Hey, if you haul around thousands of peasants in front of the army, they can catch enemy arrows for you!
If You Can't Do It, Nubia Can! A (hopefully) comedic AAR
- Thread starter unmerged(124674)
- Start date
-
We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.
Hey, if you haul around thousands of peasants in front of the army, they can catch enemy arrows for you!
It's like Ryanair for the 12th century!
Hehe... now Ryanair is decent enough if you're traveling empty-handed, but, from my experience, I think I'd rather fight a war than attempt to move luggage on Ryanair
Am I a terrible person if this brings the South Park Movie to my mind?
It's like Ryanair for the 12th century!
JAMES: Hi, I'd like a crusade please.
RYANAIR: Certainly sir, that'll be 0 ducets.
JAMES: 0 ducets - wow! I'll have that please!
RYANAIR: Thank you sir - now, will anyone be travelling with you?
JAMES: Er...yeah... It's a Crusade isn't it. I was thinking of taking an army.
RYANAIR: An army - ok, that'll be an additional 100 ducets. Will they be taking any luggage?
JAMES: Wha...wha...of COURSE they'll be taking luggage! There will be swords, shields, armour, horses, baggage trains...
RYANAIR *whistling through teeth*: Ok...let me see...weapons...armour...horses...baggage trains... that'll be another 500 ducets.
JAMES: ...
RYANAIR: Now - will you be travelling to get to your Crusade?
JAMES: Travelling - of course we'll be travelling!
RYANAIR: Ok - that'll be another 200 ducets. Where are you heading to?
JAMES: Jerusalem...
RYANAIR: Ok Jerusalem - we can get you a Crusade to Cairo-Jerusalem international port.
JAMES: Cario? Cario is nowhere near Jerusalem!
RYANAIR: You said Jerusalem - Cairo-Jerusalem is the nearest port we travel to.
JAMES: That does it - you're crooks! I'm taking my business elsewhere! I'm going to Easy Crusade! They advertise Crusades at 0 ducets...
(apologies to you non-Europeans who probably have no experience of Ryanair and Easy Jet and their "no-hidden fees" web sites)
Am I a terrible person if this brings the South Park Movie to my mind?
You're a bad man Mal
:rofl:
You were spot on, apart from missing to work the fact that they're led by a egotistical Irishman with the world's smallest penis and a pathological hatred of fat people into the text.
:rofl:
Of course, CK does something similar, when you think you only have to cross one sea lane to get where you want, and you somehow get charged thousands of ducats for a round-the-Med cruise!
You're a bad man Mal
I take that as a compliment
Great take on Ryanair! Still, I stand by my view that it can be perfectly fine if all you want to do is to fly cheaply from place A to place B, and you want nothing special and aren't picky about anything. Of course, if you DO want anything else, time to forget Ryanair
Wow, I don't check the thread for a day and I find a discussion on European airlines. At least I know I don't want to fly in Europe anymore.
If You Can't Do It, Nubia Can!
James I, the Cuman Slayer, and his Search for Adventure
1190
The war is bringing swift success. My Italian army is working its way up the peninsula, driving all the Normans and their Italian lackeys before it.
Meanwhile, far far away I’m only two provinces away from conquering all the pagans south of the Cuman block. That’s not counting provinces that have offered me massive bribes to go away of course, but that doesn’t sound as good in the history books.
My troops storm through the gates of Senoussi’s keep. I wish people would just accept that I’m going to win and give me what I want. After all, I am the king of the most powerful Christian power in the world.
Wow, I didn’t expect that to work. Now I wish my wife didn’t look like an angry cow.
Mirza is becoming a chip off the old block. He’s taken to correcting adults when they make mistakes. He’s on track to becoming as great a king as I am.
The pagans need to realize that they cannot continue sacrificing goats and dancing around naked. They are part of a Christian realm now, and they will conform or die.
Looks like this bunch is choosing to die.
The Normans have moved a force behind my lines as my army marches north. Even if they manage to win a battle, there is no way they can win the war.
Do you remember when I said it would take something big to get me to come home? This is big. Not only do I have to fight a war with the strongest realm in the known world, but I have to do it while I’m already tied down in multiple other wars on three continents.
Oh boy, this is going to be fun.
Now, some of you may have noticed that Nubian records tend to be a little sketchy when it comes to wars with the Seljuks. That’s because when the Turks attack people’s first instinct in not to make sure the court artists are recording every moment. People are normally too busy running around screaming, “The Turks are attacking!”
With that in mind, here are the movements of my Anatolian armies in response to the new war.
And this is the clusterf*ck that Palestine becomes whenever there is a Turkish conflict.
There, you got a little picture of what Nubia looks like when Turks attack.
Will James use the Grigor Defense? What about his other wars? Is he coming home? Will the pagans put their clothes on? Is Mirza going to be like his father? Find out with If You Can’t Do It, Nubia Can!
A story with lots of pictures and plenty of words
James I, the Cuman Slayer, and his Search for Adventure
1190
The war is bringing swift success. My Italian army is working its way up the peninsula, driving all the Normans and their Italian lackeys before it.
Meanwhile, far far away I’m only two provinces away from conquering all the pagans south of the Cuman block. That’s not counting provinces that have offered me massive bribes to go away of course, but that doesn’t sound as good in the history books.
My troops storm through the gates of Senoussi’s keep. I wish people would just accept that I’m going to win and give me what I want. After all, I am the king of the most powerful Christian power in the world.
Wow, I didn’t expect that to work. Now I wish my wife didn’t look like an angry cow.
Mirza is becoming a chip off the old block. He’s taken to correcting adults when they make mistakes. He’s on track to becoming as great a king as I am.
The pagans need to realize that they cannot continue sacrificing goats and dancing around naked. They are part of a Christian realm now, and they will conform or die.
Looks like this bunch is choosing to die.
The Normans have moved a force behind my lines as my army marches north. Even if they manage to win a battle, there is no way they can win the war.
Do you remember when I said it would take something big to get me to come home? This is big. Not only do I have to fight a war with the strongest realm in the known world, but I have to do it while I’m already tied down in multiple other wars on three continents.
Oh boy, this is going to be fun.
Now, some of you may have noticed that Nubian records tend to be a little sketchy when it comes to wars with the Seljuks. That’s because when the Turks attack people’s first instinct in not to make sure the court artists are recording every moment. People are normally too busy running around screaming, “The Turks are attacking!”
With that in mind, here are the movements of my Anatolian armies in response to the new war.
And this is the clusterf*ck that Palestine becomes whenever there is a Turkish conflict.
There, you got a little picture of what Nubia looks like when Turks attack.
Will James use the Grigor Defense? What about his other wars? Is he coming home? Will the pagans put their clothes on? Is Mirza going to be like his father? Find out with If You Can’t Do It, Nubia Can!
Wow, not the nicest time to receive that Seljuk DoW. Still, here's hoping that the Grigor Defense isn't applied this time - I want to see some dead Turks here soon enough, capiche?
(Note: That's the kind of expressions you get for invading Italy!)
Yay, Cuman Slaying is inching closer by the update!
:rofl:
(Note: That's the kind of expressions you get for invading Italy!)
Yay, Cuman Slaying is inching closer by the update!:rofl:
... right back at you, I've heard enough about some American airlines that I'm not sure I want to fly there. Ryanair isn't really a good example of airlines in general, as it's one of the ultra-cheap ones, where nothing is included in the cost like someone said.
And you don't want the pagans putting their clothes on, or you can't do the kinky with them (your wife is an ugly cow, after all).
I think is is the point when James drops dead and plunges the Empire into civil war...
No arguement from me, I don't like flying in America either, the whole system seems to be umpleasent at the moment. Though in America I think there is more of an issue with the airports, rather than problomatic airlines. If you're flying through Chicago O'Hare you're going to have delays regardless of whose plane you are on.
Last edited:
Hurrah! A big war to make things interesting!
When is James going to declare himself Emperor of Nubia?
When is James going to declare himself Emperor of Nubia?
This is why you fly to Detroit a week early and take a 200 mile road-trip in a rental car.
This is why you fly to Detroit a week early and take a 200 mile road-trip in a rental car.
A week for a 200 mile trip?