under your august self once more. Approaching winter I realised with some dismay that your magnificent self had been left without sport, this being out with the polo season, and you therefore were likely left hugely bored. Ever wishing to prove a dependable vassal, I thus staged my second rebellion so as to keep you happily entertained during these cold months.

Having proved good sport during the short time of this second rebellion, it was with some relief that I returned to your glorious rule. My vassal Karl never engaged in rebellion alongside myself this time as I felt my own forces would suffice in providing sport for your wonderous self. Thus rumours that he ignored my call to arms, calling me an ignoramous, are utterly incorrect. He is still happy to serve under myself, I am sure.

As a small further aside, I would like to make clear that it was with tears of joy that I once again happily became your vassal. I certainly was not crying like a little girl as some churls have attempted to say.

So as you can see my great leader, I act only in your best interest.

Ever your loyal brother-in-arms

Shaun von Morningsider
Duke of Swabia


Actual sent message penned by Lesshammar;

Hey stupidly merciful James,

I am once more far too busy with important matters such as drinking copious amounts of alcohol to be bothered writing up this load of tosh. The ever brilliant Lesshammar is thus left to do the work.

I can easily explain the confusing events surrounding the last five years and my repeated rebellions against your cruel and tyrannical rule. I twice declined to mobilize my men to serve under your incompetent command due to my wish to prove a rebellious rogue on your southern border. As such I felt it important to keep my men at home, ready to exploit any weakness in your lines.

I then rebelled for the first time so as to seize power from your benighted self, as I felt I had a reasonable chance of bringing about a successful coup d'etat. That Morell was slain by numerous archers under my command was a true blessing. For it removed a hugely talented man, whom I feared greatly, from opposing my future attempts to bring about an end to your deprived and tyrannical rule.

Having failed in my rebellion, I then regretfully had to take my place as Duke under your uselessly inept rule once more. As winter approached, I realised that I would have to spend Christmas at your castle this time, and in a bid to avoid such a dismal family gathering, I began yet another rebellion.

Having unfortunately failed yet again to best yourself, I was left infuriated in having to return to your useless rule. Furthermore I am greatly dissatisified with the conduct of my vassal, Karl, who dared to reject my rebellious plans. The man has no sense in so refusing my command, clearly he should be following myself, an inept tyrant, at all times.

I would, however, like to make it clear that I was crying like a little girl when whipped once more by your far superior troops.

Ever your nemesis

Shaun von Morningsider
Duke of Swabia
_________________________________

I also wish to register my continued gratitude to van der Aarlander for giving my wife a hunchback and thus providing me a good reason to spend as little time with the harpy as is possible.
 

AllmyJames

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Yes, Flemish would be more suitable, but if it's too much trouble just let it be, after all I'm just a minor NPC... ;)

Being French is not a fate I'd force upon anybody. I've changed the culture of your son to Dutch (for reasons that will become clear soon). :p

Could I join?

I've modded you in in 1076 (that's two updates' time) as the Duke of Bohemia. I've given you the prodigy trait, but for your greediness, I've also made you a hunchback :D

If it's not too late, I'd like to join. Some random Carinthian or Austrian county would be excellent, as I don't know if I have a compatible version of CK...

Okay Serek, I have you modded in as the count of Steirmark. Do you want 'der Eifer' to be your dynasty name?

You need to remember to send both the save file and the modified dynasty file to the next player too.

Indeed so. Each player will just need to pass on the save game and dynasty files. It would be a good idea (unlike me) to back up your old dynasty file beforehand.

Also, I've changed your DNA for 1076. I like the new beard.
 
Last edited:

AllmyJames

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From the desk of the Imperial Chancellor:

Wait a second. I work my ass off destroying the enemies of Germany and I get nothing?! I shall have my revenge! By the way, how are my test results? Illusive shadow, I presume?

To His Grace, Duke Gabriel D'Oraz,

The Emperor recognises and respects your loyal service to the crown. However, he believes that (a) you have quite enough land already and (b) he trusts you about as far as he can throw you, and doesn't want to empower you any further.

Aw right Jamesy boy?

How's it goin' boss? Sounds like yet huvin' a load a trouble wi' that baw bag Shaun. I widnae bother gein' him anither pardon, an' that, 'cos if ye ask me the guy's a pure walloper!

Nice tae see ye gein' him a doin' though - pure hud it comin' tae him, so he did.

See next time yer organizing a wee trip out tae Italy gonny geez a shout? Ahm pure freezing ma arse aff here oot in the east! Or if yer naw goin' doon sooth, how's about gein' me the nod tae go an' pure get wired intae aw they mad pagans tae ra east?

Cheers mucker!

Duke Iain

PS - it wiz me that made Shaun's missus aw hunchy backed. Ahm a pure monster, so ah am.

To His Highness Iain, Prince of Meissen,

Your sympathies regarding the disloyalty of our vassals is appreciated. Duke Shaun is indeed proving to be a 'pure walloper', whatever that means. Needless to say, your offer of service will be remembered, and doubtless called upon soon.

To King James,

But of course I am loyal, my liege. How could I not be, what with my deformed, deceitful ways?

Incidentally, does my liege have any other relatives that I could murder- I mean magnificently serve? Or any country cousins that could act as your heir and destroy the realm with imcompetentenc- I mean hold your grand empire together?


Telling the truth from a certain point of view,
Count Fausto.

To My Dearest Brother-in-Law,

Your deformities are no doubt a reminder from God that you are lucky to be alive, and should therefore strive to serve me in whatever way I see fit. Were your sister less attractive, I would seek to expunge her genes from the Imperial DNA pool. If you wish to abduct by elderly aunt or harpy of a mother, please feel free to do so at your earliest opportunity.

To H. I. M. Emperor of Germany, King of Italy, Bohemia, Etc.
Frm H. H. Karl I von Galien
Yr Imperial Highness, we do ask forgiveness fr damages encumbered at the behest of our dis-hnrble liege, and do ask that we be pledged as a vassal directly to yr majesty.
Yr humble & loyal servent;
H. H. Karl I von Galien, Graf von Sankt Gallien.

To His Excellency, the Graf von Sank Gallien,

Your groveling is both necessary and appreciated, and your disloyatly to your wicked liege most understandable. Whether His Majesty wishes the tedium of having you as a vassal directly beneath his control is another matter entirely, but your request shall be dully considered.

NOOOOOOOOO! Jeez, dead already! Good kill Shaun your archers sure can shoot :p. Got me right in my sausage neck.

Robert is a country cousin right. Well if he is, he can't send a letter due to the fact he is illiterate.

To the Newly Annointed Duke Robert of Bavaria,

Our deepest condolences on the untimely death of your cousin. It is also most unfortunate that he was found face down in the dirt with several arrows in his back, miles from the front line. Nevertheless, his sacrifice helped to defeat the enemies of the Empire and was therefore not in vain. We look forward to receiving your own loyal service in the same manner.

Your Imperial Majesty,
I thought Swiss guard was for Swiss only? At any rate, he has three vassals, you have many more. Would be much better to have you surrounded by loyal troops. As for vacation spots in Italy I know a great island an old friend of mine built a resort on. Five strars, best accomodations from here to Constantinopolis. And I'd happily trade it for a piece of less fashionable land elsewhere in Italy.
- sincerely, Lucius Aelius Sejanus, Dux Austriacus

To The Serene Duke Sejanus of Austria,

Your flattery and unnecessary sycophancy is well-received and shall be remembered. His Imperial Majesty is indeed greatly concerned at the extent of his vassals' disloyalty, and such service will be remembered in the future. Alas, the Emperor's work at home prevents him from taking such vacations, at least for the foreeable future.

Proposed message dictated by Duke Shaun;

....

Actual sent message penned by Lesshammar;

....

To the Most Fortunate Duke Morningsider of Swabia,

The Emperor's benevolent mercy has indeed fallen upon you, and you should remember your gratitude every waking moment of your life to come.
The explanations for your actions are entirely plausible and the Emperor has noted them well. Such acts will be rewarded appropriately in years to come.
Let your show of tears concern you not; your reaction was entirely understandable, given the circumstances of my overwhelming vic-- mercy.

His Imperial Majesty, James I, King of the Germans, King of Italy and Burgundy, Duke of Franconia.

P.S. Your servant Lesshamer is an excellent scribe, and you would be advised to reward him handsomely. Should he ever have to leave your service, he could easily find a position in the Imperial Household.
 

Johan11

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I've modded you in in 1076 (that's two updates' time) as the Duke of Bohemia. I've given you the prodigy trait, but for your greediness, I've also made you a hunchback :D

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

But I only siad that because I have in IQ of 134, and because my recent averages grades for this year was an 10.9. (A in other scales)

WHYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

AllmyJames

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NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

But I only siad that because I have in IQ of 134, and because my recent averages grades for this year was an 10.9. (A in other scales)

WHYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Muhahahah! Perhaps this god-like power is getting to me? ;) At least since you're a genius, you'll know that such shallow and superficial things as a hunched back shouldn't upset you.

New update today! Just posted!

Hopefully Monday I'll have a dynasty watch for you too, and introduce our new characters!
 

Vesimir

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Yeesh!

Realm durres, the best thing about being emperor.

Also, another of my brilliant thoughts. To keep the d'Allmy dynasty in game (Same goes with all dynasties of ex-emperors.) the following needs to be done. The first thing a new player does is, give the son of the emperor his ancestral lands (Duchy and counties.)
 

AllmyJames

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Yeesh!

Realm durres, the best thing about being emperor.

And yet, for some reason, you all seem to want my job ;)

Also, another of my brilliant thoughts. To keep the d'Allmy dynasty in game (Same goes with all dynasties of ex-emperors.) the following needs to be done. The first thing a new player does is, give the son of the emperor his ancestral lands (Duchy and counties.)

Indeed, if the Emperor hasn't already managed to do so in his own turn. I, of course, intend to live for another 100 years, and spread my progeny throughout the Earth. :)
 

Johan11

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Just a suggestion. You might want to save money for declaring yourself King of Bohemia before I can do it.

Just a suggestion.
 

unmerged(127999)

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Bah, curses! I should have gone on and "helped" your marshal down some stairs. Helped him with a stick. Helping by pushing.

Ah well, I suppose I can stay in the Empire for a bit longer. And I'm happy I lasted the longest as an independent lord. And I kept my land.

Perhaps if I prove loyal, I could be given MORE land? And I won't have to help King Jame's Chancellor down the stairs, if you know what I mean?
 

mayorqw

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Can I be the duke of Brandenburg or, if it isn't available, Luxembourg?
Or some obscure county?
Some stats:
Name: Mayorqw von Awesome

Culture: Portuguese

Traits: Pragmatic, Weak-willed, Lazy, Prodigy, plus two or three traits of your suggestion to conterbalance the others Some level 3 education.

Base Stats:
8 martial
12 diplomacy
5 intrigue
8 stewardship


DNA: Whatever you think applies to me (?)
 
Last edited:

iain_a_wilson

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Hol chief!

Sorry aboot the whole rebellin' 'hing. It wiznae ma fault, though. I wiz lying pished in ma castle after celebratin' helpin' oot wi' aw they previous rebeliions an' that, an' then this bam comes in an' sez "Haw! Mate! Gonny help us? There's aw these other mad rebels ootside an' ther pure askin' fur a right guid banjoin'!" An' ah wiz like "Aye man, nay borra!" An' he wiz aw "Cheers mucker!" but pure laughin' wi' it, but ah didnae 'hink anyhing aw this ('cos ah wiz still pure bladdered man) an' ah goat all the boys togther an' wiz like "Right - lets huv a square go wi' they bastards!" an', 'cos ma lads were still hammered too, most o' them (the wans that were still staunin' that is) were aw "Let's get stuck in tae them noo boss!"

Didnae realise that that wee eagle 'hing oan that yella backgroon wiz yours, mate.

So gonny let us aff, an' that?

I 'hink that wan that gied me the idea in the furst place was one o' Shauny-boy's lot. He's still pure beelin' that I did his burd.

Just 'cos he's a chufter whit's scared o' wummin.

Cheers boss!

Duke Iain - dead loyal an' aww that!

 

The_Shepherd

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We Karl do applaud and and thank your most graceful and prestigious Imperial Majesty for granting us the title of Duke of Tyrol.
Yr faithful servant, H. G. Karl I von Galien und Tyrol
 

Morrell8

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My Lord,

I hereby request the title of Swabia. I only request the title in the honour of my fallen distant Cousin Ben, who was cowardly slaughtered by archers of the former duke Shaun and the fact that if took me mutliple days to write this short letter, days that could have been spend campaigning under your command were wasted terribly. Uh... Sorry and all that.

Your Loyal Servant,

Robert I Morrell, Duke of Bavaria, Count of Kempten and Oberkempten, I think

P.S How many dukes are still in the Empire?