The Dotard didn't appoint powerful vassals. He appointed yesmen and family members who didn't even have satisfactory skills.
If Real History Operated By CK2 Rules
- Thread starter DesNibelungen
- Start date
-
We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.
But if they were yesmen, how come so many of them became malcontent...? I say they are powerful vassals to Trump (influential people), not necessarily skilled people.
Trump. I suppose if you want you can include Duterte, although I'm less familiar with him. "Dotard" is what Kim Jong Un called him, and it was hilarious and much better than referring to him by his brand.
I am fairly certain that Queen Elizabeth II has taken a holy vow of spite to outlive the current Prince of Wales.
I could swear that William should get "The conqueror" and that I have seen plenty of "The Conqueror"s in game. I need to check what title my Grand Prince who conquered byzantium got.
She landed Charles as Prince of Wales, but due to a bug also has a claim on the title, which causes her to have an opinion malus.
William gets "the Conqueror" from the Norman Conquest because it's special, everyone else gets "the Usurper". You might get "the Conqueror" from something else, like conquering a title that's lower ranked than your primary, but you always get "the Usurper" for conquering a title higher than your primary.
Hitler's bunker, Berlin, 30 April 1945
As the sound of the Red Army's artillery creeps closer and closer to the bunker, Hitler finally accepts that he has lost the war, and in order to avoid capture, has chosen to commit suicide. After bidding his remaining companions in the bunker goodbye, he and Eva Braun retreat to his study for the deed.
But when he pulls the trigger, to his horror he finds that nothing happens. He tries again. Nothing. He looks over at Eva and finds that she's still alive and feeling no ill effect from her cyanide pill.
Furious, he yelled for Joseph Goebbels, who promptly entered the room.
"Why the #$%! doesn't this gun work? Or the cyanide? Get me something I can use so we can die with dignity! NOW!"
Goebbels, terrified, replies "But... but mein Führer... You can't commit suicide!"
"The Bolsheviks are practically at the door! Would you rather I be captured and humiliated in a trial in front of the whole world?"
"No mein Führer, I don't mean you shouldn't, I mean you can't... You don't have the depressed trait! If you don't have the depressed trait, you are unable to commit suicide!"
Hitler looks down at his gun, and then looks back up with incredulity at Goebbels. "You mean to tell me there's nothing wrong with the gun, but because I haven't been diagnosed with depression, I physically cannot die? Is this what you're trying to say to me, Herr Goebbels? Have you finally, completely, utterly gone insane?"
"Mein Führer, please, let me see the gun."
"We don't have time for this #$%!, Goebbels!"
"Mein Führer, please, just hand it to me for a moment!"
Hitler hands him the gun.
Goebbels points it at the wall and pulls the trigger. It fires perfectly, with an ear-splitting blast, and puts a smoking hole in the wall.
Hitler grabs it back. "What are you trying to do, you lunatic?!? Hmm, the damn thing must have been jammed. Alright, it seems to work fine now, so get out."
"Mein Führer..."
"OUT!!!"
Goebbels leaves. Hitler then takes a deep breath and gets ready to attempt to shoot himself again. He tells Eva that since the cyanide didn't work, she'll just have to use the gun when he's done with it. He points the gun to his temple and pulls the trigger. ...Nothing.
"GOEBBELS!!!!"
Goebbels immediately reenters the room.
"What in the goddamn hell is the matter with this gun? Get me one that consistently works!"
"Mein Führer, I told you! You cannot commit suicide because you don't have the depressed trait! Neither can I! Some strange laws of the universe seem to be in effect here. For instance, my wife and I were going to give our children something to spare them the horrors of life after the fall of the Reich, but because we are their parents, we proved physically incapable of doing it despite our most sincere efforts! Failing death, we planned to evacuate to South America, but the South American governments are too far away to interact with! We... We are all trapped here, mein Führer!!"
The realization finally began to dawn on Hitler that he wasn't going to be able to die as he planned. He realized with horror that he was going to be taken alive by the Soviets after all, who would be filled with a bloody vengefulness for what his armies had done in his attempted conquest of their land.
***********************************************************************************************************************
9 May, 1945
As Soviet soldiers began filing into the bunker to accept the surrender of the German leaders, Hitler grimly set his jaw and mentally prepared for his fate. He observed that the Soviets were carting a large wooden crate into the room.
"What manner of torture device do you have in there?", he asked bitterly.
After the question was translated, Soviet General Chuikov replied: "It's not a torture device. It's a teleportation machine." The box was opened to reveal a bizarre machine large enough to fit a man inside.
"A telepor-... What vile Bolshevik contraption is this? You'll never get me inside! NEVER!!!"
Chuikov sighed, rolled his eyes and responded: "All it's going to do is transport you to Moscow. If you step in, you will immediately find yourself in the Lubyanka Prison. Quick and painless, unlike what you did to our people. Be assured that you will be accorded treatment befitting of a captured head of state, and will receive a fair trial for your barbaric crimes. Now get in."
"NO! You'll never make me get in there! Ever! I won't set foot in any Russian barbarian torture device!"
Chuikov began finally to lose his patience.
"Look, you fascist dog. I've come here over the corpses of 20 million of my countrymen and our ruined cities and villages. I've had 80,000 dead just trying to take this city because you scum don't know how to recognize defeat until we hit 100% warscore. Now that this #$%! is finally over, we have to demobilize our entire army before we can declare war on Japan, and then spend half an eternity waiting for every single one of our troops to march from every holding in our country over to the Manchurian border, because despite the fact that they will instantaneously reappear in their home towns upon demobilization, there is no way to make them quickly assemble at a single point upon remobilization. In short, I have a lot of #$%I to do and I don't have the patience for this bull#$%!. Get your fascist ass in the teleportation machine and do it now, so you can go be someone else's problem."
Hitler continued to protest, but Chuikov ordered two burly Soviet soldiers to physically pick him up like a rolled-up carpet and force him in the teleporter, whereupon he found himself instantaneously behind bars in Moscow, after which he immediately began pestering Stalin with complaints about his living conditions and requesting he be moved to house arrest, pissing Stalin off enough to consign him to the oubliette.
And thus the European war finally came to an end.
As the sound of the Red Army's artillery creeps closer and closer to the bunker, Hitler finally accepts that he has lost the war, and in order to avoid capture, has chosen to commit suicide. After bidding his remaining companions in the bunker goodbye, he and Eva Braun retreat to his study for the deed.
But when he pulls the trigger, to his horror he finds that nothing happens. He tries again. Nothing. He looks over at Eva and finds that she's still alive and feeling no ill effect from her cyanide pill.
Furious, he yelled for Joseph Goebbels, who promptly entered the room.
"Why the #$%! doesn't this gun work? Or the cyanide? Get me something I can use so we can die with dignity! NOW!"
Goebbels, terrified, replies "But... but mein Führer... You can't commit suicide!"
"The Bolsheviks are practically at the door! Would you rather I be captured and humiliated in a trial in front of the whole world?"
"No mein Führer, I don't mean you shouldn't, I mean you can't... You don't have the depressed trait! If you don't have the depressed trait, you are unable to commit suicide!"
Hitler looks down at his gun, and then looks back up with incredulity at Goebbels. "You mean to tell me there's nothing wrong with the gun, but because I haven't been diagnosed with depression, I physically cannot die? Is this what you're trying to say to me, Herr Goebbels? Have you finally, completely, utterly gone insane?"
"Mein Führer, please, let me see the gun."
"We don't have time for this #$%!, Goebbels!"
"Mein Führer, please, just hand it to me for a moment!"
Hitler hands him the gun.
Goebbels points it at the wall and pulls the trigger. It fires perfectly, with an ear-splitting blast, and puts a smoking hole in the wall.
Hitler grabs it back. "What are you trying to do, you lunatic?!? Hmm, the damn thing must have been jammed. Alright, it seems to work fine now, so get out."
"Mein Führer..."
"OUT!!!"
Goebbels leaves. Hitler then takes a deep breath and gets ready to attempt to shoot himself again. He tells Eva that since the cyanide didn't work, she'll just have to use the gun when he's done with it. He points the gun to his temple and pulls the trigger. ...Nothing.
"GOEBBELS!!!!"
Goebbels immediately reenters the room.
"What in the goddamn hell is the matter with this gun? Get me one that consistently works!"
"Mein Führer, I told you! You cannot commit suicide because you don't have the depressed trait! Neither can I! Some strange laws of the universe seem to be in effect here. For instance, my wife and I were going to give our children something to spare them the horrors of life after the fall of the Reich, but because we are their parents, we proved physically incapable of doing it despite our most sincere efforts! Failing death, we planned to evacuate to South America, but the South American governments are too far away to interact with! We... We are all trapped here, mein Führer!!"
The realization finally began to dawn on Hitler that he wasn't going to be able to die as he planned. He realized with horror that he was going to be taken alive by the Soviets after all, who would be filled with a bloody vengefulness for what his armies had done in his attempted conquest of their land.
***********************************************************************************************************************
9 May, 1945
As Soviet soldiers began filing into the bunker to accept the surrender of the German leaders, Hitler grimly set his jaw and mentally prepared for his fate. He observed that the Soviets were carting a large wooden crate into the room.
"What manner of torture device do you have in there?", he asked bitterly.
After the question was translated, Soviet General Chuikov replied: "It's not a torture device. It's a teleportation machine." The box was opened to reveal a bizarre machine large enough to fit a man inside.
"A telepor-... What vile Bolshevik contraption is this? You'll never get me inside! NEVER!!!"
Chuikov sighed, rolled his eyes and responded: "All it's going to do is transport you to Moscow. If you step in, you will immediately find yourself in the Lubyanka Prison. Quick and painless, unlike what you did to our people. Be assured that you will be accorded treatment befitting of a captured head of state, and will receive a fair trial for your barbaric crimes. Now get in."
"NO! You'll never make me get in there! Ever! I won't set foot in any Russian barbarian torture device!"
Chuikov began finally to lose his patience.
"Look, you fascist dog. I've come here over the corpses of 20 million of my countrymen and our ruined cities and villages. I've had 80,000 dead just trying to take this city because you scum don't know how to recognize defeat until we hit 100% warscore. Now that this #$%! is finally over, we have to demobilize our entire army before we can declare war on Japan, and then spend half an eternity waiting for every single one of our troops to march from every holding in our country over to the Manchurian border, because despite the fact that they will instantaneously reappear in their home towns upon demobilization, there is no way to make them quickly assemble at a single point upon remobilization. In short, I have a lot of #$%I to do and I don't have the patience for this bull#$%!. Get your fascist ass in the teleportation machine and do it now, so you can go be someone else's problem."
Hitler continued to protest, but Chuikov ordered two burly Soviet soldiers to physically pick him up like a rolled-up carpet and force him in the teleporter, whereupon he found himself instantaneously behind bars in Moscow, after which he immediately began pestering Stalin with complaints about his living conditions and requesting he be moved to house arrest, pissing Stalin off enough to consign him to the oubliette.
And thus the European war finally came to an end.
William gets "Conqueror" because he's using the invasion CB given to him by the Pope, not the normal claim title CB.
Wouldn't not being able to commit suicide make Hitler depressed and then be able to commit suicide? In that case WW2 would get invalidated since he's the attacker.
I'm begining to understand why HOI4 doesn't have the CK2 CB salad.
Playing other Paradox games makes you see that, even though CK2 has the best concept, it's by far the worst in warfare.
Bump.
Instead of forcing unequal treaties on China in the 19th century, the Great Powers of Europe would get steamrolled by the Chinese doomstacks. In less then a year, they'd all end up kowtowing to the Chinese emperor, who'd favor Catholics and dislike Christians.
Instead of forcing unequal treaties on China in the 19th century, the Great Powers of Europe would get steamrolled by the Chinese doomstacks. In less then a year, they'd all end up kowtowing to the Chinese emperor, who'd favor Catholics and dislike Christians.
Yeah "Dotard" has more panache than "Rocket Man" And it's a sad commentary how Trump got bested in the "schoolyard name calling" contest by a dictator in a language that's HIS own native language and not the dictator's.
Man grabs a spear and knocks on neighbors door. Neighbor answers door.
"Good day neighbor I have an ancient and ligitemint claim to the deed for this house and I am pressing my claim by combat . Also I intend to make your wife one my concubines "
Neighbor "sorry dude I rent."
"Oh ..... Well in that case do you have your landlords address? I promise I won't raise the rent."
"Good day neighbor I have an ancient and ligitemint claim to the deed for this house and I am pressing my claim by combat . Also I intend to make your wife one my concubines "
Neighbor "sorry dude I rent."
"Oh ..... Well in that case do you have your landlords address? I promise I won't raise the rent."
"More than we have. Why don't you see if they want Junior as a new Eunuch?"
* Russia has entered a time of troubles *
Awesome! Now we can invade and put junior on the throne. Wait, how many of our allies are currently Kow-towing to Russia?
I dunno, how is being called "old man" being beaten in the offensive nickname game? At least Rocket Man is a reference to something, dotard is literally a young guy calling an old man, "old man".
Because rocket man was stupid seeing how the guy who used the term has a hundred times as many rockets.