If You Can't Do It, Nubia Can! A (hopefully) comedic AAR
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I never bother with bride finder. It's more fun to make your choices based on looks alone
Wow, actual resistance! It's been a while...
That fishing wharf incident from the previous update was classic. "Only in Nubia" indeed!
And I wholeheartedly agree that bride optimization isn't very fun given the required clickfest...
And here I thought you made your choices based on wealth of family alone
It's been a while... That fishing wharf incident from the previous update was classic. "Only in Nubia" indeed!
And I wholeheartedly agree that bride optimization isn't very fun given the required clickfest...
I never bother with bride finder. It's more fun to make your choices based on looks alone
And here I thought you made your choices based on wealth of family alone
Hence the older woman with the big nose?
James is not what you would consider a faithful man when it comes to marital relations, so he's not overly bothered.
If You Can't Do It, Nubia Can!
James I, the Cuman Slayer, and his Search for Adventure
1177-8
Well this is unexpected. I’m in a war with my kingdom’s mortal foes, about to win and the situation changes drastically. Some rebelling prince has forced the emperor to the negotiating table and claimed control of the empire. So now the titles and vassals go to him, while the guy I’m at war with calls himself the king of Bulgaria.
So this is the new emperor. A German who used to be the Prince of Dorostotum in Bulgaria. What is the world coming to.
I had planned these great ceromonies designed to show Nubia’s greatness and humble an emperor. But now Eudoxios is just a king, and it feels like I’m just kicking him while he’s down.
That doesn’t stop me from taking his land. The weird brown color shows vassalized territory 1172-4, while the pink is territory annexed 1174-7. Now both the Byzantines and the new Kingdom of Bulgaira are removed from Anatolia and the islands.
Now that brings up the question, who do we have eternal vengeance against? The new empire or the old? Oh well, I’ll ignore them while I ponder the question.
To celebrate my victory I engage in my first round of religious persecution.
After the joy of victory and religious oppression I suck it up and sleep with my wife. Hopefully this will give me an heir and I never have to do it again.
And then I run off to visit a young beauty I’ve had my eye on for some time.
Just to show the world who is boss around here, I marry my sister to the former emperor.
My chancellor and marshal came to me expressing concern about the chaos that has broken out along our eastern boarder.
I tell them to handle it how they see fit. I’ve got other things to do, like a heroic adventure to a distant land.
Adventure? What is James up to? To what distant land is he headed? How chaotic is the boarder looking? Who will inherit Nubia’s vengeance? Find out with If You Can’t Do It, Nubia Can!
A story with lots of pictures and plenty of words
James I, the Cuman Slayer, and his Search for Adventure
1177-8
Well this is unexpected. I’m in a war with my kingdom’s mortal foes, about to win and the situation changes drastically. Some rebelling prince has forced the emperor to the negotiating table and claimed control of the empire. So now the titles and vassals go to him, while the guy I’m at war with calls himself the king of Bulgaria.
So this is the new emperor. A German who used to be the Prince of Dorostotum in Bulgaria. What is the world coming to.
I had planned these great ceromonies designed to show Nubia’s greatness and humble an emperor. But now Eudoxios is just a king, and it feels like I’m just kicking him while he’s down.
That doesn’t stop me from taking his land. The weird brown color shows vassalized territory 1172-4, while the pink is territory annexed 1174-7. Now both the Byzantines and the new Kingdom of Bulgaira are removed from Anatolia and the islands.
Now that brings up the question, who do we have eternal vengeance against? The new empire or the old? Oh well, I’ll ignore them while I ponder the question.
To celebrate my victory I engage in my first round of religious persecution.
After the joy of victory and religious oppression I suck it up and sleep with my wife. Hopefully this will give me an heir and I never have to do it again.
And then I run off to visit a young beauty I’ve had my eye on for some time.
Just to show the world who is boss around here, I marry my sister to the former emperor.
My chancellor and marshal came to me expressing concern about the chaos that has broken out along our eastern boarder.
I tell them to handle it how they see fit. I’ve got other things to do, like a heroic adventure to a distant land.
Adventure? What is James up to? To what distant land is he headed? How chaotic is the boarder looking? Who will inherit Nubia’s vengeance? Find out with If You Can’t Do It, Nubia Can!
Okay readers, here is this weekend's question:
Where is James headed on his adventure?
I'll give you a hint, it's not Estonia (this time).
Where is James headed on his adventure?
I'll give you a hint, it's not Estonia (this time).
He's going to Rome to show the Pope a thing or two about who's the boss around here (or there.) Hasn't the Pope repeatedly refused to recognize the contributions of the Nubians to the whole crusading effort? That surely deserves some taking care of!
The obvious answer would seem to be 'to the land of the Cumans', since I have yet to see any Cuman-slaying. But with Nubia, who knows? Maybe Belgium is considered exotic there?
Noooo! Please make it Esthonia!!
Alas, based on his title, the cuman land would be a guess.
Just finished rereading the whole shebang, since I forgot where I was (in retrospect, I recall reading the history book 100th anniversary of Nubia update). Great stuff.
Onwards, to Victoglory!
(What is that, exactly?)
Onwards, to Victoglory!
(What is that, exactly?)
A term invented in a Trebizond AAR by Junuxx on the EU3 AAR forum, when words 'victory' and 'glory' were used too much in the same sentences that they melted.
Oh yes, it was quite and might still be a quite legendary tale of how one province Trebizond kills all his Muslim neighbours and conquers half of Asia.
Victoryglory.
There was simply too much glory in the victories.
A term invented in a Trebizond AAR by Junuxx on the EU3 AAR forum, when words 'victory' and 'glory' were used too much in the same sentences that they melted.
Oh yes, it was quite and might still be a quite legendary tale of how one province Trebizond kills all his Muslim neighbours and conquers half of Asia.
Victoryglory.
There was simply too much glory in the victories.
Ah. I got the general meaning, but was interested in the origin. I bought CK waaay back, but only recently started playing again (DV <3), and only started reading AARs this time round. So i've missed out on a lot of classics.
Plus I don't own and have never played any of the EU series. Will probably be getting EU3 at some point though, it seems like a fantastic game.
P.S. I was considering some Anatolian count for my next game or maybe even AAR. I thought attempting to rise to power through elective rather than my usual creating a kingdom would be interesting. As well as the fact that living on the Seljuk/Byzantium border would be interesting for sure. But now I hear somebodys already done it, albeit in EU3 :/
P.P.S. I wonder when i'll get to celebrate some Welsh victoglory... maybe if/when I depose the de Normandies from the English throne as payback.
Yeah, "land of the Cumans" would of course be the easy answer
Tough break with the Byzantine/Bulgaria thing. I believe that their vile conspiracy to prevent your humbling of an emperor means that both should be eligible for eternal vengeance.
Tough break with the Byzantine/Bulgaria thing. I believe that their vile conspiracy to prevent your humbling of an emperor means that both should be eligible for eternal vengeance.
Germans usurped the title of the Bulgarian Emperor you were seeking to dethrone? Eternal vengeance upon both of them!
[Yes, all of Germany].
Clearly you have to annex Bulgaria, and spread forth from there.
I wonder what the Knytlings are up to.
[Yes, all of Germany].
Clearly you have to annex Bulgaria, and spread forth from there.
I wonder what the Knytlings are up to.
This is for you, Iain!
If You Can't Do It, Nubia Can!
James I, the Cuman Slayer, and his Search for Adventure
1178
This is Suenik. It’s a beleaguered place. Look at it surrounded by the other territories of the Emirate of Derbent. Suenik has belonged to the Emir for over a century. Let’s take a closer look.
It’s a well developed province that brings in plenty of taxes. It also manages to be rich and struggling at the same time. Seems like it would fit in well with Nubia, we have those kind of contradictions all the time.
Most importantly, even after more than a century the people have not abandoned their Orthodox faith.
And this is the boy who is oppressing them. He’s skilled in all areas except military ability. Unfortunately for him, military ability is the only thing that’s going to matter soon.
Their determination speaks to me. Here is the adventure I’m looking for. I will liberate these good people.
I lead nine thousand men into Vaspurakan. Now if you’re confused because you think Vaspurakan belonged to Bohemia, let me explain. At one time it did, but Derbent took the land a couple years ago. The problem comes from my royal cartographer, who decided to color the two realms the same because, “hey, they’re so far apart it won’t matter.” And then refused to change colors when they did boarder each other.
Nubia’s reputation is so fearsome Vahhab can’t pay people to oppose us.
Now I know this campaign is to liberate Suenik, but I don’t see a reason to limit myself to just one province. I like to think big, and I think I’ll take it all.
With the steppingstone out of the way, it’s time to get to the heart of this war.
At last I make it to Suenik, bringing eighty-seven hundred friends with me. The welcoming committee consists of some guy named Zia and ten thousand of his friends. With lots of weapons. This could put a wrinkle in my plans.
I think I need more friends.
As the forces are drawing up in formation a messenger rides up bringing news from the capital. My horse of a wife has given birth to a healthy baby boy.
Knowing I have a strong heir (and that I don’t have to sleep with my wife again) inspires me. I give a rousing speech to my troops, urging them forward.
It seems to have worked. My royal painter only had time to render this image of the battle before Zia’s troops completely collapsed. I’m lucky he was able to get it at all the battle was so short.
Did James just get lucky? Will Suenik fall to Nubia? Is James really done sleeping with his wife? Should James have brought more friends? Find out with If You Can’t Do It, Nubia Can!
A story with lots of pictures and plenty of words
James I, the Cuman Slayer, and his Search for Adventure
1178
This is Suenik. It’s a beleaguered place. Look at it surrounded by the other territories of the Emirate of Derbent. Suenik has belonged to the Emir for over a century. Let’s take a closer look.
It’s a well developed province that brings in plenty of taxes. It also manages to be rich and struggling at the same time. Seems like it would fit in well with Nubia, we have those kind of contradictions all the time.
Most importantly, even after more than a century the people have not abandoned their Orthodox faith.
And this is the boy who is oppressing them. He’s skilled in all areas except military ability. Unfortunately for him, military ability is the only thing that’s going to matter soon.
Their determination speaks to me. Here is the adventure I’m looking for. I will liberate these good people.
I lead nine thousand men into Vaspurakan. Now if you’re confused because you think Vaspurakan belonged to Bohemia, let me explain. At one time it did, but Derbent took the land a couple years ago. The problem comes from my royal cartographer, who decided to color the two realms the same because, “hey, they’re so far apart it won’t matter.” And then refused to change colors when they did boarder each other.
Nubia’s reputation is so fearsome Vahhab can’t pay people to oppose us.
Now I know this campaign is to liberate Suenik, but I don’t see a reason to limit myself to just one province. I like to think big, and I think I’ll take it all.
With the steppingstone out of the way, it’s time to get to the heart of this war.
At last I make it to Suenik, bringing eighty-seven hundred friends with me. The welcoming committee consists of some guy named Zia and ten thousand of his friends. With lots of weapons. This could put a wrinkle in my plans.
I think I need more friends.
As the forces are drawing up in formation a messenger rides up bringing news from the capital. My horse of a wife has given birth to a healthy baby boy.
Knowing I have a strong heir (and that I don’t have to sleep with my wife again) inspires me. I give a rousing speech to my troops, urging them forward.
It seems to have worked. My royal painter only had time to render this image of the battle before Zia’s troops completely collapsed. I’m lucky he was able to get it at all the battle was so short.
Did James just get lucky? Will Suenik fall to Nubia? Is James really done sleeping with his wife? Should James have brought more friends? Find out with If You Can’t Do It, Nubia Can!