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It's quite likely that the steel on the Fiat 2800's chassis was about as thick as the 'armour' on most Italian tankettes, certainly it would be as effective, and light tanks were supposed to be for reconnaissance not actually fighting so arguably don't really need a main gun as it just distracts the crew. Plus it's got a bigger engine than most of their tanks ever had so will be a lot faster. On that basis this is not actually a terrible decision for Italy.
Given the image is of a car with a gun on it, the name, the circumstances etc point it to being the actual civilian car rather than the tankette with the engine in it...I'm fairly sure that paradox squally did mean the car rather than the troop carrier. This is fine...until you remember the fact that there is a separate tech line for armoured cars and such. So why isn't it in there?

I suppose the answer is, as you suggest, this really is just the fiat 2800. No armour, no weapons. We just bought a hundred thousand of them for our troops...
On the other hand, delightful to see Hitler continuing to make genuinely terrible decision.
Whilst there are seasonal effects in HOI4, and weather effects, terrain effects etc...the AI doesn't actually figure them into their decisions, so it seems. Or if it does, it doesn't seem to care about them.

Then again, there are no weather forecasting services keeping a close eye (as close as they can in 1940) on the global and specific place weather, unlike OTL. So the player sort of has to ignore the effects as well, unless a desert storm happens right before your attack in Arabia etc.

Anyway, this was indeed a dreadful German decision. They didn't lose too much taking Poland, but whilst trying to take Denmark and Norway was probably the right decision at the time, they lost so much in the attempts that I wouldn't have then doing any more war for a while.

In fact, I have no idea what the in-universe situation is in the country but it can't be good. No balkan or French resources. No amazing morale boosting victories. Just a hundred thousand dead men and the whole navy in exchange for Poland and Denmark. And now, they're invading Russia in the dead of winter.

Yes, because Paradox AIs are famed for their sense and strategic judgement.
I'm not sure they're allowed to declare whilst doing this but could be wrong. Not played a lot of the game yet (still no idea how navies work except thst they consume all the oil).
 
Chapter 16: Spies-Steam-Sodor
Chapter 16: Spies-Steam-Sodor

Peter Sam had a fairly normal middle-class upbringing in Kent. He had a father who went to work in the city, a mother who smiled, smelt nice and was otherwise fashionably distant, and two household maids who did the vast majority of parenting between them.

He did acceptably well in school, played polo for his House, captained the Fives team at his College, and succeeded in earning a fine degree at Cambridge University without forming much of a personality.

Things began to go wrong when, after a chance encounter at a drinks do in upper set, he met the man who would one day become Head of the British Secret Service. It is rarely a good thing when such men know personally of your existence. Peter Sam, being an agreeable fellow, athletic and forgettable after a five-minute conversation, was shortlisted for espionage work. Indeed, just two years after leaving education, he had served with distinction in Paris, Berlin and, critically, Milan. This last detail meant that when the Roman Empire came out of nowhere and reshaped the continent, Peter Sam was sent out repeatedly to spy on the new power.

For a few years, it was relatively easy if tedious work. The Italian government was so scrambled in the rush for more and more imperial possessions that, given the circumstances, no one was really checking on internal security. Beyond locking up the obvious communists and nationalists, of course.

In fact, the work was so easy and the supposed danger money so good that, by 1939, Peter Sam had completed six missions in various newly formed provinces of the Empire, and also found time to marry his childhood sweetheart. A daughter soon followed, one who was beloved of both parents, and her younger sister was well on the way.

In 1940, Churchill and Mussolini reached a détente, of sorts. The two great powers, so mighty and yet with so many other problems on their hands, agreed to (politely) disagree and ignore each other for the most part. The by now rapidly expanded SIM, Secret Intelligence Ministry, had in any event made the possibility of spying within Rome’s border’s a hazardous operation. With German codes already broken, and the fear of communist infiltrators higher than ever (mostly because the SIS kept finding communist infiltrators in its ranks), Italy was left alone by the Peter Sam’s of the world.

Unfortunately, for everyone involved, Germany then began making noises about waging war. This was nothing new, but it became somewhat vital for British planners to know where, when and how the Nazis would invade the Soviet Union. This meant an infiltration of Italy yet again, and worse still, it meant an invasion of Rome itself. The Italians had, in the meantime, broken the British codes and were in the process of stealing a great many British secrets from fifth column agents across the globe.

SIS needed Peter Sam in Rome. Get in, find out what the British have learnt, disrupt it if you can, get out.

Getting out, in the spy business, is of course contextual. It does not matter so much to the Spymaster if your agent gets out, provided that if he doesn’t, he at least kills himself and his identity first. It was, like the rest of the Intelligence business, a mixture of ruthlessness and luck.

Peter Sam, alas, had run out of both.

He awoke with a sack over his head, his arms wrenched painfully behind his back and tied together at multiple points, and then tied to the chair he was sat on. The chair itself was bolted to the ground, and his legs were, oddly, stretched out to their fullest extent in front of him, and secured by rope to the opposite wall. He was, in a word, immobile.

Peter Sam knew what was to come, since the game was apparently up. He would be interrogated, potentially very uncomfortably, and then shot. The British had no Italian agents in custody, and had little reason to bargain for his life. All he had to decide now was what he was going to say, if anything, and perhaps mentally prepare for what he was about to endure.

He knew, also, who it was who was probably in the room with him right now. The psychopathic mastermind behind SIM, who turned the Roman Empire’s virgin and untested agency into one of the world’s finest organisations of death and terror. The fact that he and his interrogator shared a mother country would not help him, in fact quite the opposite.

The man formerly titled as ‘Sir’ Toppham Hat was no friend of the British anymore. He was a monster, plain and simple. The things the investigators found when they finally breached his personal island in the Irish Sea…it still sent shudders down the hardiest of executioners in London.

The bag was ripped off his head and, yes, there he was. Standing a mere five feet tall, yet with hands like shovels and a stout strength that Peter Sam knew could crush steel girders and skulls alike. This was a man who drove a trainline like a colonial labour camp. This was a man who, when an engine met with trouble on a branch line one day, entombed the entire train, and all the people on it, within one of his service tunnels.

The screams of steam and anguish haunt the track even up to today.

Peter Sam stared into the unblinking, pitch-black eyes of a monster. His face unmoving, the voice of the devil itself seemed to echo within his head:

“Well then, you have caused much confusion and delay.”
 
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Peter Sam stared into the unblinking, pitch-black eyes of a monster. His face unmoving, the voice of the devil itself seemed to echo within his head:

“Well then, you have caused much confusion and delay.”
Poor Peter Sam. We hardly knew ye. I'm sure your daughters and "childhood sweetheart" will miss you, even though they lack any names.
 
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Poor Peter Sam. We hardly knew ye. I'm sure your daughters and "childhood sweetheart" will miss you, even though they lack any names.
Well we knew he was quite thin, but yes beyond that something of a cipher.
 
Poor Peter Sam. We hardly knew ye. I'm sure your daughters and "childhood sweetheart" will miss you, even though they lack any names.
Well we knew he was quite thin, but yes beyond that something of a cipher.

Alas, I think Peter Sam was one of 'those' spies. The kind that exist just to be killed in the first minute. Inoffensive, bland, generally nice but ultimately forgettable. If a spy called Gordan or Thomas ever shows up, then you know they might get somewhere...

On the other hand, Peter Sam's train counterpart (narrow gauge railway engine) got the stuffing kicked out of him several times, including being sold for 25 quid, wrapped in plastic and dumped in a hole, physically maimed and surgically altered, sent to work in the mines for disobedience, and forced to work with the catering lady.

Twice.
 
The man formerly titled as ‘Sir’ Toppham Hat was no friend of the British anymore. He was a monster, plain and simple. The things the investigators found when they finally breached his personal island in the Irish Sea…it still sent shudders down the hardiest of executioners in London.
How exactly does one remove the title in that case? Does a civil servant of some sort have to go to Windsor and say to the king “Your Majesty, we’re sorry but we just found out that this one fellow you gave a knighthood to makes Jack the Ripper look like a positively delightful chap, is there any chance you might consider rescinding the honour?”
 
How exactly does one remove the title in that case? Does a civil servant of some sort have to go to Windsor and say to the king “Your Majesty, we’re sorry but we just found out that this one fellow you gave a knighthood to makes Jack the Ripper look like a positively delightful chap, is there any chance you might consider rescinding the honour?”
Pretty much that. Though to express how annoyed everyone is the official term is "Degradation", so you are not stripped of a knighthood you are publicly degraded.

The worry is of course that Topham Hatt might like that sort of thing.

Alas, I think Peter Sam was one of 'those' spies. The kind that exist just to be killed in the first minute. Inoffensive, bland, generally nice but ultimately forgettable.
I was hoping that Peter Sam, being the Thin Controller, would be Hatt's nemesis. Alas no.
 
How exactly does one remove the title in that case? Does a civil servant of some sort have to go to Windsor and say to the king “Your Majesty, we’re sorry but we just found out that this one fellow you gave a knighthood to makes Jack the Ripper look like a positively delightful chap, is there any chance you might consider rescinding the honour?”
Pretty much that. Though to express how annoyed everyone is the official term is "Degradation", so you are not stripped of a knighthood you are publicly degraded.
We can do it theoretically at any time, even long after you're dead. Sir Walter Raleigh (for some reason) gets this floated around a lot (despite being far from the most evil person who ever got a knighthood and kept it).

Jonny English for example got his knighthood taken off him, and then put back. And the Kaiser of Germant got most of his hours stripped in ww1, under quite a bit of protest from His Majesty.

The Crown doesn't really like doing it since the early modern period (unless the guy actually committed treason or something) but can still do it if demand is high enough. Which does make a kind of sense, given that people with knighthoods tend not to be the most morally sound people. The New Year's Honours would be accompanied by a much longer Degradation list...
The worry is of course that Topham Hatt might like that sort of thing.
Depends whether it was a basically hereditary thing or something he earnt by being a railway man.

But yes, I think he much prefers being a Controller, and no one is taking that from him...
I was hoping that Peter Sam, being the Thin Controller, would be Hatt's nemesis. Alas no.
Well...never said he died.

I chose not not make him the actual human Peter Sam, given that the actual Thin Controller was in some respects even worse than the Fat C. Bascially he was Toppham Hat's bagman, who did not even pretend to care about the sapient engines and had them abandoned as soon as they disobeyed any orders.

Even his picture looks rather evil. I dread to think what would happen if he took over. The trains wouldn't even run on time, given that they'd all be in the mines for disobedience. Sodor would become a failed dictatorship, rather than a, for some reason, insanely prosperous and 'magical' one, so long as you stay in line...
 
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The Budget is Baaaaaaack!
"Guess what, Frank?"

"Dude, I'm Gary. I don't know who Frank is."

"THE BUDGET CAME BACK!"

"W-what? What do you mean it 'came back? That implies it wandered off, rather than just ran out."

"I know no concept of economics! I just write the funnies. We can have pictures and purple again!"

"Mm. Tasteful."

"And cheesy! Now the Soviet invasions will actually make sense!"

"Well...I don't know about that. It'll be more easily followed by the readership. 'Make sense' implies a degree of logic to which this universe really does not apply."

"What?"

"Nothing. Go do your thing."

"Hooray! Wheeeeeeeeee!"

...

...

"Is that man ever going to put clothes on?"

TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR INCREASED VISUAL PERFORMANCE AND PRETTY PICTURES OF MANY THOUSANDS OF MEN DYING IN THE COLD FOR NO REASON!
 
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Chapter 17: The Cold War (HAH!)
Chapter 17: The Cold War (HAH!)

03:00 Hours, 15th December 1940

“Those poor newspaper editors.”

“I know, Hitler is just so inconsiderate declaring war at 11pm at night. Right before Christmas too!”

“Bastard.”

“You think you know a guy…”

“Exactly.”

The Roman War Cabinet were all moaning about being up yet again for an all-nighter, having spent the previous evening, morning and afternoon panicking along with the rest of the world. Had Hitler finally gone mad? Was Germany serious?

“Read the bloody letter again,” Augustus Cheesolini grated, exhausted out of his mind.

“To Stalin.

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. I’m going to take your land, your women and everything else not nailed down. I’m then going to burn down your land, shoot your women, and destroy everything else not immune to the ravages of my mighty war machines. Ha ha ha ha,
Best wishes,
Adolf
x”

Alan drank from an empty mug, grimaced, and went to refill it, despite the burning headache and bladder. “The Soviet response come out yet?”

“Just the war declaration against the Germans and Axis Powers so far,” Major Catastrophe said, reading through reports. “But they can’t be long off declaring on Japan and us too.”

The Cabinet steadied themselves and waited for the inevitable.

They were all asleep five minutes later when the unfortunate messenger burst through the door and got tiredly mauled by some exhausted lions. Mr Sodomy Donkey was alas still asleep, so it is unknown how he would have reacted to this mess.

“Looks like war it is,” Alan said, picking up the telegram gingerly from the blood.

“Bugger,” Bean-Counter said. “This really messes up the Christmas schedule. I spent a month on that…”

“There’s already a day-long, border-wide skirmish going on in former Poland,” the Major reported. “Stalin was defiantly prepared to see off Germany, but hasn’t got nearly enough men on our shared borders to stop an invasion, if that’s what we want to do.”

“What are our options?” the Emperor asked the room.

“Well, option A is do nothing, defend the borders and let the Soviet/Nazi war fight itself out. This will probably work for at least a year, but after that we’d probably have to fight whoever won/lost the least quickly.”

“Option B is slowly move into Russia, very cautiously, all together across the whole front.”

“And Option C is run in, try to seize the Oil fields and then get behind a river and hide.”

The Italians all looked at each other, and went with the obvious.

“Show me what we’re aiming for,” Cheesare ordered.

pnKHkZ3ej

The German-Russian Border

The Potential Defensive Line
The land we might actually want

“And call the Japanese in. They made us sign that stupid treaty. Now we can drag them into our mess. And all our puppets too, come to think..."

pm95pNntp


31st December 1940

Operational Report: ‘Operation Murder the Soviets, so we can Murder the Nazis’

Good evening everyone. Sorry to interrupt your…symposium. Here are the updates on where the Roman and Japanese war effort lies at the end of the year 1940, after being at war for just 16 days.

pnb0D1x9p

First of all, we have both made good progress so far. An utter lack of Soviet troops on the Anatolian border has left us overrunning their difficult mountain regions before any fighting could break out, which is great news for us.

porX6qWBp

Likewise, the vast Steppe region above Afghanistan and Persia remain empty of enemy activity, and so we march encumbered only by the extreme conditions in the area. We are thus moving slowly, but steadily, northwards.

poblbGfJp

The Japanese meanwhile have taken Vladivostok, and the Russian Far East seems completely undefended. However, our ally is probably not going to be much help, given that they are already engulfed in a gigantic war already, and an entire continent away by land. Still, if Stalin is even a little bit distracted by their small forays into Siberia, we will benefit.

pmad2oDMp
On the far left, you can just see the German-Russian border. The Red Army in that region is in a long salient, as you can see, so may well be fully encircled before long.

Unfortunately the Russians were prepared in Europe, and thus we anticipate and expect a hard fight ahead of us. Fortunately, the German offensive is not far to the west of our position, so it will not (hopefully) take too long to link our forces. Still, the Red Army is not as strong as it could be, focusing much of the numbers halting any German movement at all. For now, the only fighting is our own offensives, leading us to believe Stalin has ordered a mostly defensive war against us, and is indeed intent on Hitler first.

pmbU16hrp
Rather surprised we snuck through. Judicious use of light and fast tanks. They will not hold up to sustained fight on their own, but just getting the Red Fleet out of the Black Sea is worth it.

Indeed, this focus on Germany above all else has helped us out even in Europe. We have broken through the contested Ukrainian lines to the east and got tanks into Crimea, ensuring that soon the Russian Black Sea fleet will be forced out to sea. Our naval bombers are prepared, and our submarines lie in wait at the Dardanelles. If and when they move, we should bag them all. Progress along the whole front has been better than expected, with most resistance coming from Russian forces attempting to prevent any movement towards Poland and the German lines.

pnxEWDJ7p
Our positions as of the 27th December. Note the warning that we are already having supply and fuel issues. The march northwards is slowing, not just because of increased enemy numbers but because our troops are freezing and under resourced. This is why I initially focused so heavily on getting to a defensive position and staying there.

We have so far lost only a thousand men, mostly to exhaustion, frostbite and hypothermia. The Russians on the other hand have lost 120k, presumably by much the same methods. The Germans have lost 34k, again, we assume, mostly due to the harsh conditions of fighting in this region at night during winter.

pmtxDCuEj
Our initial projections and planned defensive line
A new unified European Front?

Here is our overall position comprising the European and Anatolian fronts. We are surprisingly close already to linking them up and engulfing the Black Sea. The Germans have advanced some few provinces, such that the Russian divisions between us are now cut off. It remains to be seen which direction the Germans and the Russians go from here, but our own objectives of securing Ukraine, the Black Sea and a favourable defensive position outside of Imperial Territory have nearly been completed already.

pmzt4CNIp
The resistance here is strong enough that we might not make progress until the European Front actually comes down from the north to help out...hopefully the Red Army pulls back when that happens or risk encirclement.

The Russians have begun sending troops further and further east however, such that we are now fighting to continue advancing on both sides of the Black Sea coast, and the troops are beginning to become exhausted after marching for so long and now having to fight in the cold. If pressure and defences continue to strengthen, we must reconsider our plans in Russia going forward.

pnlZUV9Xp

This is the front I'm sure we'll actually lose a ridiculous amount of men over. This is both because client states are fighting with us, the supply situation is even worse than in Europe, and because the Russian troops are already digging into the mountains. I'm going to call a general halt here as soon as I think I can get away with it.

Meanwhile in the open steppe, we and our client states are starting to come up against Russian tanks, horses and men. We have however captured all but one airfield in the entire region, so our air force is running wild in the skies.

pm58aqLxp
The Anatolian Front on the 31st December. We've just managed to start pumping troops from the European Front through Crimea and barely connected up the enitre frontline. Hopefully this will either divert Russian attention, or get them out of their well-entrenched postions in the mountains so we can sit there instead...

In conclusion, the war goes well for us in the first few weeks, however we are finally coming to grapple with the enemy, and many more battles and miles lie ahead. We believe the Germans will continue to take up much of the Red Army’s attention, and that we can reach our out defensive lines within a month. After that, it will be a matter of holding steady and supplying the men.

Thank you.
 
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hopefully the Red Army pulls back when that happens or risk encirclement.
What leader would force their Army to stay put and not prevent an encirclement? Surely no one could be that stupid?
 
Hadn’t realised I’d fallen so far behind on this. And now I’m caught up I see that the production values have been given a makeover. Good stuff. Wouldn’t want to miss the chance to see a classic Wintertime Russian Invasion Attempt in full technicolour.
 
To Stalin.
Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
Sometimes the classics are the best.

The second half of that update was worryingly sane but looks successful. To an extent it appears that part of the meta-game plan is to utterly confuse the Soviet AI by attacking from so many directions that it doesn't know which to defend, so ends up defending none of them. If so that appears to be working. Ideally though the Germans and Soviets both grind each other to dust in Poland/Ukraine so the mighty Italians can finish off the survivors, so you don't want the Soviets to cockup too badly or the Germans won't bleed enough.
 
What leader would force their Army to stay put and not prevent an encirclement? Surely no one could be that stupid?
Well, looking at the current situation, we're sending some troops slowly through to help from the European front (cos that's bascially secure right now) but they have to go through the Crimea corridor and it's slow going. I'll have to push the European Front further north and then hold the russians off, turn around and strike south into the Anatolian Red Army's back.

That will take time, and Im hoping the AI will leave the mountains by then. If they don't, and they keep a port and an airfield open in the mountains...Well, I'll surround them on three sides but they'll be dug in, supplied and much better quality than any army the Italians have faced in years.

I'll win, it'll just be a bloodbath for both sides. And I'm the defender in this war. I'm just trying to find a front line I can hold while Germany and Russia Duke it out.
Hadn’t realised I’d fallen so far behind on this. And now I’m caught up I see that the production values have been given a makeover. Good stuff. Wouldn’t want to miss the chance to see a classic Wintertime Russian Invasion Attempt in full technicolour.
From the looks of things, the German Offesnive into Russia in Mid-Winter (referred to many updates ago rather facetiously as Operation Suicide Pact or The Genocide Run, before I knew what their actual plan was...) is not going well.

I'm astonished.

It's actually looking like either we have another stalemate war like in China (which is now nearing 7 million dead combatants on both sides) or Germany might actually get pushed back a bit.

All that being said, the European Front I have locked down pretty well but I need those mountains north of Turkey or I might end up actually fighting in Anatolia if Stalin sends his steamroller at me...
 
Sometimes the classics are the best.
I really don't think Hitler was as polite OTL.
The second half of that update was worryingly sane but looks successful.
The Romans are actually quite scared of the Soviets, and always have been. This scenario for them is their worst nightmare (and indeed, I can't think of a much worse one to happen in the game for the axis nations).
To an extent it appears that part of the meta-game plan is to utterly confuse the Soviet AI by attacking from so many directions that it doesn't know which to defend, so ends up defending none of them.
More that the AI had not yet adapted to the changes in border when the roman empire expanded there, and I knew that. Also knew that would change swiftly after a war declaration, so I needed to grab the best looking defensive line I could across each border, before the Red Army showed up.

I almost got away with it. Which, seems fitting for this AAR I suppose.
If so that appears to be working. Ideally though the Germans and Soviets both grind each other to dust in Poland/Ukraine so the mighty Italians can finish off the survivors, so you don't want the Soviets to cockup too badly or the Germans won't bleed enough.
The Germans are being massacred, as noted above. The Russians aren't doing as badly, but are fighting every fascist power in the world at the same time. Japan and Italy are more annoyances than actual threats, but we can still tie down men.

I'm hoping I get to sit on the sidelines, dig in and watch all my rivals kill each other. Which they look set to do. Russia and Germany balance each other out, whilst Japan can grab as much as Siberia as it wants...it doesn't change the fact that China has already bled them dry already.
 
“I think the whole world can hear Churchill’s ranting about success and throwing the Germans into the sea and all that,” Bean-Counter said dryly. “Then again, it was a masterful bit of strategy. We are right not to want war with the British, I think.”

The psychopathic mastermind behind SIM

The man formerly titled as ‘Sir’ Toppham Hat was no friend of the British anymore. He was a monster, plain and simple.
Sounds a bit Kelebekish :eek:
Had Hitler finally gone mad?
'Finally'? I thought he was already a kangaroo loose in the top paddock years ago! :D
Mr Sodomy Donkey was alas still asleep, so it is unknown how he would have reacted to this mess.
Probably in some obscene and tumescent fashion. :oops:
Operational Report: ‘Operation Murder the Soviets, so we can Murder the Nazis’
Better hope the Germans don't discover the title of the Operation during liaison talks. Could be something of a give-away. ;)
The Japanese meanwhile have taken Vladivostok, and the Russian Far East seems completely undefended.
Seems not much different to a standard HOI3 game.
Here is our overall position comprising the European and Anatolian fronts. We are surprisingly close already to linking them up and engulfing the Black Sea.
Off to a promising start - we'll see how far, quickly and easily it can be maintained.
 
Better hope the Germans don't discover the title of the Operation during liaison talks. Could be something of a give-away. ;)
Its something of a bluff.

We're not planning on fighting very much at all, let alone killing the Soviets for Hitler.

It's also such that Hitler is also planning on attacking us after the war, and will probably only be annoyed he didn't hit the declare war button first...
Seems not much different to a standard HOI3 game.
Tbf, Japan was no threat to Russia before all this 2 million dead in the Chinese war...which is still on going and showing no signs of stopping

Sure Japan has sent three divs wandering around siberia but they aren't going to be doing much.
Off to a promising start - we'll see how far, quickly and easily it can be maintained.
Russia responded quite quickly to everything so I'm sure they'll at least be capable of fighting back. As to what happens next, it really depends on the germans. If the Russian line against us is just fine with defending, and focuses on the nazis, I'm fine with doing nothing.

If they actually try pushing us back, I'm going to have to actually fight.

Although...OK, what so people think I should do if the german attack stays bogged down on the Polish border forever? Should I try to steal all of Russia before the nazis get it or just stay where I am?
 
Should I try to steal all of Russia before the nazis get it or just stay where I am?
How outnumbered is Rome compared to Russia? If you're too heavily outnumbered, I would stick to defense.